


Identity Crisis

by Jellyneau



Series: Identity Series [2]
Category: Broadchurch, Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Doctor Who/Broadchurch Crossover, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-12 00:09:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 91,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2088201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jellyneau/pseuds/Jellyneau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After living as Alec Hardy on Earth for past sixteen years, Rose reunites the Doctor’s body with his Time Lord soul only to discover that their shared history has disappeared.  Now, faced with trying to build a relationship with him again, Rose’s troubles are multiplied exponentially when her past comes back to haunt her in the most cruel of ways.  Rated M for later chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to all those choosing to continue this journey with me! I loved writing ‘Identity’ but found it was blooming into two separate stories. Sorry for leaving you all with a cliffhanger for an ending to the previous story, but I’m afraid it couldn’t be helped. Weeeeelllll… it _could_ have, but then the story would’ve been lame and uninteresting! 
> 
> If you haven’t read Identity, I’d suggest that it would probably be a good idea. Not because I’m just trying to coerce you into reading my other story, but because this definitely makes references to its predecessor.
> 
> Thanks to my brilliant beta TenRoseForever for help with sorting the story on this one… I literally couldn’t have done it without her! 
> 
> Anyhow… the adventure continues. Hope you enjoy!

### 

CHAPTER 1: Realization

It had been literally only hours since Rose’s heart…. or Alec Hardy, Detective Inspector, as he’d been called... lay dying in a hospital bed in the Broadchurch Hospital. The doctor had given him a very guarded prognosis. Rose had stood there, listening to the news, barely able to breathe. Not because the news had been so horrendous. Which it was, there was no doubting that. But because in her hand, she held the key to life. _His_ life, in particular. And the only thought that kept swirling in her mind was that she HAD to wake him up so he could hold it in his hands. So he could open it. The fob watch. 

The TARDIS had mercifully shown her, through a miraculous display of dotted lights in her mind, what needed to be done. Alec… _he_ had to open it. She couldn’t do it for him. To do that, he had to be awake, which had been completely contrary to the state he was in, which was decidedly unconscious. Thank God, though, the TARDIS also helped her figure out a way to wake him, so that’s exactly what she’d done. A massive dose of adrenaline was what the brilliant sentient ship had directed her to give him. And it worked. He’d woken. And when he did, she made it her number one purpose in life to convince him to open the case that held his life in it. It hadn’t been easy. He’d finally done as requested however, and opened the watch, with her help. 

Thinking back to that moment, Rose’s chest squeezed involuntarily. She’d been desperate for it to work. Whatever happened… whether he’d come out of this with his memory regained, she had no idea. What she did know was that he’d be alive. The TARDIS had been adamant he needed to open the watch. She wouldn’t have been so hell bent on communicating with her so directly otherwise. And Rose trusted the incredible ship with both her own life and his. She knew that the TARDIS cared as much about the Doctor as she did and she had no doubt the ship would risk her very existence for him, just as she would. That’s how she knew the watch would save him. But what part of him would be saved? She’d had no idea. Would he still be Alec? Would he be the Doctor again? She didn’t know. 

What happened next had been equal parts incredible and relieving. In one brilliant golden moment the watch had opened, showering and enveloping the Doctor in a bath of auric light. The site had been terrifying and breathtaking all at once. And then, as quickly as it began, it was over. The man sitting in his death bed was now anything but ready to knock on the door of the pearly gates. His eyes were wide with surprise and alight with life. His pallor had gone from grey to pink and his hollowed cheeks had filled out to a healthy shape. 

The watch had done its job. It had saved his life. But what life was it? Tentatively, she’d put the question out there. “Alec?”

His response was the end of her life as she’d known it and the beginning of a new chapter at the same time. “Weeelllll… _sort of_. We should probably talk about that…” he’d said, his voice bright with an Estuary English accent that could mean only one thing. 

“Doctor!” she’d said, springing forward, crushing him with a hug. His reaction had been guarded, but she couldn’t fault him for that. He’d just been through hell and back, after all! 

It was only later, after they’d made their escape from the hospital to avoid having the doctors discover their patient had suddenly sprouted a second heart, that Rose had discovered the frightening truth… the Doctor didn’t remember her. Not only that… he didn’t remember traversing the void or even creating the meta-crisis. 

The painful memory of that moment still made her heart ache… mostly because she was still living it. He didn’t remember her. The news had been wrenching. But she was determined to help him remember. It didn’t matter what it took. And there was one thing she knew for sure. The TARDIS would help her. 

That decided, Rose made it her mission to get him and his TARDIS reunited. He’d told her he’d left his ship in Glasgow, which made sense. He’d been living as a Scottish lawman for sixteen years, after all. So that meant getting him to Scotland as fast as possible. It hadn’t taken much persuading the Doctor of that either, which is why he’d allowed her to arrange transport through Torchwood. 

The call to her stepfather to secure access to one of its zeppelins hadn’t been an easy one. She’d had to come clean with Pete about her reasons for needing the large airship so quickly, and his reaction to her admission that she’d found the Doctor had been nothing short of astounded. Through the rather emotional conversation, she couldn’t help but be desperately thankful she’d caught him at work rather than at home where Jackie would have been listening in. She had enough to worry about at the moment without having to explain all this to her mother who would undoubtedly have been beside herself with worry and concern for her. Pete had cautioned her that she’d better come clean soon with her mother, though, and she knew he was right. She just wasn’t up for it just yet. Not only that… perhaps there was nothing more to tell other than the fact she’d found him and then saw him on his way.

That was because he’d insisted on going to Scotland on his own. Of course she’d balked at the suggestion. The very idea of letting him out of her sight, even for a few minutes, had been unthinkable. Firstly, despite his assurances to the contrary, the possibility that he’d leave her behind was very real, as far as she was concerned. He clearly didn’t remember her. What would stop him from just taking off and leaving her as he’d proposed doing with his daughter? It wouldn’t be the first time he’d decided what was best for her without consulting her, after all. And right now he had no emotional connection with her other than through his life as Alec, and that was clearly something he was trying to distance himself from. And then there was the fact that somewhere, in his journey from being the Doctor, to becoming Alec, to becoming the Doctor again, he’d lost some of his memories. If she wasn’t there, he might never know to even try to retrieve those them, and right now she had no idea how much he’d lost.

Despite her many misgivings, though, he’d finally convinced her that she should go back to her house to pack a few things while he retrieved the TARDIS. She’d told him she had no intention on coming back to Broadchurch after leaving with him, so he’d wisely suggested she return home to pack a few treasures she didn’t want to leave behind. She’d argued that they could return together after picking up the TARDIS, but he seemed adamant that she do it now. With everything he’d been through, she didn’t feel right fighting him on this. Despite her very real fears, she had to respect that maybe he just needed time to himself. She could certainly understand if that was the case. 

So, she’d put on a brave face and waved good-bye as he boarded the zeppelin. The scene reminded her of the apparition she’d said good-bye to so very long ago now, but she did her best to shoo those thoughts aside even as they emerged. There was no point in reliving those sad memories yet. There was still a chance he’d come back for her. 

After that, she’d grabbed a cab and gone back to her house. Now, having opened her front door for what might be the last time, she stood in her foyer and surveyed the place she’d just finished painting and unpacking. Her house. It was the only home she’d ever purchased on her own. She wondered if she should feel sadness at the idea of leaving it. She’d been looking forward to living in it, but that was because of what it symbolized. It meant she was making a fresh start. She was taking her first steps toward a new beginning. She chuckled a bit at that. Since when had anything she’d ever planned in her life actually played out like she’d thought it would. Never, that’s when. 

Realizing she was still standing in her entryway, she decided she’d better get moving. He’d told her he’d pick her up a few minutes after he arrived in Glasgow so she’d have enough time to pack and he’d be sure he didn’t mess with any time lines. That meant she had about half an hour before he arrived. Or when she _hoped_ he’d arrive.

Reaching into the crawl space under the stairs, she grabbed up a large duffle bag from beside the suitcases she’d also stored in the same space. There honestly wasn’t much she couldn’t part with, but there were definitely a few things she was happy to have the chance to bring with her, so a bag this size would do fine.

Moving into the room, she headed for the bookshelf she’d unloaded her photo albums on. She only had a couple, but she wanted them with her. They were all she had of her Doctor and she definitely wanted the photos of Tony and her family. Putting them carefully in the duffle, she then moved to pack the small statue Alec had noticed the other day. The perfect glass glittered in the light shining from the fixture above. She and her Doctor had received it as a wedding gift from the Oquin Ambassador to Earth, and her Doctor had been particularly fond of it, as had she. 

Next, she came to the picture. The photo that had thrown Alec for a loop... that had nearly ended their blossoming relationship. A breathy laugh escaped her. He’d been jealous, essentially, of himself. They could’ve saved themselves so much heartache if she’d only found that blasted fob watch sooner.

Rose touched the frame reverently as she studied her Doctor’s face in the picture. It’s hard to believe her entire life had changed so suddenly. Only two years ago she’d thought she’d be spending the rest of her life with her Doctor here on Earth, living on the slow path. Now, two years and two heart-breaks later, she was off to the stars again. She shook her head. She wasn’t naive enough to think that there was truly a happy ever after, but there was no doubt in her mind that she and the Doctor were meant to be together. In every universe.

She only hoped that somewhere buried deep in his heart he knew that too.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

Looking out the window of the zeppelin currently floating over Dumfries, the Doctor found himself lost in thought. This had been one hell of a day, and Rose hadn’t been kidding when she’d said he wasn’t fine. He’d managed to live sixteen years on Earth without even knowing he’d done so. He’d had an extensive adult human life here. He’d moved up the ranks to become Detective Inspector, he’d met and married a human woman and had a child, for Rassilon’s sake. On top of that, he’d just admitted to loving Rose… who, as Alec, he’d definitely been drawn to for reasons he couldn’t have fully understood. Now, aware of his identity and reaquainted with his Time Lord biology, he understood. Rose was an anomaly. A… miracle, really. He wasn’t generally one to spew such flowery sentiment, but there was no other way he could describe her yet. Even as Alec he could sense it. She’d pulled at something deep and previously buried within him, and even now he had difficulty defining it. It wasn’t just that she’d travelled in time. There was… something else. He could sense it even more keenly now, but still couldn’t pinpoint what it was. He would figure it out, though, he decided. What was decidedly disturbing, however, was that Rose Tyler was so far beyond intriguing that he found himself actually thinking of her in ways he hadn’t thought of any of his other potential companions. Shaking his head, he quickly banished the thought. Residual ‘Alec’, he reasoned. Those certainly weren’t Time Lord thoughts. No. As a Time Lord, he simply found her… fascinating. Captivating.

Then, of course, there was the matter of his twin, conveniently called ‘the Doctor’. No coincidence, of course, and the minute Rose had said she’d crossed the void he knew that man’s identity. An alternate Doctor from an alternate universe. Rose’s presence in this universe was unparalleled. Time Lords in this universe had never been able to breach the void safely. That’s not to say that many hadn’t tried. Of course they had. His people were notorious for feeling themselves worthy of owning everything related to travel and the void was no exception in the eyes of the powerful species he’d been born into. It had never been successfully traversed, however, despite his people’s attempts. Clearly, however, that was not the case for the Time Lords in one or more of the alternative universes and Rose’s presence here was a product of their innovation. Gods… what his people would do for that technology, he thought, shaking his head. 

Thinking again of Rose’s time line… the glittering representation of her life… he considered the possible reasons for its incredible, complicated nature. It was… astounding. He’d never seen a human time line so intricate and complicated. It was as complicated as a Time Lord’s in many ways. The details were fuzzy, but that wasn’t surprising given his involvement in her life, first as Alec and now as… well… as a travelling partner to be? Of course, her travel through the void would help explain some of the intricacies of her time line, but not all of them. 

The most interesting thing about it was it’s length. At first glance, though it’s journey was incredibly detailed, it appeared to be significantly longer than predicted for a human… to the point where he’d begun to question if she even _was_ a human. But the second time… the second time he really studied it it had gotten shorter. Not much, mind, but enough that he noticed. For a moment he entertained the idea that he’d done something to inadvertently shorten her life span, but he quickly dismissed the idea. He’d only known her as Alec and it wasn’t like, as Alec, he’d exposed her to radiation or an incurable virus. No… on top of the very fact that her time line was mesmerizing and incredibly unusual for a human, it was definitely becoming shorter. An change he was far from happy about, but at least he’d had nothing to do with it as far as he could tell. Well… as long as it didn’t change _much_ , he wouldn’t obsess over it. The time line of any given individual wasn’t constant and it shouldn’t really alarm him that her was fluctuating slightly. Really, that, in itself, wasn’t too unusual. The worry, he admitted, was that it was fluctuating in an undesirable direction and that this was _Rose’s_ time line they were talking about. 

Well, he needed to embrace reality. She was human. Not a typical human, but human none-the-less. Whether he liked the idea or not, her life was to be but a blip compared to the length of his. _That’s_ why he was ridiculous to even allow the thought allowing something more serious to bloom between them than friendship. He could say good-bye to friends. Rassilon knows he’d done so many, many times before. Sarah Jane, Zoey, Nyssa, Jack… so many. But saying good-bye to someone you’d allowed in… someone you’d let yourself be one with… that was entirely another matter. One he wasn’t ready to begin to pull apart. 

So… he told himself… Rose Tyler was to be an interesting, intriguing _friend_. No matter what she’d been to Alec, and no matter what residual feelings he had for her. She was to be a friend and _nothing more_. There. Done. Decided.

Now, he’d have to tell her that. In the interest of fairness. She’d given… everything in her heart for Alec. She deserved at least an explanation of his current state of mind and his intentions. The last thing he needed was her holding onto a misguided hope that there was the possibility of having something more with him. He couldn’t travel with her if he didn’t come clean. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them. Then again...

An almost overwhelming part of him wanted to run away as far and as fast as he could run at the very idea of having that particular conversation with her. The idea of hurting her actually made him feel physically ill. He sighed. More residual Alec, he reasoned. Not that he enjoyed hurting the people he travelled with, but being truthful with them was never a problem before. Well… it was rarely a problem. Alright… he’d _occasionally_ mislead them, but it was always for their own good. In any case… the point was that he rarely had difficulty telling it like it was, so his reticence in having to do so must be Alec related. Alec had always been quite aware of Rose’s feelings, despite the fact that he’d never been particularly good at reading or caring much other people’s. He smiled a bit, remembering Ellie’s near constant chastising him about his crankiness, which she’d been right to call him on. 

Alec hadn’t always been that cranky, however. The Doctor thought back to his marriage. Beverly. She’d been… well, they’d never been ‘meant to be’, really. The Doctor wondered, in fact, what Alec had really ever seen in her in the first place. She’d been driven, he’d give her that. She’d been so far from an ideal mate for him, though, that the Doctor was amazed they lasted long enough to create a child together let alone live in the same house long enough to raise her to be a teenager. 

Gods. He’d fathered a child. He had a daughter. As the Doctor he’d been a father before, but on Gallifrey parenting had been a completely different affair. Other than donating his sperm, his participation in the actual conception had been limited and raising his daughter had been equally as distant, though that was something he regretted to this day. A shudder of regret rippled through him and he responded by pushing the thought deeper down. He had to deal with the here and now. And _now_ he had a fully human daughter living in Glasgow not far from where the TARDIS waited for him to escape her and this life he’d lived for the last sixteen years. 

Could he do that? Just… leave? An incredibly HUGE part of him wanted to. Then he recalled the look on Rose’s face when he’d suggested it. She’d been… disappointed. 

The memory tore at him in a surprisingly visceral way, and that, in itself surprised him. He figured it affected him so much because of how Alec felt about her. As the Doctor he’d rarely felt particularly accountable to his companions for his decisions. Of course… it wasn’t that he had no consideration of them. It wasn’t that. It was more… if he thought something was for the best… that just how it was going to be. Somehow Rose had gotten under that particular piece of self-assured armour and was actually making him question himself. God… he hardly knew her, and already she was getting under his skin. Of course, _Alec_ had known her. _Known_ her. Memories of that night and the next morning came flooding back, making him have to actively dampen his libido. Really? Was his body _really_ reacting like a crazed fifty year old right now?

He was shaken from his musings by an overhead announcement. “Just wanted to let you know, Doctor, that we will be landing in a few moments. If you could please fasten your seatbelt for landing, that would be much appreciated,” the overhead voice advised.

Glasgow. While, as the Doctor, he honestly didn’t have feelings about the city one way or the other, echoes of Alec left a slightly tarnished view of the place in his mind. Alec had pretty much decided he’d never wanted to return here. While his daughter still lived here and he’d loved her desperately, he’d resented the way he’d been manipulated and duped by his ex-wife, and that had forever tainted his feelings for the city. 

Once again trying to push the associated feelings aside, the Doctor strapped himself in for landing. Whatever he felt about the city, in a short time he’d be reunited with his TARDIS… his beloved ship. And that’s all that mattered at the moment. He’d not laid eyes on her in sixteen years. She was fine, though. He could feel it. The moment he’d woken from his zombie-like slumber he’d felt her life force humming in his mind, welcoming him back. It had been stunning and glorious all at the same time. Living as a human, he hadn’t missed her absence, but having her back… it was like he’d been dying of thirst but he hadn’t realized it until he’d been given a glass of water. Her warm presence had spread through him like smouldering embers that had never been extinguished. They hadn’t needed much fanning to come back to full brightness and now he wanted nothing more to see her again with his own eyes.

An errant thought came to him then in the form of Rose’s image. He felt his heartsrate speed up slightly at the picture in his mind. His relationship with Rose as Alec had been an echo his relationship with his ship, hadn’t it? Laying eyes on her in Broadchurch, in that bar… it was like he’d been missing something in his life that he hadn’t even realized had been absent. Her warmth and kindness had spread through him as if he’d known them all his life, and yet… he’d never laid eyes on her before then. 

It occurred to him that the image of Rose that just flashed before his eyes had been projected to him. His TARDIS was close enough to send him images now. The feeling warmed him beyond reason. Gods he’d missed her. But… oh… that little minx. She was already interfering in his life. He sighed. If he hadn’t missed her so so much he’d have sent her an admonishing message to behave. The last thing he needed was his ship encouraging his errant thoughts about his future companion.

A warm nudge pushed through his mind and he smiled despite himself. She meant well. She always did. He’d have to set her straight, though. Anything with Rose Tyler would be purely seated in friendship. Nothing more. It would have to be… for his long term emotional well being and hers as well. Not to mention the fact that Time Lords simply didn’t _do that_ with humans. Or any other species, for that matter. Not that Time Lord rules and regulations had ever meant much to him before, mind, but that wasn’t the point. It was just one more reason for him to ‘keep it in his pants’, as humans were so fond of saying. Anyway… worry about any of that was moot, as he had no intention of defiling such a brilliant creature as Rose. Not now that he knew who he really was, anyway. She was an incredible person who had been determined to make the best of the rubbish hand fate had dealt her. She hadn’t deserved to suffer as she had and he resolved to make that right. He was going to give her what she truly deserved. A fantastic life.


	2. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with chapter two! Hopefully this will clear up the question of who exactly the Doctor is once and for all :) Thanks for all your brilliant comments and interest in this story. It truly means a lot to me.
> 
> Enjoy!

### 

CHAPTER 2: Truth

The Doctor’s reunion with the TARDIS had been everything he’d expected. She’d welcomed him with a warm hum and an enthusiastic light show in the control room. He’d laughed out loud at her clear enthusiasm and he returned it with a mental hug so tight he wondered if it was possible to mentally squeeze her to death. 

Scooting around the controls, he set the coordinates for the short jaunt he’d be making. He was about to throw the TARDIS into the void when she sent him a clear picture of a shower. “What?! Are you saying I stink?!” he said, a bit indignantly at the ceiling. 

The TARDIS flashed an affirmative “YES” in big bold letters in his mind. Wow. That was direct, he thought, surprised at her use of a word in response. 

“Alright, alright,” he said, trying to be a bit cranky with her for being so directive, “I’ll shower first. Inferior human biology couldn’t even deal with managing a few measly skin dwelling bacteria,” he grumped. Then, his thoughts brightened considerably. “Wait a tic… ohhhhh… my suit! Blimey… it’s been a while since I’ve worn my suit,” he grinned. “Alright. You win,” he smiled, making his way down the hall toward his room. 

Jumping in the shower, he thought about where he should take Rose first. Maybe she’d have some requests. After all… she’d travelled with him before. Weelllll… not _him_ him. Another him. An alternate him. Blimey… what a concept. Two of him. But… wait. She’d said his alternate self had dropped her in this universe with a… meta-crisis. 

The idea of a meta-crisis wasn’t completely barmy in an of itself, but the idea that he… even an alternate ‘he’... would ever create one was amazing. He wondered what kind of circumstances could possibly have arisen to have caused such an event. The possibilities were pretty numerous, but all were serious. He’d have to have been regenerating and have channelled his regeneration energy into part of himself that would then have had to merge with another being. The chances of that ever happening were….well… almost incalculable. Then again, he _was_ pretty amazing, he thought, smirking slightly. If anyone could cause the birth of a meta-crisis it would be him, he reasoned. 

But then… if she’d been left with a meta-crisis version of him, why wasn’t he still around? Rose had said he’d died of cancer. Time Lords didn’t die of cancer. Maybe… maybe Rose hadn’t been telling him the truth then. His meta-crisis would have to have died of something pretty substantial if he’d not been able to regenerate. Because technically, there was no reason he shouldn’t have been able to. He’d have to ask her now that he wasn’t Alec. She’d probably had to couch the other Time Lord’s death in a way other humans could understand and that’s why she’d explained it as cancer. 

Finally clean, the Doctor toweled off. Making his way back into his room, he shuffled around in his closet for a few moments before pulling out his beloved brown pinstripes. A happy little chortle escaped him as he slipped on his favourite ensemble. It felt so good to be _him_ again. 

Standing back and surveying himself in the mirror, he studied his reflection. He looked good. Healthy again. It was about the hair, though. Could it possibly _be_ any flatter? Shaking his head in judgement of his reflection, he decided he needed to do something about that before he showed up to pick up Rose. How she could’ve fallen for a bloke with this hair was beyond him. 

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

Completely packed, Rose sat out on the front stoop of her house looking up at the stars. The night air was bracing, but every cell in her body screamed for rest. If she hadn’t been so paranoid that he might not show up, she probably would have fallen asleep, but as it was, that was _never_ gonna happen. Despite her fatigue, she was far too keyed up to actually let sleep take hold. 

Worry gnawed at her as she waited and as minutes passed. He should have been back about ten minutes ago by her reckoning, but she was trying with all her might not to give in to panic. He was late. He was _always_ late. What made her think he’d be any different now? 

Making herself take steady breaths, she tried to distract herself with happy thoughts. She was going to see the TARDIS soon! Now that WAS a happy thought! Memories of her old room on board floated into her mind and she reached back to consciously feel if the brilliant ship was still somewhere humming in the back of her mind. She was. The feel of her there was incredibly reassuring. Surely she wouldn’t be able to feel her if she was somewhere across the galaxy by now, right? 

A faint admonishment was nudged at her from way back in her consciousness and she smiled. The TARDIS was telling her not to assume the worst. Alright. She wouldn’t. If the TARDIS was trying to reassure her, then she trusted that reassurance. The TARDIS had never led her astray. She trusted the time ship with her life. 

A feeling of giddiness washed over her. She was really going to travel again. She was going to be out exploring new places and new species… it was all so surreal. Especially considering it had only been a short while ago that she’d been sure she’d never see the stars up close again. 

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a familiar and heart clenching sound. The grind and whine of the TARDIS sang in the night as the incredible blue box materialized about twenty feet in front of her. Standing quickly and slinging her bag over her shoulder, she couldn’t help but grin like a loon as the ship solidified before her. She was _gorgeous!_ God, she’d missed this incredible time travelling box. 

Moments later, the _other_ being she loved just as much as the ship stepped out of the door. Her breath instantly caught and it took all her concentration to make sure her jaw didn’t drop. It was Him. Of course… she knew it was him before… but now…

He was wearing the brown pinstripes she’d seen him wearing when she’d opened the watch and his hair was once again styled and spiky, reaching in every direction in a successful attempt to defy gravity. He’d obviously found his converse as well and his tie… he was wearing her favourite tie! Her heart clenched. Maybe some part of him _did_ remember, then? She could hope.

“You look…” gorgeous. Hot. Edible. “... amazin’” she finished, looking him up and down appreciatively.

“Oh yes?” he said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. “Well… you ain’t seen nothin’ yet! There’s someone else I’d like you to meet,” he said happily.

“Yeah?” she asked, confused. 

“Mmm-hmm,” he hummed affirmatively. “And she’ll take you anywhere in the universe free of charge! C’mon, then,” he encouraged, gesturing for her to enter.

The familiar words, first said to her many years ago, struck an excited chord in her and she was once again consumed with the idea of being inside the TARDIS. With a gleeful bounce, Rose surged forward to take him up on his invitation. Stepping past the Time Lord with a cheshire smile, Rose crossed the threshold of the ship that was once her home. And stopped in her tracks.

“What the…” she said, the joyous smile falling from her lips. 

“Rose… I’d like you to meet my TARDIS! TARDIS… this is Rose Tyler,” the Doctor said enthusiastically, not yet having noticed the change in her demeanor. “She’ll be travelling with us for a while,” he said into the air. Then, turning toward her he said, “I’ve made it a point to always introduce my, er… travelling companions to…” he trailed off, obviously taking in her shocked expression. “It’s a bit overwhelming, I know…” he said sympathetically.

“I… I just… she’s different,” Rose breathed, looking around in awe. The entire place was… completely changed. The grating was still there, but the walls were covered in warmly lit round bubble-like protrusions interspersed with the familiar coral she remembered from before. The ramp up to the central console had been replaced with stairs lit from beneath. The console itself was different as well, with it seeming to have ‘grown’ up through the grating beneath it. It’s support base looked as if it was made of coral which tendrilled up to snake between the controls on it’s top. The rotor hummed brightly, shining with warm yellows and soft oranges. The overall effect was of a warm hearth lit room with the rotor being the welcoming fire. The jump seat wasn’t really just a jump seat any longer either, having been replaced by a couple of incredibly comfortable looking plush leather sofas nestled into slight recesses built into the railing of the platform the console sprouted from. It was beautiful.

Unbidden, a smile began to reform on Rose’s lips. “You’re gorgeous,” she breathed, her words clearly intended for the TARDIS herself. 

“Thanks,” the Doctor grinned with mock shyness, “...but I believe we were talking about the TARDIS…”

Rose laughed. “You prat,” she giggled, loving the moment of familiar lightheartedness. 

“So… where would you like to go first?” the Doctor asked, bounding up the stairs to begin flicking switches on the console.

“Oh… I, er… I thought… I think we should get you to the infirmary before we go anywhere,” Rose said a bit nervously, following him up the stairs. The Doctor clearly didn’t think there was anything wrong with him, so convincing him to give himself a workup might be a bit dicey. 

The Doctor sighed. “Look, Rose… I think we should talk. I think… I know what’s going on.”

Rose blinked. “You do?” she said, surprised. 

“Yep,” he said, popping his ‘p’ in a way that he did when he had news he wasn’t particularly happy about sharing.

“Well…. go on, then” she said, encouraging him when he didn’t volunteer the information immediately. 

“I think you should sit down,” he said, indicating she should take a seat on one of the puffy leather sofas. 

Anxiety began to lace through her. How bad was it? Sitting on the edge of one of the plush seats, she waited as he settled beside her.

“Rose… where and when did we first meet?” he asked after a moment.

Not expecting to be answering questions straight off, Rose found herself wordless for a moment. Clearing her throat and gathering herself together, she answered, “Uh… we met in March 2005 at my job. In Henrick’s. In the basement of Henrik’s, actually. You saved me from the shop dummies,” she explained. “They were actually part of the Nestene Consciousness,” she elaborated. 

The Doctor studied her for a moment and then nodded. “Rose… I was there. I remember the Nestene Consciousness… but you weren’t there. I was alone. Here in _this_ universe. 

Rose shook her head. Wha… What was he even _saying_? “Of course you weren’t, Doctor. I was _there_. I even stopped one of the dummies from killing you!” she insisted.

“You may have stopped a shop dummy from killing someone, Rose, but it wasn’t _me_. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You may have saved ‘the Doctor’, but it wasn’t me. Not _this_ me,” he said, entreating her to understand. “Think about it. You’re from an alternative universe, Rose. You crossed the void and found a universe with a parallel Earth. You probably noticed parallel celebrities, found parallel family members... is it so hard to believe that there could be an alternative Doctor in this universe as well?” he asked gently.

Rose gaped at him. Could… was he… was this even possible? Her mind whirled. Of course it was! She’d even considered a scenario like it when she’d tried to come up with a theory for Alec’s similarity to the Doctor. And parallel soul, she’d thought. Well… it seems she’d been right. Very, very right. Disturbingly right, in fact. And really, why hadn’t she considered the possibility before? She’d always just assumed there were no parallel Time Lords here because the Doctor had never mentioned them. Now here she was, face to face with an alternate Him! For one completely irrational moment she wished her meta-crisis Doctor was here so she could box him in the ears for not warning her of this possibility. Couldn’t he have warned her? He should have warned her!

A moment later, the implications of all this slammed into her. Hard. This Doctor… he’d never met her. He’d _said_ he’d never met her before Broadchurch, and he’d meant it. She was a stranger to him, really. Other than his experiences with her as Alec, he knew nothing about her. How could he have? There was no parallel Rose in this universe. Unless he’d travelled with Pete and Jackie’s _dog_ , that is.

Mortification filled her. God. What could he possibly think of her? She’d thrown herself at him in the hospital, argued with him, insisted he was crazy, and invited herself to travel with him.   
Feeling his eyes still on her, her cheeks burned with embarrassment and humiliation. How long had he known? Had he known since the hospital? Had he just been humouring her… the poor pathetic human who’d lost her husband and now her boyfriend? And god… she must look pathetic in his eyes. So convinced he was her Doctor… the man who’d left her on the beach. Oh, God. She’d even called him a prat for having left her there! And he’d tried to tell her! She was just SO SURE he was Him! Pathetic. Why had he even been so patient with her?! Prattling on about his need to get checked _his_ head checked?! 

Shame coloured the landscape of her thoughts making her dizzy. She had to get out of here. Away from him. How could she even look at him now? This man who should’ve been her Doctor but wasn’t? The man she’d hoped she could return to, who’d welcome her back into his life?! It’d all been a sad, pathetic dream. And now it was dead.

Jumping up from the sofa, she grabbed up the bag she’d let fall on the floor beside her. Despite her desire to save _some_ of her dignity, tears started to prickle in her eyes. “I’m… I’m so sorry, uh… Doctor. I… I should go,” she said, moving away from him as quickly as she could without looking desperate to put distance between them. 

“Rose,” he called from behind her as she neared the doors.

But she didn’t stop. She couldn’t. Emotion was propelling her forward and out into the cool night. Dropping her bag on the stoop, she took off at a run. From somewhere behind her she thought she heard him shout her name. Nothing could stop her now, though. Pain and embarrassment coursed through her making her legs pump even harder. She was alone. She was really alone now. Her Doctor was gone, Alec was gone, and now her chance at a future with the Doctor was gone. Tears coursed down her cheeks and her lungs burned but she didn’t stop running. All she wanted was to get away. Get away from the ever recurrent heartache that had once again taken over her life.


	3. Chapter 3

Sort of a ‘Rose coming to terms’ interlude. Enjoy!

### 

CHAPTER 3: Consideration

After what felt like an hour of running, Rose had finally slowed to a jog. Of course it hadn’t been that long, but her body screamed at her like it had. 

She found herself up around Mill Creek road, a good long way from her house, before she finally had to stop for air. How could this have possibly have come to pass without her even suspecting? Without her knowing that _somehow_ this wasn’t the Doctor she’d thought it was? 

She knew the answer before she even had to think about it. She’d been expecting it. She’d fully expected that the Doctor that would emerge from the watch would be ‘The’ Doctor. Not an alternative or half-human version. No. She’d never even suspected it could be anyone other than the full blooded Time Lord version she’d first met in her home universe. Yet… here he was.

Leaning over with her hands on her knees, she tried to quell the rising tide of nausea beginning to grow in her belly. The exertion of the run was still making her lungs ache and she was still working at catching her breath. Trying to distract herself from focusing on the queasiness, she let her mind play over the past few hours and the man who had emerged from the watch. This ‘alternate version’ of the Doctor. 

Thinking about how he’d interacted with her since she ‘revived’ him, she considered him more carefully. This version of him had certainly acted differently than she’d expected her Doctor to act. This Doctor was… a bit more… reserved. She’d expected the man she woke to greet her with familiarity. With some intensity of warmth. And while he’d not been rude, as he’d so often commented that he was, he’d not been overly familiar either. 

Then there was the TARDIS. God. It was so different than she’d remembered it. She rethought that, then, for a moment. No. Not SO different. Just… different. Different enough that it had caught her by surprise. She’d expected to find the TARDIS she’d left. But it wasn’t. It was still coral decor for the most part, but the details… they were changed. Stairs instead of a ramp. Coral under the console instead of the familiar metal panels. Overall… she wasn’t as different as she might have expected if the TARDIS had completely changed, as her Doctor had once explained that she could do. 

Standing again, she took a tentative deep breath and was immediately wracked by a spasmy cough. Doubling over again, she had no choice but to give in and let her lungs protest. After at least two full minutes of coughing, she finally felt her lungs beginning to calm. Now she just had to get her emotions to do the same.

She shook her head in disbelief. He wasn’t _her_ Doctor. 

The thought tore at her. She’d banked on Alec turning into _Him_. Sure… she wasn’t sure if he’d _want_ her anymore… if he’d remember her, even, after she’d assumed he’d lost his memory, but she sure as hell hadn’t considered it might be a version of him she’d never even _met!_

Hands on hips, she tentatively stood up tall again and was pleased her lungs were no longer as upset with her. Allowing herself a slow, not-to-deep breath, she considered her situation. The Doctor she knew and loved was gone. Gone. There was no question now. He was never going to come back. The man she’d married was dead and the man he’d been born from was stuck across an impenetrable abyss. The person she’d met here and fallen for was purely fictional… as real as he’d felt to her, he hadn’t been. So what was she left with? 

She shook her head. A stranger. He was essentially a stranger. 

She’d tried to convince herself that she was _meant_ to be with the Doctor, in whatever form he took, but now she doubted her theory. She couldn’t possibly be expected to just… jump on board his TARDIS and let him ‘take over’ the identity of _The_ Doctor. Her Doctor. This man was essentially a stranger. Sure… his alternative self was probably a lot like her Doctor, but how different was he in this universe? After all… look at Mickey and Ricky. True, Mickey ended up becoming more like his alternative self than he started out, but still, they weren’t altogether the same person. Experiences had shaped them to be quite different people. And who knows what differences this Doctor had lived through compared to the Doctor in her universe. Considering that… who knows what _this_ Doctor was really like? Was he… moody? Sensitive? Callous? She just didn’t know. So far, he seemed pleasant enough. But what was he like under that?

Then there was the fact that he didn’t really know her _at all_. He didn’t know her, except through Alec. And while she’d felt she’d revealed a fair bit of her life to Alec, she hadn’t be able to fully show her true identity to him. Not really. She’d had to keep her real experiences with the Doctor secret. She’d had no choice. It wasn’t like she could’ve simply dropped the truth casually in conversation without him assuming her to be a complete nutter. 

So once again she was faced with the question… where did that leave her? Blowing air through her lips, she ran her hands down her face. She’d been startled by the discovery that the… _this_ Doctor wasn’t _her_ Doctor. One of them, anyway. It had blindsided her and and hurt her, but now she needed to get her head together. What did she want? Did she want to stay here? Tell him to go on his way? Try to move on with her life here on earth as she’d been intending to do before she moved to Broadchurch? Or… she could go with him.

She closed her eyes, really considering the idea. Could she? Maybe. If she could see past her heartache and move on with a different kind of relationship with this Doctor. But could she really expect herself to be able to let go of her past so easily? Just… press ahead as if nothing happened? She scoffed. Of course she couldn’t. It had been a full year and only now she had finally found her way to seeing that there was life after her Doctor. Alec had been key in that. And now he was gone as well. Ache once again pushed through her chest. She missed him. And why wouldn’t she? They’d both just admitted they were committed to each other. She’d opened her heart up to love again and it was torn away from her. No. She wouldn’t be able to just ‘let go’ and move on just like that. She had to admit it. Alec, for all intents and purposes, had died. Sure… there was no funeral… no body… no acknowledgement he was really gone… but he’d still died. And she’d need to grieve that.

So what did that mean for her and this new Doctor? Would she be able to travel with him and grieve for Alec at the same time? She shook her head. God… it was so bloody confusing! Could you grieve the loss of a man when the body he’d inhabited was standing there grinning at you from across the room? She just didn’t know. 

Turning around in the street to face the way she’d come, she took a long look at the path stretching out before her. It was a long, curvy road she’d traversed to get here. It was only once she’d stopped that she realized where she’d ended up. During her run, she’d not really had a chance to appreciate that journey, as wrapped up in her pain as she was. She was so involved with the rushing emotions and whirling thoughts that she’d been unable to take in and appreciate what she’d passed along the way. 

It was a cold analogy of her life in this past year. If she stayed here… stayed by herself in Broadchurch, she could easily get sucked back into the whirlwind of sadness and loneliness she’d been living with since her Doctor passed. She could easily see herself wallowing in self-pity for the foreseeable future. Did she want that for herself? 

Her two choices stood starkly before her. Stay here or go with him. 

Her mind played over the possibility of actually travelling again. Even the very thought brought a tiny feeling of lightness. The TARDIS. The stars. New people. New planets. Old planets. Just… OTHER planets! A glimmer of excitement was fanned by the thought. But… what about… him? Travelling with this new ‘him’. He was the Doctor… but not ‘her’ Doctor. He was Alec in her eyes still. That was the rub right there. If she was going to even consider this… really entertain the idea of going with him, she’d need to reframe his existence in her mind. 

This person… this man who lived in Alec’s body… he was NOT Alec. She’d have to try to really squash the thought that he had once been the man she’d loved. She’d have to work at just seeing him as this new ‘Doctor’. She thought about that for a moment, remembering seeing him standing in the door of the TARDIS tonight, all pin-stripes and sideburns. There’d been no five o’clock shadow or slightly slumped shoulders. Alec’s soft brown eyes had been replaced with the bright, twinkling mischievous ones that were purely ‘Doctor’. Nodding to herself, she admitted that, yeah… she might be able to do it. To see a man other than Alec when she looked at him. The realization sent a ripple of calm through her.

Then there was the matter of where, exactly, she stood with this new Doctor. Well, first off… he could only ever be a friend. She would have to decide that straight away. She would NOT put herself through this again anytime soon. Her heart was raw from the burning loss it had suffered and she wouldn’t put herself in the position to have that happen again. This Doctor… they could be friends. It would be… awkward for a while, probably for both of them, especially after their relationship when he was human. But, well… they’d managed to travel together before without any acknowledged ‘relationship’, right? 

Then again, she was presuming quite a bit, really. It could be that this new Doctor might not even be giving a passing thought to what they’d been together before now. The very scenario of even a _possibility_ of a relationship ever forming between them might be purely ridiculous to him. It was very possible she was merely another ‘stupid ape’ as far as this Doctor was concerned. 

Anyway, even _if_ this Doctor had any anxiety about their previous ‘romance’, he was probably pretty similar to her Doctor, and if that was the case, it probably wouldn’t be too difficult to skirt the issue of their previous human relationship forever. They could blissfully live together pretending nothing had happened, and she could try to put her feelings for Alec aside and lay him to rest in her heart. Because that’s what she’d need to do. 

Still facing the empty street, Rose regarded the path before her. Finally, she took a step… and then another... back toward her house. She could do it. She _could_ go with him. She _wanted_ to go with him. She didn’t want to merely exist here, waiting to feel better. She needed the distraction travelling would provide. She needed to experience life and actually bathe herself in the adventure of it… making sure to try to appreciate every moment she had left. Continuing to walk down the road she’d raced down only a short while earlier, she made a point of looking at the houses and side streets as she passed, suppressing the still present ache in her heart in favour of seeing what was in front of her and looking at it all as worthy of being experienced.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Another chapter in! I've been astounded by the wonderful response to this fic and people's fantastic questions and ideas about what might happen next for our heroes. Hope this moves the story along as you'd all hoped! Enjoy!

### 

CHAPTER 4: Banana Milkshakes

“You’re from an alternative universe, Rose. You crossed the void and found a universe with a parallel Earth. You probably noticed parallel celebrities, found parallel family members... is it so hard to believe that there could be an alternative Doctor in this universe as well?” he’d asked, trying his best to gently coax her to realization. 

The look on her face had said it all. It was shock. He could tell the moment it hit her. He wasn’t ‘Him’. What he hadn’t anticipated was her next reaction, which was to leave. Really, he should’ve imagined such information would be more than merely ‘bad news’. He wasn’t exactly sure as to the extent of the relationship his alternative self and Rose had had, but it was clear they had been very close. Learning that he wasn’t the man she’d thought he was… that he wasn’t ever going to be able to be that man… must’ve come as quite a shock. 

Now, leaning against the side of the TARDIS breathing in the cool night air, he was beginning to worry. It had been an hour since she’d run out, leaving him wondering if he should follow her or let her be. His immediate inclination was to run after her, but his better judgement interceded, making him pause. She obviously needed time to herself and he was probably the last person she wanted to see right now. 

That thought bothered him. Quite a lot, really, and that in itself was a bit disturbing. More residual feelings from his time with her as Alec, he reasoned. That said, he couldn’t help but think maybe there was more to it. No matter how he’d gotten to know her… as Alec or not… she really was an incredible woman. She’d certainly proven herself to be resilient, creative and fun, not to mention quite brilliant for a human. Then there was the quite undeniable fact that she was wickedly attractive. Once again… not that he should be noticing that sort of thing in someone he planned to travel with, but now that he’d had a taste of her… 

Memories of, er… tasting... flooded his mind then, making him blush. But gods… she was incredible. Her kisses… her lips… as a human, even then he could appreciate the raw power of her energy as they snogged. And then… to really _taste_ her… Rassilon. What he wouldn’t do to have lived that moment as a Time Lord… to have that particular moment immortalized in his mind in the context of his superior sense of taste and smell...

Shaking his head, he pushed the thought away. It wasn’t something he was ever going to experience, so he’d best not dwell on it, no matter what this randy body wanted. On top of the fact that such a relationship with Rose would end up with him alone again and once again grieving in a way he wasn’t ready to do, she’d never want such a thing with him. Probably. Not now, anyway. Not now that she knew he wasn’t _her_ Doctor.

Then a very unwelcome thought occurred to him. What if she didn’t want to come with him now? What if this was all just too much for her and now she wouldn’t want anything to do with him? That idea sat very wrongly with him. 

In the distance he heard coughing. Rose. His hearts did a little flip in his chest on hearing her approach, and once again his reaction to her surprised him. What was this blonde human doing to him?

Finally she appeared around the corner of the street, her cheeks rosy from the chilly air. He stood up straighter on seeing her, trying not to look as obviously anxious as he felt. On seeing him, Rose’s expression became unreadable, making his anxiety inch upward another notch. He considered what he could possibly say to make this moment easier, but for once, he was at a loss. It was Rose who spoke first as she neared him.

“Hi,” she said tentatively. 

“Hi,” he replied softly, feeling like one wrong word might scare her off. With that in mind, he opted to let her fill the silence. 

“I, uh… I’m sorry. That I ran off, I mean. I guess… I was just surprised, is all. It’s just that… “ Rose stopped and took a deep breath before continuing, “I was so sure you were _Him_ ,” she explained, hugging herself, looking up into the sky. “I was sure that… somehow… he’d found a way back. That he’d managed to cross the void again. But…” her voice trailed off sadly. 

Unable now to hold himself back, he let his considerable gob take the floor. “Rose… I’m sorry. I really am. I don’t know how he did it… how he dropped you here in the first place, and I don’t know why he did it, but from what you said, I’m sure he had his reasons. I can’t imagine why he’d leave you… but then, I obviously don’t know what happened… why there was a meta-crisis created. In any case…” he said, uncomfortably, “I know I’m not the Doctor you were hoping for. And I can’t imagine what you must be going through. But, uh… if you still want to… you can still, you know… come with me. The TARDIS and I… we haven’t had anyone travel with us for a long while and she gets sick of listening to me nattering on all the time to myself.”

Rose smiled then, warming his hearts. “I’d love to come with you,” she grinned. 

He beamed. “Brilliant!” he smiled, relief flooding through him. Moving to retrieve the duffle she’d thrown down when she’d run off, he hoisted it over his shoulder. “Come on, then, Rose Tyler! There’s a whole new universe for you waiting to be explored!” he said enthusiastically, holding his hand out and waggling his fingers, hoping the cute move would entice her further to come with him.

She hesitated for a moment, looking down at his hand. A faraway look crossed her features but was gone as quickly as it came, being replaced by a soft smile. Slipping her warm hand into his larger, cooler one, she said, “Then we’d better get started.”

 

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Rose’s second physical encounter with this universe’s TARDIS was much less traumatic than her first. Knowing to expect differences, she found herself looking around for them as she stepped back over the threshold through the doors and into the control room.

The Doctor, now in full energy mode, immediately set to work whirling around the console to settle them into the vortex. He hadn’t stopped chatting since they entered, going on about which constellation they should visit first and then, with that decided, which planet in said constellation had the best banana milkshakes. Some things didn’t seem to change across universes, at least, she grinned to herself. 

Enjoying the sound of his voice washing over her, Rose sat herself in one of the plush sofas and closed her eyes for a moment. The lilt of his voice was like a balm to her soul. The TARDIS pulsed a warm welcoming wave through her mind and Rose couldn’t help but let out a little sigh of contentment. 

A moment later she noticed the Doctor had stopped talking. Opening her eyes, she looked over at the console expecting to see him frowning at some reading or other, as that was one of the only things she could think of that had ever made her Doctor actually stop mid-ramble. Instead, she found him leaning back against the console, arms crossed, just staring down at her affectionately.

“Am I boring you already, Ms. Tyler?” he asked, his voice low.

The sexy tenor tone of his voice sent a shiver through her. “No! No… I just… was saying Hi to the TARDIS. I’ve missed her… even if it wasn’t _this_ her.”

“You were… what?” the Doctor asked, his brows elevating in amazement.

“Um… you know. Sayin’ Hi. It’s been a long time,” she elaborated.

“I think you and I have to talk,” he said seriously. With that pronouncement, Rose let out a jaw cracking yawn. “...but not right now,” he smiled. 

“‘M sorry,” she said sheepishly. “It’s been a long day,” she admitted.

“Of course it has,” the Doctor agreed. “You’ve been awake for probably nearly twenty-four hours, after all, Rose.”

Her body responded to this information by punctuating it with another wide yawn. 

“That’s it. Bedtime for the human,” the Doctor announced. “C’mon, then,” he said, reaching out and once again waggling his fingers in invitation, “Let’s get you a room.”

Accepting his invitation, Rose reached out and took his hand, allowing him to pull her to her feet. She _was_ completely knackered, so there was no point arguing. Allowing him to lead her down the corridor, he stopped in front of a rather nondescript door. “This is it,” he said, gesturing for her to open the door. Wondering what she might find behind it, she turned the handle and opened it tentatively. What greeted her made her gasp.

It was her room. The very same room she’d had on the TARDIS so long ago. The Doctor peeked around her to get a look. “It’s a bit… pink,” he offered, taking it in. “Cozy, though.”

“It’s perfect,” Rose smiled. Concentrating, she sent a mental squeeze to the TARDIS and received a pleased nudge back. “It’s the same as my room before on the TARDIS in my universe,” she said, shaking her head in amazement. “How did she know?” she asked, still gazing around the room before her.

“Weeellll… she _is_ a bit brilliant, my ship. If you’ve, er, been communicating with her… perhaps she’s gleaned some information from you about your preferences and such. Have you been, uh… in touch with her for long?” he asked, trying to sound casually interested but failing miserably. 

“Doctor…” she smiled, tongue in teeth, “I can tell you’re dying to get some answers, so just … ask away, yeah?” she said, moving into the room and throwing herself on the bed with a bounce. Ahhhh… it felt so _good_ to be back. 

The Doctor moved further into the room, rubbing the back of his neck in the way that he did. “Weeellll… I _do_ have a few questions,” he started. 

“Shoot,” she said amicably, getting up and moving to the closet to looking inside. The TARDIS had supplied her with some basics… a housecoat, a pair of slippers, a couple of plain t-shirts and a pair of sweats. In the closet there were a few drawers that housed a couple pairs of clean knickers (rather skimpy, she noted). She’d have to raid the wardrobe tomorrow to look for some more options, but this was certainly good enough for now. Brilliant ship.

“Well, I suppose we could start with the fact you’re somehow able to communicate with my ship. How, exactly are you doing that?” he asked, his face alight with interest.

“Oh, uh… I’m not sure, exactly,” Rose answered honestly. “I’ve always been able to feel the TARDIS… in the back of my mind, sort of… just… a presence, really. But then, after the Game Station… Oh,” she paused, considering, “Did the Game Station even happen here? In this universe?” she asked.

“Oh yes. It definitely happened,” the Doctor confirmed. “Wait… are you saying you were there?” he asked, something seemingly rolling around in his mind.

“Yeah, I was there, alright. You sent me away… well, the _other_ you sent me away,” she said, remembering. “You… He sent the TARDIS off with me in it… back to London and left himself stranded on the Game Station with Jack. Do you know Jack here?” she asked, suddenly struck by the fact that there might other parallel people in this universe that they knew in common. 

The Doctor’s eyes grew a bit dark and he nodded. “Yeah. I know Jack,” he answered, not elaborating. Hmmm. 

“Anyhow, I got back to him. The Doctor, I mean. The TARDIS helped me. Not very willingly, mind. But I wasn’t going to just leave you… _him_ there.” Her eyes grew distant for a moment. “You’d think he’d have figured out that he should stop making decisions for me,” she said softly almost to herself, shaking her head. “Anyhow… so me and my mate Mickey and my Mom figured out a way to open the console so I could pilot her back to him,” she said before being immediately cut off.

“You WHAT?!” The Doctor was suddenly standing directly in front of her, his face filled with concern. “But Rose… you could’ve been killed! How… how did you even survive it?!” he said, taking her by the arms and holding her out as if he might be able to see the residual damage if he looked hard enough.

“Doctor… I’m fine,” she reassured him. “Really. It was a long time ago. And yeah… I shouldn’t have survived. I don’t remember much, but I do remember the pain. The burning. It was… overwhelming. Anyway… it was Him. He saved me. My Doctor… my meta-crisis Doctor… he told me later what happened. You… _He_ took the vortex energy from me. But he didn’t survive it. He regenerated. Into, uh… _this_ you,” she said, looking him up and down. 

“Oh, Rose,” he said, pulling her in and hugging her tightly. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” he said honestly. Pressed against his chest as she was, she breathed in the incredible scent that was so _him_. God. This was… this felt so…

No. No no no. Pushing back from him a bit, she smiled softly up at him. She didn’t want him to think she didn’t appreciate his support, but this was too… too much. Backing up a bit, she tried to look relaxed about continuing with the story but was pretty sure she wasn’t selling it. “So anyway…” she said, probably looking a bit uncomfortable, “it was after that that I noticed that I could feel the TARDIS much more than I’d been able to before. And when you… sorry… _he_ dropped us off here… I could still feel her, even from across the void. At least, I _thought_ it was from across the void. I think now it was probably _your_ TARDIS I was feeling. It was like… she was lonely. I thought at the time that my TARDIS was maybe missin’ me. But now… now I know it was _her_ ,” she said, looking up and around the room. “She must’ve been so lonely without you while you were living as Alec. I guess she must’ve felt me missin’ her and somehow we connected. Is that possible?” she asked, noting his expression had definitely turned more somber. 

“She did miss me,” he said, regret showing on his handsome features. Then, looking up, he added, “I missed you too, old girl.” The lights dimmed a tiny bit in sympathy with their apparent common feelings. Then, turning his attention back to Rose he said, “Yeah… she would reach out to you, I think. You… you’re honestly incredible, Rose. You’ve actually held the vortex inside you. That’s… astounding. The TARDIS… she must’ve sensed it and honed in on you. Kindred spirits of a kind, I suppose,” he reasoned.

Rose nodded, considering this, before another yawn overtook her. The action immediately changed the Doctor’s demeanor. “Right!” he barked. “Into bed with you,” he ordered. “We’ve got some serious travelling ahead, and I’ll not have my companion all dragged out for it,” he said with mock sternness. 

Smiling, Rose gave him a salute. “Yes, your Lordship!” she answered. 

“The TARDIS should’ve left you some toiletries and such in the loo,” he shared, heading toward the door of her room. 

“Thanks,” she answered. As he headed out the door, she suddenly felt an urgent need to make sure he knew. “Doctor!” she called before he closed the door behind him. Turning, he peeked back through the cracked opening. “I...er, I just want to say… thanks. For letting me come with you. This is… I love this. Travelling in the TARDIS,” she admitted. 

The Doctor’s soft smile made her thankful she’d called him back to tell him, but it was his words that made her stomach flip flop. “No, Rose. Thank- _you_ for coming with me.”

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

A familiar hum greeted her on waking as she stretched lavishly in the large duvet covered bed. A happy warm feeling settled over her. She was _home_. In any universe, the TARDIS counted as home, she decided. Allowing herself a moment, she lay just enjoying the pulse of the ship in her mind and the cushion of mattress beneath her. Mmmmm. This was the life. All of time and space to explore, a lifetime of adventure ahead, and at the end of the day she would be able to come back to the comfort of the TARDIS. As sad as her experiences had been recently, she certainly couldn’t complain about her life ever being boring. She reckoned she’d lived more in her short life than her Gran had in her full 87 years. And to think at one time she thought she’d never travel outside the UK. She smiled. If her younger self could see her now.

With that contented thought, she stretched one more time and sat up. Doing so seemed to dislodge something in her lungs, however, and the movement was met with a hearty and drawn out coughing session. Whew! What was _that_ about? Oh, God… was she actually catching a cold? Come to think of it, she’d been coughing on and off since early yesterday. Damn it. It wouldn’t surprise her if she was fighting a bug of some sort. With all she’d been through recently she hadn’t been eating particularly well and her immune system was probably not at its strongest. Fantastic. Taking stock of her body for a moment, she made an effort to sense any other aches or pains. Nope. Nothing else really. Maybe a bit dozy still from waking, but other than that, she felt alright. Maybe she’d ask the Doctor to give her a once over in the infirmary. She knew for a fact that he had the cure for the common 20th century earth cold in there somewhere.

Finally, her coughing fit over, she crawled out of bed and padded to the loo to ready herself for the day. To say she was excited to find out where they were going today was an understatement. The idea of waking up to a new planet was better than anything she could’ve imagined, even as recently as yesterday morning. 

After washing, primping and dressing, Rose set out for the console room to look for the Doctor. She was just passing the galley when she heard someone talking from inside the room. “What do you mean, she doesn’t like grapefruit juice? Who doesn’t like grapefruit juice?” the Doctor’s voice said from the other side of the wall. Rose stopped before she reached the room, listening for a moment. There was a brief pause and then, “Orange? But orange juice is so _boring_ ,” he complained. “How about cranberry? Now _that’s_ a decent earth fruit,” he suggested out loud. After a moment, he apparently got some sort of response, from the TARDIS, she presumed. “Quanglefruit? She’s had quanglefruit before?” he asked, surprised. He must’ve received an affirmative of some sort, because he replied, “Alright. Quanglefruit juice it is!” he happily chortled. 

Rose couldn’t help but smile as a warm squeeze enveloped her chest. He was making her breakfast. Her meta-crisis Doctor had made her breakfast quite a few times, but not without much trial and error and not without substantial damage to her stovetop and microwave, both of which he’d insisted on making ‘more sonic’. She always appreciated his efforts, however expensive they became, and she always made sure he knew it… either through a quick snog or other more… strenuous amorous activities. She shivered while reliving a couple of the more, er, intense memories… and quickly shut them down. How inappropriate were THOSE thoughts at this exact moment? 

Seconds later she heard contented humming issuing from the kitchen. Hearing him be so… Doctor-y made her inexplicably joyous and melancholy at the same time. It was like being back in the TARDIS in her universe with the man she’d loved almost since the day she’d met him. It was also, though, a harsh reminder that she was finding solace in pretending. She was imagining him to be hers. And he wasn’t. He wouldn’t ever be. _Her_ Doctors were gone. But… that didn’t mean she couldn’t appreciate this one for who he was, though, right? He was his own man, this Doctor. So like her Doctor, yet… not him. Definitely not him. She needed to always remember that. She needed to think of him as… a twin brother. Her Doctor’s twin brother. A small trickle of relief began to soothe her mind with the thought. That was it! That’s how she needed to think of him. Identical twins who looked the same, sounded the same, had similar interests and things they disliked… even some of the same habits… but in the end were their own people. Experiences shaped each to be his own person. That was it. THIS Doctor was _Her_ Doctor’s twin. A ‘brother-in-law’ of sorts. The idea sat very snuggly in her heart. Yes. That would work. She could definitely do that… think of him that way. That way she could still appreciate him, care for him… even love him… in a way that was harmless but still close. 

Allowing that thought to roll around in her head some more, she decided to make an appearance and quit acting like a creepy stalker. His cooking actually smelled quite delicious and her stomach started to rumble. Moving to the doorway she peeked in and found the Doctor wearing a blue apron on top of his usual pinstripes. He was holding a spatula in one hand while monitoring the progress of a few bubbling pancakes on the grill in front of him. 

“Mornin’,” she ventured softly so as not to startle him while moving into the room. 

Turning in surprise, the Doctor grinned when his eyes met hers. God… he was gorgeous. As Alec or the Doctor… or her Doctor’s ‘ _twin_ , he just couldn’t bloody help it, could he? Rose sighed inwardly. Remember… _‘brother-in-law’_. God. This was going to be harder than she thought, trying to keep her thoughts and intentions chaste. The universes conspired against her with his lean body and endlessly deep brown eyes enticing her treacherous hormones to abandon her decision to keep things simple and completely platonic.

“Rose!” he exclaimed happily. “I was just making breakfast,” he advised. “Have a seat,” he smiled, gesturing to the table, already set with two plates, sausage links, scrambled eggs, and toast. 

“Wow!” Rose said, eyes wide. “What’s the occasion?” she asked, settling herself in a chair before one of the plates. 

“Do I need an occasion?” the Doctor asked, innocently. “And, if I actually need one, I believe there’s someone on board who I have to impress a bit, after all,” he said, smiling softly. 

Rose felt herself blush a bit at the comment. “You don’t have to impress anyone,” she admonished lightly, “it’s not like you have to sell me on staying,” she smiled.

“Well that’s good to hear,” he grinned, handing her a plate of pancakes. “Now eat up, Ms. Tyler. We have some serious travelling to do today,” he ordered.

“Bossy,” she grumbled good-naturedly, reaching for the syrup bottle. “So… where are we off to first?” Rose asked, pouring the bright blue syrup over the small stack of pancakes. Wonder where he picked this up? Leaning in and breathing deeply, she sniffed the sticky topping. It was definitely sweet, smelling somewhere between vanilla and caramel. 

“Well, I was thinking we could start with a jaunt to the future. I have to do a quick pit stop, but after that, we’ll be on our way!” the Doctor shared.

Rose’s stomach tumbled. The future again. She grinned. “Sounds perfect!” 

The Doctor dug into his plate, clearly enjoying the food he’d laboured over. Rose looked down at her plate and picked up her fork. Despite her stomach’s earlier rumblings, the food in front of her suddenly seemed rather unappealing. Stabbing a morsel of pancake, she brought it to her mouth and slipped it in. Chewing for a moment, she swallowed dryly. It tasted fine. Really good, actually. But… her stomach protested a bit at the intrusion of food despite her earlier interest. Taking another bite, she worked on enjoying this bite more. And failed. Pushing the plate away, she looked a bit sheepishly at the Doctor whose eyebrows rose at the movement.

“ ‘M Sorry, Doctor… they’re good. Really, good! But, I’m just… my stomach is a bit queasy, is all. Sorry. I know you worked hard on all this,” she said apologetically. 

Brows furrowing now, the Doctor eyed her suspiciously. 

“What?” Rose asked, looking down at herself. “Did I spill something?”

“No… you just… you haven’t been eating much, have you? You haven’t eaten much since I met you in fact. Even as Alec I was worried about your diet,” he added.

Rose blushed. “I’m fine, Doctor. I’ve had a go of it since… well, since the Doctor… my meta-crisis Doctor died. I lost weight when he passed. I just couldn’t eat. Food was… a chore. I’ve gained a bit of it back, but… well, I still don’t eat lots,” she explained.

“Mmmm,” the Doctor intoned, the tone betraying his concern.

“Really, Doctor. I’m alright. I eat what I need to.”

The Doctor looked dubious, but acquiesced. After another moment, he said, “Sooooo… Grajicolpatilious?”

“Pardon?” Rose said, her eyes going wide.

“Grajicolpatilious. Banana milkshakes like you’ve never tasted before, Rose. If there’s anything that you’ll not be able to turn down… it’s one of their banana milkshakes,” he challenged. “What do you say?”

Rose smiled, her tongue poking out between her teeth, “I say, bring it on!”

“Then… Allons-y!” he said knowingly, standing and pulling her to her feet. 

Rose grinned at his use of the saying that had nearly sent her over the edge when he’s uttered it as Alec not that long ago. “Allons-y,” she agreed, reflecting his beaming smile.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adventure with some answers to good questions thrown in for good measure. There’s also a tiny Harry Potter reference for those of you who care… mostly just ‘cause I can :) Hope you like!

### 

CHAPTER 5: Future past

Their trip to Grajicolpatilious was a success, despite a minor skirmish involving a rather large Grajicolpatilian and an extremely confusing queue in the ice cream shop they’d decided to stop in. The incident was easily settled, however, with the Doctor offering the man a copper coin (very rare on Grajicolpatilious, apparently) for his troubles. 

The Doctor had been right about the milkshakes, and Rose found that even with her decreased appetite, she finished the entire thing. She didn’t fail to notice the Doctor’s pleased look upon her completion of the treat either. A little nudge of warmth found her heart. He cared about her. The thought made her feel happy. She hardly knew this him, after all, and he had been so accepting of her so far. In fact…. he was more at ease with her than she’d ever have expected of him, given that he’d only ever known her as Alec. Thinking about it, she’d noticed a few differences between this Doctor and her universe’s Doctor, making her mental categorization of him as a ‘twin brother’ feel more and more right all the time. This him was definitely more… open. Not that his hearts were lying open on his sleeves, because they weren’t, but he wasn’t as… guarded… not as closed off… as the Doctor(s) she knew. He seemed a bit more at ease about talking about things. She hadn’t asked him much about himself yet, really, not wanting to appear nosy, but he’d readily offered up some information about himself already without her even prodding. That was NOT like her Doctors, that’s for sure.

For one, he’d told her about a couple of his recent companions… something her Doctor rarely had done. He’d told her about Mary Shelley and how, as his eighth incarnation he’d met her on earth in the early 1800’s in Switzerland. They’d also had a lovely chat about Sarah Jane as well, and he was fascinated to learn about the Sarah Jane she’d met in her universe. From what he shared, Sarah Jane here and Sarah Jane there were very similar, with the main difference, as far as she could tell, being that _his_ Sarah had gotten married after she’d left the TARDIS and had gone on to have four children. He’d apparently seen her again recently, meeting up with her after she’d contacted him about suspicious activities at a high school in London. Rose had excitedly shared her story about her involvement with his alternative self and the Krillitanes in that particular incident in her universe and the Doctor had listened with rapt attention, asking many questions as she retold her story.

On top of chatting about the people he’d travelled with, he’d also told her that he’d been travelling alone for a long time before he’d had to become Alec. She had been surprised to hear that, but he seemed nonplussed by it. She’d wanted to ask him about Jack, since he didn’t mention him, but remembering his reaction to his name the day before, she decided against bringing him up for now.

There was one thing she _had_ asked him about, though, which was how exactly he’d come to live as Alec. His story had been fascinating, involving gaseous creatures that invaded bodies. They’d apparently been hunting him across time and space using a vortex manipulator they’d acquired from a Time Agent (Rose hadn’t missed the distaste in the Doctor’s voice on mentioning that particular agency). The only way he could hide from them was by making himself human, which he shared that the TARDIS had the ability to do to him. Apparently it was her who had put his ‘essence’ or his ‘soul’ in the watch. In an ideal situation, he would’ve had someone with him who could’ve ‘woken’ him when the danger had passed, as these creatures didn’t live very long and he could’ve gone back to being the Doctor within a couple of months, really. But he’d had to change into Alec so quickly, he hadn’t had time to ask someone to come with him to help. He’d known there was the possibility he might never become the Doctor again, but he knew he’d had no choice at the time. The creatures were relentless and were quickly closing in. Changing himself into Alec had been the only alternative to being caught and used as a vehicle for galactic destruction by the vile creatures that were hunting him. So he’d done it. He’d changed into Alec and had lived as a human for a full sixteen years, having an ordinary human life with a wife, a child, a career, and no memory of ever being a Time Lord. If Rose hadn’t come across the watch in the hotel room, he might never have become the Doctor again and he surely would’ve died had he remained human with his heart the way it was. 

The thought haunted her. Maybe it really was meant to be that she found him. The idea that he’d have simply passed away as Alec… it saddened her beyond reason. 

Pushing the thought aside, she tried to think past it. It hadn’t actually happened, after all. He was alive and well bouncing in front of her, currently piloting his brilliant ship to it’s next destination. 

“May 8, 1966, Rose!” the Doctor barked happily, obliviously bounding around the console, flicking levers and pushing buttons. “Future Nobel Prize winner Louise Wilson is born and so is future British President Helena Bonham Carter! The Canadian government decides to mint the first $20 coin, the first orbiting astronomical observatory was launched...aaaaaaand… the Beatles play their last ever concert in London!” the Doctor grinned significantly, waggling his eyebrows dramatically.

Rose laughed at his boyish enthusiasm. “Am I guessing that we might actually be _going_ to London on May 8, 1966?” she smiled back brightly.

“Oh, Yes!” the Doctor replied in firm confirmation. “And we _might_ be landing just outside Wembley at this very moment, with a couple hours to spare before the concert begins,” he said, obviously chuffed at his choice of experiences for her to enjoy. 

Rose beamed. This was SO perfect. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been this happy. Certainly it had been ages. That said, she also didn’t remember being as knackered in a very long time. Bloody rubbish human bodies, she inwardly grumped. She _must_ be fighting off a bug of some kind. She’d done a bit of coughing on their trip to Grajicolpatilious and she was pretty sure it hadn’t escaped the Doctor’s notice. She was going to ask him to give her a quick physical, but really… it was just a cold and she didn’t want to waste time. There was so much to DO! After this trip, if she still felt like this, she’d ask him.

The TARDIS jolted suddenly, landing Rose on her arse on the grated floor of the control room. The Doctor was at her side in a moment, his eyes darkened with concern, but her laughter soon cleared the look, and within moments his happy demeanor was back and he was grinning like a loon. “My landing wasn’t _that_ bad, was it?!” he asked, pulling her up from the floor. 

Rose laughed harder and impulsively hugged him. He hugged her back warmly as well, making her forget for a moment who it was exactly that she was holding. It hadn’t escaped her notice that he hadn’t seemed uncomfortable in her embrace this time, and she was secretly happy about that. She so wanted them to feel comfortable with each other. Even if this wasn’t meant to be any more than a friendship, the idea that they’d always be physically awkward with each other wasn’t a good one. 

Pulling back to grin down at her, the Doctor grinned happily, once again offering her his hand, “Shall we, Ms. Tyler?”

Rose’s tongue snuck out between her teeth. God, she loved this. “Oh, yes!” she confirmed, giving the words the same emphasis he had always done. 

Smiling, he led her out the doors of the TARDIS and into the late afternoon London air. Looking around for Wembley, Rose had to admit she wasn’t _completely_ surprised to find they were nowhere near the stadium. 

The Doctor, on the other hand, looked completely confused. “What?!” he asked aloud to no one in particular. “This isn’t Wembley,” he said needlessly. “This was supposed to be Wembley!” Turning in a circle he surveyed their surroundings. “Blimey,” he said, seemingly consulting something within himself, sounding truly disappointed. “We’re not even in 1966!”

They were in the backyard of what seemingly used to be a rather impressive home. Letting go of her hand, he moved to peer through the window of the place, cupping his hands around his eyes to get a better look inside. 

Feeling badly for him being so clearly disheartened at the fact that his landing hadn’t been remotely close to where and when he’d hoped, Rose moved closer and put her hand on his back. “ ‘S okay, Doctor,” she said, trying to console him. “We’ll just pop back in the TARDIS and try again, yeah?” she suggested. 

“I suppose,” he said, a bit downtrodden, still peering into the window. “There’s… there’s something odd about this, though,” he ventured. “Come look,” he said, inviting Rose to the window beside him.

Stepping closer, she cupped her hands around her eyes as he had done and looked inside. The old run down kitchen was filthy and had been claimed by spiders and their webs. There was a couple of very incongruous items, however, oddly left abandoned on one of the countertops. A purse, with a cell phone laid out beside it, stood out starkly against the dirty counter. 

“Where is the owner of that bag?” the Doctor asked lowly. Rose looked again. The dusty ground showed footprints that had been left what must have been a good long time ago, as a layer of dust had since made a home on top of them. 

“Why would someone just leave their purse and phone like that?” she breathed, already knowing the answer in her gut.

“They wouldn’t,” he confirmed, as if reading her mind. “Come on,” he said, taking her hand and pulling her along the side of the house. 

As they moved, Rose couldn’t help but feel like they were being watched. Turning quickly to survey the yard behind her, she found nothing but an overrun lawn and garden with the odd angel statue thrown in here and there. Rather large statues, she thought, for the size of the yard. Turning her attention back to following the Doctor, the feeling didn’t leave her. Nearing the door, she just couldn’t shake the feeling and turning again, she noticed something very very odd. The statues she had previously noticed rather haphazardly strewn about the yard had moved. There was no question. 

“Doctor…” she said grounding them to a halt, her voice laced with fear.

The Doctor, clearly having noticed her level of alarm, turned to find out what had caused it. Pointing her finger, Rose aimed her frightened gaze at one of the statues. “It moved. Doctor… they’ve all moved,” she nearly whispered. 

The Doctor’s expression clouded. “Really?” he asked, eying the statues warily.

“They were… further away, and then it was like… they’d all gotten closer!” Rose reiterated, now looking into the Doctor’s concerned eyes. “How can that happen?” she queried.

The Doctor’s eyes met hers for a brief moment… and that’s all it took.

They were gone.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

“They’re called the ‘Lonely Assassins’,” the Doctor said wearily, sitting on a park bench across from Wester Drumlin house. 

Sitting huddled beside him, Rose shivered. They had somehow been transported from the backyard of a house in London 2007 to the backyard of the same house in… she wasn’t sure. Making their way around the now populated home, the Doctor lead her to sit on the park bench while they recovered from the sudden transport. Rose was admittedly nauseous and a bit disoriented from the unexpected trip, so she certainly didn’t fight the Doctor on his suggestion they gather their wits for a moment. Nestling in beside the Doctor, she leaned in further to stave off the chill that had seeped into her from the air around them. The Doctor responded by putting his arm around her shoulder to draw her in. “Better?”

Rose smiled up at him. “Yeah, thanks,” she said, truly appreciating the extra protection from the cool late afternoon air. “So… ‘Lonely Assassins’?” Rose said to encourage further sharing of rather pertinent information.

“Yup,” he responded, popping his ‘p’. “So called because of their lot in the universe. They don’t out and out murder you, per se, so really, it’s not like they’re truly ‘Assassins’. It’s more like they’re… ‘Displacers’. They feed off of energy produced by displacing someone in time. They absorb the time energy of the person’s ‘lost years’, in a way. In any case, they basically sneak up on you and zap you back a bunch of years which in turn basically provides them with afternoon tea, if you will. All very inconvenient for the meal providers, really,” he lamented.

“But… why are they called _’Lonely_ Assassins’?” Rose asked, still needing clarification.

“Well, they actually can’t move… they literally become stone… when they are seen. Even by each other. Hence… lonely. They spend their lives unable to ever be seen by anything lest they become immobile, leaving them literally unable to ever look at each other. Rather sad,” he added.

Rose considered that. Never being able to look at another one of your own kind without incapacitating it. The idea was pretty saddening. 

“Anyhow… all that is pretty much to say that we’re now stuck in…” he paused, closing his eyes, considering something. “May 8, 1969,” he announced. “Blimey! Still off by a few years! Suppose we could go visit President Bonham Carter, though. It’s her third birthday. I wonder if they’re having cake,” he thought aloud.

Rose grinned. “Leave it to you to be thinking of your stomach at a time like this,” she admonished lightly. “We need to figure out how to get back to…” her voice caught for a moment, making her cough. “...the TARDIS,” she croaked, before following up the thought with a deep, phlegmy hacking cough.

She could feel the Doctor looking at her with concern as she continued clearing her lungs. “You’ve been coughing a fair bit, Rose,” he observed. “When we get back, I think I should check you out in the infirmary,” he suggested, patting her back as the worst of the coughing passed.

“I’m just fighting a cold,” she shared. “I thought of getting you to give me something for it, but I was too excited to get travelling,” she admitted. “Anyway… hopefully it’ll be done with by the time we get back to the TARDIS,” she said. “Speaking of…” she said, leaving the sentence hanging and looking at the Doctor significantly.

“Oh, right,” the Doctor said, acknowledging her unasked question. “Well… I’ve got a pretty good idea how we can get back, but it’s gonna take a bit of work,” he warned. 

Rose nodded resolutely. “Well, then… we’d better get started,” Rose confirmed, unfurling herself to stand. “What do we have to do?” 

The Doctor grinned at her, his eyes twinkling with admiration. 

“What?” Rose grinned back.

“It’s just… you’re so resilient, Rose. Throw anything at you and you just roll with the punches. It’s an admirable quality not many have,” he said, looking at her proudly.

Rose blushed with the compliment. “I’m sure most people would do the same, Doctor. It’s not like whining would make any difference, yeah?” she smiled.

“I beg to differ, Rose. I only travel with the best, there’s no doubt… but even among them not everyone was as tenacious and positive as you are,” he stated. His voice lowered quieted a bit then, “I think… I mean, even as Alec, I knew you were… special, Rose. Incredible, even. Don’t ever forget it,” he said with sincerity and surprising intensity. 

Rose was momentarily stunned by the comment and the mention of Alec’s… and apparently _his_... appreciation of her. Then, as if sensing the sudden intimacy of the conversation, he abruptly shifted gears. Grabbing her hand, he announced, “Right, Ms. Tyler! Now… let’s get going… we have work to do!”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you for your support with this story so far... I'm so grateful for my frankly brilliant readers! Enjoy!

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 6: Sick

“So… what happened then?” Rose asked, her interest definitely piqued.

“Weeelllll, I told her she’d better clear out… that she’d lived a full life already and Hame deserved hers back,” the Doctor clarified.

“And that’s when Chip came in, isn’t it?” Rose asked, sitting cross-legged with her chin in her hands and elbows on her knees. She’d been watching the Doctor cobble together his ‘Timey-Wimey Detector’ as he affectionately called it for the last two evenings, and they’d spent their time swapping stories while he’d worked. It was so like old times it almost made Rose’s heart ache. He was _so_ like her Doctor. She often found herself truly forgetting who exactly she was talking to at times, and then, unexpectedly, he’d say something that would bring her imaginary world crashing down. It was still worth every moment, as far as Rose was concerned, though. Sure, there were times she missed her Doctor and Alec… why wouldn’t she? She’d loved them both. But at least she had this ‘twin’ Doctor here, making her laugh and helping to distract her from the sadness that could’ve engulfed her had she not chosen to come with him. 

“Yup,” the Doctor confirmed, bringing her back to the present. Oh yes… Chip. “And of course he offered himself up like a Christmas ham,” the Doctor said, his eyes glazed in memory. “Poor creature. Still… he died knowing he’d given his life for the woman he loved. Can’t get better than that,” he said sincerely.

Rose felt her breath freeze in her lungs. He said it with such meaning… like there was nothing else in the universe he’d rather do. Her memory raced back to her Doctor, lying so ill in his hospital bed, the cancer having devoured him from the inside out. His words still rang in her ears. _’At least I got to truly live before I died, Rose. I got to live the life He never did. I got to have a fantastic life… loving you.’_

Rose found her eyes clouding with tears, but hastily blinked them away. There was a time for sadness, but it wasn’t right now. Right now she was living an adventure she’d never dreamed she’d ever live again. She was living the life she’d yearned for since the Doctor passed. He’d be happy for her. She knew it somehow.

Coming back to herself, she realized the Doctor was staring at her. Oh! He’d asked her a question.

“Sorry… what?” she asked apologetically.

“You were miles away there, Rose. Something on your mind?” he asked, trying to look casual about the inquiry. 

“Oh. No… just… once in a while I just… “ she trailed off. 

“What?” he asked, prodding her gently.

“Well… I just I miss him sometimes, you know? The Doctor. My husband, I mean,” she said, suddenly feeling quite exposed. Looking down at her hands now in her lap, she shrugged. “To be expected, I guess,” she added, trying to make light of it.

“Rose… there’s no shame in admitting you miss him, you know,” the Doctor said gently. Looking up, she found his eyes studying her intently. “He… he was the person you thought you’d spend your life with. And when things… change…” he trailed off, clearly reliving some memory of his own. “Anyway… it’s normal to miss him, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult for you. If… if you ever want to talk… about him…” here offered earnestly. 

His forthrightness nearly made Rose’s heart stop. Who _was_ this man? It was moments like these that reminded her he was truly _not_ the Doctor she knew. She shook her head. 

“What?” he asked, obviously confused by her reaction to his offer.

“Oh… I’m just… kind of amazed, is all,” she admitted. “You’re… you’re just so easy to talk to, you know?” she said, shrugging. “ ‘M just not used to that, really,” she shared. “The Doctor… my husband… he was a bit more, uh… open… than his full Time Lord ‘brother’,” she said, using air quotes to frame the word. “But even he didn’t find it very easy to talk,” she added.

The Doctor’s brows furrowed. “Full Time Lord? I thought your husband was a meta-crisis?” he said, confused.

“Oh, he was. But the other half of the equation was a human. Her name was Donna,” Rose said, smiling with the memory of the feisty woman she got to know a bit during her travels across the void. 

The Doctor’s face had lit up at the mention of her name. “I know Donna!” he said happily, excited at finding yet another parallel to Rose’s world. “A real firecracker, that one,” he smiled, clearly also remembering the fiery redhead. 

Rose smiled, glad that he had good memories of ‘his’ Donna as well. “She was pretty incredible,” Rose agreed. 

“Blimey,” the Doctor said, his brain clearly calculating the odds of such an occurrence. “Now that’s something you don’t see everyday. A Doctor/Donna metacrisis,” he said, shaking his head.

“Yeah,” Rose agreed. “He was definitely more Doctor than Donna, but the occasional ‘Oi!’ snuck out of him that was _definitely_ not Time Lord in origin,” she smiled. 

The Doctor grinned. “Wow. Now _there’s_ a concept. _ME_ with even _more_ of a gob. How did you ever get a word in?” he said in wonder.

Rose laughed. “I didn’t, really,” she smiled, remembering more than one conversation in which she simply let him run on while she let his words simply wash over her. Thank God he at least kept his incredible sexy voice, she mused.

“I imagine,” he replied. “So… your husband… he wasn’t able to regenerate, then,” the Doctor confirmed.

“Nope. Part of the Doctor’s biology was taken from Donna, so technically he was part-human. Only one heart. No respiratory bypass. And he only had the one life,” she shared. “No regenerations. So that’s why… when the cancer spread… he didn’t have a chance,” she said, her memories pulling her to even sadder places. “It never seemed fair, you know? That someone so… incredible… someone who knew whole universes… should die of something so mundane. So common. He was anything but that,” she said, more to herself than to him. 

An almost reverent silence hung in the air for a moment. Then, recalling his comments earlier, she decided to push her luck a bit, since he was the one who seemed to be opening the door… “What you said… you sounded like you know something about that too. Losing someone,” she broached. 

The Doctor seemed a bit unnerved by her question, squirming a bit. “I, um… well,” he said, now avoiding her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Rose immediately apologized, sure she’d stepped over the line. “I didn’t mean to pry,” she said nervously.

“No. No it’s alright, Rose. It’s… it’s just difficult still. I don’t… I rarely talk about it…” he paused, “... It’s not… it’s just not…” he trailed off.

Rose couldn’t help but reach out and gently place her hand on his knee. The action seemed to send him some measure of courage and he took a cleansing breath. “It was a long time ago. She…” he swallowed, “... she was human. Her name was Liz. Elizabeth. She was… we met while I was exiled to earth in my third incarnation. The Time Lords had grounded me and I had little regard for their rules… and she...she was… brilliant. Chief scientific advisor to UNIT. I was never one for the military and the like, but… she was different. I was added to her team as co-advisor, which she _really_ didn’t take to at first,” he said, his lip quirking up in a half smile, clearly remembering something amusing. “I was all… white hair and velvet back then,” he smiled in memory. “I certainly never set out to… I mean, we didn’t really _plan_ to, uh, start a relationship. It just sort of _happened_. Anyhow… we weren’t, er… ‘together’ for long before she… well...” then he paused for a moment, and a breathy humourless chuckle escaped him. “She died in a parallel universe…” he said, his eyes now distant. “We.. the Time Lords in this universe… we’ve never sorted how to cross the void. Not in one piece, in any case. We’ve come across a few beings who’ve traversed the void, but haven’t ever been able to perfect a return journey without ripping the universes apart in the effort, in theory, anyway. Anyhow, I never did figure out exactly how it happened to us in the first place… how we crossed the void, but somehow I managed to use the energy from that universe to propel myself back to this universe. I probably squeezed through the same tear that had been made bringing me there… but Elizabeth…” he said softly, his eyes once again becoming distant, “...she didn’t make it,” he said in quiet memory. Looking up, his eyes then met Rose’s. “We hadn’t… we certainly weren’t as _settled_ in a relationship as you and your Doctor had been, but… well, as you probably know, we Time Lords take relationships rather seriously...” he shared, trailing off.

The pain in his eyes seemed only mildly quashed by time. After a moment, he seemingly distanced himself again from the hurt and his eyes dulled a bit, once again becoming a bit more guarded. Seeing him close off reminded her how strongly she understood the need to appear as if your heart wasn’t being torn in two when particularly painful memories surfaced. To look alright. To look in control. To look like you didn’t need help or sympathy and then maybe you could push down the painful feelings again for a while. “Anyhow… it was a long time ago,” he said in a slight monotone. 

Funny how in one moment he was on about her sharing her feelings and the next moment he was making light of his own. Leaning in, Rose wrapped her arms around him. It only took a couple of moments before he allowed himself to relax and embrace her back. This was obviously something he didn’t normally share. With effort, she reigned in her emotional reaction to his admission. She appreciated his openness more than he could ever possibly know. The Doctor in her universe had never shared such a personal pain with her. His meta-crisis, after much time and many arguments, had finally let her share some of his burdens, but even _he_ had never volunteered such information as openly as this Doctor just had. “Th- thanks, Doctor. For…” Emotion began to clog her throat but she managed to finish, “... just… I mean it. Thank-you.”

The Doctor responded by squeezing her a bit more tightly for a moment before pulling back. Offering her a slightly watery smile, he awkwardly turned his attention back to the gadget in his hand. Watching him for a moment, Rose decided to change the subject. She didn’t want to trivialize his admission, but she also wanted to put him at ease again. “So… what will this thing _do_ , then?” Rose asked, nodding toward the lunchbox sized contraption lying on the floor in front of the Doctor. 

The Doctor’s expression brightened considerably, obviously relieved to be able to talk about something devoid of emotion again. “This will find anyone who has been suddenly displaced in time,” he explained. “If I’m right… and I always _am_ ,” he grinned, “... we have a visitor coming soon from 2007. Detective Inspector Billy Shipton,” he recounted.

“Oh? And how do you know that, exactly,” Rose asked. 

“Weeeelllll… I _might_ have been given a wee bit of a hint about something like this happening in my future… well… in my _past_ , now. Anyhow… got tip a while back that I’d soon be meeting the DI who has just met someone very important to our well-being. A Miss Sally Sparrow. Also got a handy-dandy transcript of a conversation I’ll be having roughly thirty or forty years from now as well. It’s all a bit ‘timey-wimey’. Suffice it to say, we have our work cut out for us, but I know we’ll make it back to the TARDIS. Just… not sure exactly how long it’ll take,” he admitted.

Rose let out a deep breath. “Right. Well, once this is done… what’s next?” she asked, gesturing to the complicated device being assembled before her eyes.

“Well, I’m nearly done… just a few more…” he trailed off, his tongue snaking out to to the corner of his mouth and his eyes crinkling in concentration while he joined two wires in what was obviously a rather delicate operation. Things grew quiet for a moment before...“There!” he barked triumphantly, making Rose jump. “Done!” he smiled up at her. 

Rose returned his ecstatic grin. God she loved that look. Pure joy. He just radiated it when things went his way.

“Now. Let’s get moving. We’ve got walls to paint!”

 

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The next few hours were spent sneaking into Wester Drumlins house, painting a cryptic message on the wall of the living room that was obviously currently being renovated, and then sneaking out. They’d giggled and laughed while trying unsuccessfully to be inconspicuous about their defacement of someone’s great room wall, and much to Rose’s surprise, the lighthearted interaction continued at a nearby pub after the Doctor had suggested they stop for a pint somewhere before heading back to their room. The Doctors she’d known rarely drank, though her part-human Doctor had done so more often than his full Time Lord counterpart. 

The Doctor ordered two pints and brought them to a table where she had settled. They chatted about all kinds of things… trying to keep to lighter topics after the exciting evening they’d had so far. The Doctor paid for two more pints for them each after that before admitting he’d run out of earth money. To be honest, Rose had been impressed he’d paid at all and told him about her and her universe’s Doctor’s first date in which she’d paid for the chips. He’d laughed at that, agreeing that since He’d been the one to have taken her out, he really should’ve paid. That led Rose to ask about Adam, and whether he had ever met him. The Doctor shared that he had, but that the boy had never travelled with him. That didn’t surprise Rose, really. The only reason he’d been invited to go with them in the first place was because the Doctor had let her do so. 

Thinking of travelling companions, she wondered once again about Jack. Had Jack travelled with him? The Doctor clearly knew him, but she didn’t get the feeling things were particularly _good_ between the two of them. She thought back to their conversation about the Game Station. She obviously hadn’t been there to save him… had Jack been there, as he had been in _her_ universe? She vowed to ask him more about all that… but not now. They were having such a good time and she had a feeling it wasn’t going to be a relaxing conversation.

After polishing off their pints, they’d made their way back to the room slowly, with Rose feeling decidedly tipsy. She hadn’t been eating much, giving the alcohol free reign to saturate her system. The Doctor had taken her hand as they walked and with her defenses down, she let herself love the feeling. Her hand in his. As it should be. The world pleasantly spun a bit as she walked, and they both found themselves giggling like school children over ridiculous things. It wasn’t until she accidentally tripped over a curb resulting in her lying on the ground with her t-shirt hiked up to just under her boobs that she had to admit she was definitely more than a wee bit tipsy. The Doctor, who had also seemed a bit affected by the beer up to that point, instantly sobered up and helped her to her feet. Concern was written all over his features, but dropped away when her giggles continued and when she proceeded to make a few jokes about her currently compromised gymnast skills. Arriving back at their rented room, there was no doubt that they were fully committed to their laughter again. 

“Did you see that man’s face?” Rose said, still giggling as they opened the door to their room. “I thought he was gonna bust an artery, the way he was lookin’ at us,” she laughed, recalling the bulging veins in the old man’s forehead and the look of pure disgust on his features as he watched her giggling on the ground while the Doctor helped her up.

“Of course he did, Rose,” the Doctor confirmed, barely containing tears of laughter. “He thought you’d just flashed him!” the Doctor puffed out between adorable giggles. 

One particularly high pitched titter got Rose laughing even harder and in moments she was doubled over, tears streaming from her eyes as she writhed with mirth on the bed. The Doctor’s laughter echoed her own and she found even catching a small glimpse of his reddened face and tear stained cheeks got her clutching her stomach even harder in an effort to hold back the pain inducing gales of laughter. 

Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before the laughter morphed into the phlegmy cough she’d been fighting since they’d arrived here. The Doctor’s laughter died down and in moments he was beside her on the bed patting her on the back. “Blimey, Rose,” he said lightly, “You sound like a Moarobian Priestess after their annual smoking festival.” 

Struggling to sit up, hacking coughs wracked her as she cleared her lungs. Finally, the rattling material in her chest settled down, allowing her to draw in much needed breath. 

“Here,” the Doctor said, reaching behind her to organize the pillows on the bed. “Lie down,” he ordered, helping her lie back. “Would you mind if… if I had a listen?” he suggested, looking suggestively at her chest. If Rose hadn’t been tipsy and near to exhaustion from the breathtaking laughter and annoying cough she’d have been slightly embarrassed. As it was, however, she couldn’t find it in her to work up the energy for self-consciousness. 

Unzipping the top portion of her hoodie, the Doctor gently pulled it aside, revealing the lacey black bra she’d been wearing since they were zapped back to 1969. Despite the nature of the interaction… he was just checking her lungs… she found her heart rate quickening a bit as he lowered his ear to rest it softly on her chest. Trying not to squirm as she felt his breath puff warmly on the cleft of her breast, she looked up at the ceiling in an effort to shift her focus from the fact that the Doctor’s mouth was inches from where his lips had once grazed her. Memories of his mouth on her… covering her and suckling her… filled her mind, causing a flood of arousal to moisten her knickers. 

The Doctor suddenly took a sharp breath and pulled back, his eyes slightly glazed and his cheeks flushed. 

Oh, God. With acute embarrassment, Rose realized that he had smelled her. Her Doctor had told her once that as a full Time Lord he had had a very astute sense of smell and that as a part-human he missed being able to smell when she was aroused. She’d smacked him lightly for that, chastising him for secretly knowing she had wanted him for a years before sharing that tidbit of information. Now, faced with a full Time Lord version of him, she was absolutely mortified. How could she have let her mind wander like that?! Oh God. 

Almost luckily, that’s when her lungs chose to free more mucous from their walls, making her release another hacking cough. Rolling onto her side, she brought her sleeve to her mouth to release the stream of barked air into. While she coughed again, she felt the Doctor’s comforting hand once again rub her back. As mortified as she had just been, she couldn’t help but feel thankful he was there. He was definitely a comforting energy to have around.

Her cough took longer to let go of her this time, but finally she was able to relax again. “Sorry,” she rasped, trying not to cough again. “Bloody rubbish human biology,” she smiled wanly at him.

“It’s nothing to be sorry for, Rose. In fact… I have to admit I’m concerned. This cough… it’s been hanging on for days and you haven’t shown any other signs of illness really. Have you been feeling well, otherwise?” he asked.

Rose once again took stock of her body. Definitely fatigued. There was no denying that. She had been progressively feeling more and more tired with each day that passed. She’d also found her stomach and abdomen were achy and her appetite was definitely becoming worse. As much as she’d assured the Doctor that she ate well enough, she was aware that was not the case right now. She’d not eaten much at all since they’d arrived here, and she knew he’d noticed. Knowing there wasn’t much they could do about any of that right now, though, she decided to suck it up. She’d come clean when they got back to the TARDIS. Then he could check her out all he wanted. Hopefully not as closely as he had earlier, however. It was becoming painfully clear that he affected her in a way that was obviously more than how a friend affected a friend. 

“I’m alright otherwise,” she fibbed, hoping he couldn’t tell as she sat up slowly. “Just the cough, really.”

He looked at her rather suspiciously, obviously not sure if he should continue pressing her for more information. Finally, clearly deciding to leave it for now, he nodded. “Alright then. I heard… uh, when I, er… listened to you lungs… I noticed a bit of rattling in there. You’re definitely congested. You should call into work… I don’t think it’s a good idea to go in tomorrow,” he suggested.

While she agreed with him in principal, she knew they needed the cash. Who knew how long it was going to take before his ‘Timey-Wimey Detector’ went ‘Ding’, after all? “I’ll be fine, Doctor. Besides, we need the money, yeah?” The Doctor looked at her sideways with clear distrust. “What?” she said. “Look… it’s hopefully only a few more days of this and then we’ll be back on the TARDIS and you can test me all you want, alright?”

Looking decidedly dubious, the Doctor sighed. “Alright, I suppose,” he acquiesced, clearly unhappy with her decision, but not demanding she change her mind. The significance of his decision to let it rest didn’t escape her. _Her_ Doctor would’ve decided _for_ her. He would’ve simply told her what was best and somehow found a way to ‘win’. Suddenly feeling decidedly thankful for this small concession on his part, she leaned in and kissed his cheek.

The Doctor’s eyebrows flew up into his hair. “What was that for?” he asked, his voice a bit too high.

“Just… thanks. For caring,” she said, her tongue poking out a tiny bit as she smiled shyly at him.

His eyes flickered downward to her tongue for a moment, and she could have sworn his gaze darkened a bit. A smile found his lips quickly, though, and his slightly heated gaze cooled to be replaced by a clearly affectionate twinkle. “I just… I’m just concerned. But if you say you’re well enough… I trust you. Just promise me… if you feel worse you’ll reconsider?” he said, his eyes entreating.

Rose’s heart melted with the request. He meant it. He just cared for her and didn’t want her to get worse. How could she possibly say no? “Alright, Doctor. I will. I promise,” she said before a yawn found her and took over her face. 

The Doctor chuckled. “Humans,” he said, shaking his head affectionately. “Sleep, Rose,” he directed, pulling a blanket up and over her from the bottom of the bed.

“What about you? You haven't slept since we got here. You’ve got to be tired by now,” she asked.

“Nope. Still got another couple of nights before I’ll need a kip. You go ahead, Rose. I’m just going to fiddle with this thing for a bit,” he said, indicating the ‘Timey-Wimey Detector’ and the various components strewn about on the ground. “Maybe I’ll upgrade it. Would be nice if it toasted bread as well as went ‘Ding’, wouldn’t it?” he asked grinning.

Rose smiled tiredly at him. God, she lov- enjoyed being with him. So much. “Good night, Doctor,” she said warmly. 

“Good-night, Rose,” he said fondly, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear before scooting off the bed to sit on the floor in front of his gadget.

The soft clicks and whirrs she heard issuing from beside the bed settled her mind in the absence of the TARDIS’s hum and soon she found herself contentedly drifting off, the tingle of the Doctor’s touch still lingering on her face.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

Morning came quickly and Rose woke slowly, letting the sunlight from the uncovered window of their room enter her eyes bit by bit as she cracked them open under the assault of the sun’s rays. Squinting as she looked around, she found she was alone. What time was it? The Doctor knew she had to be at work by ten… surely he’d be back to wake her on time in case she hadn’t woken on her own. 

Sitting up, she remembered immediately why the Doctor had been sitting on her bed the night before rubbing her back. A massive cough attacked her, making her expel phlegm at a significant magnitude before her body finally settled down. Letting her lungs settle, sat still for a moment, taking measured breaths. God. She felt… terrible. As much as she’d hoped she might be able to head off to work today, she honestly couldn’t say she felt better or even the same as she had yesterday. She definitely felt worse. And she’d promised the Doctor she’d rethink going to work if she didn’t feel any better today. 

Sighing, she swung her legs over the side of the bed. Deciding to give her body one last chance, she headed to the shared loo… and was thankful to find it unoccupied. Stepping in, she looked at herself in the mirror and found a rather… yellow... looking woman staring back at her. She definitely didn’t look her best, that’s for sure. She looked drawn and lifeless. And sick. She needed to admit it. She wasn’t 100%. Alright. She’d call in sick. He’d been right, and she didn’t mind admitting it, actually. 

Relieving herself and then showering and brushing her teeth, she redressed in her same clothes, sans knickers, and slumped out of the loo back to their room and crawled back into bed. She’d ask to borrow the Doctor’s sonic when he returned so she could clean her clothes again. Once again she thanked Time Lord technology for even such a minor convenience. She didn’t relish having to trek to the laundrette in this condition. Another cough wracked her body and after it passed she curled herself into a ball. She hadn’t really noticed before the coughing started this morning, but she was definitely cold. A shiver passed through her and she tried to curl up even tighter, bringing the blanket up around her ears. 

Then it occurred to her. She hadn’t called in to work. Damn it. Sighing, she tentatively uncurled and sat up, coughing a bit as she did so. Gungh. The phone was all the way down the hall in the shared sitting room. Once again climbing to her feet, she found herself a bit dizzy. Leaning against the wall for a moment to steady herself, she stumbled down the hall. Finally, her legs got her to the sitting room and she plopped herself down in a stuffed chair near the phone. Whew. How ridiculous. Even the walk down the hall had taken a lot out of her. God. Leaning her head against the cushioned back of the chair she closed her eyes for a moment.

“Rose,” a voice called from far away accompanied by the feathery touch of a soft breeze brushing against her forehead. “Rassilon, Rose… you’re burning up,” she heard.

“Mmmmm,” she agreed, unable to bring herself to use real words at this exact moment. Suddenly she felt herself being lifted, with strong arms anchoring her into a firm, comforting embrace. Leaning her head against her saviour’s chest she took in a breath, enjoying the ever arousing smell of him, letting out a contented sigh. “Missed you,” she hummed. 

“I wasn’t gone that long, Rose. But… I missed you too,” he admitted softly. 

Rose’s eyes opened as reality settled itself into her mind. This wasn’t her Doctor. This was… the Doctor. This Doctor. Her mind became instantly alert. A flutter found her stomach as what he said sank in. He… he missed her? As resolute as she’d been about NOT going there with her Doctor’s twin… and she really REALLY shouldn’t even consider the idea… at all… she couldn’t help her reaction to him. He _was_ different. But in the best of ways. It would’ve been a cold day in the heart of Krop Tor that the Doctor she’d first met would’ve admitted something so… intimate… to her at this point in their relationship. It was just more evidence that _this_ Doctor, the ‘twin’ Doctor, was definitely not the same man as her Doctor. It had taken her years and a meta-crisis to get him to share such thoughts with her in a casual way. This Doctor… he was so much less… closed off. In a way that clearly made him NOT her Doctor. And it was a way that could help her maybe look past his resemblance to her Doctor so she could truly see him as a separate and different person. One she might be able to… to… 

“Here we go,” he said gently, placing her back in her bed and covering her once again with the blanket. “I’m going to go get you some paracetamol. We need to get your fever down,” he told her, smoothing her hair back from her forehead. 

Suddenly recalling why she’d made her way down the hall in the first place, she sat up again. “I have to call work. I was going to do that when I, uh… fell asleep,” she said, moving to stand again.

“Nope,” the Doctor said, stopping her movement and scooting her back up into bed. “I’ll call them. Don’t worry about that, Rose. I’ve got it. Just… rest,” he said, looking decidedly worried. 

Allowing him to direct her back into bed and under the blanket, she merely nodded. She hated that he was worried about her, but there wasn’t much she could do about that at the moment. Sighing, she muttered, “Thanks, Doctor,” as she curled up in an effort to warm up again. She just needed some rest so she could fight this bug. She so hated being a victim of her own body’s weaknesses, but there was nothing for it. She was going to have to lie about for a day or two, otherwise it was just going to prolong the illness. And that was something she was _not_ going to tolerate. She and the Doctor had adventures to live and she wasn’t about to let her body sideline her for them.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kind words and support from everyone! It's so very appreciated. :) I managed to get this chapter together sooner than usual... hope you enjoy!

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 7: Detective

Having helped himself to some of the tip money Rose had left on the top of the dresser, the Doctor headed off to the chemists to get Rose’s medicine. Just before he’d left he’d used his sonic to check Rose’s temperature and found it to be high. Too high for a human. And while that was worrying, there was something much more alarming that had him much more concerned. Her time line… the complicated beautiful shining string of her life… was getting shorter. He noticed it during the night when he’d looked at her as he slept. Life spans fluctuated, but hers was now substantially shorter than it had been when he first saw it. 

This… illness… it wasn’t just a cold, as Rose feared. There was something bigger going on causing her immune system to go into overdrive and he needed his TARDIS to figure out what it was. What worried him most was that Rose’s originally long life was being cut off bit by bit by something she hadn’t been exposed to at an earlier point in her time line. Something happened to her recently. Recently enough that the length of her time line hadn’t yet settled into it’s new form. He didn’t know what it was, but it was clearly something that happened to her while he had been with her. Either as Alec or since he changed back. He tried to think back to when he’d first noticed Rose’s coughing. He’d been so ill at the end of Alec’s life… she could’ve been coughing before he changed. He just didn’t know when it had started exactly. He _did_ know, however that while he’d been alert as Alec she hadn’t had this cough. So whatever happened to have affected her health… it likely happened sometime after Alec was hospitalized and when he’d changed or just after. 

But… what? What had happened? He thought back to what she might have gone through while he was holed up in hospital. She’d cleaned out his hotel room. He remembered that much. That’s when she’d found the watch. He had no memories for what happened next, other than sending Ellie to collect her, because that’s when his health took a turn. After that, the next thing he recalled was changing from Alec back into himself, with Rose helping him open the watch casing to make it happen. He thought for a moment. The casing of the time piece housed altered vortex energy channeled and stored by the TARDIS. Could _that_ have affected Rose somehow? It shouldn’t have. Theoretically, indirect exposure to vortex energy should only affect those beings who were born time sensitive. Only a direct blast of…

The Doctor stopped mid-stride. Only a direct blast of vortex energy could alter someone who wasn’t born time sensitive. A direct blast. As Rose had received from the parallel TARDIS. The Doctor’s mind whirled. She’d said that her universe’s Doctor had taken the vortex energy from her and that’s what had regenerated him. But what if it had altered her before he was able to extract the energy? 

He resumed walking again, letting the idea roll around in his mind. That still wouldn’t explain the illness. Why would exposure to the watch and its indirect vortex energy then make her ill? It might disorient her if she was time sensitive, but that should’ve been the extent of her reaction if she’d had one. It didn’t make sense. No. This didn’t add up. Damn it! He needed his TARDIS!

A kind of panic then gripped him as another thought occurred to him. What if the vortex energy in the watch set some other mechanism into motion? Some… unforeseen complicated factor that was somehow activated with the watch’s vortex energy? 

The Doctor’s mind frantically searched for possible illnesses triggered by vortex energy. None came to mind. That didn’t mean there weren’t any, though. Rassilon! He needed answers! Rose’s very life was at stake, and by Gods… he wasn’t ready to lose her too. 

The thought stopped him. Too. He was actually thinking of her as… as someone he…

He swallowed with the realization. Gods. He hadn’t intended this. Not at all. In fact, he’d actually planned to do the exact opposite of falling for Rose Tyler. But here he was, barely a week into their redefined relationship, and he was already thinking of her in ways he had once vowed he would never do again. Especially for a human… a heart-breakingly short lived species. 

Catching himself, he steeled his thoughts. No. He had to focus. This wasn’t the time to take stock of his ‘feelings’ for Rassilon’s sake. It was the time to get his blessed ship back and find a cure for Rose Tyler. Then, and only then, would he allow himself to follow that train of thought. And if he had any sense, he’d use this experience to reinforce his previous thoughts on the subject. Humans were NOT compatible with Time Lords. Not in a way that wouldn’t break his hearts.

 

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The Doctor returned to the room to find Rose sound asleep. As much as he knew she needed the paracetamol, he also knew her body needed the rest. Deciding to let her sleep for a bit longer before waking her, he settled beside her and began fiddling with the detector once again. 

His thoughts drifted to their conversation earlier. What, exactly, had possessed him to share what he’d shared about Liz… he wasn’t sure. It wasn’t information he imparted casually. In fact, he’d only ever told one other person before Rose. So why he suddenly felt a burning need to ‘share his feelings’ he wasn’t sure. 

Turning to rest his eyes on Rose, he studied her for a moment. Even ill, she was beautiful. A halo of golden hair framed her face, making her look even more angelic and delicate than she usually did. He recalled for a moment what she’d said about how her Doctor had sent her off in the TARDIS away from the Game Station and how he’d left her and the meta-crisis in this universe without asking her what she really wanted. Not that he completely condoned what his parallel self did, but in a way he was beginning to understand the way the man thought. Rose brought out a very primal feeling in him… a need to protect. Part of him understood how difficult it might be to let her make her own decisions when a large part of him just wanted to see her safe.

Speaking of safe… the Doctor focused on her timeline for a moment.

And let out a small gasp of panic.

It had shortened considerably in the short time since he’d last looked. On top of that, it was barely visible to him... almost completely shrouded. Rassilon! Of course it was! He was confounding his view of her timeline by making himself a part of it! 

Tugging at his hair, he tried to calm himself. Panicking would do nothing but make him less effective. He needed to stay calm and _think_.

Just then, to his surprise, the device sitting before him issued a loud ‘Ding!’. 

It found something! Yes! Good ol’ DI Billy Shipton had arrived! 

Standing, he looked down at the detector and looked again at Rose. Should he wake her now? Probably. He didn’t want to her wake up while he was gone and worry. That, and he needed her to take the paracetamol. 

Kneeling beside the bed, he shook her gently. “Rose,” he said softly.

Rose stirred a bit and smacked her lips. He had to smile a bit at that. He remembered watching her in the morning as Alec and finding the action endearing even then. Suddenly realizing he was wasting time, he shook her again. “Rose.”

This time her eyes opened. She looked dazed. “Hey, sleepyhead,” he said, trying to rouse her slowly. “Our handy-dandy detector went ‘Ding’,” he said softly, “so I’m going to find the DI. At least I _hope_ it’s the DI. Anyhow… I’m going to be gone for a bit. I, uh… I got you some pills,” he said, searching deep in his right coat pocket for a moment before triumphantly pulling out said medication and displaying it for her. “Take one now, alright? We need to get your fever under control,” he directed, reaching for the glass of water he’d retrieved for her earlier. 

Groggily, Rose sat up slowly and accepted the pill he handed her. “Drink up,” he directed. “You need to stay hydrated with a fever as well,” he advised.

Rose smiled wanly and did as she was told before lying back again. The movement seemed to jar her lungs, sending her into a fit of coughs. Covering her mouth with her sleeved elbow, she hacked for a couple of minutes before the spell subsided. During the bout, the Doctor rubbed her back, hoping he was actually helping and not crowding her. As she lay back, the Doctor spied dark spots on the fabric of the arm of her hoodie. 

Oh Gods. It was blood. She was coughing up blood. The implications of this were staggering and terrifying all at once. Bronchitis, pneumonia, tuberculosis, lung abscess, bronchiectasis… lung cancer. They were all possibilities. The additional symptom of fever did little to narrow down the choices. Her rapidly shortening time line, however, clearly made it more critical she be diagnosed and treated soon. He needed his equipment and the infirmary.

“Rose…” he said, feeling obliged to share this information with her, as much as he _really_ didn’t want to, especially after what had happened to the meta-crisis. But her eyes were already closed and she was quickly drifting back into sleep. 

The cowardly part of him convinced the rest of him that he should let Rose rest. She needed to. What good would alerting her to such stressful information do, anyhow? It would just panic her and make things much worse. No. He’d let her sleep. He’d tell her when she woke. 

Getting up, he grabbed the detector and headed out of the room, down the stairs, and into the street. He had to find the Detective and set the wheels in motion to get the TARDIS back. Rose’s life depended on it.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

Rose woke some time later to a quiet room. Looking around, she noticed the ‘Timey-Wimey Detector’ was gone as was the Doctor. A blurry memory of pinstripes and ‘DI’s’ floated to forefront of her mind. He’d gone to find the DI. Thank God, she thought, nestling her head back in her pillow. She felt _dreadful_. On top of feeling decidedly cold, her lungs ached and her stomach hurt. All around, she felt like luke-warm crud. 

Instinctively reaching back in her mind for her soothing place, she realized quickly it was gone. Of course it was. The TARDIS was nowhere near them. God… she felt so… empty with the thought. She’d come to rely on the warm humming presence somewhere in the back of her consciousness and now that it wasn’t there… her mind felt so… lonely. 

Tucking herself further under the blankets, Rose let out a small cough which, thankfully, didn’t turn immediately into a full blown attack. 

From somewhere in the house Rose heard a door open and close. The front door. Was he back? Listening, she did indeed hear someone coming up the stairs, and, in fact, she was sure she heard the Doctor talking.

Within moments, the door to their room creaked open a bit and a tuft of unruly hair poked through the crack. “Rose?” his muffled voice said. “Are you decent?” he asked.

Summoning her voice, she answered croakily, “Yeah… come in,” she said. He must be with someone important if he felt the need to have her meet someone in her current condition. She only desperately hoped it wasn’t someone she was going to regret having seen her in such disarray. 

“Rose…” the Doctor said softly, stepping in. “I’ve brought the DI here… I know you’re feeling… well, I’m sure you’re feeling bloody awful… but would you mind just saying ‘hi’? I think it’s important he meet you,” he shared.

Nodding, Rose agreed and worked to get herself into a sitting position. “Sure. Come in Detective,” she said a bit more loudly, hoping she was sounding more inviting than she suspected she did.

Coming in behind the Doctor, a handsome, dark skinned man emerged, looking all the world like a sledgehammer had knocked him senseless. “Hello, Detective,” Rose offered by way of greeting. 

“Uh… hi,” he said, nodding in her direction. 

“Uh, Detective Shipton here is a bit out of sorts after being zapped here, I’m afraid. It’ll pass soon,” he said, directing this to the DI. “I’d avoid swimming for a bit though,” he added thoughtfully.

“So you were taken from 2007?” Rose asked in an effort to draw the DI out of his shocked state.

“Er… yeah. I’m still not sure I actually believe all this,” the DI replied. “One minute I’m in a parking garage and the next I’m in a parking garage… forty years ago. It’s a bit much,” he said honestly.

“Yeah… bit of a shock, that,” Rose agreed. 

“Soooo…” the Doctor interjected, “The DI was telling me all about a lovely girl he’d just met… a ‘Sally Sparrow’,” he said significantly to Rose, “and he’s told me he’ll consider giving her a message from us. Isn’t that right, Detective?”

“Uh… yeah,” he agreed. 

Consider it? He wasn’t completely sold on it, then, Rose realized. Of course he wouldn’t be. _She_ certainly wouldn’t be if some pinstriped alien told her she was stuck practically light years away from her family and friends and that she'd never be able to return to them. Not for forty years or so, anyway. This poor bloke had basically been sideswiped with the devastating news only to have the Doctor swoop in and practically demand he help them. Considering this for a moment, Rose looked up entreatingly at her brown eyed alien. “Uh… Doctor, could you get me another glass of water, please,” she said, nodding to the empty glass on the bedside table.

“Oh! Uh… sure,” he answered, jumping to attention. Grabbing up the glass he chirped, “Back in a tic.”

With the Doctor gone, Rose patted the bed, inviting the Detective to sit. He looked unsure. “I promise not to cough on you,” she smiled a bit at him.

Allowing himself a sideways smirk, the man settled himself on the side of the bed. 

“Look… I know… I can imagine how confused you are right now. We were pulled here too. And you know, you don’t _have_ to do this for us. You really don’t,” Rose said, looking into his eyes, willing him to understand. The Detective seemed about to say something, but Rose interrupted. “I know the Doctor probably made it seem like there was really no other choice, but there is,” she said seriously. “If you decide not to give Sally the Doctor’s message in the future… to tell her about the list of DVDs… we would just have to live here alongside you. And that would be alright, you know?”

BIlly’s brows furrowed. “But… that would leave you stranded here with me,” he said, clearly confused by her idea. 

Unfortunately, that’s when Rose felt the now familiar and annoying crackle in her lungs. A round of coughing ensued, and she made doubly sure she covered her mouth with her sleeve while turning away from Billy to avoid contaminating him with whatever bug she was fighting.

“Can I… do you need something?” the Detective said, standing, looking around the room. 

Rose shook her head as she continued coughing, and after a moment, the coughs finally petered off, and she took measured breaths while wiping her tearing eyes.

“Sorry,” she apologized. “I don’t know what this is, but it’s not fun,” she croaked, trying to smile a bit and patting the bed again to invite him to sit again. When he did, she continued, “Anyway… yeah. If you don’t give Sally the Doctor’s message, we’ll be stuck here too,” she agreed, her breaths a bit raspy still. “But it’s not fair of us to ask you to stay livin’ here, years and years away from the people you knew without us bein’ willing to do the same.”

Billy clearly thought about that, his face displaying a variety of emotions from confusion to consideration. Finally, after a few moments, he shook his head. “No. No, Rose. You two don’t need to give up your lives for me. This… this whole situation… it’s unreal… unbelievable. Horrible, even. But I won’t have you two stuck here as well when all of us don’t have to be,” he said surely. 

“Billy… are you sure?” Rose asked, reaching for his hand. 

Allowing her to hold it, he nodded. “I’m sure. You’re a good soul, Ms. Tyler… Rose,” he said softly. "I think… I _know_... you need to get away from here,” he said confidently. “You both need to get away from here,” he added.

Just then the door creaked open and the Doctor walked in with a full glass of water. His eyes darted to their joined hands almost immediately and while Rose wasn’t sure, she thought she noticed his features darken ever so slightly before a brighter expression forcibly took it’s place. “Right!” he said, a bit over enthusiastically. “Here you are, Rose,” he said, purposely handing her the glass of water so that it was easier for her to grasp it with the hand currently held by the Detective. 

Acquiescing, Rose looked back at the Detective and lightly squeezed his hand before releasing it. Looking back up at the Doctor, she reached for the water. “Thanks,” she said, giving him a tongue touched smile. 

The Doctor’s body seemed to relax a bit with the offered familiarity, and she couldn’t help but feel a little zing of triumph that she’d been able to elicit what definitely looked a bit like jealousy from him. A small part of her felt very childish about her reaction to this, but a bigger part of her quite enjoyed the idea that he might be interested in her in a way that was possibly more intense than mere friendship. A cloud of guilt began to settle over her then and she sighed. God. Was that all it took? A show of mild interest and she was ready to abandon her promise that she’d not push this relationship into _that_ territory? Yup. Pretty much, it seemed.

“So… I imagine we should try to find you somewhere to stay, Detective,” the Doctor said tentatively. 

“Doctor… I’ve thought about what you said. About how you have a way to leave here. And I want to help,” he said, looking at Rose. 

The Doctor looked a bit surprised and looked from him to Rose and back to him again.

“Yeah. You need to get Rose out of here. Soon,” he said significantly, his eyes clearly communicating something to the Doctor that he wasn’t saying aloud.

Looking to the Doctor for his reaction, she didn’t see anything more than a thankful nod and a small smile. What was all that about?

“Well, then,” the Doctor started. "I’ll help you get yourself set up here… I can’t very well just leave you in 1969 without a bit of a home base, after all,” the Doctor said sympathetically. “Tell me… have you ever thought of working in the media industry?” the Doctor asked lightly. “I hear DVDs will be all the rage in a few years.” 

The DI seemed unable to reply to that and merely looked at the Doctor like he had four heads. “Uh…”

Rose interjected, “Don’t worry about him,” she said, shooting the Doctor a bit of an admonishing look, “He’s a bit more used to this kind of thing than most people,” she added, empathetically.

“Yeah,” the DI replied, obviously still not used to the new reality that was facing him.

“We’ll help you get sorted here, alright?” Rose assured him.

“That’s right,” the Doctor confirmed. “Quickly. Very quickly, in fact,” he added swiftly, looking at Rose. 

Billy seemed to agree with the apparent need for action, and with that, he stood. 

The Doctor nodded and gestured for the DI to exit the room first. Taking the cue, Billy nodded and turned to leave.

“Detective,” Rose said, making the man turn. “I just wanted to say thanks. For telling Sally. You’re a real hero,” she said honestly.

The Detective ducked his head a bit, obviously a bit embarrassed by her assessment of him. “I’m hardly a hero, Rose. I’m… lost. But I’ll do whatever I can to help you. You have my word,” he said earnestly.

Rose watched the Doctor follow Billy out of the room. Poor bloke. She felt so badly that he now had to traverse this world alone. 

Laying back down, she allowed herself to snuggle back under the blankets. Well… as sad as she was for the Detective, she couldn’t deny that she wasn’t going to be thrilled to see the TARDIS again. The infirmary specifically. She was SO done with this cold. In fact, she was pretty sure it’d turned into pneumonia now. That would better explain the fatigue and fever, she thought. All she wanted was for the Doctor to cure this bloody illness so she could get back to enjoying her new life with him… er, with the TARDIS and the travelling and all. 

As the world slowly faded from consciousness, Rose’s thoughts drifted to the Doctor… _this_ Doctor... and the small but significant moment today in which he’d shown a bit of possessiveness. Once again, her stomach did and involuntary little flip and she felt her cheeks rise in a contented smile before she finally let sleep claim her again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there's lots of worry about Rose, but she'd definitely not out of the woods yet. Hang in there, folks. It's going to be a bumpy ride!

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 8: Scan

A grinding, whooshing noise filled the air, alerting Rose’s mind for the need to wake. Smacking her lips lightly, she half-heartedly searched for a mental ‘snooze button’ to halt the insistent humming at the back of her mind. Within moments, however, her more conscious self became aware of what that meant. The TARDIS was here!

Her eyes flew open. The room was dark and empty. Turning to click on the light beside the bed, Rose’s eyes found the clock. It was half-three. Where was the Doctor?

Somewhere below her in the house she heard a door open and within moments she could hear feet bounding up the flight of stairs. The door flew open and a triumphant looking Doctor hurtled into the room. “Rose!” he said happily, obviously pleased to find her awake. “We’re on our way!” he grinned. 

Rose couldn’t help but smile at his exuberance. He _so_ looked like a little boy at the moment with his body practically vibrating with excited energy and his eyes alight with vivacity. It was contagious, and she quickly found herself excitedly getting up to hug him. Her body, however, had other ideas, and apparently didn’t agree that standing was a particularly good idea. While her feet complied with her desire that they meet the ground, her attempts to steady her body weight atop them didn’t work out as well, and she soon found herself toppling over. 

Thankfully, two strong arms caught her in her rapid descent, and she immediately found herself looking up into two very concerned deep brown eyes. “Rose…” he said, his brows furrowed, concern lacing his voice.

“ ‘M sorry,” she apologized, trying to right herself. The Doctor, apparently, was having none of that, however, and quickly scooped her up into his arms. 

“I’ve got you,” he murmured, now cradling her to his chest. 

“I can walk,” she insisted, pushing back against him a bit.

Looking down a bit incredulously at her, he quirked his eyebrows up in a ‘Really?’

An embarrassed lopsided smile found her lips then and she clarified, “Well, I could at least _try_ ,” she said.

“No, Rose. I get the impression you really hate people making decisions for you… but I’m going to make an executive decision here and say that you’re not walking anywhere right now. I’m carrying you home, and that’s that,” he stated, his serious eyes almost daring her to argue with him.

A flutter of butterflies took flight in her belly just then. As much as she really _did_ hate having control taken from her, she _really_ couldn’t help but find his protectiveness somehow attractive. He really cared about her. She had already had to acknowledge this by his kind treatment of her up until now, of course, but this… this small stand he was making… this took a bit of courage on his part. He admitted he knew she hated feeling out of control… not being consulted about her wishes… and this Doctor… he obviously didn’t want to take choices away from her, but he wasn’t going to let her be a martyr needlessly either. 

Deciding to just go with it and allow herself to feel a bit mushy inside with his gallant gesture, she leaned into him and enjoyed the strength of his arms around her as they made their way down the stairs and outside. Making their way around to the side of the house, she caught sight of his magnificent ship. It hadn’t escaped her that he’d also called the TARDIS her ‘home’ either. That fact that he’d so easily accepted her as being a fixture on his fantastic ship also spoke volumes and the thought amplified the happy squirming in her belly.

Opening the doors without even putting her down, the Doctor strode up the stairs to the console and lowered her gently onto the overstuffed jumpseat. Rose suddenly felt a chill with the loss of contact and curled herself up into a ball to keep warm while he whirled around the console to get them settled into the vortex. 

The hum of the TARDIS in her mind was louder inside the ship than out, and it acted like a soothing balm in her mind, making her relax a bit. Closing her eyes, she embraced the feeling, allowing it to wash over her like a wave. Soon, she found herself floating in a sea of glittering gold, her mind and body awash with reassuring warmth.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

The TARDIS materialized moments after the Doctor had said good-bye to the Detective who he’d help settle into a hotel room. He planned to drop off a couple of diamonds he had stored somewhere in a bin on the TARDIS for the Detective to give him an easier start in his new life, but he’d have to do that after he dealt with Rose’s health. 

With that thought in mind, he boarded his ship, gave her a very enthusiastic and affectionate ‘hello’ and quickly piloted her to land beside the house they were rooming in. Bounding up the stairs two by two, he opened the door of their room to find Rose awake, apparently woken by the noise of the TARDIS landing.

Relief and excitement coursed through him on seeing her. He was going to be able to help her now. Finally! “Rose! We’re on our way!” he announced triumphantly, thrilled to be able to finally get her the help she needed. A brilliant smile brightened her face then, and before he knew it, she was literally falling into his arms. Alarmed, he caught her just before she hit the floor. Gods. She was so weak. Anxiety coursed through him. Focusing on her timeline, unable to keep himself from doing so, he could barely make out the edges any longer. What he saw, though, did nothing to assuage his worry. It was shorter still. “Rose…” he heard himself whisper in worry.

Mistaking his worry for her having fallen, she apologized and tried to get up again. What? Without thinking, he picked her up to cradle her in his arms. “I’ve got you.” Rassilon. He wanted nothing more than to keep her safe… it was like… an instinct almost. She brought out the protector in him and he was helpless to keep himself from acting on the feeling. 

She protested briefly, but he put his foot down. She was ill, for Rassilon’s sake. There was a time to be brave and a time to accept help. She’d been so clear in their previous conversations, however, that she didn’t appreciate having choice taken from her and the last thing he wanted was for her to feel disrespected. It seems his parallel counterpart had taken to making major life decisions for Rose and, while she loved him, it was obviously something she’d never been able to completely forgive him for. Knowing that, he was acutely aware that her disappointment was _not_ something he wanted to be responsible for. Somehow the very idea of letting her down was very wrong to him.

Explaining his thoughts the best he could, he hoped she’d forgive him this. She was definitely in no shape to walk, even if she wanted to. And he just couldn’t bring himself to watch her struggle right now. No… he was going to see her safely home, even if it meant apologizing later, he decided.

Carrying her small frame was ridiculously easy… easier than it should’ve been. She’d lost even more weight since they’d been here and he was anxious to put that right as well. Finally back in the TARDIS, he settled her on one of the plush seats beside the console and began working to get the TARDIS moving. 

Once safely in the vortex, he turned to find Rose asleep again. Her poor body was being ravaged by whatever ailed it and it tore at his hearts seeing this normally energetic, brave human so frail and vulnerable. Well, thank the gods… he was finally in a position to be able to do something about it.

Moving beside her, he bent down and carefully scooped the waif-like woman up into his arms again and made his way down the corridor toward the infirmary. Rose didn’t even stir as he moved, making him all the more aware of her condition. The sterile room lit up as he entered and was already set up to receive Rose, with the examination table prepped and various instruments at the ready. Sending his TARDIS a mental hug for her help, he carefully laid Rose down on the bed. 

Turning to survey the tray of tools set out for him, he silently asked the TARDIS to scan Rose’s body for vitals. A screen on the wall came alive with readings which the Doctor read through quickly. Her temperature, of course, was elevated significantly. Her white blood count was through the roof indicating an infection or inflammation. He had figured that much out already. Her blood pressure was slightly elevated, but still within normal limits for a human. Right. The next step was to get a more complete picture. Dragging over a scanner he’d bartered from a Frilopian hospital, he set it up over his small companion and flicked a few levers. Setting it to do a complete a scan for bacteria, viruses, pathogens alien to earth, and cancer, he waited for an anxious few minutes while the machine completed his request. 

Finally the technology before him finished its job. Forwarding the data to filter through the TARDIS database, his brilliant ship then displayed the data the machine had gathered accompanied by a decidedly unhappy hum in the Doctor’s head. The Doctor’s breath caught as he studied the information presented to him in swirling Gallifreyan writing on the screen above. He wasn’t positive what he’d been expecting, but this definitely wasn’t it. He’d actually quite readied himself to see evidence of a particularly nasty earth based infection… maybe even cancer. All decidedly and blessedly curable. _This_ , however… he couldn’t even tell what _this_ was.

He immediately knew what it _wasn’t_. It _wasn’t_ a simple bacterial infection or an earth based virus, though the spread and rate of replication certainly seemed virus like. It wasn’t cancer either. This... virus… for want of a better term… was definitely causing Rose’s cells to divide out of control like a cancer would, but the mechanism of division was completely unlike any cancer he’d ever seen. No… this wasn’t cancer. This was much more… sinister. Rose’s own cells were dividing at an uncontrolled rate but right alongside each of her own cells was a foreign organism replicating along with them. Growing with them, and then slowly consuming them. The implications were terrifying. 

Rose was being devoured from the inside out and he had no idea the nature of the organism that was responsible. What he _did know_ , however, was that he didn’t have long to figure it out. If the scans and his eyes were to be believed, the virus had taken over her body at an alarming rate. Based on the mild nature of her symptoms only days ago, he estimated it had progressed at a factor of 124 since that time. If the progression didn’t slow… she literally had only, maybe, another couple of days before the virus won.

His worried thoughts were interrupted by a change in the display screen above him. Looking up, he found the TARDIS had displayed the trajectory of Rose’s illness in relative time. The virus’ progression had slowed significantly since Rose had entered the TARDIS according to the numbers displayed. But… why? 

Looking at Rose, his mind tried to sort all the information he’d just taken in. Something about the TARDIS was interfering with the replication of the virus in Rose’s system. Not _stopping_ the replication… but at least slowing it. 

Rubbing the back of his neck in thought, a soft moan issued from the bed. Immediately moving to Rose’s side, he took her hand as she slowly opened her eyes. “Doctor? How… how did I get here?” she asked, obviously realizing she was no longer in the control room.

“I carried you, Rose. You’re in the infirmary. I, uh… I’ve done some tests,” he said, trailing off, unsure how to share what he’d discovered.

Rose’s brow furrowed in concern on seeing his clearly conflicted expression. “And…” she encouraged, sitting up slowly.

“Aaaand… I’m afraid it’s not good news, Rose,” he said pulling his ear. He figured direct honesty was probably the easier way to share such information, if there could possibly be an easier way to share such news.

Rose visibly swallowed, her honey brown eyes exuding worry. “Alright,” she said finally. “What is it?” she said, trying to sound brave.

Sighing, the Doctor called up the image of a human female outline on the screen above them on the wall. Surrounded by Gallifreyan words, the image appeared highlighted by a rainbow of blues throughout. 

“Well…” he started, trying to detach himself a bit, “what we’re looking at is basically a map of a female human body,” he instructed. “Normally the cells of a human body exude a blue hue on a scan like this. And really, any shade of blue, from very light to dark blue means your cells are essentially healthy,” he shared. Then, pausing a moment, he asked the TARDIS to pull up the scanned map of Rose’s body. Above them, her outline shone in predominantly in yellows and greens, with maybe only fifty percent of her body highlighted in any shade of blue. The greens were more sparsely distributed than the yellows, and there was no single organ that looked to be completely blue at all.

More softly, the Doctor said, “This is you, Rose.”

Rose looked at the colourful picture displayed before them, her eyes glued to the screen. “What…. what does it mean?” she asked, even though the Doctor suspected that she essentially already was guessing exactly what it meant.

“Well, basically… the spots of blue are your healthy human cells. The green portions… those are your cells as well. Mutated. Dividing at an exponential rate. By a virus of some sort, I think. The spread and initial transmission looks to be viral in nature,” he said, attempting to remain clinical, but literally finding himself unable to stay objective.

Rose continued staring, and it was a moment before she said more softly, “...And the yellow?”

The Doctor swallowed back a lump in his throat in an effort to stave off the emotion that was threatening to overwhelm him. “That’s… well… I think it’s some sort of secondary organism created by the virus itself. It… it seems to be feeding off of your mutated cells, Rose.”

Tears swelled in Rose’s eyes then as she continued staring at the screen and the Doctor’s hearts felt near to crumbling in his chest. Finally, she turned her gaze to his. “I thought it was just a cold. Pneumonia, maybe. But… it’s… it’s basically cancer, isn’t it, Doctor? Mutated cells dividing exponentially. That’s cancer, isn’t it?” she asked, her eyes boring into his.

“No, Rose. It’s not cancer. It _looks_ like cancer, but it’s not. The virus is using your cells to feed, making them divide quickly using a completely different mechanism than human cancer does” he said, trying to reassure her, though he had to admit it came out sounding much worse than he’d intended.

“My God,” she said, her trembling fingers rising to cover her mouth, as if that action might somehow hold off the tears threatening to fall. “I’m… I’m dying, aren’t I, Doctor?” she said, her voice cracking slightly.

“No. No, Rose. You’re NOT dying,” he assured her. And she _wasn’t_. He wouldn’t _let_ her. “I don’t know exactly what this is yet, but I’m going to find out. I promise,” he said earnestly, willing her to believe him.

Still looking in his eyes, Rose seemed to be searching them for something. Maybe for hope. Finally, she seemed to find what she was looking for and she nodded, finally letting a tear fall. 

“Come here, love,” the Doctor said automatically, reaching out and hugging her to his chest. Rose snaked her arms around him and finally allowed the tears to fall unheeded. He rocked her against him for a few minutes before she pulled back, her eyes still wet with tears, but a small smile playing on her lips. The smile spread as she continued looking at him, her tongue now poking out playfully between her teeth. His eyes, automatically drawn to the pink of her talented tongue, had to be forcibly pried away from focusing on her mouth by the rational part of his brain. He definitely wasn’t unhappy she was finding a reason to smile right now, but he had to admit he was truly wondering what it could be. “What?” he said, smiling back.

“You called me ‘Love’,” she grinned as some natural pink blush actually staining the unhealthy yellow tone of her cheeks.

His smile faltered for a moment as the Doctor realized he’d done just that. He’d called her ‘Love’. Yet another Alec remnant, his mind was quick to insist. But… was that _all_ it was? Really? Looking inward, if he was completely honest, he had to admit that Alec’s affection for Rose played a role in his current feelings for Rose… but they didn’t explain them all. As much as he was loathe to admit it, he was falling for her. Head over, in fact. This little, currently mostly yellow, human, had his hearts orbiting her like a brilliant sun, and he was completely powerless against the pull of it. Of her. 

“Yeah… I _did_ say that, didn’t I?” he confirmed, giving her a slightly bashful return smile while a blush found his own cheeks. 

“Mmm-hmm,” she agreed, still smiling. 

“Yes, well…” the Doctor finally said, breaking eye contact. He could stay there all day literally staring into those whiskey coloured eyes… and he found he actually really wanted to do just that, in fact… but at the moment he had work to do. He had to save the brilliant human they belonged to. “I suppose I should get a blood sample, Rose. I need to isolate the virus so I can figure out what we need to do to get rid of it,” he said, busying himself gathering a needle and vial. 

Turning, he found Rose had pulled up the sleeve of her hoodie already. “Oh… thanks,” he said, setting about obtaining his sample. That done, he put the vial down and moved back to Rose. “You should try to sleep, Rose. Your body really needs the rest right now,” he advised. “Do you want anything… before I get to work?” he asked, trying not to sound too eager to delve into the chemistry so he could figure out the puzzle he had ahead of him. Not that he didn’t want to spend time with her. He hoped she understood that.

“Naw… I’m good, Doctor,” she said, allowing him to help her lay back down. “Just… figure out what it is, yeah?” she said, trust shining in her eyes.

“I will Rose. I promise,” he vowed. And he meant it.


	9. Explanation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I keep thanking you all for reading and commenting, but it really is fantastic and I am honestly so honoured you all take the time. So thanks again!
> 
> Heavy on the explanation end of things... hence the tittle!

### 

CHAPTER 9: Explanation

A thick cottony feel in her mouth greeted her upon waking, making her click her pasty tongue against the top of her palate. The room was cool, but she had a thick blanket pulled up to her chin and she could smell the antiseptic in the air. She was still in the infirmary.

“That would be fantastic, Romana. I’ll send you the coordinates and we can meet there. Give me another, oh… twenty-eight paramillans though. I want to try to wake her and explain what’s going on first. No sense making this more stressful than it needs to be,” he said.

A woman’s voice replied, “Twenty-eight paramillans it is. See you then,” she said before a soft chime sounded. Probably ringing off.

Slowly opening her eyes, Rose caught the Doctor closing a panel atop of the long counter he was working at.

“Who was that, then?” Rose asked, her voice decidedly croaky. The attempt at speech made her lungs immediately protest and a deep, rattling cough followed, making her fold in half on the bed. 

The Doctor was at her side in moments, his large hand gently stroking her back. As her cough started dying down he said, “That was Romana. She’s a friend… another Time Lord. I’m not generally a big fan of my people,” he admitted, “but Romana’s one of the good ones,” he shared. “Anyhow…”

“Wait,” Rose rasped, her eyes wide. “Time Lords?!”

“Um… yeah. You know… my people. You _do_ know about the Time Lords, yeah? Surely he wasn’t daft enough not to tell you about them?” he asked, incredulous.

Rose suddenly became aware that her jaw was slack. Closing her mouth, she attempted to recover her wits. “I… er, the Time Lords… they, uh… they weren’t around in our universe… _other_ Time Lords, that is,” she shared. Deciding this wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have while lying down, she sat up slowly, letting the Doctor help her. She wasn’t sure how he would take this information. It wasn’t a topic she and her Doctor brought up often. Reaching for the blanket, she pulled it up over her as another chill swept through her.

The Doctor looked back at her, concerned, clearly waiting for her to elaborate, but obviously not wanting to push her when she wasn’t feeling well. God… this him really was thoughtful.

Rose sighed. Apparently she was going to have to tell him. No point putting it off. “There was… a war… in our universe. Mostly between the Time Lords and the Daleks,” Rose started, watching him. The Doctor’s visage darkened with the mention of the cruel race. It was clearly one he was very familiar with. “From what I understand, the Daleks were poised to win. The Doctor… he told me it came to the point where there was no longer a choice. He told me… so many had died. Whole planets… whole species… wiped out and considered collateral damage. And it was about to become so much worse, he said. That’s when…” she swallowed, remembering his eyes… his tired eyes… reliving the hell he’d had to endure. “That’s when he was asked to end it. End it all,” she said, lost in the memory.

The Doctor’s soft but intense voice cut into her the terrible vision of her Doctor’s pain on even telling her about that day. “How? What happened to them?” he asked, clearly amazed, but still not really wanting to know. 

Rose’s eyes met his then. So alike. These eyes, though… these eyes had never seen the war. It explained so much. The lightness in his countenance… the relative openness… it was all because he hadn’t suffered as her Doctor had. And how many times… how many?... had she wished that her Doctor had never had to suffer as he had. She couldn’t count the number of times she’d thought about what a different life he might have had if he hadn’t had to live with the burden of having taken the lives of his people. And _this_ Doctor… he hadn’t had to, obviously. An inexplicable feeling of relief washed over her then. He hadn’t had to live with that agony, this Doctor. His soul was still at peace. Rose’s eyes began to prickle with happy tears. It didn’t change the fact that her Doctors had suffered, but it meant that at least this brilliant man hadn’t had to live that terrible terrible day and its everlasting consequences. “Oh, Doctor,” she breathed, wrapping her arms around him. 

“Rose?” he said, responding by holding her tightly to him and stroking her back.

Pulling back after a moment, she said, “ ‘M sorry… it’s…” she trailed off, looking up into his concerned eyes, “...it’s just that… he had to live with it. With his people’s deaths… his whole species… they had asked him to be the one, you see… the one to end it. So he did. And… and it nearly killed him,” she said, her eyes brimming.

The news clearly pained him, but he pulled Rose back in and held her again. “I’m sorry, Rose… that you had to watch him go through that,” he said. God. He was worried about _her_.

Enjoying the closeness, Rose let herself be held for a moment before she shared, “He had to live with that guilt. He told me he had almost ended his life… more than once… but that in the end he didn’t feel he deserved the freedom of death,” she choked. Pulling back then, she said, “He was a good man, Doctor. It wasn’t something he wanted to do. He didn’t see any other way. Even other Time Lords… some of the ones on the council he told me… even they didn’t see any other way of stopping it. So he did. And he had to live with that… he _still_ has to live with that,” she corrected.

“That’s… that’s horrible, Rose. I’m sorry he went through that,” he said honestly, possibly imagining himself in a similar position.

“I’m just happy you haven’t had to live that, Doctor,” she said sincerely. “There were so many times… so many days I wished he hadn’t had to live with that pain. I would’ve given anything to take it from him,” she said, her eyes distant. Then, focusing intently on him, she said, “And here you are. You’re the Doctor… without that horrid day behind you. And I’m so glad… I’m so grateful…” she said softly, her hand trailing up to stroke the side of his face. 

His eyes softened as she studied his handsome features and the look he gave her was one of sympathy and obvious affection. God, she was so lucky. Sitting here… with him. And she really _was_ grateful. Grateful she’d lived the life she already had… with her husband, her universe’s Doctor, Alec… and now him. This man who was yet another incarnation of the man she loved across universes and dimensions, across regenerations and lifetimes, across bodies and experiences. And now… here she was… and… dare she even think it...maybe nearing the end of her life… and she could honestly say she’d lived a life that had exceeded all her wildest dreams and expectations.

“I, uh… we’re meeting Romana and a Gallifreyan physician on Gallard 5 in a few minutes,” the Doctor shared as he took her hand in his. “I’ve tried, Rose… but I just can’t isolate the virus. We need someone with more experience in rare viruses than me,” he admitted.  
“Doctor… are you saying there’s someone out there who might know more than you do?” Rose teased, a small smile finding her lips.

“Weeellll… I wouldn’t go _that_ far. Let’s just say, I don’t have time to bother myself with every little tidbit of useless information… I have to pick and choose what to store up here,” he said, tapping the side of his head.

“Riiiiight,” she said, smiling. 

“ _Any_ how, Rose Tyler, I’ve got to go pilot us to Gallard 5. You okay for a tic?”

“I’m always okay,” she assured him lightly, closing her eyes and nestling her head on the pillow again beneath her.

The soft rustle of his jacket found her ears and she felt his fingers softly comb through her hair. He said something then she almost didn’t catch, it was so quiet. “Yeah. You are.”

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

The Doctor was gone for some time, Rose figured, before he and his guests arrived in the infirmary. Both wore the most unusual get ups Rose had seen in a while, with shiny flowing robes and large, sort of… ornately shaped ‘headboards’ mounted on them covered in the same shiny fabric. The woman… the Doctor called her ‘Romana’, was a small blonde woman with a round face and delicate features. She wondered how many times she’d regenerated and if her appearance had changed as much each time as the Doctor’s had. She was a friendly woman, who wasn’t as judgemental about Rose’s ‘humanness’ as she’d expected her to be, given what her Doctor had told her about his people’s disdain for what they considered ‘lower species’ in general.

The male that had accompanied her, however, was another story. He was all business and no bedside manner. More what she’d expected a more ‘traditional’ Time Lord to be. He was apparently called ‘Maxil’. He was blonde and curly haired with a square face and humourless eyes. Watching the man interact with Romana and the Doctor, Rose tried to decide what it was about him she didn’t like, exactly. She was pretty sure it was the way he’d first treated her… like some sort of… insect he was being forced to interact with instead of squish. But if that had been the end of of it, she was pretty sure she could’ve chalked it all up to hauty Time Lord egos and could’ve gotten over it. But it was his reaction after studying her that really decided it for her. After reading her scans and listening to the Doctor’s description of her history… including her crossing the void and her experience with the TARDIS and the Game Station… the man suddenly began interacting with her as if she was a bit more interesting. She still felt like a bug to him, but now she felt like he saw her as some unusual new species of insect rather than a boring house spider. Either way, she felt devalued and objectified. 

The trio worked and deliberated for over two hours, pouring over blood samples and scans. Rose had nodded off about a half hour in, letting their voices lull her to sleep, and it was only when their guests were preparing to leave that the Doctor woke her. 

“Hey you,” his soft voice called as she felt a soft shake of her shoulder. Hey you? “Maxil and Romana are leaving. I’ll just show them out. I’ll be right back,” he assured her. Rose smiled at him and nodded, closing her eyes again. 

A short while later, the Doctor reappeared in the infirmary but didn’t approach her. Her eyes were closed, but she wasn’t sleeping, and she could hear him puttering around the room, continuing with something ‘sciency’ involving her care, she was sure. Deciding she might as well face the music, as unpleasant as the information she was going to get might be, she made to clear her throat. Sadly, once again, the minor movement caused a much larger response from her lungs and a series of coughs wracked her body. 

Once again, his soft touch met her back, and again she was grateful he was there. Poor bloke, though. He must be getting tired of having to coddle her. She really hated feeling sorry for herself, but she had to admit she was really getting tired of feeling so very very terrible. She ached all over, but her lungs and stomach were the worst. She was exhausted beyond measure and breathing was a chore at best. As the last of the hacking coughs shook her frame, she actually considered that maybe she’d be better off just NOT feeling anything at all. She pushed the thought away immediately, though. She wasn’t one to give up. It wasn’t usually part of her nature. Even at the very darkest times after she’d lost her husband she’d not acted on one of the many dark thoughts she’d have of ending her own life. And at the time, she honestly felt she had little reason to go on. Now… it was a very different story. The universe had handed her another chance at living a more fulfilled life. She was travelling the universe with an incredible man. She didn’t want to go. 

“Here, Rose,” the Doctor’s voice chimed, and she felt a cool glass being inserted into her hand. “Take some water,” he suggested. 

Nodding, Rose leaned on her elbow with effort and took a sip. It felt heavenly on her cough pained throat. “Thanks,” she croaked, taking another sip.

The Doctor’s fingers gently pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Did you like our visitors?” the Doctor asked, his voice betraying clear sarcasm.

Rose smiled wryly. “Well… Romana was nice enough,” she said, a bit breathlessly, “but that bloke… Maxim… he’s a bit of an arse,” she said blatantly.

The Doctor laughed. “Yeah… he’s a bit special, that one,” he agreed. “Not much of a personality, but he knows his stuff,” he admitted. 

“And… did I imagine this, or did you call me… ‘Hey you’?” she smiled a bit at him. 

The Doctor smiled lopsidedly at her then. “You don’t miss anything, do you, Ms. Tyler?” 

“You didn’t want to use my name with him, did you?” she asked suspiciously.

“Weeeellll, he might ‘know his stuff’, but I still don’t know him well. Romana trusts him, and I trust Romana, but Maxil…” he trailed off.

“Yeah, I get it,” she said in agreement. She didn’t need to be convinced not to completely trust the man. He was, as she thought she’d said quite eloquently earlier, an arse.

The Doctor let out a long sigh, then, that quickly brought her back to their conversation. “Rose… I think we’ve figured out what’s going on,” he said nervously, now rubbing the back of his neck. 

Finding she didn’t have the energy to sit up, she decided against it and lay her head back on the pillow and reached her hand out for his. Understanding what she was looking for, his hand found hers immediately. 

“I’m not gonna lie, Rose. It’s serious. But you knew that already,” he started. Taking a deep breath in, he said, “Maxil’s pretty sure it’s a virus called the ‘chronon variant virus’. It’s a free floating virus found all over the universe. It’s normally harmless… feeding only on mutated chronon particles.”

“Mutated… what?” she asked, trying to follow.

“Chronon particles. They’re like… particles of time that cling to you whenever you travel through time. Completely normal. Every time traveller has them. But time travellers in this universe have chronon particles that are native to this universe, so the virus doesn’t see them as a problem. This virus is tuned specifically to feed off of time particles that it considers ‘mutated’ to _this_ universe. What you have, though, are particles that are foreign to this universe. Not entirely different, obviously, but different enough for the virus to hone in on and see as ‘mutated’,” he said seriously.

“But… I’ve been here for years! Why now? Why did this… virus suddenly decide my cells were dinner?” she asked, clearly not sure about this theory. 

“Well… I think the virus has been feeding off your chronon particles since you landed here, but because you’re human, the chronon particles are mostly, sort of, on the surface of your body. What I mean is… you’re not actually _made of_ chronon particles. They’re not written into your very cells. So the virus was feeding off of the chronon particles that were stuck to you, but not really _part_ of you,” the Doctor said significantly. “The same isn’t true for a Time Lord, though, Rose. A Time Lord has chronon particles actually weaved into the fabric of his or her TNA. That’s like human DNA, but it’s what Time Lords have in its place.”

It took a moment for Rose to process what he was saying. Oh my god! But did that mean… “Wait… are you saying that the Doctor… my husband… he didn’t die of cancer? God… he didn’t did he?” she said, horrified. He hadn’t. All this time she thought he’d died of cancer, but really, he’d died of this… virus. It _ate_ him from the inside out, feeding on his chronon particles. He was part Time Lord, so his TNA was a target for this virus. 

The Doctor’s eyes were filled with sympathy. “I’m afraid not. This virus… it would’ve recognized the chronon particles in his body as ‘mutated’ to this universe. I’m so sorry,” he finished, looking down. 

Tears stung her eyes. My God. He died of _this_. Logically, of course, she knew he’d been in excruciating pain when he’d passed. But… he’d felt like _this_ , only worse. Much, much worse.

Wait. But she wasn’t a Time Lord. What the hell was this virus so interested in her for? “But… why me, then?” she found herself asking aloud.

Leveling his eyes with hers, the Doctor answered, “When you looked into the heart of the TARDIS in your universe… you absorbed pure chronon energy, or vortex energy, Rose. Your Doctor… he pulled it from you, but he must have missed some. You must have had some residual particles nestled somewhere in you lying dormant, or near dormant, since that time. 

“So that’s why I could feel your TARDIS then?” she asked, putting two and two together.

“Yeah. That would definitely explain it. We’d sort of guessed that much already. And while this virus may have already begun attacking the relatively small amount of chronon energy you had stored, there wasn’t enough of it really for you to have felt its effects. But I think… I think something happened when I opened the watch, Rose. I don’t really know why it affected you as it did… it was directed at me, after all,” he said, thoughtfully.

“Oh my God, Doctor,” she said, remembering. “The hotel room! When I was cleaning your… Alec’s hotel room… I found the watch and I opened it,” she shared a bit guiltily. His eyes opened wide. “I didn’t know… I thought… well, it was _talking_ to me. I… I had to know. I thought it would tell me more if I opened it,” she added, “... so I did. And that’s when I saw you. You told me you needed help. That’s when I passed out,” she said, a bit sheepishly.

_”That’s_ when you passed out?” the Doctor said, his pitch rising in surprise. “You didn’t tell me that, Rose,” he said, concerned. 

“Well, we’ve kind of been a bit busy since that happened,” she said. “Plus, I assumed it was just something… I don’t know… ‘Time Lordy’ in the watch that my puny human brain couldn’t handle,” she added.

“‘Time Lordy’?” he said, a small smile finding his lips. “Rose… your brain is _hardly_ puny, human or not. Anyhow… it turns out I think that information is actually quite important here. There’s no way the energy in the watch should’ve caused you to pass out. At most, it might make a human feel a bit dizzy. That’s about it,” he said in summary, raking his fingers through his hair. Finally sighing, his eyes met hers. “The more I think about it… from what you’re telling me, I think our thoughts about the watch make sense, Rose. Romana and Maxil… they suggested the watch may have triggered some dormant chronon energy in you to become fully active. To… to trigger you to change,” he broached.

The word washed over her. “Change?” she said in wonder.

“To become Time Lord, Rose,” he said seriously. 

Incredulous, Rose’s mouth opened and closed a couple of times before his words fully sunk in. “Time Lord?” she asked, unbelieving.

The Doctor nodded in agreement. “And you were changing, Rose. I’m pretty sure now. Your body was beginning to change… to basically _regenerate_. Your human DNA was mutating into TNA. It was likely going to be a slow, drawn out process, because you don’t have the arton energy to aide in a swift regeneration, but it would’ve happened. Instead, though, the virus took hold. It sought out the chronon particles in your new TNA and attacked it.”

“So… you’re saying that I’m not human anymore?” she asked, astounded. 

The Doctor’s serious expression matched his voice with his answer. “You’re still part human. The process is still underway. But Rose,” he cautioned, “with every cell that’s changing… trying to become Time Lord… the virus is spreading.”

The news that she might not be human any longer had been the first thing her mind had focused on in his explanation, but the implications were now sinking in. Not only was she in the process of _regenerating_ , for God’s sake, but now that very life changing metamorphosis was actually going to _kill_ her! 

But… something didn’t make sense. Then she realized what it was. “Doctor… if this is really the same thing as what my husband had… why is it happening so fast? It took… the Doctor was sick for so long… it’s only been a short time for me. Why would it be happening so quickly?” she asked, hoping she may have found the flaw in his hypothesis. 

The Doctor sighed, sensing her hope. “Probably two reasons,” he said solemnly. “He was only _part_ Time Lord. Not _all_ of his cells were written with TNA,” he said seriously. “But probably the bigger factor… is the TARDIS,” he said. “She was nearby… in the same time and continent… as he was. She… shielded him, in a way. He might have been like you… he may have assumed the TARDIS he was feeling in his head was _his_ TARDIS, in the other universe. Being only part Time Lord, he probably had assumed the ‘different’ feel of her was because of that rather than it not being _his_ TARDIS. Anyhow,” he continued, “she was helping to slow down the effects of the virus by countering it slightly with her own energy in his mind. It would’ve worked for a while, but in the end she wouldn’t be able to cure the virus… just postpone its effects,” he said seriously. 

“But… I had the TARDIS too,” Rose said, confused. 

“Yes… you did. For a while, Rose. But then… we got stranded in 1969 without the TARDIS. She wasn’t there to shield you. The virus took hold and had nothing to slow it down,” he said gravely.

“My God,” she said softly as the truth now fully penetrated her initial denial.

The Doctor’s fingers wrapped more tightly around her hand while his other hand came up to cup her face. “Romana and Maxil and I are all working on a cure, Rose. We’re going to figure this out. I promise you… I won’t let this virus win,” he assured her, his face hard and serious.

Looking up into his dark, ancient eyes, the pain of loss she was so happy to realize he hadn’t had to experience seemed to be forming even as she looked at him. He was worried he was going to lose her. She could feel it in him. “I know,” she said, trying to send as much support his way as she could with the words. He would try his best to save her. She didn’t doubt it. Whether there was really a cure for this virus anywhere to be found, however… that was entirely another matter.


	10. Depletion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a shorter chapter, but I felt it needed to stand on its own. Thanks for all your brilliant comments and support… I honestly appreciate it so very much.

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 10: Depletion

The next couple of days were spent with the Doctor tinkering in the infirmary and conferring with Romana by some sort of galactic ‘Skype’ while Rose drifted in and out of sleep. When she was was awake, she was either being gently poked and prodded, fed easily digestible foods, being coerced to drink liquids, or… spending time listening to the Doctor talk. The last activity was quickly becoming her favourite, though this really wasn’t new. She’d always loved listening to the Doctor talk. All her Doctors. It never really mattered what he was actually talking about… whether he was going on about some exciting plant species on Hudrius Prime or about the history of the matriarchal societies on all the planets in the Brilkus Cluster… she was always able to lose herself in the sound of his voice while nodding and ‘mmm-hmm’-ing at the appropriate times. Not that she didn’t find what he was talking about interesting. Far from it. It was, however, difficult to concentrate on _what_ exactly he was saying when his beautiful pouty lips were… moving… and his voice was… making sounds. All those things she found so difficult to ignore when he even looked at her. 

Now though, she found that even his incredibly alluring lips and sexy tenor voice couldn’t fully distract her from what was rapidly becoming her sole focus. Pain. It seemed to be issuing from every organ and cell in her body, sparing fewer and fewer of her systems. Breathing was becoming more and more difficult as time marched on, making her feel less and less like moving. When she did actually move, her muscles let it be known that doing so was definitely a chore. Even the muscles in her eyes seemed to be fighting her desire to make them work, resulting in increasingly blurry vision. 

This morning, she was once again drifting in and out of dreams when she heard an angry growl issue from the workstation the Doctor had set up across the room. Opening her eyes, she could make out the back of him, his arms raised with his hands carding through his hair in frustration.

“What’s wrong,” she asked, her voice coming out much softer and more raspy than she’d anticipated. It was loud enough, however, to have gotten the Doctor’s attention at least. 

Turning, the Doctor moved to her side and pulled up a chair. “You’re awake! Wasn’t sure if you were planning on sleeping the day away or not,” he teased, taking her hand in his.

Rose smiled tiredly, “ ‘S this rubbish Time Lord biology… needing much more sleep than I used to,” she teased back. The idea that she had been poised to become a Time Lord had yet to fully sink in, but the idea had been floating in her mind since the Doctor had mentioned it. 

“You’ll get used to it. It’s usually much more efficient than this, just so you know. Once we get this pesky virus out of the way, you’ll be able to fully appreciate all the brilliantness of Time Lord physiology firsthand,” he grinned. 

Rose’s lips quirked into a smile and her eyebrows raised suggestively with that comment, making the Doctor immediately backtrack, squirming adorably as he did so. “I mean… because you’ll be Time Lord then. Not because we… I mean… you and I… “ he floundered.

A small breathy laugh escaped Rose then, letting him off the hook. “Oh… I see what you did there,” he grinned back, making Rose laugh some more. Sadly, however, laughing merely aggravated her already bothered lungs, making her hack. There was no longer any question that she was coughing up blood. It was now plentiful and frequently evident. Her first sight of it a couple of days ago had been terrifying. Undeniable evidence of her diagnosis. Now, though, it was just another thing she was faced with as her body seemed to be slowly shutting itself down. 

Finally, her coughing spell having petered out for now, Rose reached for the cup of water on the bedside table, which the Doctor helped her take. Swallowing a few small sips, she lay back again against the soft pillows and looked up at the Doctor. “So… what was all the growling about over there,” she asked. “I was wondering if you’d regenerated into some sort of bear or something,” she said with a soft smile.

The Doctor tried to give her a smile back, but seemed unable. “It’s this virus, Rose. I’m… we’re not having much luck yet coming up with a cure that won’t also destroy your own cells,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. Sighing then, he looked at her earnestly. “We will, though. We’re close. I just… it’s taking so much longer than I anticipated,” he admitted.

Rose nodded. What could she say? He was doing everything in his power to help her and she was so grateful, but she was beginning to doubt there was much time left. Part of her wanted to talk about it… get it out in the open, but a larger part of her didn’t want to see the look in his eyes when she brought it up. 

Deciding to avoid the subject, she decided to try to make the trek again to the loo. She inwardly shook her head on considering that what was once such an ordinary act of daily living now took enormous energy and physical resources. Sitting up slowly, the Doctor quickly moved to help her. “What do you need?” he asked, ready to get whatever she required.

“I need the loo,” she said, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. 

“Do you, er… need any help… in there?” he asked uncomfortably, obviously willing to do whatever she needed, but not wanting to sound creepy at the same time. 

Rose smiled. “Naw. I think I’ve got it,” she assured him, climbing to her feet. The Doctor steadied her and she gently pushed him away. “I’m good,” she said confidently, walking a bit like a newborn fawn as she made her way to the infirmary bathroom. 

“Just… call me if you need me,” he advised from behind her. 

Making it to the loo under her own power, she slipped in, padded to the toilet and pulled off the robe she’d asked the Doctor to retrieve from her room a couple of days ago. Her muscles seemed to protest every movement she made, but she was thankful she’d at least thought to change from her regular clothes into her housecoat. Actually, it was the Doctor who had suggested she just wear a pair of knickers and her robe in case he had to quickly access various body parts… for medical purposes, of course. He’d waggled his eyebrows suggestively at the time, making her blush. Recalling that moment made her retribution earlier all the sweeter she thought as she let the robe drop to the floor. Looking down at the pile of fabric she considered hanging it up, but that would mean using even more muscles… a thought that didn’t appeal to her at all. 

Pulling her knickers down slowly, she sat on the toilet, and just as she did so, all the strength in her legs gave out Part of her was grateful she’d already practically been seated, but the other part of her was just plain upset she was having to deal with this at all. At least relieving herself wasn’t a problem. In fact… that was another extremely unpleasant conversation she was going to have to have with the Doctor soon. She realized this morning she no longer had complete control over her bladder. It wouldn’t be long, she figured, before she wouldn’t be able to hold her urine any longer. God. How humiliating. 

Thankful she at least didn’t have to have _that_ talk with him yet, she stood shakily and slowly inched up her knickers to pull them back into place. Each little movement seemed to require inordinate amounts of energy and for every successful inch her knickers travelled she was rewarded with a throbbing ache from deep inside her weakened muscles. God. All that work and she _still_ had to get her robe on.

Looking down at the discarded covering, she willed herself to bend over. Reaching her hand out to rake up the offending garment, she bent over at the waist. As she did so, however, her centre of gravity was lost and she quickly found herself falling forward. Landing with a hard ‘thud’, she felt her hip hit the floor just before her hand, elbow, and then shoulder jarred against the hard surface as well. A shock of pain radiated from every contact point making a pained howl rip from her throat. 

“Rose!” she heard from the other side of the door as loud footsteps approached. The door flew open and she soon found the Doctor bending over her, frantically checking her for damage. “What happened?” he asked, reaching to help her into a sitting position.

Still dazed, Rose reached out her hand to accept his help when she realized she was still clad only in her knickers. As the Doctor’s soft hands wrapped around her back to help her sit, all Rose could think of, despite her embarrassment and continued pain, was how those same hands had once caressed her back while they made love. 

The Doctor, himself, seemed oblivious to the fact that she was quite bare on top, and checked her over seemingly very objectively before apparently deciding she hadn’t seriously wounded anything other than her pride. Covering herself with her hands, she sat shivering on the floor while the Doctor gathered her robe and gently covered her with it as he slowly helped her up. She tried not to cringe too much as she got her feet back under her, but a small moan escaped her with the additional pain she’d now added to the substantial list of aches she’d had before she even entered the bathroom.

She wanted to apologize for worrying him, but she just couldn’t work up the additional energy required to do so as they gingerly walked back to the infirmary bed. Finally back under the sheets, Rose sighed in relief as the pain throughout her body settled to a more tolerable level once again. Closing her eyes, she tried to centre her thoughts… to find the spot in her mind where the TARDIS could help to soothe her. She found it immediately and right away felt the TARDIS responded with a cool wave of reassurance. It was so appreciated… but it also highlighted something that was becoming more and more clear. This was not getting any better and it wasn’t going to. 

Rose reached out again and took his hand. “Doctor… I think we need to talk,” she started. God. She really didn’t want to have this conversation. But the last couple of minutes had only reinforced the thoughts and worry she’d had earlier. And she had things she needed him to know. “I know this isn’t something you want to talk about, but if I don’t… if I don’t make it…”

The Doctor emphatically cut her off right there. “No. No, Rose,” he said shaking his head.

“No, really, Doctor. I don’t think… I mean, I haven’t got a death wish or anything, but…”

“I said, NO, Rose!” the Doctor barked back, standing, looking somewhere between panicked and angry. His hands flew to his hair then and he turned away to pace across the room.

Tears swam in her eyes then, seeing the pain she was causing him. But… it just hurt. Her whole body hurt. So much. Entertaining the idea of death didn’t seem so crazy lately as the pain slowly inched it’s way closer and closer to intolerable. And maybe… maybe this was just… _her time_. 

“I just… I just don’t know how much longer I can _do this_...” she said softly, tears slipping down her cheeks. 

The Doctor turned then, and in two long strides he was back by her side. “Oh, Rose,” he breathed, pulling her up into his arms. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for yelling at you… I just… I can’t lose you. You’re too… important…” he said, his voice tense with emotion. 

With effort, Rose snaked her arms around the Doctor as he held her. It felt _so good_ being in his arms. Closing her eyes as tears continued to fall, wetting his jacket as she nestled her face against him, she knew this is where she belonged. In his arms. _Any_ him. She loved him. If she died now… right now… she’d die happy. 

She didn’t have the energy to pull away from him, but when he finally drew back, his eyes were glistening. He was holding back his own emotions to be strong for her. Once again it hit her how lucky she was. This man, who had known her only a fraction of the time she’d known various forms of him, had accepted her on his TARDIS, and it seemed, under his wing. He had accepted her, shown her support, and had literally cared for her. Looking up into his shining eyes, she brought her hand up to stroke the side of his face. Leaning in, he rested his forehead against hers, his breath ghosting over her face. “I won’t let this happen to you, Rose. I won’t let it win,” he vowed. Running her hand up around the back of his neck, she closed her eyes and just enjoyed his nearness. 

Then, to her honest surprise, she felt the feather light touch of his lips against hers. It was soft… gentle… reverent. And then it was gone. 

Opening her eyes, she found him looking at her, his face now masked in strength. “I won’t let it win.”


	11. Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a cliffie at the end... don't hate me ;)

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 11: Change

Rose had spent the last three days in and out of consciousness and the Doctor was at his wit’s end. He’d been in touch with Romana on and off over that time, coming up with hypotheses as to what might actually halt this virus. Each proved either not strong enough to kill the virus or overly potent, killing off the host cells as well. They were close. He could feel it. At least one of the possible cures had potential, but even with his rather substantial brain working in tandem with Romana under the tutelage of Maxil, they were at least five or six earth weeks away from safely trying it, even with Maxil putting a team on it. That was five or six weeks too long. At this rate, Rose was only days from… from…

No. He wasn’t going to think that way. There was something they could do. There had to be something. His thoughts drifted back to his promise to her. He would save her. She was bracing for the worst. She’d not only said it… he’d seen it in her eyes. She was beginning to even embrace the idea. The pain she must be enduring now must be nearly intolerable. He’d offered painkillers… more than once. More than a good fifteen times, he was sure. But she’d stoically refused each time, only accepting the least potent he had. She didn’t want to be ‘comatose’ she’d said. And when he’d tried to explain that she didn’t need to suffer needlessly, she’d only made him promise he wouldn’t ‘drug her senseless’. 

As he got to know this little blonde human he understood more and more how his other self must have felt, seeing her seemingly choosing to run headlong into trouble. Of _course_ he wanted to stop her. He didn’t doubt that had he been in the same position as his parallel counterpart, he might well have done the same as he, choosing her safety and well being over her freedom of choice. But _that_ was precisely what she seemed to dread the most in all this. The idea that she might not be given a _choice_ in what mattered to her. Sooooo… he’d let her have her way about the painkillers, as much as it pained him to do so. And really… being ill was so basically demeaning anyhow. If she wanted something… anything… how could he deny her?

That thought clung to him. How could he deny her? And if he pushed that thought on to it’s logical conclusion…. how could he deny his growing affection for her? And as much as he’d like to think himself noble and objective, there was nothing noble or objective about his feelings. They were sadly and pathetically obviously subjective and decidedly NOT noble. He… Gods, dare he even _think it?_... he actually _needed_ her. He hadn’t felt like this since Liz. And if he was honest, what he thought might be love back then… he wasn’t so sure about that now. He cared for Liz. Deeply. His hearts ached when he was away from her and when she passed… well, he felt like he had as well. 

But this… this was… different. Rose was… ephemeral. She was an enigma that literally _called_ to him. As Alec, and now as a Time Lord. Her very cells seemed to beckon him… calling him to her. What he’d tried to brush off as ‘residual Alec feelings’ had never been only that, he knew now. He _desired her_ , but not merely on a physical level. Of course… there was _that_ , as well. He couldn’t very well deny the way she made his body react by just being near him. But it was even more organic than that. It was more primal than that. She was like a siren to him, calling from across the rock strewn harbour. And the more he got to know her the more he realized he’d cross the treacherous shallow waters to get to her, no matter what the cost. Even if it meant his hearts. 

But it wasn’t just his hearts that were at stake here. Her life… her incredible, literally unparalleled life, was at stake. And she was trusting him with it right now. Of course, she had no other choice at the moment, but that didn’t change the fact that he was her only hope right now. The significance of that wasn’t lost on him. She had been a lifeline for her Doctor… her Doctor _s_ , and now she was the one needing support. And damn it… he was going to give her that, even if he had to fly to the ends of the universe and back to save her. 

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

Awareness of the world around her came and went as hours and days dragged on. Pain was a constant companion now, but despite this, she continued to deny the Doctor’s entreating pleas to take more pain medication. The last thing in the universe she wanted was to be unaware at the end. She wanted to be conscious and as alert as possible when it was her time. She wanted to be able to look into the Doctor’s incredible face and tell him how she really felt about him when the time came. So she continued to deny his well meant offerings despite how pained he looked each time she rejected his pleas. 

It was during one of her brief sojourns into wakefulness that she heard the Doctor talking to Romana. “We don’t _have_ another few weeks, Romana,” he said, his voice high pitched and frustrated. “She’s dying! Right in front of me! And I’m bloody powerless to stop it!” he practically shouted, his voice rising. 

“You may have to consider what we discussed yesterday, Doctor. I know it’s not your preference, but it looks like your options… her options… are becoming fewer. It might be worth the risk,” Romana’s calmer voice advised.

Opening her eyes, she found herself looking at the back of him as he addressed the viewer in front of him. “But…” he said, visibly distressed, his hands raking through his hair, “... it’s not _safe_. It’s too risky…” he fretted.

“I don’t think you have any other choices now, Doctor. I know you care for her a great deal and you’re concerned the process may damage her… but if you don’t try this, there’s a good chance you’ll lose her,” Romana reminded him gently. 

The Doctor actually growled in frustration then, pulling his hands down his face. 

“Have you asked her what _she_ wants?” Romana asked kindly, despite the Doctor’s clear frustration. 

Sighing then, the Doctor actually seemed to deflate. “No,” he admitted. “I… I wanted to make sure there was no other way first. But now… now it looks like…” he trailed off.

“Talk to her, Doctor. Find out if she wants to try it. If she does, then there’s your answer. Either way, you need to find out her wishes. You would expect no less of her,” she wisely suggested. Inwardly, Rose silently thanked the woman. She understood.

The Doctor’s head actually bowed then and Rose heard a small, “You’re right. You’re right, of course. I have to talk to her,” he said. There was silence on the other end, and Rose imagined the other woman was nodding or something similar. “But please… this plan… I need you to keep it quiet, Romana. I know you think the world of Maxil, but… well, you know my worries. I trust you with my life… you know that. And now I’m trusting you with Rose’s as well,” he said solemnly. 

“I understand, Doctor,” Romana’s voice said assuringly. “You have my word,” she promised. 

“Thanks, Romana. And let me know as soon as you find anything. Anything at all,” he added quickly. 

“Of course, Doctor. I’ll keep you updated on any progress we make on our end,” she promised. “Good luck.” 

A click issued from where the Doctor sat and only the soft hum of the TARDIS could be heard in the room. He sat with his head in his hands now, leaning over the workstation he’d been glued to for the past days. 

“Doctor?” Rose rasped, her voice now barely audible. Her breath was now barely able to sustain speech and her lungs ached from the effort of merely breathing let alone trying to talk. 

“Rose!” he turned immediately, an honest smile of relief finding his weary features. Moving quickly to her bedside, he looked down at her affectionately, smoothing her hair from her forehead as he had taken to doing lately. 

“You look… terrible,” Rose said, managing a small smile. He really did look haggard. He’d clearly not slept in far too long, even for a Time Lord, and he probably hadn’t eaten in just as long, she figured.

“Thanks, Ms. Tyler. I’ll take that personally, thanks,” he said, feigning hurt.

Rose’s lips quirked up as much as she could manage. 

“I’m glad you’re awake, though,” he said, his face once again serious. “I need to talk to you about something,” he said, his eyes now devoid of humour. 

“I heard you,” Rose panted weakly. “Romana… she had… an idea?” she managed to get out finally, managing only a couple of words per breath.

The Doctor’s eyes seemed pained, and she couldn’t tell if it was because of what he was going to tell her or if it was because she sounded so incredibly weak. It was probably a combination of the two, she reasoned, given how very feeble she sounded even to herself.

“Yeah, she did,” he said, pulling up a rolling chair and sitting down. Taking her hand, he studied her face. She must look like complete rubbish, she lamented ridiculously. God… she was literally on death’s door and she still managed to find it in her to be self conscious. She sighed inwardly. Some things never changed. Finally obviously having come to some sort of decision, he said, “She had an idea that I’m not particularly happy about, but now…” he trailed off, clearly not wanting to voice the reason he was actually considering the proposal at all.

“Doctor…” she said softly, “I know… I’m not… going to… make it,” she wheezed, needing to stop for a longer breath. 

“No, Rose. You _are_. That’s what this is about. Romana… they think they may be close to a cure… but it’s still too far away… it’s going to take too long. We need to buy you time. And she had an idea, but I don’t fancy it because there are… risks. Any risk to you isn’t acceptable to me,” he added, “... but we…” he swallowed, “...we just need more time. And I think, if you agree, this might be the answer. It’ll give us time to develop the cure so we can fix you,” he shared. 

“What?” she said, unable to squeeze out more words than that.

“Remember how I told you about the TARDIS helping me to become human? To become Alec?” he asked seriously.

Rose nodded.

“Well… we could, uh… try that. On you. The TARDIS has a gadget called a ‘chameleon arch’. Basically, it’s function is to modify the biology of one species so that it becomes another species. Romana thought… well, she suggested that we try it on you. Basically, we could revert you back into a human, so the virus wouldn’t have anything to feed on until we can find a cure,” he said, watching her for her reaction. Before she could even reach for something to say, though, he added, “I have to tell you about the risks, though, before you really consider this. Your cells right now… they’re so... compromised,” he said, clearly finding it hard to admit this. “The virus has ravaged so many of your own cells, the chameleon arch doesn’t have a lot to build new cells from. It might… it could rewrite your cells incorrectly, Rose. And if that happens… you probably wouldn’t make it… even as a human. And even if you did, you might not be able to change back… to become, uh… Time Lord again,” he finished, still studying her for her reaction.

With her brain barely able to process much more than the bare minimum right now, she had to let this all sink in for a moment. This… procedure… it could _end_ her. But if she _didn’t_ allow it… if she didn’t at least try it… there wasn’t really any hope. This would be _it_. And despite the Doctor’s trepidation about the procedure, it was clear what he prefered. He didn’t want to lose her, she was certain. And frankly, despite her earlier musings, she wasn’t ready to go. If there was a possibility she could continue living without pain, she would take it. 

“I want… to try,” she said finally, the air having to be forcibly pushed from her lungs. 

The Doctor seemed to be visibly affected by her choice, with relief obviously flooding through him. As much as he worried about this attempt to prolong her life, he obviously felt it was the best option right now, and that was good enough for her. “What… do we do?” she asked, ready to get started. The sooner, the better.

The Doctor smiled. “My fighter,” he said admiringly. “Well… first thing we do is get you to the console room,” he said practically, closing in to scoop her up into his arms. 

Rose held up her hand, though, halting his movement. “Doctor… I just want... to say… before we... do this. Thank-you,” she panted. “For everything. I… I really…” she said, faltering. She wanted to tell him. She wanted to say how she was really feeling. How much she was finding herself actually feeling _love_ for him. Honest to goodness _love_. And not just as a sister-in-law might love a brother-in-law. She loved him for who he was. The Doctor. _This_ Doctor. Another Doctor who deserved to be loved and cherished for who he was, not for who she expected him to be. 

But now was not the time for such admissions. What did they really mean when coming from someone with nothing at stake? No. With any luck, she’d have the chance to tell him when it meant more. When it meant she could actually give him something more than a memory.

She must’ve appeared to have just lost her train of thought… or courage… because the Doctor brought his hand up to cup her cheek tenderly. “It’s alright Rose. Thank- _you_ for making my life better. Better than I ever imagined it could be,” he admitted, his eyes suddenly shining with emotion. 

Then, his demeanor changing… masking his fear, maybe… he brightened and said, “Right! Let’s get you better, shall we?” 

Rose gave him the most energetic smile she could muster and breathlessly declared, “Allons-y!”

The Doctor squeezed her hand, and leaned in to plant a kiss on her forehead. Closing her eyes, she tried to soak in the feeling of his lips on her skin before he pulled away. Then, softly he replied, “Allons-y, Rose.” 

Scooping her up carefully, he strode out of the infirmary for the first time, in what Rose was sure, had been days. He was a man on a mission now, and all Rose could think about as she clung to his chest as he walked, was how lucky she was that she had him. Even if this was possibly the last memory she’d ever make, she wouldn’t regret it. She’d loved every moment she’d ever spent with him, Him or this Him. 

Arriving in the console room, Rose spied a padded chair sitting on the grated floor beside the console. Above it hung quite a contraption, ending in some sort of headgear Rose was sure was meant for her. Moving to the chair, the Doctor carefully placed her in it, putting her down as softly as he could manage. Despite his caution, even being lowered onto the new surface brought with it more pain and Rose winced despite herself. 

“Sorry,” he said, apologizing needlessly as she adjusted herself on the chair a bit.

“It’s fine,” she said, trying to make him feel better. He couldn’t help her pain, as much as she wished he could. 

Once she’d settled in the Doctor moved to the controls on the console and adjusted some settings before moving back to her. Standing behind her he manipulated the headgear a bit before pulling it down to nestle it onto her head. Moving around the chair then, he knelt down in front of her, taking her hand in his. Looking up with deep concerned eyes, he said, “I need to tell you a few things before we do this, Rose,” he said seriously. 

Rose nodded, still finding it difficult to catch her breath.

Swallowing, he said, “This is going to hurt. It’s going to hurt a lot,” he said with brutal honesty. “But when its over you won’t remember that part.”

Unable to imagine pain worse than she was currently experiencing, she merely nodded once again.

“I should tell you too,” he said, guilt clearly written on his features, “...that you won’t remember this conversation. In fact… you won’t remember anything after the moment you originally opened the watch,” he said, almost wincing. 

Her eyes widened with this admission. She wouldn’t remember _anything_? But… she wouldn’t remember he was even _him_!

He continued quickly then, “But I promise you’ll remember again once you open the watch,” he said hastily, clearly not wanting to deter her from going through with this. 

Looking at him a bit suspiciously, she considered what he’d said. She wouldn’t remember him. How was she going to know him then? Wouldn’t she think it was weird suddenly being in the TARDIS with Alec?

She was about to ask him when a rumble in her chest turned into a brutal cough. Doubling over with the excruciating pain it caused in all the muscles of her stomach and chest, she willed the terrible wracking spasms to pass quickly. Tears streamed down her face in response to both the pain and the cough itself. As the hacking began petering off, she did her best to draw in breath to replace the expended oxygen spent on the cough, but all her lungs allowed were small panting gulps; barely enough to keep the black spots from continuing to fill her vision. 

Panic began to fill her. She couldn’t breathe. Not enough. There wasn’t enough air! Her hands flew to her neck as her adenaline rose, making it even harder to pull in oxygen. Looking up frantically at the Doctor, he clearly read the terrified look and immediately understood.

Flying to the console, The Doctor’s body vibrated with anxious energy as he pressed buttons and typed in settings. Rose willed herself to stay seated as she watched him working to finish setting up this transformation. Dark blotches were now spreading over her field of vision so much that she was barely able to see. The clawing panic she was feeling was beginning to drain away as darkness called to her, willing her to follow it. She wasn’t sure she wanted to, but she felt powerless to stop it. She was beginning to drift away, her body quickly feeling lighter and lighter.

And then the world fell on her and she was on fire. There was no longer blackness. No longer drifting peace. There was only excruciating pain, the likes of which she had never known before now. Burning fire licked at her organs and charred her skin, making her scream. At least, it felt like she was screaming. All she could hear was a white noise so painfully loud that she was sure would deafen her if it lasted any longer. Her open eyes revealed only searing brightness. She had no idea where she was. Even _who_ she was. The agony crawled toward overwhelming and she knew she was going to die. But then at least it would be over. Blessedly over. With one last leap, the pain captured her, making her spiral away until there was finally nothing.


	12. Rebirth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright... I was chastised soundly for the nasty cliffie I left you all with last chapter. I was even called 'EVIL' (Heehee)!!! Hopefully this makes up for it!

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 12: Rebirth

Flying to the console, The Doctor’s body vibrated with anxious energy as he input the final settings for the chameleon arch. Rose wasn’t able to draw in enough oxygen and she was panicking which was only making matters worse. He debated taking time to calm her, but it may not make much of a difference. Her lungs were so compromised that it was very possible she wasn’t even _able_ to draw enough air. He had to do this now. Right now. 

Finally, the last calculations inputted, he took one last look at the brilliant blonde human he’d grown such unprecedented affection for. She was fading. There was no more time. This was it. Saying a prayer to every deity he didn’t really believe in, he threw the final switch, activating the chameleon arch.

He knew what to expect. He’d lived through it, after all. What he hadn’t realized, however, was how horrendous it looked from an onlookers perspective. Rose’s back arched and her head flew back as the energy of the arch shot through her. Her eyes shot open as golden brilliance emanated from them to pierce through and throw light up and out of her. A scream tore from her lips as the arch did it’s magic, changing her from emerging Time Lord back to human again.

Watching, the Doctor’s hearts broke. This was a gamble. There was no doubting it. She knew that going into it, and she still chose it, but that didn’t stop him from feeling responsible. She trusted him, and he clearly had hopes this would work. But what were the alternatives, really? The only thing left for Rose was death. She wouldn’t make it long enough for a cure to be sorted and synthesized. This _was_ her only chance.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Rose’s body slumped in the chair and the power flowing through the arch died off. The TARDIS hummed a sort of sad alarm to tell him the change had been completed. He held his breath as he approached her still form, slumped sadly in the chair. She was still alive, or the TARDIS would’ve put out sirens and alarms of all sorts. No… she was still alright. How alright she was, though…

Moving closer, he knelt and gently lifted her chin. In moments, just being in her proximity, he could tell her vitals were all within normal limits. Good heart rate, good temperature. So far, so good. The TARDIS chimed in his head a positive warmth, affirming his initial analysis. She was alright. And human.

The Doctor took a deep, calming breath. She was alright. 

On the heels of her reassuring nudge, a small warning pulse flowed from the TARDIS into the Doctor’s mind. Rose was going to wake in short order and he needed to get her out of here quickly. 

Leaving her slumped, sleeping in the chair, he jumped to the console and set in the coordinates. It would only be a couple of minutes before they arrived… enough time to get her bag packed. Setting the TARDIS in motion, he quickly checked on Rose one more time before running to her room to collect her things. 

Throwing a bag together, he threw in her toiletries and grabbed a few of the things she’d brought with her that he’d seen in her house. On his way back to the console room the ship alerted him that they were almost there. Hurrying down the corridor, he made it back just in time to start the landing sequence, setting his ship down remarkably gently considering his haste. 

Running to the door, he threw it open and chucked the bag outside before bounding back to Rose’s side to pull her up into his arms. “Right,” he said aloud. “See you soon, I hope,” the Doctor said, addressing his ship before moving down the stairs with his precious cargo. Exiting the ship, he was pleased to find he’d landed when he’d planned to. The night they’d left. 

Rose’s house stood proud before him as it’s owner remained asleep in his arms, the evening breeze gently blowing her hair around her face. It was about an hour after their earlier selves had left. Perfect. 

Maneuvering his sonic out of his pocket without waking Rose, he turned and pointed it at the TARDIS. Activating it, the TARDIS disappeared… being thrown a second out of sync with their awareness. He didn’t want to have to explain the presence of a police box on her lawn to Rose tomorrow. 

Turning, he moved toward the house and climbed the porch steps with Rose in his arms. Once again using his sonic, he unlocked the door and stepped in, mindful to watch out not to bonk Rose on the door frame on the way in. 

The house smelled as he remembered… a combination of new paint and old house, as Alec had thought of it. Moving further into the house, he moved up the stairs to Rose’s room and laid her gently on the bed. 

Quickly deciding what he’d needed to do so Rose would find her situation the least disconcerting when she woke, he set to work. He started by removing her shoes and socks and then he moved to undo and pull her trousers down and off. Doing his best to avoid ‘looking’, he quickly moved to remove her top as well. Now clad only in her knickers and bra, she lay peacefully on the bed before him. Unable to keep himself from allowing his needy eyes from soaking in the form in front of him, he allowed himself a brief look. Even in the dark of the bedroom, with only faint moonlight trickling in from the windows across the room, he could make out her shapely form and soft, shining skin. As attractive as she was, he was proud that his thoughts weren’t immediately about touching her. His first thoughts were of how much healthier she looked now. She’d been given back a few pounds in the process of changing back to a human and she now looked less emaciated. Her skin shone in the soft light, looking so much more lush and healthy than it had only minutes ago. Gods. When he thought about how very close he’d come to losing her forever…

He shuddered. Well… he didn’t have to think about that now. She was alive. She didn’t remember him… well, _this_ him… but at least he wasn’t a _complete_ stranger. Even if they were never able to find a cure… if she was never able to change back… he’d still have her. _This_ her. 

He’d considered telling her what had happened… that she’d been changed… but if she remembered, it might cause a reversion. This change was tenuous at best. If he inadvertently started the reversion process by triggering memories, her biology might begin to change back, only in a ridiculously slow, painful way. No… definitely not worth the risk, as much as he wished she could remember him. 

He had planned to be honest with her before this all happened… to share his plans on what he’d planned for her exile as a full human again… but he’d run out of time before he’d been able to share it. His plan had been remarkably simple. Since she’d have no memories of her time before she opened the watch, he’d simply return her to earth to keep living as who she was living as before she opened the watch. The TARDIS had filled in the missing time in her memories with a mix of fact and fiction, so he just had to tread a bit carefully until he knew her exact version of things. 

The best part of this plan, is that only Romana knew his intentions to return with Rose to earth. He’d needed to keep her in the know with regard to his plans, but he’d promised her to secrecy around where and when they were going. He knew his people all too well. Rose was an anomaly. He’d been drawn to her from the beginning, partly for that very reason. She was a unique entity in this universe and the Time Lords would like nothing better than to ‘discover’ her secrets… whatever that ‘discovery’ took the form of. So part of his plan had been to squirrel her away where they might not think to look for her. Right where he’d found her. 

Realizing he was still staring at Rose’s nearly bare form, he averted his eyes. She didn’t deserve to be ogled while she lay vulnerable and unconscious. Moving to her dresser, the Doctor rifled through her drawers to look for a night shirt. Finally finding one, he moved back to the bed. He wanted to make sure she woke to as natural a situation as possible, and he knew for a fact she didn’t wear her bra to bed. Sighing, he knew what he had to do. Not that he had _any_ sort of aversion to the extraction of Rose’s clothing, he definitely did when Rose wasn’t a conscious participant in its removal. Knowing there was nothing for it, however, he sat on the edge of the bed and gently eased the shirt down over her head and then lay her back softly again against the sheets. Reaching around her, he fiddled with the clasp of her lacey bra… the same one he’d had his face so very close to the other day when he’d smelt her...uh… arousal. Trying his best not to relive that particular scenario, he finally got the clasp undone and removed the garment as objectively as he could before pulling her shirt down and over her pert breasts. Not that he looked at them. Again. After all… he’d seen them before, so he already _knew_ they were pert, right? 

Finally, he had her dressed for bed. Lifting her again to pull back the sheets, he slid her onto the bed once more and pulled the blankets up to cover her. There. Whew… that was more difficult than he’d anticipated it would be. 

Looking down at her still sleeping form, he allowed himself a guilt free moment to look at her again. Gods, she was beautiful. And healthy again. So healthy. Closing his eyes, he allowed relief to finally seep through him. She was going to be alright. One way or another.

Deciding then he’d better set the stage for the rest of the charade, he went outside to retrieve Rose’s bag. Bringing it back into the house, he quietly unpacked it, putting Rose’s toiletries back into her bathroom. 

Right. Surveying the scene, he realized there was something missing. _His_ toiletries. If he’d been let out of hospital, he’d be staying here now. That had been their agreement, he remembered. Further on that thought… if he was living here… staying here with her now… wouldn’t his stuff be in and already unpacked? It would. That meant he had to find his suitcase. Recalling the day Rose had left to collect his things… oh gods. His suitcase would be in her car. Where was her car? He didn’t recall seeing it out front. 

He thought back. Rose had passed out at the hotel. He’d sent Ellie to collect her. That’s right. Her car would still be at the hotel. Or would it? She had told him she’d gone _back_ to the hotel to look for the TARDIS. She would’ve collected her car at that point. No. Her car would be at the hospital. Fantastic. 

Looking at the sleeping form on the bed, he considered. It had to look like he’d been here at least for one night. If he had, she probably would’ve brought his things in for him. If nothing else, it at least had to look like she’d driven here in her car with him last night. Damn it. 

He had to make this quick though. Heading downstairs, he found her car keys sitting on a table by the front door. Grabbing them up, he left the house, closing the door softly behind him. Running to the TARDIS, he flew through the doors and bounded up to the console. He’d set the coordinates for the hospital about twenty minutes ago. That would mean he’d arrive back here in about three or four minutes from now. That would work. Setting her into flight, it was only moments before he landed again. Moving to the door, he checked his time sense and discovered he’d landed just when he’d planned. Thank Rassilon. 

He’d landed in the car park of hospital. Looking around he spotted Rose’s car sitting unused a few stalls from where he’d landed. Turning and sonicing the TARDIS so she was displaced by a second, she disappeared before his eyes. Making his way to Rose’s car, he unlocked it and jumped in. The interior smelled of her, and he took a deep breath, allowing the scent to calm him. She was here and she was alright. Sighing, he felt his muscles relax. 

Starting the car, he pulled out and left the hospital grounds to head back to the house. The drive back was a bit harried… he wanted to make sure he could run right back into the house as soon as his earlier self left. The TARDIS had warned him a full thirty earth minutes ago that Rose was close to waking. The last thing he needed was for her to wake without him there.

It wasn’t long before he was pulling up in front of the house and turning off the car. Popping the boot, he got out and moved around back to drag out his suitcase before making his way to the door and opening it as quietly as he could manage. Slipping upstairs, he entered the bedroom, his hearts pounding. Immediately his eyes found her still sleeping form nestled warmly in the bed. He released a breath he hadn’t been aware he’d been holding. 

Putting the suitcase in the corner, he opened it and dug out Alec’s toiletries. Bringing them to the bathroom, he laid them out beside Rose’s. There. Now at least it looked like he was meant to be there. He wouldn’t bother unpacking the suitcase… surely she wouldn’t have done that already. 

Moving through the dark room, he sidled up to the bed. Alec would sleep with her, of course, so he needed to keep up that pretense. Not that it was a hardship, mind. What _might_ be a hardship, however, would be keeping his Time Lord paws to himself. Rose was undoubtedly the most attractive woman he’d met in centuries and he knew damn well his original intentions to keep this platonic were slowly being eaten away by his mind’s insistence that this woman was perfect for him and his body’s insistence that her body was perfect for him as well. 

Well, he’d better reign in his bloody libido, because the last thing he needed was to have her come back to herself and realize he’d taken advantage of her trust. She was vulnerable and had no idea who he really was. As much as she was enticing and completely delicious… he wouldn’t dishonour her that way.

Stripping down to his pants, he piled his clothes and looked around the room. He needed to hide them unless he was hoping to send her off the deep end her first day back. Settling on tucking his kit on the top shelf of her bedroom closet, pushed all the way to the back, he moved back to the bed and climbed in beside the small blonde.

Sighing audibly, he settled into the bed and let his body relax. He hadn’t slept for a very long time… not since he’d first discovered the nature of Rose’s illness. His body was well past it’s deadline for a full night’s sleep. 

Lying in the dark, listening to the reassuring sound of Rose’s breaths, he thought about tomorrow. He’d have to be Alec again. For Rose’s sake. He’d have to be Alec for her. He didn’t doubt he could do it. He’d been Alec for sixteen years, after all. He really didn’t fancy being Alec again though. Of course, he wouldn’t _be_ Alec. He’d was merely _playing_ at being Alec now. It was a world of difference. Still… he’d only just found himself again. He didn’t much fancy having to pretend to live as Alec again. On top of just being Alec, he’d have to pretend to be recovering from, uh… whatever the TARDIS had decided he’d had… surgery, or spontaneous miraculous recovery or some such thing. He sighed. He desperately hoped he could pull this off. 

Oh well… hopefully this wouldn’t last too long. Romana was closing in on a cure. It should only be a few weeks at most, and then he’d have his Rose back and he could be himself again. 

Beside him, Rose murmured something before leaning up on her elbow and looking around the room in confusion. “Go back to sleep, Rose,” he murmured gently. Her eyes found his in the dark then, and warm affection flowed through them as a sleepy smile played on her lips. Obviously still basically asleep, she burrowed back down and leaned her head on his shoulder. He closed his eyes, feeling the warmth of her skin on his and letting the most fantastic sound in the world play in his ears. Rose’s unlaboured, relaxed, deep breaths.


	13. Against the odds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my friends… I was so pleased with this chapter, because it didn’t argue with me much. It poured out onto my keyboard with nary a care. Hopefully it’s still worth reading!!!

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 13: Against the odds

Awareness trickled in past her sleepy defences and against her better judgement, Rose began to wake. The room was bright with sunlight, making her squint as she peeled her eyes open. To her left, Alec slept peacefully, his hair a tousled mess. His facial hair had grown a bit, so it actually looked like he had sideburns. Rose’s breath caught on seeing him like that. God. There were still times he so looked like her Doctor. She shook her head at the wonder that had become her life. This incredible man… the one she’d had to work so hard to accept as being Alec... had survived such a terrifying ordeal against all odds, and now here he was, in her bed. 

He wasn’t out of the woods yet. Far from it, actually. The doctors had told her yesterday that it was almost a miracle how he’d suddenly responded to the antibiotic cocktail they’d been giving him and that his heart had responded very positively to the turn in his health. It’d been touch and go for a bit there, but they’d agreed he was doing so much better he’d be able to go home under the condition he rest in bed for a couple of days and continue to avoid any strenuous activities after that until his surgery which they were finally able to schedule. Now that he was responding to the antibiotics and the burden of the infection on his heart was easing they wanted to wait for the infection to fully clear before attempting the surgery. Rose had questioned the decision, but Alec had seemed so relieved and the doctors were so sure…

Beside her, Alec moaned, his brows furrowed. Reaching over, she ran her hand over his alluring bare chest and the sparse hair there, eager to feel the reassuring beat of his heart. 

At her touch, Alec’s eyes flew open and he sat up in a flurry of movement, coughing. 

“Alec!” she heard herself squawk. “Are you okay?!” she blurted, alarmed, patting his back.

Alec continued coughing for a moment, then took a deep breath before giving her an apologetic smile. “Er… sorry,” he said, looking oddly bashful. “I, uh… had a dream,” he finished, sounding a bit odd.

“Oh,” Rose said, worried still. “Well… if that’s all. But...are you sure? How are you feeling this morning?” she asked. After the last few days in the hospital she wasn’t going to take any chances, no matter _what_ the doctors said. At the first sign of pain or weakness she was going to march him straight back to the hospital no matter _what_ he wanted.

“Oh… right,” he said, as if remembering something. “Yeah… I’m fine. Fit as a fiddle. All good,” he said surely. 

It was Rose’s turn to furrow her brows. “Really?” she said, suspicion sending warning bells to clang in her mind. 

“Really. I swear, Rose. Honestly,” he assured her, his Scottish accent a bit thicker than usual. 

Still regarding him with narrowed eyes, Rose nodded. Alright. If he said so. He certainly seemed to have good colour this morning for the first time in a long time. And the fever that had wracked his body for days had broke yesterday before he left the hospital… she’d made sure the doctors weren’t releasing him home with any trace of fever left. Now, touching his arm, his skin even felt a bit cool, reassuring her. “Okay. But if you start to feel poorly you tell me, you hear? I’m not having you getting worse again before your surgery Detective,” she warned.

Alec nodded. “Yes, ma’am,” he affirmed, laying back down, pulling the blankets up to his chin. 

Rose regarded him slyly. “Right. I mean it now,” she warned him again. She was serious and she wanted to make sure he wasn’t just going to be a hero, pretending he was doing better than he was. 

“Rose,” he said seriously. “I swear. I’ll tell you if I start feeling anything unusual, alright,” his brogue once again sounding quite thick. 

“Alright,” she finally acquiesced. No point in worrying unless she saw something worth worrying about. And she had to try to trust him to tell her if he was taking a turn for the worse. Deciding to let it go, she said, “So, Detective. You hungry? The doctors said you could eat anything you want pretty much, and you have my fantastic cooking skills at your disposal, so… what can I get you?” she offered, giving him an affectionate smile.

“Oh, uh… how about pancakes?” he suggested. 

Smiling, Rose patted his hand. “Pancakes it is,” she agreed before getting out of bed and moving to the closet to collect her robe.

Turning, she caught Alec decidedly ogling her bottom. Flirtatiously tucking her tongue in her teeth, she grinned, “See something you like, Detective?”

Alec’s cheeks flushed brightly at her observation. God, he was adorable. “Caught you, didn’t I?” Rose giggled a bit, pulling her robe on. “You can look, Mr. Hardy, but that’s it for now. You heard the doctor yesterday, yeah? So don’t get any ideas,” she said, chastising him gently.

“Oh… I wouldn’t think of it,” he assured her, his face a study in seriousness.

Rose smiled. “Good. I’m off to get you pancakes. Would you like blueberry pancakes, maybe? Banana pancakes?” she offered, stopping at the door of the room. He seemed to like toppings, her gorgeous officer of the law. 

A child like grin broke out on Alec’s face then. “Banana, please,” he said politely, his handsome face practically beaming.

God she loved this man.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

The Doctor scarfed Rose’s pancakes down, thoroughly enjoying them. He’d had the best sleep he’d had in centuries, with Rose snuggled up beside him, her warm skin against his. Once in the night he’d woke to find himself, er… snuggling her a bit too closely and he’d had to tamp his rampant hormones quite forcefully to get himself under control. 

He was almost discovered when he woke to find her hands roaming his chest. He was pretty sure Alec hadn’t had two hearts last time she’d ran her hands over him, so that would’ve been some shock had she continued her exploration. Luckily he’d woken on time and feigned a cough to cover. He sighed. This wasn’t going to be as easy as he’d originally hoped. 

Now, having eaten, Rose was downstairs cleaning her house. She’d warned him that he’d better stay in bed for most of the day today after the ‘trying’ few days he’d just spent in hospital. He was hoping she’d elaborate a bit, just so he could sort the whole story, but she didn’t. He’d just have to play dumb until she decided to bring it up again. That wouldn’t be hard.

After an hour of lying in bed, his body was twitching. He needed to _move_. It wasn’t easy for him to keep still at the best of times, but when he was anxious for any reason it was even worse. And he was worried about Rose still, despite her improved situation. He’d have to check in with Romana again soon to see if she’d made any progress, but that meant he’d have to somehow escape Rose’s attention and get to the hospital and the TARDIS. Well… he supposed that could wait for a day or two. He knew they were at least a week, likely a few weeks, away from perfecting a cure. No point possibly exposing himself to Rose for no reason.

Rose had left him a few books to peruse, and as Alec they would’ve kept him occupied for days. As the Doctor, however, he’d finished reading them all in forty-three minutes. He re-read a couple of them just for something to do, but now, lying in bed, he was practically vibrating. He had to get up. 

Swinging his long legs over the side of the bed, he padded to the loo and closed the door behind him. Looking in the mirror he saw a bit of an alarming sight. It was the Doctor looking back at him. Which, of course, was normally quite fine. Brilliant, even. But today it just wouldn’t do. Alec should be staring back out of the mirror at him. Trying to press his unruly hair down into flatness was futile. He’d have to shower. Sighing, he turned and twisted the taps to run the water and stepped under the running water. Lathering up, he stood under the hot stream of water and let it slide down his cooler skin. It felt heavenly. It wasn’t in his nature to take time to just enjoy moments like these. He was always on the run. Always bouncing from one planet and time to another. Staying still was generally not something he enjoyed. For an unusual moment, he actually considered his life in a somewhat objective manner. That was _also_ not something he usually enjoyed. It actually felt less threatening than usual at the moment, though, so he tried it. 

So why was he suddenly not feeling threatened by enjoying a silent, sensory moment? He thought about that as he stood under the comforting pounding of the water on his skin. What had changed in his life? Well… that was obvious. Rose had happened to him. She’d found him and now he found himself spending more time living and less time running. Even when he was running, he now had her hand in his. It made him see the universe differently. It made him want to enjoy it more and spend less time trying to beat it. _That’s_ what this was about. Once again, it was about Rose. 

He smiled. This small blonde human was truly remarkable. Without knowing it, she’d changed his life. He wondered if she knew. The _other_ her, that is. He wondered if she had any idea the effect she had on him. He doubted it. He shook his head. No wonder his parallel self had fallen for this precious girl. She was remarkable. 

Finally deciding he’d spent enough time just standing under the hot streaming water, the Doctor turned off the taps and stepped out of the shower. Now, standing again before the mirror, he toweled off and then worked on taming his hair. How had Alec done it? He combed the mess on his head into something more flat and stared at himself. He could use a shave, but as Alec he’d have left it like this. He thought about that for a moment. His sideburns still stood out a bit. Maybe he’d better shave just to make sure he didn’t trigger some memory by accident Right. 

It didn’t take him long to run the razor over his neck, chin and cheeks, and before long he was fresh looking and clean shaven. Not a typical Alec look, but it wasn’t like the man had _never_ shaved. 

With one last look at his reflection, he wrapped the towel around his middle, opened the bathroom door and stepped into the bedroom once again. 

“I thought I told you to stay in bed?” Rose said a bit accusingly, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

A decidedly unmanly surprised squeak emanated from him on hearing her voice. Clutching the towel more tightly around him, he was suddenly very aware of his state of undress. “Uh… er… I was… bored,” he said lamely.

“Alec,” she said lowly, “the doctor suggested you stay in bed for a couple of days,” she warned. 

Grimacing, he tried to look contrite. “Ah… right. Well… I feel so much better. I just… I hate just… _lying there_ ,” he said honestly. 

Tilting her head, he thought he saw sympathy in her eyes. “Alec… I know it’s hard for you… doing nothing. It’s not part of who you are. But this is your _life_ we’re talking about.” Standing, she moved in and took his hand, looking up entreatingly into his eyes. “I can’t lose you, Alec. I need you.” 

His hearts broke as he looked down into her sad eyes. She loved him. Alec. Of course, he’d known that already. But seeing her now, looking into the face she assumed was Alec’s, he realized how very real her feelings were for the man. It made him ache, knowing she’d lost him. The man he was pretending to be. 

Swallowing, he realized she was waiting for him to say something. Her eyes continued to plead with him as he looked down at her. Gods. How could he ever deny her anything?

Momentarily forgetting his state of undress, he pulled her into a hug and she eagerly wrapped her arms around him in return. “I’m sorry, Rose,” he said, making sure not to forget the Scottish accent. “I just… I’m going mad, you know? I’m not used to this,” he admitted honestly. Alec had never been one to sit still and he certainly felt the same way.

Squeezing him tighter, she sighed. “I know. I’m just worried, you know? Just… indulge me for two days, yeah? Then I promise I’ll let you move about without no threat of nagging, okay?” she bargained.

Leaning down to nuzzle his nose in her hair, he revelled in the feel of her against him. Gods she was so… so…

“Oi,” she said, giggling. “I thought I said we had to wait for that,” she said looking down at his groin significantly before sliding up against him to meet his lips with hers. His eyes slammed closed with the contact and the feel of her lips sliding luxuriously against his made him nearly stop breathing. 

Pulling back quickly he looked down at her, alarmed at how easily he’d been persuaded to, erm… indulge in her offerings. Unfortunately, she took his withdrawal as a comment on the state of his health. 

“What!” she said, alarmed. “Are you okay?!” she demanded, looking him up and down urgently. 

Deciding his health was as good a cover as any for his reluctance to snog this very willing human, he began coughing again, barking out, “I’m… fine” between exaggerated hacks.

Rose’s face betrayed her worry as she gently led him back to the bed. “Sit down, Alec. I’ll get you some water,” she said directively. 

Allowing her to take the lead, he sat on the bedside and waited, feigning a few coughs while doing so just for good measure. Returning with a full glass, she offered it to him and he nodded his thanks before taking a long sip. 

“You see,” she said, more worried than reprimanding, “this is what I mean. You’ve been through so much. “You have to respect your body’s need for rest, yeah? Please?” she said, entreating him again. 

“Aye, Rose,” he assured her. “I will. I promise,” he added, hoping to calm the anxiety she was exuding over him. He hated that he was causing her angst in any form, especially when there was really no cause for it. Sadly, there wasn’t much he could do about it. He had to play his role now. What he _didn’t_ have to do, though, was worry her needlessly, he chastised himself. Next time he found himself in a position like he’d found himself in earlier, he’d just have to excuse himself some other way. Anything but cause her grief like this.

Allowing Rose to tuck him into bed again, he readied himself for boredom. He hated lying in bed, but he hated stressing out Rose even more, so he’d just have to suck it up for now. Sighing, he looked up at the ceiling as Rose grabbed a pillow that had fallen on the floor.

“Now _that_ was a dramatic sigh,” she smiled. 

“I’m just… bored,” he admitted. “I’m sorry, Rose. I make a terrible patient,” he admitted, vaguely recalling Alec warning her of such a thing before she agreed to take him in.

“Yes, I remember you telling me,” she smiled softly. “And you weren’t wrong,” she admonished lightly.

Looking offended, the Doctor barked a little, “Oi! You don’t have to agree with me so easily, you know. You could at least put up a bit of an argument,” he challenged good naturedly. 

Rose laughed. It was the most fantastic sound he had heard in a long time. “I suppose I could’ve, but that would’ve just wasted valuable time and energy,” she said, her tongue poking out between her teeth playfully.

The sight of that alluring pink tongue made him think decidedly un-Doctor-like thoughts. No… scratch that. They were _definitely_ Doctor-like thoughts lately. What he should’ve said was ‘un-Time-Lord-like’. Now _that_ would’ve been more accurate. Gods. If the council could see him now… openly mooning over a human. Weeellll… technically she was only human _right now_. She wasn’t normally human. At least, not lately. Come to think of it… strictly speaking, since she’d had the _potential_ to be Time Lord for a very long time, did that still qualify her as a full human while she was living with all that potential Time Lordy material floating around inside her? At the very least, she was certainly no _ordinary_ human.

He shook his head. What ever Rose Tyler was, she was nothing ordinary. He couldn’t ever imagine her as ever being an _ordinary_ human and when… if… she became Time Lord again, she’d be far from an _ordinary_ Time Lord. That was his Rose. _Extra_ ordinary.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Complete and total fun writing these last couple of chapters. I so LOVE writing this entire situation. It’s so completely absurd and lovely. It’s kind of nice for the Doctor to have to live around someone who’s been ‘fob watched’ _(Hey… a new verb! Ahhhh… the POWER!)_.

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 14: Excursion

The morning came and went with the Doctor nearly pulling his hair out from boredom. He thought of perhaps making his way downstairs to see what Rose was up to, but decided against it. He’d promised her he’d stay in bed, and after causing her such worry earlier, he wasn’t about to do it again. Sooooo… he lay there. 

Around half eleven Rose came in with a tray of food. Chicken soup with a buttered bun and a glass of cold ice water. “I thought you might be hungry again,” she offered, placing the tray on his lap as he sat up. 

Happily taking the proffered food, he tucked in after a pleased ‘thanks’. The chicken soup tasted fantastic. He occasionally marvelled at how the ‘simple’ foods of some planets were so underrated. Rose disappeared for a few minutes and returned with her own tray, sitting on the bed across from him and tucking in herself. They ate in contented silence for a bit before Rose offered, “Ellie called earlier. She asked if she could come round this afternoon. I told her to drop by after lunch,” she shared. “I hope you don’t mind. She’s been so worried about you.”

Ellie. Oh. Right. Of course she’d be worried. For a moment he felt guilt seep into him. He was so used to just… disappearing from places and times… occasionally he forgot that the people he’d touched might miss him. Another reason he kept running, he reasoned. Guilt caught up to you if you stayed still long enough. 

“She said she tried to call your cell… did you hear it?” Rose asked as she ate.

His cell phone. Bloody hell. He’d left it on the TARDIS. “I, er… It must be on vibrate or something. Not sure where it is,” he said, studying the food in front of him.

“Oh. Well, I’ll have a look around later for it,” she offered.

“No rush,” he said quickly. “I mean… it’s not like anyone needs me at work or anything,” he added.

“Well, that’s true,” she admitted, smiling a bit. “Still… what if your daughter tries to call? No… I’ll take a look around for you,” she said pleasantly.

His daughter. That’s right. Now _that_ would be interesting. He sighed inwardly. Another source of guilt. 

They continued their meal until they heard a knock on the door downstairs. “That’ll be Ellie,” she smiled. “You okay if she comes up?” she asked, taking his tray.

“Oh… yeah, sure,” he said, pulling the blankets up a bit further. “Uh… Rose, could you throw me a t-shirt?” he said a bit bashfully, realizing his chest was still very bare. Rose smiled and moved to the suitcase. Pulling out a plain grey tee, she tossed it to him before leaving to answer the door.

Pulling his t-shirt over his head he heard voices drifting up the stairs. He took a deep breath to ready himself as footsteps approached. Their words became clearer with his now biologically improved hearing, and he made out a bit of the conversation as they talked from downstairs. “I know! It’s honestly a miracle, Ellie. One minute they had crash carts in the room, waiting for the worst and almost literally the next minute, his fever broke. It was like… well, I’m not a religious person, per se, but I may have to rethink that,” he heard Rose say.

“That’s… unbelievable, Rose. And his heart… when’s the surgery going to happen, then?” he heard Ellie ask.

“Well, they wanted to give it at least a week to make sure the infection is completely gone. What they couldn’t believe was how his heart responded when his fever broke. His heart rate went back to almost normal within a few minutes. They said they’d never seen anything like it,” she shared. “But it looks like the surgery is a go for about a week and a half or at most two weeks from now,” Rose shared as they neared the room. 

“Well… honestly Rose… I’m so relieved. I was terrified he wasn’t going to make it to be honest,” Ellie affirmed.

“I can hear you, you know,” the Doctor chimed in, trying to be a bit ornery, as he remembered Alec to be. Might as well get in character, he figured.

“I see he’s managed to maintain his surly good nature during all this,” Ellie said just as they entered the room.

The Doctor rolled his eyes in an effort to maintain the relatively cranky exterior Alec had usually put out for his friend.

“Hi, Alec,” she said, entering the room, her jacket slung over her arm. 

“I’ll just be downstairs,” Rose said from the door.

“You don’t have to go, Rose,” Ellie said, politely. 

“No, that’s fine,” Rose replied. “I have to go finish up something in the kitchen. You two catch up,” she assured her.

Part of him wished Rose would stay so she could fill in the bits he didn’t know for Ellie, but another part of him didn’t mind her going. He obviously didn’t ‘recall’ yesterday as she did, so he didn’t want to accidently contradict her story either.

“Soooo,” Ellie said as she stepped further into the room. “How are you feeling? You look… amazing, Alec. I honestly can’t believe you’re the same man I saw in the hospital yesterday,” she said, shaking her head.

“I know,” the Doctor agreed. “I don’t feel like the same person,” he said, very aware how true that statement was.

“So they said your heart is doing better since the infection started responding to the antibiotics?” she asked, confused.

“That’s what they say,” he confirmed. “Hard to believe,” he said, reading her expression, “but that’s what the doctor said. Now I’m just stuck in this bloody bed waiting until God knows when,” he cranked on purpose.

“Oh, shut it,” she admonished. “You’re lucky you’re even alive after yesterday,” she shared. “You scared us half to death, you know,” she said seriously. 

“Yeah. Sorry ‘bout that,” he said, unsure what else to say. 

“Yeah, well… just don’t do it again,” Ellie warned, affection creeping into her voice.

“So… uh… how are the boys?” the Doctor asked, trying to make conversation.

“They’re alright. Tom is still getting a hard time at school from some kids. It’s still hard for him,” she shared. 

Alec nodded, once again at a loss.

“So. You and Rose. You better hang on to that one, yeah? She’s been beside herself with worry for you, you know,” she added. 

“I know,” he said, a bit guiltily. 

“Just don’t muck it up,” she warned. “She’s a catch. And if she can put up with you at the worst of times, God knows she’s worth whatever baggage she’s got,” Ellie grinned a bit. 

The Doctor smiled at that. If Ellie thought _Rose_ had baggage, imagine if she knew a quarter of his 900-odd years. “I know, Miller,” he said. “I’m not going to lose her,” he vowed, the significance of the statement he knew was far beyond what Ellie had intended.

“Good,” Ellie affirmed. “Now. Is there anything I can get you? Books? Magazines?” Ellie offered.

“You can talk Rose into letting me get out of bed,” he suggested, half-heartedly.

“Ha! Good luck with _that_ , Alec. I’m on _her_ side on this one. You keep that skinny arse in bed like the doctors told you to. My heart can’t take anymore scares like yesterday,” she shared. “Now. I’ll pop in tomorrow, if you’re alright with that,” she offered.

“Sure,” the Doctor agreed, watching Ellie move to the door. “Oh… and Ellie…” he started, suddenly overtaken by the need to make things right, even if he was the only one who knew there was anything to be sorry for. “Thanks. For looking out for me. And Rose. I’m… I’m grateful,” he said, humbly.

A look of pure surprise passed over Ellie’s features before she schooled them into something more soft. “You’re welcome. Now get some rest,” she ordered with mock sternness. A ghost of a smile passed over her lips before she turned and left the room.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

The rest of the day was spent visiting with Rose, who had decided to stop cleaning after Ellie left. She brought up tea and biscuits and they spent time talking for quite a while. There were a few times he’d slipped out of the Scottish accent, but recovered before Rose noticed. It was so easy to lose himself when talking with her. 

She shared more about her childhood with Jackie and it didn’t escape him that she excluded talking about Pete much. She’d told him… the Doctor ‘him’... about how Jackie and her ‘father’ in this universe married after her mom was transported to this universe with her and how her brother Tony was the product of their unusual relationship. Part of him wondered if Rose planned to ever tell Alec about her unusual time travelling history. He doubted it. As Alec he would’ve surely thought she had some serious mental health issues if she had have done. The thought made him shudder. The idea that Rose might find it in her to someday share such a deep secret only to have Alec dismiss it as fantasy. Well, at least _that_ was never going to happen.

Rose had guilted him into going to bed early, which basically meant he was going to pretend to sleep for far too many hours. When she crawled in bed with him at nine o’clock, his hearts nearly stopped. Gods… hopefully she didn’t want to cuddle or anything. It’s not like she wouldn’t notice his hearts beating if she lay against him. That, and his traitorous body seemed to think it needed to remind him constantly that he hadn’t been shagged in millenia. In the end he decided to feign a bit of nausea in order to avoid having to be too close to her and his ruse worked. Instead, they held hands under the blankets, which suited him just fine. It’s not like he _wanted_ to be far away from her, afterall. 

After a few loooong hours listening to Rose’s soft breathing, he decided it was safe to sneak out. He’d managed to last a full 24 hours without going mad having to stay in one place, but that was about his limit. 

Getting up quietly, he dressed in Alec’s jeans and a t-shirt and made his way down the stairs as surreptitiously as he could manage. Taking Alec’s jacket, he grabbed up Rose’s keys and made his way out of the house, careful not to close the door too loudly. 

It was brilliant to get out into the air and feel the wind on his face again. Gods… you’d think he’d been stuck in a prison cell, the way he was responding to this enforced bed rest, for heaven’s sake, he lamented. 

Climbing into the car, he started it and made his way to the hospital car park where he’d left the TARDIS. He arrived in short order and yanked his sonic out of his pocket to pull the ship back into sync with this time. As she materialized before him, he allowed the blue of the box to settle comfortingly in front of him before opening the door and going in. She welcomed him again warmly and he responded in kind, giving her an affectionate nudge with his mind. “Right,” he said into the air. “Let’s see what Romana has to say then,” he announced. Moving to the console, he pulled up a screen and typed in the communication commands that would hook him up with his old friend. Within moments, her face swam into view. 

“Doctor,” she said warmly. “You look a site better than when I saw you last,” she shared. “I assume things went according to plan,” she hedged.

“Yup,” the Doctor confirmed, popping his ‘p’. “Just waiting now. Any luck, then?” he said, trying to sound a little less anxious than he felt. 

“I’ve made some progress, Doctor. But I need you to know something,” she shared, her face betraying her concern. “There have been… rumblings among some in the temporal scientific community that an unusual temporal event has occurred. I can’t help but wonder if some of the residual energy siphoned from the arch conversion has somehow alerted them, because it happened in the vortex around the time you were completing your work with Rose.”

The Doctor’s body went rigid. If the Time Lords found out about Rose, they’d be interested in her for much more than her personality.

Romana continued, “I’ve been working to make light of the findings, but I’m not sure all are convinced. Anyhow, I thought you should be aware. Rose is just human right now, but you know what some would do if they discovered her differences,” she warned ominously. 

“I understand,” the Doctor replied, her words swirling in his mind. Gods. As if it wasn’t bad enough they had Rose’s imminent death hanging over them, now the Time Lords were alerted as well. Fan-bloody-tastic. “I appreciate you letting me know, Romana. We’ll be careful. And could you forward your data on the virus to me? I’d like to take a look as well to see if I can add anything. The sooner we get Rose back to herself, the better,” he said.

“I understand, Doctor. Be careful,” she cautioned. 

“I will. You too. And Romana… thanks,” he added.

Romana smiled. “Anything for you, Doctor. You know that,” she said with sincere affection before signing off.

The screen before him went blank and the Doctor slumped. Gods. Another thing to worry about. It was bad enough he had to keep Rose occupied with lies while they worked on a cure, but now they were fighting time as well. There was a possibility the Time Lords would hone in on them if they snooped hard enough, and if Rose’s differences became known, she’d be as good as dissected before he had a chance to wave good-bye. And he wasn’t about to let that happen. 

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

An ache emanated from her middle, making her squirm. Damn it. She had to pee. God. Maybe if she just ignored it…

Turning over, she moved her arm over to reach for Alec’s arm in the dark. And found nothing. 

Lifting her head off the pillow, she listened. No noise in the house. Was he in the loo? Getting up, she padded to the bathroom and looked in. No Alec. Hmm. 

She was about to go downstairs to see if he’d moved to sleep on the couch, but her bladder beaconed her to empty it. Telling herself he’d likely just felt claustrophobic and needed to sleep by himself, she allowed herself a quick wee.

Sighing with relief, she finished and flushed, quickly dipping her hands under the faucet and drying them before making her way downstairs. “Alec?” she said softly. If he was actually sleeping, she didn’t want to wake him, after all. “Alec?” she repeated, looking into the living room. It was empty. 

From down the hall she heard, “Rose?” The kitchen. What was he doing in the kitchen? Making her way down the hall, she arrived to find him standing in front of the refrigerator with the door wide open and his hands full of food. 

“Alec? What are you doing?” she said, flipping on the overhead light. The look on the man’s face was priceless. He looked for all the world like he’d just gotten caught stealing from his grandmother’s cookie jar. Standing before her in his pants and a t-shirt, his arms were loaded down with cheese, salami, a jar of mayonnaise, mustard, lettuce and… pickles. 

“Uhh…” he said, admittedly adorably, “I was was restless… and hungry,” he said. 

“I gathered that much,” Rose said, shaking her head with a smile. “You should’ve woken me,” she said a bit wearily, then. “I would’ve gotten you something.”

Closing the fridge door, he moved to put the gathered items on the counter. “I wasn’t going to wake you to make me food at half-two in the morning,” he said, as if that was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. “Besides… you’ve done enough for me,” he said honestly.

With that, Rose moved in and circled her arms around his waist. “You’re gonna be the death of me, you know,” she said, leaning her head against his chest. 

Extricating himself quickly from her embrace, he turned to the counter. “Yes, well… I don’t mean to worry you,” he said, focusing on the sandwich makings before him. 

He sounded… uncomfortable. For a moment, the thought crossed her mind that she was maybe smothering him a bit. He was a grown man, after all. Quite capable of making his own decisions. And really, he didn’t have to answer to her for every movement he made. She was just worried, was all. She hoped he understood that. Deciding to let it go, she said softly, “Can I help you with that?” 

Looking at her, his eyes softened. “No, I’m good here, Rose. I’m just gonna make a bite and then I’ll be up again, aye?” he said warmly. 

His little smile warmed her heart and she instantly felt a bit better. “Yeah, sure,” she said. It took all her willpower not to make a comment about his need to take the stairs slowly, but she managed to keep her mouth shut. 

Leaving him in the kitchen, Rose climbed the stairs back to the bedroom. On the way there, she vowed to try to act more like a girlfriend and less like a smothering grandmother. As worried as she was about him, it felt like he needed a bit of space and she wasn’t about to make him feel like she was trying to take over his life. 

Finally upstairs, she climbed into bed and nestled under the covers. She could hear him puttering around in the kitchen and she found the sound oddly lonely. As much as she was worried about his health, he’d seemed a bit distant today somehow. Usually he offered her little pecks on the cheek throughout their day before when they were explicitly told to avoid, erm, _strenuous activities_. It had fortified her and continued to make her feel wanted, even when they knew that more was not allowed. Now though… he seemed to actively avoid even chaste kisses. 

Immediately she chided herself for her selfish worries. The man nearly _died_ , for heaven’s sake. The last thing on his mind right now was making sure his insecure girlfriend felt wanted. He was probably appropriately assuming she knew how much he cared, and was concentrating on trying to feel better himself. 

Comforting herself with that thought, she tried to push the negative niggling feeling out of her mind. Continuing to listen to the noises in the house, she noticed that there were no longer sounds issuing from the kitchen. All had gone quiet downstairs. Maybe he was just eating in the living room. He _did_ say he was restless, after all. He probably just didn’t want to come right up to bed.

Continuing to make herself think positive thoughts, Rose drifted off back into an uneasy sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter up! Thanks for all your lovely comments and support. It makes it so rewarding to keep going!

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 15: Target

The Doctor slid into bed beside Rose at around 5:00 a.m.. After very nearly being caught returning from his field trip to the TARDIS in the middle of the night, he’d spent the rest of the wee hours pouring over the data Romana had sent him. The research she’d done so far into a cure for Rose was plentiful, but so far frustratingly unyielding. One thread was more promising than the others though, and he sensed that they were on the right track with it. All they needed was a catalyst. Something to bind the cure to the virus. Once bound, the compound they’d constructed would eradicate the invading cells and destroy them. The Doctor had worked through a fair number of possibilities, but all led only to frustration.

Now, climbing between the sheets of the warm bed housing the human who was currently at the very centre of all his thoughts, he allowed himself a luxuriously long look at her. Small, human… too frail. At least now, as a full human again, she had her health, and that was something he’d never take for granted. Once again, the protective side of him pushed to the front of his mind, making him imagine her locked in the TARDIS full time after this was all over. No adventures, no threats, no worry. Just blessedly alive, healthy, and his. 

That last thought jumped out and struck him in the face. _His_? Dear Gods… where did that possessive thought come from? Once again he marvelled at how primal he was becoming about this little yellow… and now also pink… human. He was like a bloody un-evolved Gallifreyan equivalent of a caveman, pulling his mate by the hair into his dark corner to claim her as his own. His thoughts darkened a bit at the thought. It wasn’t like she hadn’t been claimed before, though, was it? How would he measure up if he ever convinced her to… to… spend a future with him? 

He sighed then. Jealous. Of _himself_ , for Rassilon’s sake. Weeellll… on the other hand, he figured it was fair to be worried. Being compared to someone else was intimidating enough. Being compared to another version of _yourself_... how could he compare with that? After all, the other him would’ve looked like him, sounded like him… what if he was...er, better… than him?

The woman beside him stirred then and murmured something in her sleep. Reaching out, he allowed himself to stroke her hair. Gods… how he wished he could do this in a more meaningful context. This pretending nonsense was stressful. He just wanted his Rose back. He tried to console himself with the thought that she would probably be wishing for the same thing right now if she knew. 

Then again… would she? After all, she had Alec back now. And she’d loved him. She was ready to share a life with him… or at least give it a go. Was she _really_ happier with him as the Doctor? The thought unsettled him. What if… if she had the choice… what if she could choose one over the other?

In her sleep, Rose turned and nestled herself against his side. Soft babble emerged from her lips and nestled in the nonsensical words was a name he really needed to hear right then. “Munupo pahmah Doctor,” she babbled, a soft smile playing on her lips before she lightly smacked them together, snuggling even closer to him.

Leaning his head toward her, he let himself breathe her in deeply before chancing a soft kiss to the top of her head. He once again thought of how brilliant it would be to be able to do something this innocent when she was awake. But even that would be a breach in her trust in him. He could admit now that this is what he wanted… more with Rose Tyler. What he honestly didn’t know, is if she’d even consider something like this with him when she came back to being herself again. If she really thought about it… would she even _want_ to chance a relationship with ‘another him’? Closing his eyes, he nestled his nose in her hair. He could hope. But in the meantime, he had to keep his distance. She was trusting him to care for her until she was completely herself again. Taking advantage of her under the guise of her interest in Alec would be unforgivable. So… as difficult as he might find it… he had to keep this chaste. For her. Because he would protect this incredible being… physically and emotionally… if it was the last thing he did.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

Rose’s day had been going… fine. Not good. Not bad. Just… fine. Okay… maybe with a slight tilt to the ‘not fine’ side. She had no reason to feel this way, really. Alec had been attentive and polite… maybe a bit _too_ polite?... all day. But something was off. Once again she did her best to explain away his ‘oddness’. He’d just lived through significant physical trauma. His body was still recovering and he still had a ways to go. What man _wouldn’t_ be acting a bit differently after something like that? 

So she’d plodded on with her day, trying not to appear too needy, but also trying to entice him back to being his ‘old self’ a bit. She’d snuggled up next to him as he lay in bed and he’d smiled kindly back at her when she’d looked at him. 

Now, preparing tea, she hoped they could really talk. He’d been so open about things in general… it was something she loved about him. Maybe if she just came right out and asked…

Bringing a tray up to the bedroom, she found Alec sitting up reading. She smiled at the sight. He looked adorable… his soft hair fringed against his forehead and his brow furrowed, clearly concentrating on what he was reading. “Hey,” she said gently so she wouldn’t startle him. He looked up then, his face lighting with the handsome smile she loved.

“Hey, yourself,” he answered back. 

“I brought tea… are you hungry?” she asked, realizing she hadn’t even checked before she’d made it.

“Aye, I’m famished,” he confirmed. “Looks delicious,” he said as she placed the tray over his outstretched legs.

“I’m glad you think so,” she smiled, watching him tuck in. “I’ll be back in a mo,” she said, heading off to retrieve her own tray. Bringing it up and sitting across from him on the bed, as was their custom, she started eating as well. She’d made a chicken casserole and even she had to admit she’d outdone herself. It was delicious. 

“I, er… I was thinking maybe tomorrow,” Alec broached, “...we could go out. For a bit. Not a big outing or anything,” he said, obviously testing the waters. “Just… maybe we could go for a drive?” he suggested. 

Rose smiled. The poor bloke was going stir crazy. Maybe that’s all that was going on. He was just sick of sitting still. “Yeah, I imagine we could do that,” she confirmed. “Anywhere in particular you’d like to go?” she asked. 

“No, not really,” he said casually. “Maybe we could just, oh, I don’t know… go get a coffee or something?”

“Oh. Sure,” she agreed, lifting her now empty tray up to place it on the floor beside the bed. Alec’s meal was pretty much done as well, she noticed, and she offered to take his tray away as well.

“That was fantastic, Rose. Molto bene!” he said happily. 

Rose paused. _Molto bene!_ Another ghost from her past. God. This whole multiverse thing was going to be the death of her. It still surprised her every single time the universe reminded her of her doppelganger theory. Sighing, she shook her head to clear the unsettling feeling. Alec, for once, seemed unusually aware of her discomfort and he squirmed a bit as he adjusted himself on the bed. They _had_ talked about the fact that he sometimes said things like the Doctor. Maybe he was just getting more tuned in to her signals now… recognizing the telltale signs of her ‘reliving her past’. She hoped she didn’t make him feel badly for saying it. How could he have known, after all?

Feeling a bit guilty for making him uncomfortable, she rethought the idea of having a talk with him about how she was feeling today. It was probably just because he’d been stuck in the house for a couple of days. Maybe she should just let it go. Yeah. She’d let it go and see how things went once they got out of the house tomorrow. 

Leaning in, she aimed for a peck on on the lips but at the last second he quickly turned his head so she hit his cheek instead. A pain pulsed through her with the rebuff, despite his quick reassuring squeeze of her hand. He was avoiding her. Not completely. But he was definitely avoiding her affection. The thought stung. What had she done? Deciding she couldn’t put off addressing this after all, she asked, “Alec… is there something wrong?”

His face almost looked comical in response to her question, with his eyebrows rising up nearly into his hairline. “What? Why?” he asked.

“Well… it’s just…” she faltered, looking down at her hands insecurely, “... you seem kinda… distant. Did I… Have I done something?” She felt herself flush as anxiety pulsed through her with the bravery of her question. She wasn’t used to just… directly asking about feelings like this. The Doctor had never been one to actually answer such a direct question, so she’d learned to talk ‘around’ emotional issues with him. She’d found so far, though, that Alec was better about talking. She just hoped he’d rise to the occasion now.

Looking up, she found his expression actually pained. “Oh, Rose,” he said, concern filling his voice. “No. You haven’t done anything. I’m just… I guess I’m just a bit, uh… nervous, is all. I mean… after what happened… I guess I’m being a bit over cautious now. You’re just so…” he trailed off, looking for the right word, “... _attractive_. It’s hard not to want… you know… _more_... when we snog and, er, all that,” he said, obviously uncomfortable admitting all of it. 

Rose was taken aback. So… the problem was not that he _didn’t_ want her. The problem was that he wanted her _too much_. “Really?” she said, aware of how pathetic she sounded. “It’s just… I thought maybe I was crowding you or something…”

Taking her hand in both of his now, he said, “No, Rose. You could _never_. I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life now,” he said, the honesty of the statement shining in his deep brown eyes. “Please don’t think this is you. It’s all me. I’m just… I guess I’m just a bit, uh, _weak_ and once I even get a taste of you…” he trailed off, looking at her entreatingly, obviously willing her to understand. 

The look in his eyes said it all. He was telling the truth. A smile found her face then and she felt tension leave her body. They were okay. “Oh, Alec,” she said, moving in and wrapping her arms around him. His arms encircled her as well and they sat that way for a couple of minutes, just holding each other. It felt… right. 

Then, pulling back, she said, smiling, “I’m sorry for even bringing it up, Alec. I’ll… we’ll just keep to hugs and hand holding for a few days. Once your surgery is done, we’ll make up for lost time, yeah?” she said hopefully.

“Oh, yes, Rose Tyler,” he affirmed, nearly growling. “I’m hoping… I mean… I can honestly say that I live for the day when I can show you what you mean to me. And if the gods are willing, on that day I’ll make sure you never question it again,” he said. The statement almost sounded like a vow, and it sent a shock of arousal through her, leaving her nearly breathless. She felt her cheeks warm with the sudden change in hormone levels and she was surprised when her blush elicited a rather obvious response in Alec as well, with his breath suddenly catching. 

Suddenly aware that his response might be health based, she quickly reframed her thoughts and asked, “Alec, are you feeling okay?”

He seemed suddenly uncomfortable and squirmed a bit, moving his hand to his chest. “Uh… yeah, just… a bit, er… distracted by your, uh… proximity,” he said, now blushing as well.

Good Lord… if she knew she had such an affect on him, she’d have used to to her advantage even more than she had up until now. She smiled a bit with the heady power she suddenly felt. It was a bit fantastic knowing your bloke found you so attractive he couldn’t even sit beside you without getting hard.

Knowing she was smiling, she added a peek of her tongue for his benefit. “Sorry, I guess. Maybe I should wear a whimple for a week. Would that help?” she asked, smiling widely.

“I doubt it,” he answered, now smiling as well. “Might even make it worse, to be honest,” he admitted, a blush once again appearing on his cheeks. 

“Alec!” she laughed in mock scandal. “We’ll have to keep that in mind for… later,” she giggled. Alec merely waggled his eyebrows in response, before almost bashfully looking away. Rose shook her head. He wasn’t usually so bashful about their, uh… love life, but then, he’d been through a lot, and he’d admitted that even considering such activities had him too distracted. “Alright,” she said finally, her affection for him now brimming. “So. Wanna play a board game or something? I’ve got monopoly. Or we could play cards?” she offered.

Smiling again with the boyish smile he’d adopted since he got home from the hospital, he answered, “That’s a brilliant idea, Ms. Tyler!”

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

The evening was spent playing cards and laughing about various things. He’d known Rose had a good sense of humour, but now, without the added pressure of fighting for her life, it really shone through. She still hadn’t admitted much about the real origins of her family to Alec, and he hadn’t pushed her in any way. Why do that to her? She did admit, though, that she hadn’t yet mentioned she was seeing a new bloke to her mother, which he found interesting. She shared she planned to let Jackie know about him, er… Alec… soon, and that she might even call her Mom tonight and share the good news. She had to tell her _sometime_... why not today?

He was quick to dissuade her, though, citing that he’d prefer her mother didn’t know about him until _after_ his surgery, if Rose was okay with that. When pressed, he came up with the excuse that he didn’t want Jackie thinking the worst for her daughter, hanging with a bloke who was on death’s door, going on to say that he didn’t want to be seen by her family as a burden to her. Of course Rose admonished him for the comment, but didn’t argue further which he was relieved of. The last thing he needed was to have to Rose tell her mother all about her new bloke Alec Hardy, Detective Inspector, only to have to re-introduce himself later as the Doctor, time travelling parallel universe alien. Now _that_ would be an interesting conversation! No… he’d let Rose deal with introductions once she got all her memories back.

They’d talked until nearly ten and then settled into bed shortly after with the Doctor feigning exhaustion. He was anxious to get back to the TARDIS, as he’d had a brainstorm about a possible binding catalyst and needed to run it through her database to find out if it might work. Unfortunately, Rose decided she wasn’t that sleepy, so she read her book for a good hour and half before finally clicking her light off. Pretending he was asleep for most of that time was practically hell for him, but he’d done it. Now, it had finally paid off.

Climbing out of bed, he checked the clock. Midnight. Right. Rose was sound asleep now and her reassuring steady breaths were once again making his hearts relax. Closing his eyes, he let her breathing act as a kind of balm to his jangled nerves. She was fine right now. While he looked for a cure, he could at least relax a bit knowing she was out of immediate danger.

Stealing himself from the bedroom, he once again left the house with Rose’s car keys in hand. Making his way back to the hospital, he recalculated the theorem in his head… the one he’d come up with that might bind the cure compound to the virus. It should work. In theory, anyway, it worked. All he needed to do was to run it through a simulation and then try it and the cure compound on the virus sample he’d gotten from Rose. 

Parking by the invisible time machine, he once again used his sonic to make it materialize and popped inside. Wasting no time, he flew to the infirmary and plopped down in front of the terminal to input his data. It took a few minutes, but he finally managed to get it all in. Giving the order for the scenario to run, he waited. Leaning back in his chair, he looked at the numbers scrolling across the screen before him as the TARDIS worked out the probability of his idea working. The base sequence of the compound and the chemical catalyst needed to work in tandem or the compound wouldn’t bind to the virus to neutralize it. 

Minutes turned into a full half hour as the TARDIS continued its calculations. Why was it taking so long? The Doctor stood and paced, continuing to study the numbers as they passed on the screen before him. 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the calculations stopped and the monitor settled on one equation and its conclusion. Straining, the Doctor studied it carefully. 

It wouldn’t work. Damn it! Damn it, damn it, damn it! Why! Why wouldn't it work? It didn’t make sense! Jumping back to the terminal, he rechecked his original theorem. It was right. He’d put in the correct numbers as far as he could tell. But why wasn’t it working? 

Bounding to his feet, his hands flew to fist in his hair. He’d thought this was going to be _it_! Pacing back and forth he considered his next move. Romana. She might know why it didn’t work. 

Typing in the commands which would put him in touch with his old friend, the TARDIS connected with the mainframe on Gallifrey while he waited. A few seconds later, the screen filled with the visage of his old companion. “Hello, Doctor,” she said, a bit stiffly.

“Romana! You’re a sight for sore eyes! Do you have anything?” he said, mentally crossing his fingers in hope.

“Well…” she started tentatively, “I’ve continued my work on the primary compound with the Jrulix factor eight base. It looks more and more promising…”

“But you can’t find a catalyst,” the Doctor finished, visibly deflating.

“Yeah - how did you know?” Romana asked, slightly taken aback.

“Because I’ve calculated your data and found the same problem. I even tried a chemical catalyst… this one…” he said inputting the data and sending it to her, “... but it didn’t work. I don’t know why. It should’ve worked. I’ll keep trying to come up with something, but can you have a look at it and tell me what you think? I’m missing something but I’m honestly…. I’m at a loss,” he said, pulling his hands down his face.

“Of course, Doctor. I’ll check it out. I’m also going to keep working on my end. We’ll figure out something,” she said, trying to encourage him. 

The Doctor gave her a sad smile. “I know.”

“Listen, Doctor… I need to tell you something,” Romana hedged. “I’m afraid I have bad news,” she shared, her voice dropping. 

The Doctor looked up then, alert. “Alright.”

“They know, Doctor. They know where the anomaly originated.”

The Doctor’s head began to spin. “But how? How did they find out?” Romana’s abashed facial expression said it all. “It was Maxil, wasn’t it?” the Doctor said, anger seeping into his tone.

“I’m sorry, Doctor. I thought… I really thought he could be trusted. And he’s the only one who could’ve identified what your companion had. I just… I didn’t think he’d stoop to this,” she admitted, looking defeated.

Anger infused him now. That _bastard_! He’d trusted her life to him! 

“It gets worse,” Romana’s words cut into his bitter thoughts. “The Castellan had already sanctioned a search for the cause of the anomaly and had given the Temporal Research Department the support of the Chancellery Guard to find out its origins. Now that they know it originated from a living being that was travelling with you, they’ll be actively looking for you, Doctor.”

Every fearful worry he’d ever had about his people’s misuse of their power was reinforced by this turn of events. They were an incredibly powerful race who frequently thought themselves above other beings and therefore felt quite fine using them to their own ends if it suited them. If something dripped of time, it was considered their domain, no matter what the origin. And Rose… his beautiful, incredible creature… she fit the bill quite nicely.

Well he’d be damned if he’d let them touch one hair on her blonde head. They’d have to crawl over his dead body to get to her, if that was their aim.

“Doctor… did you hear me? They’re after you. You have to leave her and get out of there,” she warned. 

The Doctor’s head snapped up. “I’m not leaving her. What if they get to her and I’m not there!” he said, his voice rising. “I can’t protect her if I’m not on the planet!” 

“Doctor, listen to me. She’s in danger, but not because of who she is. Right now she’s _human_. They’re looking for a being that is housing a temporal anomaly. She _isn’t_ that right now. And they think they can find the anomaly by finding _you_. Don’t you see? They will find her if you are with her. _Only_ if you’re with her,” she stressed.

The Doctor let her words sink in. She was right. Rose, right now, looked like any other human on the planet. All they had to go on was probably that his companion was a female human with blonde hair. That’s it. And she was safely housed in Broadchurch with plenty of other females with similar descriptions. For now, she was safe. It was _him_ they would have to find in order to figure out _which_ blonde female they needed.

Reluctantly, he said, “I understand. I just… I can’t leave her all by herself, Romana. She doesn’t even know she’s in any danger. How can I just let her sit here like a target while I swan off?” he entreated, needing reassurance.

Romana sat for a moment, worry creasing her otherwise smooth brow. “Doctor… you know as well as I do that you staying with her is only putting her more at risk. Surely you see that. Is there someone else you can enlist to watch her for you? So you can rest a bit easier?” she asked.

Sighing anxiously, he considered her idea. There was only one person he could trust to really keep Rose safe… himself. But if he wasn’t able to do it himself, there was someone else he might be able to ask. He still wasn’t completely sold that Rose would be safe enough, but it was better than nothing. 

“Yeah… there’s someone I can ask,” he said reluctantly.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the best readers IN THE WORLD! Thanks for all your wonderful feedback and fantastic theories. I truly love them ALL. Hopefully this chapter speaks to a few of them. Enjoy!

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 16: Taking Leave

“Someone’s here to see you, Ma’am,” Henderson said, poking her head into the D.I.’s new office. “Detective Hardy,” she said in reply to Ellie’s raised eyebrows.

“Oh… show him in,” she said, slightly alarmed. What the hell was he doing out of the house? Out of bed?

A minute later, the tall gangly D.I. ambled in, his hands stuck deep in his coat pockets. He looked well enough, but Ellie knew damn well he was still supposed to be resting. At the very least, he certainly shouldn’t be out running errands. “Alec! What the hell are you doing? Why aren’t you at home resting?” she demanded, her hands finding her hips.

He at least had the decency to act a bit sheepish, she observed. “Is that any way to greet a colleague, Miller?” he asked, a small smile playing on his lips. 

“Cut it, Detective,” Ellie said, feeling a lot like boxing the man’s ears. “You should be at home, and you know it,” she admonished.

“Well I see you now have the authority to have me removed forcibly,” Alec said lightly, looking around the room, admiring it. “Nice office, by the way. Have to say it looked better with _me_ in it, though,” he added thoughtfully.

“Alec…” Ellie nearly growled.

“No really… not only do you return to work, but you return with a promotion. That’s… brilliant. Honestly. Congratulations... you deserve it,” he observed, seemingly honestly.

Allowing her demeanor to soften a bit, she said, “Thanks, Alec. But really… what are you doing here? Does Rose know you’re out of the house?” she asked, knowing full well Rose would kill him if she knew. 

Alec’s demeanor changed then, with his body tensing and his face becoming serious. “Uh… no she doesn’t _exactly_ know I’m gone, per se…” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “I, er… I’m actually here to ask you a favour, Eille,” he said, his mouth now shaped into a thin line. 

Ellie shook her head. He obviously felt this was worth pissing off everyone who cared about him, so she supposed she might as well hear him out. “Alright. This better be good, Alec,” she said, moving behind him to close the door. Turning, she found him still standing, practically oozing worry. “Alec… what is it?” she asked, now beginning to be seriously concerned.

“It’s… it’s my daughter, Sarah. She’s… she and her mother are fighting and she called me. I have to go to her, Ellie,” he said, lowering his eyes to study his shoes. He obviously knew her reaction wasn’t going to be a pleasant one.

“I see,” she said, restraining herself. Of course, she knew he’d want to go to her, but his bloody _life_ was at stake, here. “And what about your surgery,” she said with remarkable calm.

“I’ll be back before that. I’ll make sure,” he said, looking up again. 

“I see,” she said again, studying him. “And what does Rose have to say to all this?”

“I, uh… I haven’t exactly told her yet,” he shared. “I had to talk to you first,” he said.

Ellie was taken aback a bit. “Me? What about?” she said, despite herself. The issue here was that there was no way on this earth that he should be travelling in his condition.

“It’s Rose,” Alec said seriously. “I’m worried about her. She…” he trailed off, obviously deciding how to put his thoughts into words. “She’s fragile, aye?” he said. “She’ll be worried about me. And I can’t go knowing she’ll spend the whole time I’m gone brooding. I need to know she’s being looked after, and maybe distracted if possible…” he said trailing the comment off suggestively.

Ellie caught on immediately. “...Oh no, Alec Hardy. You’re gonna up and leave her here, worried to death about you because you’re being wreckless! I’m not gonna help you do that,” she said decidedly.

Before her, Alec began pacing. “Please, Ellie. I need someone to look out for her. I have no choice here. It’s not just because Sarah and Beverly had a row… Sarah’s left and refuses to go back home. She’s at a mate’s house right now, but her friend’s parents aren’t gonna let her stay more than one more night. I can’t have her surfing couches… who knows where she’ll end up,” he said, practically oozing frustration.

Suddenly aware that this was probably the last thing Alec’s heart needed right now, she commanded, “Sit down, Alec,” gesturing to the chair in front of her desk. “Take a breath. Your bloody heart is gonna give out right here if you don’t calm down,” she admonished. 

Alec allowed himself to be corralled into the chair and slumped down into it resignedly. “I have to go to her, Ellie. She needs me. Rose… she might not like it… but I have no choice. But I don’t want to hurt her. I just need to know she won’t be alone,” he entreated, his eyes searching hers for understanding.

“God, Alec…” she said, feeling herself caving. She couldn’t help but imagine herself in a similar situation, with Tom calling her, alone and scared somewhere, needing her help. She knew damn well she’d risk her life to get to him, no matter what.

“Please, Ellie,” he said earnestly.

“Oh, Jesus… alright. Alright. But you have to _promise_ me you’ll be back in time for the surgery. It’s all well and good that Sarah needs you. I get that. But Rose needs you too, Alec, and it would _kill_ her if you died. You got that?” she demanded, making sure her last statement hit home. 

The comment seemed to hit him somewhere deep, and for a moment he merely sat and stared back at her. Finally nodded his understanding. “Thank-you,” he said, a bit softer. 

“Yeah, well… just get back here in one piece,” she ordered, aware that worry had infused her voice. 

“I will,” he promised. Turning then, he stopped at the door and said, “I’m leaving this afternoon after I tell Rose. I have my phone, so please… call me if anything happens. Anything. Okay?” he said, his tone broaching no argument.

“Yeah, alright,” she agreed. Then, as he turned to leave Ellie added supportively, “And Alec… good luck.”

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

Rose returned to the house an hour and a bit later, her arms full of groceries. She’d left this earlier this morning with Alec still lying in bed, sound asleep. He didn’t usually sleep in like this, but his body obviously needed the added rest, and she wasn’t about to disturb him. So, writing a note on her way out to let him know she’d gone to the shops for groceries, she headed out to restock the pantry and fridge.

Finally arriving home, she walked up to the front door and was surprised to see movement in one of the front window. Alec? Opening the door, she found him in the living room, zipping up his suitcase. The sound of the door opening must’ve startled him and he looked up, his face the picture of guilt. 

“Alec?” she said, confusion filling her.

“Rose. Yeah… hi,” he said, obviously aware how this must look.

“What’s going on?” she said, taking in the scene before her. His suitcase was now closed but still laying on the coffee table. His jacket was laid out beside it and he was fully dressed, wearing a pair of jeans and a jumper. 

“I, uh… I think we have to talk,” he said, his brow furrowed and his voice laced with concern.

“Alright,” she said, aware how dazed she sounded. Was he… leaving her? Moving out? She thought they were okay… things seemed so good after their talk…

Alec sat on the couch and patted the cushion beside him, inviting Rose to sit as well. Feeling anxiety pulse through her, she placed the groceries on the coffee table in front of the sofa and sat down beside him. He obviously had something important to say and she just prayed it was something she’d be able to handle.

Taking a deep breath, he started, “Rose… I got a call from Sarah. My daughter. She’s had a row with her mother and ran away. She’s safe for now, but… but I have to go to her. She won’t even answer her mother’s calls.”

Rose’s jaw dropped. His daughter? God… and here she’d thought… oh, but this was awful! “My God, Alec. Is she okay?” she asked, her mind already coming up with terrible scenarios of his daughter living somewhere on the street.

“Yeah, she’s alright for now. She’s staying with a mate, but they aren’t going to let her stay any longer and she has nowhere to go,” he said, his face a picture of concern.

Throwing her arms around Alec’s neck, she hugged him close. “I’m so sorry,” she said, squeezing him tightly. He hugged her back with equal strength and Rose thought she felt him shudder. Pulling back, she studied him. “Are _you_ alright, though? Alec… I’m worried about you. You just got out of hospital and your surgery… “ she worried aloud.

“It’s alright, Rose,” he assured her. “I swear I’ll be back before the surgery, even if I have to bring Sarah back with me,” he promised. 

Looking into his deep brown eyes, she knew it would be impossible to talk him out of going, and she wouldn’t even try. Obviously Sarah needed him, and he couldn’t let his child stay out there on her own. Well… at least he wouldn’t be alone for the trip.

“Alright. I understand, Alec. This is important… Sarah needs you. So… are we leaving right away?” she asked, moving to the stairs. She didn’t need much… she’d just throw a few toiletries and some knickers in a bag and they could be off in just a couple of minutes.

“Uh… Rose… I can’t… I mean, you need to stay here,” Alec stammered, looking a bit surprised by the idea that she might want to come.

“What?” Rose said, not understanding. What did he mean, ‘you need to stay here’? Of _course_ she wasn’t going to stay here. Not when the man she loved was literally knocking on deaths door only a few days ago, and now he wanted to swan off to Scotland. No way. 

“You can’t come, Rose,” Alec reiterated. “Sarah doesn’t know. About us, I mean. She’s had a fight with her mother about… about her mother’s new boyfriend,” he said, sounding oddly unsure. “And if I showed up with you… I’m afraid she might not listen to me,” he said, a bit tentatively.

The statement hit her soundly. She wasn’t part of Sarah’s life, and this was hardly the time to introduce herself to the teen. It all made sense in her mind. But that didn’t stop it from hurting. And if he went without her… what if something happened to him? 

“Please, Rose… I’m sorry… it’s just, I don’t think it would be best for Sarah right now,” he entreated, mistaking her silence for anger.

“No, Alec… I think I understand. I’m just… I’m worried about _you_ ,” she shared, the last part of her statement bringing a prickle of tears to her eyes. “You were so sick, Alec. That was only a few days ago. What if something happens while you’re gone and I’m not there?” she entreated. 

His eyes softened then, and he brought his thumb up to swipe a tear that had managed to escape the corner of her eye. “You have my word, Rose. I’m not leaving you. I’ll be back for my surgery, I promise,” he said, sounding remarkably sure about it.

Rose shook her head. Bloody man. “You’d better be,” she smiled, a few more tears coursing down her cheeks. 

Alec leaned in then, and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “You have my word, Rose Tyler.”

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

Rose drove Alec to Ellie’s place where his car had been left before he was brought to hospital. Standing beside his black Ford, they’d hugged for a long time before he moved to climb into the car. She wasn’t going to let him go without at least a small taste of him on her lips, though, so she’d pulled him back just as he was about to duck into the car and pressed her lips to his. He seemed oddly and utterly surprised by the overture, but quickly warmed to it and within seconds he was kissing her back, his hands moving to wrap around her tightly. It was exactly what she needed to fortify herself for the coming days and she tried to memorize the feel of him against her.

Then, moments later it seemed, he was gone. Watching him leave had actually been painful, with a heavy lump having formed solidly in her throat. His health was tenuous at best, but she understood Sarah needed him. Bloody teenagers, she’d thought a bit bitterly. It was always about _them_ , wasn’t it? 

Sighing then, she’d made herself be logical. Alec hadn’t told his daughter about his health… he’d told Rose that before… so of course the girl didn’t know what her father was facing right now. Her calling him was just a daughter calling a Dad for help, and he’d done what any parent would do in those circumstances, no matter what. He went to her. 

Before he’d left, Rose had made Alec promise to call her at intervals throughout the trip to let her know how he was and how Sarah was doing. He’d readily agreed and seemed almost relieved that she wanted to hear from him regularly. Daft man. Of course she did. She knew he thought she’d be angry at him for going, so maybe he didn’t expect her to _want_ to talk to him. Sighing, she hoped he left feeling supported. As hard as it was to watch him leave, he needed her behind him right now. The last thing she wanted was to be an added burden for him. He had enough on his plate without worrying about _her_ as well. He’d even gone so far as to ask Ellie to keep her company while he was gone just to give him added peace of mind. Well… whatever made it easier for him, she reasoned. If it helped him cope better with this situation knowing she and Ellie were hanging out, then so be it. If she couldn’t be in Scotland, she could at least do this for him. 

Climbing back in her car, she pulled away and made her way back home. Pulling up to the front of her house, she put the car in park and stared out the window, just looking at the dark dwelling. The idea that Alec wasn’t there was wrong to her in a very visceral way. 

Pulling out her cell, she checked the time. Five o’clock. The idea of making dinner and sitting alone at home was not a good thought right now. Gazing out the front window of the car, she watched small drops of rain begin to ooze down the windshield reinforcing the dull worry for Alec in her belly. Sighing, she looked down at her phone again. Maybe Eliie would be home from work by now? Deciding to take a chance, she dialed her number, and got her answering machine. 

“Hi Ellie, it’s Rose,” she said, leaving a message. “Alec just left, and… well…” she said before a voice cut her off.

“Rose? Hi! Sorry… just didn’t get to the phone on time,” Ellie said, her voice a bit breathless.

“Did I catch you at a bad time?” Rose asked, feeling badly to be calling when the poor woman clearly had her hands full. 

“No! No… I just got home… just walked in with the boys. So… Alec’s off then?” Ellie asked.

“Yeah. I’m a bit worried,” Rose admitted, knowing what she’d said was an incredible understatement. 

“I imagine. Listen… why don’t you come round for tea? Maybe grab a bottle of wine on the way? We can hang out for a bit. What do you say?” she asked. 

“I’d love that,” Rose said honestly. She really didn’t want to be alone right now. “What else can I bring? Do you want me to pick up take out?”

“No, no… I’ve got a casserole ready to heat up… nothing fancy, but if you don’t mind…”

“Oh, no! That’d be great,” Rose affirmed, honestly. The idea of a home cooked meal sounded perfect right now.

“Great! Maybe come ‘round about half six?” Ellie offered.

“Sounds great,” Rose confirmed. “See you then.”

“See you then,” Ellie said before ringing off.

Putting her cell back in her pocket, she sighed. It would be good to get out and try to distract herself. There was nothing she could do, after all, except wait to hear from Alec. Might as well do it with a friend.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

The Doctor walked around the console, double checking his calculations for his first destination, all the while trying to convince himself he didn’t need to feel badly for lying to Rose about his daughter, even as the ghost of her worry soaked kiss still lingered on his lips. He’d had no choice. He had to get away, after all, right? He couldn’t be with her. By staying with her he was literally putting her in harms way. And it’s not like he could’ve just up and left for no good reason. No… the only thing that she might possibly excuse him for would be his daughter. Rose had a heart of gold. There was no way she would try to stop him if it was about some helpless soul needing comfort. But as much as he knew he needed to get away from her, he hated using her goodness against her in this way. There was nothing for it, though. He needed her to be safe and that was his priority right now. He’d have to excuse his behaviour and his abuse of her trust later when this was all over.

As he got the TARDIS ready for flight, he thought about his plan. As far as he could figure, it should work. It would _have_ to work. He planned on leading the Time Lords away from earth for a while… hopefully buying him time to come up with the catalyst for the cure for Rose. TARDISes left trace amounts of arton energy in the vortex wherever they travelled, and Time Lords used the unique arton signatures from TARDISes to help trace them. The energy didn’t dissipate quickly, though, so if he went to enough places in a short amount of time, it would hopefully send them on a bit of a goosechase, having to follow up a number of different traces at once.

Throwing the TARDIS into the vortex, it was minutes before he landed on Ploriz Five, only to take off again for Clom. He spent hours jumping from planet to planet and time to time, hopefully creating a confusing mess of nearly simultaneously created arton trails. It would keep them busy for a while, he hoped, while he worked on curing Rose.

Finally, pleased with his efforts, the Doctor considered his next move. Originally he’d planned to land in prehistoric Anubis and work on the cure from there, but now, faced with the very real and light years separation from Rose… he just couldn’t do it. He had to be there. Not that he didn’t trust Ellie… she was a good officer for her time. But she didn’t know what was at stake. His Rose was at stake. No… _he_ needed to be the one keeping an eye on her. He just wouldn’t be able to stay away not knowing for sure that she was fine. That didn’t mean he planned on sleeping in bed beside her or anything. He would keep his distance and watch from a far. If, by chance, they _did_ find him, then, at least they wouldn’t necessarily be finding _her_.

Landing with a soft thud, he peeked his head out the door. He was near the coffee shop they had frequented. Perfect. 

It was nearly nine o’clock for Rose on the same day he’d left. Calculating where he’d be now if he’d been travelling to Glasgow, he figured it would’ve been about an hour’s drive to Exeter, and then, if he’d caught a 6:45 flight he’d get into Glasgow around 9:30. He’d call her around then to let her know he was alright. In the meantime, he planned to contact Romana to see if she’d made any headway on the cure. 

First, though… he made a quick pit stop. His room. His suit. It was such a silly comfort, and while he knew it was merely a psychological crutch, it made him feel somehow more confident and less vulnerable. Being Alec had been an experience he now realized he wouldn’t have traded, but being human was a treacherous business. There was no question in his mind that being Time Lord was preferable in every sense, and his suit completely brought him back to being himself. 

Pulling another version of his brown pinstriped suit from his closet, he dressed quickly, neatly folding Alec’s clothes and placing them on a chair by the wardrobe. He might need to wear them again when he had to convince Rose to open her fob watch.

Finally and satisfyingly dressed, he made his way to the infirmary and put in a call to Romana. He waited for her to answer. And waited some more. Hmm. No response. She must be dealing with official business… or in the loo. One or the other, he figured. Disconnecting the signal, he decided to try again later. For now, he had plenty to do trying to find a catalyst for the cure on his own. 

Turning to his keyboard to begin his work, the TARDIS surprised him by flashing a picture of Rose sitting connected to the chameleon arch in his mind. “I know,” he said aloud. “We need to change her back quickly,” he agreed. The TARDIS was worried about Rose too. He understood it well. 

Opening the program housing the complicated formula for the cure Romana had been working on, he was once again surprised by an emphatic pulse from the TARDIS accompanied by the same vision of Rose and the chameleon arch. The Doctor sighed. “Yes… I know. I have to hurry,” he said irritably. “I’m going as quickly as I can,” he added crankily. The TARDIS responded by dimming the lights and pushing an irritated feeling right back at him in his mind. 

“Oh, for… _what_?!” he demanded, looking into the air. 

The now familiar picture of Rose and the arch swam before him again. “YES! I realize this is urgent! Now leave me to it so I can find a way to cure her before it’s too late!” he shouted.

The TARDIS pulsed an angry red through his mind and abruptly shut off all the lights in the infirmary. 

Now standing in the dark, the Doctor was fuming. What was _with_ his bloody ship! She occasionally got just plain old ornery, and maybe _that_ combined with her worry over the fate of what he was beginning to surmise was her favourite human _ever_ , was perhaps making her even more short tempered, but for Rassilon’s sake! What more could he do?! 

Barely able to contain his ire, the Doctor marched determinedly out of the infirmary to the console room and fiddled with the luminescence controls. The TARDIS responded by giving him a sharp zap, making him scurry back from the console sucking at his injured digits. “Oooow!!!” he bellowed. “Bloody insolent ship!” he barked, stomping his way to the doors and throwing them open to step out into the grey of the evening, slamming them closed after him to punctuate his frustration.

From behind him he heard the door lock. “AAAARGH!” he shouted, turning and kicking the door. “Damn it! OPEN UP!” he yelled in vexation at the stubbornly closed doors in front of him. 

The tarnished blue doors remained resolutely closed and in his mind the TARDIS only resolutely flashed the same picture before his eyes before closing herself off from him on purpose. 

“Really?!” he said incredulously. “You’re _really_ going to lock me out?!”

His amazed question was met with silence. Standing before his ship he waited for a moment. Was she really going to lock him out?! “Oh, for Rassilon’s sake!” he huffed, turning to look around him. The street was pretty empty, but a couple of passers by were shooting him curious glances. 

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he closed his eyes. Right. He’d just have to wait until his ship cooled down and let him in again. Gods… if she was so bloody worried about Rose, why was she locking him out when he so desperately needed to work on the catalyst?

Making his heartsbeats slow a bit… he pulled out his phone. Might as well call Rose while he waited for his vexing ship to see reason. Pushing the buttons a bit more forcefully than was strictly necessary, he dialed her number. His call went straight to voicemail. What? She knew he’d be trying to call. Surely she’d be keeping her phone close? Hanging up, he tried again and got the same results. This time he left a message asking her to call as soon as she got his message.

A small hint of panic began to crawl through his body. Given the level of worry she’d shown for him earlier, he’d fully expected her to answer. What if she _couldn’t_ for some reason? What if something had happened to her? What if… what if the Chancellery Guard had found her already? The very idea of the Time Lords putting their uncaring hands on Rose was enough to spur him into action. He had to find her. She was counting on him to protect her and that’s what he was going to do.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took a long time to write, but I’m happy with it now that I’ve changed my mind about the direction of future chapters. Anyway… long story short… or longer… our heroes are in some hot water.

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 17: Threat

Rose visited with Ellie for the bulk of the evening and was reticent to leave. Ellie was clearly growing tired, though, and tomorrow she had to get up with her boys again. It was time to go. Bidding farewell, she hugged her new friend, giving her a warm, thankful embrace. Ellie had been fantastic about listening to her worries for Alec’s health and she even had some insight as to his history Rose hadn’t been privy to. She’d listened with rapt attention as Ellie shared some stories about her experience working with Alec on the Latimer case and Rose once again found herself amazed at his tenacity. He’d been dealing with a bum heart and carrying the pressure of his last marred case on his back, yet he still managed to close the case. Pretty impressive for a mere human, she didn’t mind admitting. Speaking of, she wondered yet again if he was okay as she exited Ellie’s house. It was all well and good to be a super-human, but not if you ran yourself into the ground. 

She was a bit surprised Alec hadn’t called yet, actually. He should’ve arrived in Glasgow by now. As much as she would completely understand if he didn’t call… his mind was likely overrun with worry for Sarah, after all… she knew it wasn’t his nature to promise something and not come through. Pulling her phone from her purse, she checked to see if he’d texted or called. Maybe she just hadn’t heard the ring? Pressing the ‘wake’ button on the bottom center of the phone, she was alarmed to find her phone didn’t respond at all. Damn it! She’d completely drained the battery. Brilliant! He’d probably been trying to call all evening, and now he’d be worried! Great.

Walking to her car, she climbed behind the wheel and plugged the key into the ignition. Now she wouldn’t be able to call him until she got home. Fantastic. Starting the car, she pulled out and made her way home, wondering the entire time if Alec had gotten to Glasgow safely and hoping he wasn’t worried about her now. He really didn’t need yet another thing to add to his list of concerns.

Her drive was dark when she arrived, with the light in the sky now completely faded. Rose couldn’t help but once again feel slightly empty at the thought of being alone in the cold house. God. She missed him already. How was she going to last for _days_? 

Climbing from the car, she fumbled with her keys as she made her way to the door. It was going to be a long night. She could feel it already. Sighing, she slid the correct key in the hole of the door handle she turned it with a satisfying ‘click’ and the door unlocked. 

She was about to step in when a distinct rustle of leaves in the bushes off to the side of the house made her pause. Her heart rate accelerated for a moment and she instantly became hyper alert. One thing she’d learned working for Torchwood was to never dismiss intuition, and right now the hairs on the back of her neck were standing at attention. The evening was a bit breezy by the water but the noise had definitely been out of proportion to the weight of the wind. Moving to press herself against side of the house, she edged her way across the front of the home to carefully peek around the corner. As she did, a streak of orange shot past her from the corner she’d poked her head around, making her jump back and squeak in surprise. A bloody _cat_! Her hand on her chest, she took a deep breath. Stupid animal scared the shit out of her! 

Chuckling a bit now at her overreaction, she tilted her head back to look up at the night sky. God. If her Doctor was seeing her from beyond he’d be doubled over in mirth, she knew. A smile tugged at her lips with the thought. “Shut up,” she said softly to the sky, imagining him now giggling in earnest at her.

Still smiling, she made her way back to the door and opened it, taking off her shoes as she stepped inside. The building was so quiet and dark… it felt really lonely. Sighing, the adrenaline from her ‘close call’ still pulsing through her a bit, Rose walked further into the house and flicked on some lights before moving to stand before the little table in the hall where she’d already begun to leave her spare change and receipts. It didn’t seem to matter that she'd decided to not use the cute little decorative table as a ‘catch-all’, it was still becoming one. Pulling out her phone, she reached along the side of the table to pull the charger cord out to plug it in. Impatiently, she waited for the telltale ‘beep’ to confirm it was charging, chastising herself all the while for forgetting to charge it in the first place. Turning it on, she checked her log and found out Alec had indeed tried to call. Part of her was admittedly relieved and thrilled, but another part felt terrible that she’d been so absent-minded. He was probably worried about her now. 

Sighing, she dialled the message centre and listened to Alec’s message. He did sound worried. Shit. Pressing the contact picture of him, she put the phone to her ear and listened. 

“Hardy here,” she heard Alec’s clipped tenor voice say.

“Tyler here,” she said, a bit teasingly. She actually loved his gruffness, mostly because she knew he was really a very sensitive man under it all.

“Rose! I was so worried,” he said, his voice instantly dropping it’s distant tone. “Where were you?”

“Alec… I’m so sorry. It’s my fault. My stupid phone ran out of charge. I was visiting Ellie and didn't even notice. I’m sorry if you were worried,” she admitted, guilt underlying her words. 

“It’s okay, Rose… I was just concerned, is all. How’s Ellie?” he asked.

“She’s fine. But how are _you_? Where are you?” she asked.

“I’m here now. I’m gonna head out to find Sarah. How about I call you in the morning, yeah? I promise I’ll call before then if anything comes up,” he added quickly, probably knowing she’d object to having to wait so long to hear back from him again.

“Alright. I suppose. But, Alec… be careful, yeah? Try to take it easy on yourself,” she said, knowing the request was likely falling on deaf ears. 

“I will, Rose. I promise,” he said, maybe hoping to console her somewhat.

“Alright. I’m holdin’ you to that promise, Detective. And if I hear you’ve been ignoring my orders there’ll be hell to pay when you get back. Got it?”

A small chuckle met her ears through the earpiece. “What kind of hell would that be, then? I reckon I’d gladly take any punishment you could dish out just to be back beside you,” he said, his voice lowered a bit.

Rose felt her cheeks flush a bit with the blatant affection he offered. “I miss you already,” she admitted, hoping she wasn’t just making him feel guilty by saying so.

“I miss you too, Rose. I worry about you too, you know. Promise me you’ll be careful too. Stay safe, aye?” he said, his voice betraying the worry behind the request.

“I think you can rest easy, Alec. It’s not like Broadchurch is known for it’s skyrocketing crime rates, after all,” she said in an effort to soothe him. “I’ll be just fine. Worry about yourself, yeah? I need you back in one piece,” she said, her word infused with meaning.

“I understand. I’m coming back to you. I promise,” he vowed. Then, after a moment he said, “I suppose I should go. I’ll call you in the morning. Sleep well, Rose,” he said with clear affection.

“I will. You too,” she said. “Good night.”

“Night,” he replied before ringing off.

Sighing, Rose disconnected the call on her end. Looking up from her phone, she surveyed her empty house. It was nearly ten o’clock, but she wasn’t ready to call it a night yet. She couldn’t help but feel a wee bit sorry for herself for a moment, standing alone in the cold empty space without the comforting warmth of a dead sexy Scotsman’s arms around her. 

Walking to her front window, she looked out and up into the night. She so wished she could be with him right now instead of being stuck here worrying. She was about to turn away when she detected movement on the street. Squinting against the glare of the light from inside the living room reflecting off the glass, she was able to make out the figure of a man standing on the road a ways down from the house. What was that about? He didn’t seem to be walking… just… standing. 

The feeling of foreboding she’d felt earlier began to creep back up her spine. Quickly ducking out of sight, she hastily extinguished the lights and crept back to look out the window again. 

No one. There was no one there now. A shiver passed through her. Something was off. Moving to the front door she flipped the deadbolt to lock it. She admittedly wasn’t always the most careful about security at home… especially in Broadchurch. This town had become a safe haven for her and she hated the idea that she should probably be a bit more cautious from now on. People were people and sadly, humans had the potential for cruelty no matter where they lived. Not that the bloke in the street just now was necessarily a threat, but she shouldn’t be naive about people… even here. 

It was with that thought that Rose moved around the house making sure the back door and all the windows were secured. Moving finally through the dark living room once more, she peeked out the front window. Still no one. She allowed herself a calming breath despite the continued creepy feeling she had on surveying the street. No one was there now and she’d locked herself in tight. Grabbing her phone and charger on her way up the stairs she made her way to her room. Plugging in her only partly charged phone again, she went to the loo and readied herself for sleep. Sliding into bed, she tried to put the uncomfortable feeling in her belly to rest. She’d fortified the house as best she could and she had her phone near. The bloke in the road was probably just some drunk standing there unsure as to which house he should stagger into. 

Taking a deep breath, she mindfully willed her muscles to relax. She was making too much of it because she felt insecure at the moment with Alec gone. Deciding to make her mind move to happier things, she brought herself back to their first date on the beach… the sand under their feet and their hands tentatively intertwined. The memory sparked a squirming in her belly and brought a smile to her lips. Allowing the remembered sensations to wash over her, she finally drifted off to sleep.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

The Doctor reached her house in good time, with his blessed respiratory bypass kicking in a few times as he ran to give him added stamina. Nearing the home, he could see the lights were out and her car wasn’t parked in the drive. She wasn’t there. 

His anxiety ramped up a notch. It was after ten o’clock. She should be home… she would be home by now, right? Where might she go anyway? Ellie’s probably, he reasoned. Yeah. That was probably it. He desperately hoped that was it. 

Turning, he was about to start jogging to Ellie’s place when he heard a vehicle approaching. 

Ducking to the side of the house, he found a hedge and nestled himself into it, doing his best to disappear into the foliage. Moments later he heard the metallic ‘thunk’ of a car door closing and heard keys jangling. Rose. 

The relief was palpable. She was alright. He brought his hand up to rub his temple then, but the movement must’ve startled an animal near him and it scampered with alarm through the bush only to get caught somehow on its way out. Reaching toward the cornered animal, he found a fair sized cat tangled in the leaves and branches. Quickly moving to release it, the frustrated feline raced out of the bush away from him and toward the front of the house. 

A surprised yelp found his ear then. Rose. The cat must’ve startled her. A few moments later he heard a chuckle then and muffled “Shut up.” Wondering if she was talking to the cat, he snuck a peek through the bushes and found her staring up into the sky, smiling softly. His felt his hearts swell with affection again, looking at her in such a candid moment. She was obviously caught up in a memory. Of her husband? The other Doctor? Alec? He didn’t know. A tiny part of him sparked in unfounded jealousy then. She was thinking of one of _them_. Of course she couldn’t be thinking of _him_ , right now. This Rose didn’t even know he existed. That didn’t stop him from wishing he had her back, though. Looking at _him_ and not at Alec.

Shaking his head to clear the disturbing thoughts, he watched her turn and move back in front of the house. He heard the door closing a few moments later and he took the opportunity to sneak around front. The lamps in the living room were now on and in moments he saw lights being flicked on deeper in the house. The kitchen. 

He took a deep breath. She was alright. Deciding to watch the house for a bit longer, he was surprised to hear his cell phone ring in his pocket. Pulling it out, he looked at the call display. Nothing. Oh yeah. Hardy had been too cheap to bother adding that feature. Sighing, he pressed the receive button and began walking away from the house. It wouldn’t do if she happened to step onto the front porch to find him staring back at her. 

“Hardy here,” he said in his best business like ‘Alec’ voice as he walked.

“Tyler here,” Rose’s adorable cheeky voice replied. 

“Rose! I was so worried,” he said, working to sound like he had no idea of her current whereabouts. “Where were you?”

Their conversation continued with Rose explaining her evening and of course with him admitting how much he missed having her by his side… in more ways than one (though he didn’t tell _her_ that). By the time they rang off, he’d gotten a good distance from the house and could feel the tension leaving his body. 

She was safe. Blessedly safe. 

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

The target was four hundred metres ahead of him, moving away from a nondescript earth dwelling in a small town located on an island in the northern hemisphere of the planet. He’d managed to locate the Doctor using his TARDIS’s standard chronon detector and could easily have moved in and apprehended the other Time Lord, but he kept his distance. The Doctor wasn’t the ultimate goal. His reported companion was the target. A female who reportedly housed a hitherto unheard of collection of anomalous chronon particles. The briefing he was given had said that the stability of the particles was unknown and for that reason she was to be considered a priority for collection. She was a walking time bomb… literally. In reality, he didn’t much care what the reason was. He had his own reasons for collecting this specimen, not the least of which had to do with giving the Doctor what was coming to him. 

It hadn’t been easy getting this far. He’d been stationed on earth, with the Chancellor assigning him to this backward planet because this had been the last known location of the Doctor before his TARDIS signature was discovered after a long absence. It was the least likely place they’d find him, and he knew he’d been assigned this detail because of it. Spandrell had little faith in his abilities. 

What Spandrell didn’t know, however, was how much the Doctor loved this forsaken planet and it’s ape inhabitants. _He_ knew, though… and he’d known the Doctor would run here the moment he’d been discovered. Of course, he’d been right. And this was his chance to show Spandrell he should be more wary of whom he crosses. There were those in power who understood his considerable potential and who had suggested he should consider running against Spandrell for Chancellor. He’d found favour with a few of the more ‘colourful’ of the council and if he was the one who brought in the Doctor and his knuckle dragging companion, he’d be further regarded as one to back forward for such a position. To be the next Chancellor.

He’d landed his own TARDIS not far from here as soon as it located the standard time particles and he’d easily been able to locate the Doctor using his smaller portable chronon detector. Now, letting the other Time Lord move away a bit further, he turned back to the house the Doctor had just left. He was about to scan the dwelling when the outline of a female appeared before the window. His hearts jumped in his chest. This must be the target. Quickly resetting the instrument to find irregular particles he scanned the house. Nothing. The briefing had said they were looking for a female who embodied staggeringly unusual chronon particles. Well… this was clearly a female, but there were no chronon particles to be found anywhere near her. Damn it. For a moment he was sure he’d found the subject of what had now become a high priority search… the subject who would elevate him in the eyes of those who mattered.

Before him, the female in the house disappeared and the lights in the window were doused. Sighing, he pocketed the chronon detector and turned away. There was no point in lingering here. The Doctor wouldn’t leave his prized pet unattended for too long, surely. His best chance of finding the female was by trailing the Doctor, so that is what he was going to do.


	18. Spotted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some interesting developments ahead for these two! As always, thanks for reading and commenting!

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 18: Spotted

The work week was finally winding down and Ellie couldn’t have been more thankful. Her new position, while exciting and a challenge, had definitely upped the stress level in her life. On top of that, Tom had been having a go of it lately at school with a few lads continuing to call him names and generally making his life a living hell. Luckily, a couple of his mates had stuck by him through the horrid ordeal of his father’s arrest and conviction, but that didn’t make the rest of it go away. 

And then there was Alec. Granted, the man was hardly her responsibility, but the cranky D.I. had become a friend despite his initial attempts to push away any positive sort of relationship with anyone here. In fact, given the nature of their initial encounters, it was frankly a miracle they even managed to maintain a working relationship let alone a friendship. They had, though. And now she found she couldn’t help but see the man as a sort of… ornery sibling. Someone you felt loyal to despite sometimes having little in common. And now that he’d met Rose… there was no question he was a changed man. He was more polite, less cantankerous, and generally more pleasant. All around, it was clear that Rose was the best thing to happen to him in years. And Ellie was quickly learning why Alec enjoyed the young woman so much. She was a fun-loving and caring person and was a perfect foil for Alec’s cranky persona. And the best part was that she seemed to pull the best out of the man who, up until very recently, was generally known to be a difficult man to like. That alone was enough of a reason for Ellie to want to get to know the young woman better, and she was pleased to discover, once she’d taken a bit of time to get to know her, that they got on brilliantly despite their difference in age. Rose was both intelligent and knowledgeable about a lot of things for a person in her twenties and even though there were a few years between their respective ages, she and Rose had a fair bit in common. 

Last night, on top of spending a good amount of time laughing and sharing positive stories, they’d shared some heartbreaking ones as well. Rose was so open and easy to talk to, that before Ellie knew it, she’d found herself sharing the details of her husband’s betrayal and his subsequent arrest and conviction. It had been cathartic to share some of the deep, aching pain she’d been carrying around since her ex had destroyed their lives. She honestly was surprised she’d been able to spill it all without completely collapsing under the weight of it. But Rose had been so supportive, offering her random hugs as she shared the painful memories. 

In their sharing, she learned more about Rose’s life as well. She’d experienced loss akin to her own and she talked quite a bit about her late husband and how he’d passed. It had all been so very tragic. And now, with Alec swanning off to Glasgow, the poor girl was understandably nearly beside herself with worry for him. She had to admit, though, that she was very concerned as well. They’d managed to console each other a bit as to Alec’s welfare, though, during their visit, and they decided they should get together again this evening as well to that end. They both could use some additional support right now… why not be that for each other? So plans were made for another get together tonight around half six. It looked like another bottle of wine and some appies were on the menu and she was already looking forward to knocking off of work to get the evening underway.

Gazing at the clock, fully expecting at least another half hour before she could leave, she was desperately relieved to find it was already a few minutes past five. Blowing tired air through her lips, she gathered her things and locked up her office. Waving bye and offering a few ‘Have a good weekend!’s to her colleagues, she made her way outside the precinct to her car. She had a few errands to run before she made her way home, including a stop at the pizza place. While she’d initially decided to made her kids a proper meal before Rose came over, by the end of the day she was too ragged to even consider organizing a dinner for the boys. Plus, Tom could use a treat… he deserved to be spoiled a bit with what he was going through. 

The car found its way to the pizza shop just beside the cafe she and her colleagues often frequented. Making her way into the store, Ellie found herself in a bit of a queue. Sighing, she found the end of the line up and added herself to it, rocking back and forth on her heels as she studied the menu above the counter. It would be plain old cheese for Fred and pepperoni for Tom… really there wasn’t much point in looking at the menu at all. The boys always ate the same thing. 

Turning her attention to the window of the shop, she watched people walk past in the late afternoon sun. She sighed. It was nice to actually have sunshine instead of rain for a change. Maybe she and Rose could sit out back tonight for a bit if it didn’t get too chilly.

Her thoughts were moving to prepping the appies she’d suggested she supply, when a familiar figure passed by the window of the shop. Alec. 

What?!

Then he was gone. Stunned, Ellie stood stock still for a moment. Alec? What the… No. That mustn’t have been him. But… it looked SO much like him! 

It didn’t take much thought for Ellie to decide to forfeit her spot in the queue in order to get another look at the man who’d passed by the window. Running to the door of the shop, she quickly stepped outside to see the back of the man she’d spied earlier now a good distance ahead. Definitely Alec’s height and build. He was wearing a pinstriped suit with… were those converse? Very _un_ like Alec, that. It mustn’t be him. Probably wasn’t. He was in Glasgow, right? There’s no reason he’d lie about something like that… she knew how much his daughter meant to him. And what possible reason would he have to tell such a story and then simply… stay in town? 

No. It couldn’t be him. Of course it wasn’t. She’d continued following him until he turned into an alley up ahead. And while she’d already decided her eyes must have been deceiving her, she couldn’t help but be curious. If it wasn’t Alec, who was it? There were only so many six foot plus tall skinny men in town. 

Peeking around the corner in the alley, she saw… no one. Hmmm. Odd. She couldn’t shake the feeling like… like there was something she wasn’t seeing that she should. Well… there was nothing there, so she was clearly losing it. But blimey… the bloke had to have moved quickly to scoot down the length of the alley to turn the corner further up. Shaking her head, she furrowed her brow in consternation. Well… he was gone. No point in chasing the bloke… it wasn’t like he’d broken the law, after all. And he clearly _wasn’t_ Alec. He couldn’t be. 

Turning, Ellie headed back toward the pizzeria. She’d better get a move on if she wanted to get back in time to meet Rose.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

The TARDIS had finally deigned to let him in again, though he’d had to grovel and apologize a few times over even though he wasn’t sure exactly what he was apologizing for. She’d continued to flash him the vision of Rose and the arch, and instead of letting it drive him barmy, he just kept reassuring his ship that he was working on finding a cure for her as quickly as he could. The TARDIS seemed to merely be frustrated with him and eventually she let him work in peace. 

The catalyst he needed to bind the cure with the virus was still eluding him. It had to be out there, but for the life of him, he wasn’t able to find one that was stable. He’d tried to contact Romana many times now and had come to the very worrisome conclusion that the Chancellor had somehow found out about their communications. He knew Romana wasn’t in any danger… she was too valued in the council… but he knew if they found out she was helping him they’d use it to discredit her. A flash of guilt stabbed through him at the thought. Romana had been a loyal friend, and here she was, her very position with the council possibly at risk because of him. 

At least Rose was alright so far. He’d called her once already today to report in as Alec. She sounded well, thank goodness. He’d told her he’d managed to connect with his daughter and that he’d brought her back to his hotel with him for the night with the plan of meeting with her mother this afternoon. Rose had seemed relieved that his daughter was safe and she was being very understanding about his need to continue to work things out there with her and her mother. Gods. He hated lying to Rose like this. Mind you… right now _everything he did_ involving Rose was a lie. He sighed. He hated this so much. 

He spent the day in the infirmary and by late afternoon he was ready to pull his hair out. His rather substantial mind was remarkably exhausted and he needed a break. He’d try to call Rose again. Hearing her voice always helped to refocus him. Maybe he’d sneak out to the cafe first, though. His belly grumbled at the thought of one of their brilliant chicken noodle soup bowls and a cheese scone. It was nearing supper time and Alec’s colleagues rarely ended up at the cafe at this time of day… most were either heading home or heading in for the evening shift. He could chance it. He’d just pick it up and bring it back to the TARDIS. In and out.

Slipping out into the afternoon sun, he made his way to the cafe, keeping a mindful eye out for anyone who might know Alec so he could avoid them. The last thing he needed was his whereabouts relayed to Rose right now. He was, for all intents and purposes, in Glasgow with his daughter, not walking the streets of Broadchurch. 

He managed to get in and out of the cafe with no one singling him out, which he was desperately thankful for. The more he thought about this little outing, the more he realized that strolling about in full view of the Broadchurch population was a particularly bad idea. Really… what had he been thinking? He’d been thinking with his _stomach_ , that was the problem. Silently berating himself for this potential misjudgment as he made his way back to the TARDIS, he suddenly sensed… hmmm. It was gone. It had been the ghost of a… There it was again! 

He was very close to the TARDIS now and knew that if he was sensing was what he _thought_ it was, he’d better leg it. Making it to the alley, he swiftly made his way around the corner and ran to the TARDIS, quickly letting himself in. Closing the door quickly behind him, he reached back in his mind, looking… hunting for even a glimmer of the consciousness he’d felt there earlier. Another Time Lord.

Nothing. It was gone. Throwing up as many mental defences as he could, he worked to shield himself from this other Gallifreyan. There was no question that’s what he had felt in his mind. The searching mind of another Time Lord, probing for the consciousness of another Time Lord in the vicinity. 

Fear tore through his hearts. They’d found him. Gods… they’d found him and now Rose was in danger. Why hadn’t he listened to Romana?! He’d honestly thought his ruse would have put them off his trail, at least for a good while. But no. Now he’d led them straight to her! Damn it!

Striding up the stairs to the console, he pulled his hands through his hair. How long had they been here? If he was lucky, they hadn’t been here long and had only just found him. Surely he would’ve sensed another Time Lord in the vicinity sooner than now if he’d been followed before today. And if they were trailing him, it was unlikely they had found her. Luckily he hadn’t returned to Rose’s house since last night. If they’d found him sooner, he’d have led them straight to her. Rassilon. The outcome could’ve been disastrous. Granted, even if they’d found her, she wouldn’t be exuding the chronon particles that had drawn her to their attention in the first place, but that certainly didn’t mean he wanted them knowing she was in the least bit important to him in any way.

But what he should do now? He had two options, both of which he hated for different reasons. He could stay and keep a watchful eye on Rose from a very safe distance or he could leave. Both of his options were far from ideal. If he stayed there was a very real chance they’d discover Rose, even if kept his distance. If he left… God. Even if it was the most logical option… could he actually do it? True, there was a very good chance his pursuer would follow him… but what if he didn’t? What if the other Time Lord stuck around, perhaps realizing the Doctor was trying to lead him away? If he’d felt the other Time Lord, there was a very good chance the other Time Lord had felt him. Not only that… the other man may have even felt his initial surprise at the mental brush of their minds. The other Time Lord might know the Doctor was aware of him.

Frustration burned through him. Damn it! Pounding his fists on the console, the TARDIS chose this moment to float the same picture of Rose and the arch through his mind. “I KNOW!” he cried, “I KNOW! We need to save her! I KNOW!” he shouted, waving his arms in the air like a madman. “What would you have me do?! We can’t change her back until I have the cure and I DON’T!” he yelled. The TARDIS responded by dimming the lights sadly. A wave of sorrow passed through his mind from his brilliant ship and he instantly felt ashamed at his outburst. “I’m… I’m sorry, old girl,” he said, all the wind stripped from his sails. “I just… I’m terrified for her. Properly terrified. If they…” he swallowed. “If they find her… Rassilon,” he said, rubbing his hands roughly down his face. 

He had to do something. He couldn’t just _stay_ here waiting for the Time Lords to find her. He had to actively try to lead them away. But… how could he ensure they’d follow him? He needed to be positive they’d leave earth to search him out, and the only way they’d do that is if they were positive she was with him. They were looking for a female humanoid, right? What if he convinced some other random blonde to come with him? He immediately dismissed the thought. He’d be pulling some innocent human into harm’s way. That was definitely no solution. No. He needed something else…

Wait. They were looking for anomalous chronon particles. That’s what had drawn them in the first place. An unusual occurrence in the fabric of time in this universe. Rose’s chronon particles from the other universe. And he had them in his possession.

In the fob watch.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

A few glasses of wine had been poured already by the time Rose and Ellie sat themselves outside under the stars wrapped in blankets and both were feeling warm and loose tongued. Fred was already in bed and Tom was having a sleepover at a mate’s. It was just the two of them now and Ellie could relax. 

Rose considered her new friend to be a real survivor. The woman had been through so much. More than anyone should have to, really. Her loss was nothing like Rose had suffered in her lifetime. The woman had no idea… no clue… that the man she loved and trusted had defiled a child and had finally taken his life. She’d lived under the same roof… served him food… made love to him. The thought sent a shiver down Rose’s spine. Rose may have lost the man she loved, but she at least never lost him in her heart. Once again, she was painfully aware how very cruel the universe could be. 

The two of them had been chatting for a good while, snacking on appies and drinking wine, when Ellie shook her head and laughed a bit. “You wouldn’t believe who I thought I saw today on my way home,” she said, her words slurring just a bit. 

Rose smiled. “Who?” she asked, smiling widely, taking her friend’s lead.

“Alec,” she said. “I thought I saw Alec!” she said, shaking her head. 

“What do you mean?” Rose asked, laughing a bit. “When exactly did you start drinking today, my dear?” she giggled, taking another sip of wine herself. 

Ellie laughed as well and brought her glass up to study the contents. “Only with you, I swear,” she giggled as well. “Anyway… I was waiting in the queue to order pizza for the boys, and I was _sure_ I saw Alec walking down the street outside the shop. I even followed him for a bit… he looked _so_ much like him,” she drawled, her eyes distant. 

Rose felt her blood run cold. “In what way,” she heard herself asking, feeling herself instantly sober up.

“Well… he was as tall as Alec for sure. He passed by the store quickly, but he had the same profile. He was dressed really oddly though,” she mused, clearly wrapped in the memory of the man she’d followed. “He was wearing converse… with a _suit_ ,” she said, shaking her head.

Rose’s heart stopped. “Oh my God,” she whispered, her hand flying to cover her mouth. “The… the suit… was it…” she swallowed, “... pinstriped?” 

Ellie’s mouth dropped open. “How did you know?” she said, completely taken aback. 

Tears sprang to Rose’s eyes. Oh God. Ohgodohgodohgod…

“What’s wrong, Rose,” Ellie said, obviously becoming concerned about her reaction to the story.

What could she possibly say? Sitting up straight, she turned to face her friend. “Where? Where did you see him again, Ellie?” she asked, nearly holding her breath.

“Just outside the pizza shop… by the cafe. Why?” Ellie asked, now clearly worried.

Rose stood. “I’ve got to go. I’m so sorry… He… I have to see…” she stammered, moving toward the house. 

“Rose! What is it?” Ellie said, following her. 

“I’m sorry… I don’t mean to be rude… I just… I need to go…” Rose said, now making her way to the front door. “Thanks for having me again… I’ll call tomorrow, okay?” Rose said, turning to give Ellie a hurried hug. 

Flummoxed, Ellie hugged her back. “Alright… but you’re not driving. I’ll call you a cab,” she insisted, turning away to get her phone.

“No… thanks, Ellie. By the time it gets here… I’m just gonna run. It’s not that far,” Rose said surely, turning and making her way out the door. "But thanks for everything. I promise to call tomorrow,” Rose waved already at the street.

Resignedly, Ellie waved back. “Alright,” she called, “But be careful, okay? And call me if you need me,” she added as Rose put more distance between them.

Waving again, Rose shouted, “I will!” before turning and increasing her pace to a jog and finally into a full out run. Her thoughts were circling wildly as she sprinted toward the cafe. The Doctor. The Doctor was _here_! How? When? Questions flew through her mind. This was… impossible! How could he have crossed the void? Was he looking for her? He had to be. Why else would he be in _Broadchurch_ , of all places on earth. A deep yearning filled her at the thought of seeing him again. The Doctor. The man who’d left her and her Doctor on the beach all that time ago. Had he missed her? 

The thought gave her a stab of both grief and guilt. She’d grieved the loss of Him when He’d left her, even though he’d left her with the biggest gift she’d ever been blessed with. She wouldn’t have traded her husband for the universes. But that didn’t change what the Doctor had meant to her. 

And with that thought came guilt. What about Alec? The man she’d fallen in love with. The human with the Doctor’s face? She couldn’t… and _wouldn’t_ just go swanning off with the Doctor to leave Alec here. She loved him as much as she loved the Doctor. Doctor _s_. 

Well… she’d have to think about all that later. She wouldn’t betray Alec, but she had to see the Doctor again. Right now, she had no doubts about that. Whatever the outcome, she knew she had no real choice but to seek him out. He was in this universe again and at the moment, nothing else mattered.


	19. Chapter 19

Hello friends! Another instalment. Hope you like!

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 19: Fracture

It was early evening when the pursuing Time Lord's chronon detector picked up the anomalous readings and his hearts skipped a beat. It was her. He had her. Jumping up from the park bench where he’d been sitting, he turned and moved in the direction the offending particles were emitting the signal from. 

Last night he’d had followed the Doctor back to this area, only to find he’d moved his TARDIS out of sync and he therefore wasn’t able to locate it. Smart, considering the man’s ship was ridiculously conspicuous. So, he’d been waiting for another sighting of the other Time Lord knowing he was parked somewhere in the vicinity. It wasn’t until only a very short while ago that he realized he had a way to draw the Doctor and his walking anomaly out of hiding. 

He’d had the chronon detector offline and had been concentrating on calibrating it when he let his mental shields slip a bit. Immediately he sensed the other Time Lord in the vicinity. Throwing his shield’s up again, he chastised himself for being so careless. If he sensed the Doctor, then the Doctor could’ve sensed him as well. It was a two way street.

Then it occurred to him… maybe if the Doctor _did_ know he was being followed, he’d become a bit careless himself. He played the idea over in his mind for a moment before deciding. He’d let the other Time Lord know he was there and then follow his lead. In the very least, it would get the man moving. 

Reaching out mentally then, this time purposefully, he searched for the other man’s consciousness again and found it barely shielded. Dipping into the Doctor’s awareness, he felt his startled response before he quickly pulled back and withdrew from the other man’s mind. 

Then he waited. And it hadn’t taken long. Judging by the readings he was getting, he was now being rewarded for his good judgment. Where he hadn’t found any anomalous chronon particles before, the detector was now picking up a strong localized signal being emitted from just up the street. The Doctor must’ve had her shielded… perhaps in some sort of temporal stasis field in a local dwelling somewhere nearby. He had been smart to remove her from his TARDIS, he reflected. Now, though, the idiot must have deactivated whatever had been shielding her in order to move her. And now he had him. The Doctor and his mutant walking time bomb. A glaring but predictable mistake on his adversary's part, he smiled inwardly. 

Exiting his TARDIS at breakneck speed, he bolted in the direction of the anomaly. He just made it around the corner of an alleyway before seeing the Doctor’s TARDIS disappear from his view and into the vortex. Damn it!

Sprinting back to his own ship, he set the coordinates to follow the Doctor’s TARDIS and within minutes he was pursuing the other man’s ship through the vortex… following his ship’s signature through time and space. He was close. As soon as the Doctor landed, he’d have him. 

It was a number of minutes before his readings showed the Doctor’s TARDIS had landed. The planet was called Barilla… a nothing planet with no intelligent life to speak of. Just as he landed close by and brought up the exterior on the monitor, the Doctor’s TARDIS dematerialized again. Blast it! The bloody idiot knew he was being followed! Damn it! Well… what had he expected, really? The Doctor had sensed him, after all, and as much as the other Time Lord was a relative simpleton compared to himself, the man wasn’t a complete idiot. Of course he would assume he’d be followed. His job was going to be to stay one step ahead of the poor excuse for a Time Lord, then. 

Setting his TARDIS’s scanners to detect and reproduce the Doctor’s TARDIS’ movements, he threw his own TARDIS back into the vortex. 

A niggling feeling kept playing at him though as his magnificent ship trailed the rogue’s decommisioned piece of time junk. The Doctor would’ve had to have anticipated he’d be followed. So… why run? There was little chance he’d be able to outrun a TARDIS class 87 with his decrepit excuse for a time hopper. He either had something up his sleeve… a maneuver that was perhaps banned, or a hiding place hidden from time trails… that he had little fear of actually getting caught, or he was running because… 

No. He had her with him. He was sure of it. The particles had disappeared from earth the same time that he took off with his TARDIS. That meant she had been on board with him. She must be.

Despite his confidence that he was in sure pursuit of the target, he decided he’d better cover all the bases… just in case. He couldn’t take a chance on losing her. Pulling up his communication console, he mentally said good-bye to all the useless credits he’d been holding on to and lay in the communication code for the one person he could count on to have his back, even if he knew the man would just as surely stab him in it if he received a good enough offer. 

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

It wasn’t long before Rose got to the cafe. It was completely dark outside and a fog had settled over the town. The air was a bit nippy too, but she didn’t feel it. Her blood was still wildly pumping through her veins from her run and from the adrenaline created by the anticipation of seeing the Doctor again. Turning randomly in the street, she looked all around. Nothing unusual, as far as she could tell. There were only a few people about with the street lamps casting a halo over their heads as they walked down the sidewalk.

Where should she start? Deciding to randomly pick a direction, she turned on her heel and headed down the sidewalk. It was difficult to see too far ahead with the fog obscuring anything mildly distant, but she peered into the darkened alleys anyhow, looking for…what? The lighted sign of her beloved TARDIS? A fleeting glance of a long coat swishing the fog aside behind her Time Lord as he walked? She wasn’t sure _what_ she might find, but she was ready for whatever it was. She’d been ready to see him again from the moment he dematerialized on Bad Wolf Bay.

She spent the hour scouring the street and those nearby looking for any sign of him, but there was nothing. God. What if he’d already left? What if he’d given up? Assumed she wasn’t here and decided to start looking elsewhere? Her heart squeezed at the thought and fear welled in her belly. No. She couldn’t think like that. She had to believe he was still here.

Steeling herself, she redoubled her efforts. Retracing her steps, she purposefully went all the way down the alleys and back roads around the area, combing the corners and streets for any trace of the man who had changed her life more than any other. But her efforts were futile and despite her attempts to stay focused, she couldn’t help but let fear creep back into her. He wasn’t here. Not in the immediate vicinity, anyway. Maybe he’d parked the TARDIS further off and had just been spotted around here… it wasn’t like he’d never wandered a fair distance from his ship before now. She mustn’t lose hope. But she also had no leads as to where exactly to look next. 

Looking around her one last time with the ridiculous hope she’d just missed seeing him standing only metres away from her before, her shoulders slumped. She really had nowhere else she could look tonight. While it was true he might be gone by morning, he could very well _already_ be gone. She could only hope he might still be in Broadchurch… that maybe he was looking for her, too. And where might he look for her? 

Then it hit her. What if he already _knew_ where to find her? What if he knew where she lived? Of course… he could easily access that information! He might even be waiting at her place this minute!

A thrill of hope flew through her with the thought. She needed to get home! Pulling out her phone, she called a cab. 

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

Rose arrived home a little while later, having convinced herself that she would find a tall, dashing Time Lord waiting on her front step. Instead, she found only her darkened doorway and an empty front yard. More than just disheartened, she climbed her porch steps and let herself into the house. It was half eleven, or thereabouts, and even though her body was ready for bed, her head wasn’t. She had bet all her remaining bits of hope that she’d see him here waiting for her and now… now here she was, standing in her empty house where she was, not long ago, actively missing the other man with His face. 

Shame filled her. What was she doing? Really? The man she’d committed herself to only days ago was off hurting somewhere, and she was swanning off looking for another one. Granted, it was an incredibly extraordinary man, but he was still another man. What would Alec think of her if he knew? Deep down she knew. He’d feel betrayed. And why wouldn’t he? She’d told him she loved him. He cared about her and was trusting her with his heart while he was having to live through a difficult time with his daughter while still being undoubtedly worried about his health at the same time. On top of that, he’d gone out of his way to make sure she’d be taken care of while he was gone. And what was she doing to repay him? Actively looking for her dead husband’s ‘twin’. 

A big part of her wanted to rebuff her own conscience. In fairness to herself, finding out the Doctor was here and then running after him was understandable. But in her heart she knew there was no excuse. It was unfair to Alec. If the Doctor were to find _her_... that was one thing. For her to be actively seeking him out was another. Fate seemed to have decided that she needed the Doctor… or every version of him that ever existed… in her life. If that was true… he _would_ come to her. If not… maybe she shouldn’t question it. Of course she loved him. She always would. There was no question. But she’d met Alec now. He was only human… but only hours ago, he’d been all she needed in a man. Why now was she so eager to complicate this new and wonderful relationship by searching for the other man she loved? 

Her mind was made up. She wasn’t going to search for him anymore. If he showed up on her doorstep, so be it. If he didn’t, it wasn’t meant to be. Rose took a deep calming breath. Fate seemed to have all sorts of things in it’s fickle mind for her and all she could really do was go along for the ride. Throwing the Doctor in the mix had been perhaps cruel, but it was also a good wake-up call. It made her really have to examine her priorities and values. Maybe that was the point.

Closing her eyes, she took stock of her body. She was exhausted. It had been a tiring search for the Doctor and it was late. She wasn’t quite ready to turn in, though. Even though her body was exhausted, her mind was stilling reeling. She needed to relax. What she could really go for was a glass of wine, but the house was dry as a bone in that regard and she wasn’t up to going out. Moving to the kitchen, she poked her head in the fridge to find nothing but milk. Then it occurred to her. What she needed tonight was a nice cup of tea. Yeah… something warm to soothe her heightened nerves would be perfect. She’d get her jim jams on, pull on her winter robe, and settle in front of the fireplace with a with a hot steaming mug.

Pulling out the teapot, she put on the kettle and took out a couple of biscuits for good measure, placing them beside her favourite cup on the counter. Mmmm. This is what she needed. Something calming that would help centre her.

Making her way up the stairs to her bedroom, she flicked on the bedside light before moving to the closet. Undressing, she let her clothes fall messily to the floor before grabbing her favourite flannel cupcake printed pj bottoms and sliding them on. She threw on a pink t-shirt next and then began fumbling around in the closet for her winter housecoat. Normally her lighter robe was good enough, but she really felt the need to feel especially cozy and swaddled tonight. It was an empty comfort, but it was something, at least. 

She hadn’t seen it when she’d unpacked a while ago, only finding her lighter one. If Alec had been the one to unpack it… where might he have put it? Moving her clothes back and forth on the hangers and rummaging through her pile of clothes on the floor of the closet a second time, she hoped she might come across it somehow magically. She didn’t however, which really shouldn’t have been much of a surprise.

Sighing, she was about to give up when it occurred to her. He was tall. He may have put it up higher, not thinking she’d prefer it to be within easier reach. Shaking her head with affection, she pictured Alec loading things up on the top shelf, completely unaware how vertically impaired she was. 

Standing on her tip-toes, she pawed up on the top shelf of the closet and felt something. Aha! The familiar soft pillowy fabric of her housecoat played against her fingertips until she was able to grasp it and pull it over the ledge of the shelf. What got pulled along with it, however, is what made her mouth go completely dry and her heart all but stop.

What had fallen and landed on top of her robe in her arms was beyond reason. Beyond surreal. Because what she held in her arms was impossible. What she held against her now, as her head began to spin and her knees became weak, was made of a fabric and pattern she had, at one time, assumed she would never see again. Pinstripes.

Wild thoughts flew through Rose’s mind as she stared down at what could only be the Doctor’s suit jacket. His jacket. In _her_ closet. 

Pulling the garment up to her nose, she smelled it. His. She could detect a trace of the TARDIS in it… familiar and… somehow magical, she’d always thought.

But… this was impossible! Completely barmy! That meant… No. It couldn’t be. He wasn’t… she was _so_ sure he wasn’t! But now…

Alec was the Doctor? Alec...the man she’d grown to love… the man she’d trusted with her heart… was really the Doctor. But… how could that be? 

Then the reality of the situation hit her square in the face. The man Ellie had seen near the cafe… the one that looked like Alec… the one _she_ thought must be the Doctor… that man was _both_ of them! He was Alec _and_ the Doctor. He’d told her he was leaving town, but he wasn’t. He was still here. And that meant… that meant he had the TARDIS nearby as well! 

That fact sent her headlong into shocked tears. Why?! Why was he doing this? He _knew_ the metacrisis Doctor… her husband… had died. Why would he pretend to be someone else? How could he possibly be so cruel? 

Her thoughts faltered then. Wait. But he only had one heart. Alec… the Doctor… in the hospital, he’d only had one heart! She’d felt his chest with her own hands… there was only one heart beating. One heart. One _working_ heart. 

The thought sent her into a spiral of horrid scenarios in which the Doctor had suffered some sort of near fatal injury when the TARDIS crash landed in this universe and he hadn’t completely regenerated, leaving him with altered biology. Or he’d nearly been consumed by the void while traversing it, leaving him with only one working heart. The possibilities were endless, and all of them were terrifying. 

The worst of all this was that he’d clearly felt it necessary to _lie_ to her. Maybe he somehow thought he was _less_ of a Time Lord because something happened to him… to make one of his hearts stop beating. Had it scarred him so deeply that he couldn’t live with being ‘the Doctor’ anymore? The depth of his suffering would’ve had to have been horrendous if that was the case. But even then… did he think she’d never find out? And if that was what had happened, why would he now be parading about Broadchurch in his pinstripes? No. He was living as two people on purpose. And in the meantime he had her completely believing he was simply ‘Alec Hardy, Detective Inspector’.

She felt shame fill her at the thought. She must look like a complete chump… ready to believe any tidbit of information he decided to distract her with. So eager to have someone… _anyone_ to care for her…

God. To think that only minutes ago she was giving herself shit for feeling like _she_ was betraying _him!_ She was such a daft idiot! Such a fool!

Stuffing the jacket into her nose, she breathed it in again. The Doctor. Tears filled her eyes then and she slumped to the floor, letting sobs flow from deep inside her. She felt so _betrayed_. All she could think was… _why?_

And he’d told her was going to _Glasgow_ , of all bloody places. Of _course_ he didn’t have a daughter there… how ridiculous. He’d probably had the TARDIS whip up a mock up photo of a female teen who might look a bit like him so he could make it look all the more real to her. God. Anger welled even as the tears she cried continued falling. She could maybe see him needing to hide his identity from people if there was some good reason… like there was some big old secret invasion of blob like luminescent insectoid beings who were intent on eating the intestines of the townsfolk… but why wouldn’t he at least tell _her_? Surely he knew she’d believe him? Instead, he’d let her believe he was an entirely different person! He’d let her _care_ about his fictional daughter and even told her he was leaving town, when he was clearly hunting something right under their noses.

The idea bothered her on a level she didn’t even realize she had. It hurt her to the core. The level of manipulation and falsehood required to do this was beyond what she thought he was even capable of. But apparently it wasn’t beyond him. Not at all. This… cruelty was so unlike the Doctor she’d known. In fact… it was _so_ beyond what she could accept from the man who’d, at one time, all but admitted he loved her, that she had to question whether it was really him. This couldn’t be the same Doctor she’d known all those years ago.

And that’s when it hit her.


	20. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm overwhelmed once again by the feels!!! Thanks to everyone who has continued on this journey with me! 
> 
> Here's the next chapter in all it's, er... glory. I'm a bit reticent to be too excited about it, mostly because our Rose is in for more hurt before the happy. For that reason, I'd like to say a pre-emptive apology. On a happier note, though, we get a couple more answers to questions that have come up. Enjoy!

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 20: Trust

Pain ripped through her head and her hands flew up to try to contain what must be her brain trying to escape her skull. Within moments, though, the pain pulled back to a heavy ache and finally eased to a dull thud. Her eyes closed tight, she swore felt a familiar tingle in the back of her mind. The TARDIS. But… it was so much stronger than she remembered feeling before. And while the warmth of the feeling surrounded her aching mind and soothed it, the strength of the feeling alarmed her. Dimly, she was aware that this was somehow not a new feeling… but she wasn’t sure why. She had no memory she could dredge up of having experienced anything this intense from the TARDIS before, and yet… somehow she knew she _had_. The feeling was somehow comforting and disconcerting at the same time. 

Opening her eyes, she realized she was sitting on the floor of her room with a very familiar jacket pushing to her face. That’s right. The Doctor. He was here. He was Alec. Memories of the realization came flooding back to her in that moment and once again threatened to overwhelm her. 

Standing, she realized she was really quite achy… and not just in her head. She felt a bit like she’d taken a nasty spill down the stairs and was now feeling the bruises everywhere. Probably shock. This was all just… too much. 

She needed to get out of here. She needed to run. She needed to think. 

Dropping the jacket, she quickly divested herself of her jimjams and pulled on her running pants, socks and a t-shirt, stopping at the door on her way outside to grab her trainers. Making her way out into the night, she broke into a jog, heading nowhere in particular… just… away.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOOOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

Earth, 2014, in a little coastal town in England. He generally didn’t mind this time period. The humans in this century were still a bit frigid, but things were freeing up in terms of sexuality and corruption was still rampant in the government and military structures. 

He’d been called in by his rather shady Time Lord contact to monitor this time period and location for unusual time related activity using technology he’d been told to pick up on his way. He wasn’t about to turn the man down. Any chance he had to suck up to the Time Lords he took. They’d not interfered in the Time Agency’s business much, even though they certainly could’ve, and his contact knew of his own sometimes… okay.. _often_ colourful activities which he could’ve reported to his superiors more than once. He sort of had him by the bullocks. That wasn’t to say that he, himself, didn’t have some key information he could easily share about his contact with the Time Lords, though… so overall, he liked to think they were pretty even in that regard. What had him especially interested in this assignment, though, was the one particular Time Lord his contact was concerned with. One who had quite a hate on for him. The Doctor. He and the Doctor had a rather checkered past… one he wasn’t particularly proud of, but one he’d do over the same way if it were to happen again. He’d done what had to be done at the time, though the Doctor didn’t see it the same way, obviously.

Well, whatever the assignment, he was pleased to take it on. He needed the credits. The Time Agency was losing interest for him, but he had no intention of divesting himself of their time traveling technology, so he’d been doing the minimum required work for them and had been taking on side projects to line his pockets. If the Doctor happened to be caught in the crossfire here, so be it.

He was about to call it a night and catch a few Z’s on a park bench when the technology he’d picked up on Urious Prime alerted him with a ‘ding’. God… it didn’t seem to matter what time period a thing was built in, every species seemed to still like things to ‘ding’. Looking down at the gadget in his hands, he stood. It had found whatever time signature it was programmed to look for. 

Excellent. This assignment was going to be easier than he’d thought. The Time Lord had warned him that he probably wouldn’t find anything, but that if he did, he was to locate the source of the signal, neutralize it, and contact him for further instructions. Shouldn’t be too difficult. His contact had been in a bit of a rush when imparting the instructions, so he wasn’t sure what exactly to expect on finding the source of this signal. He knew that the weapons of this era were nothing compared to what he had on him, but they could still create substantial damage if focused on the right spot.

Trying to mentally prepare himself for anything, he took off after the source of the signal.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

It was a full half hour later that Rose found herself panting and leaning over with her hands on her knees in front of ‘The Black Horse Pub’. She’d run until she was literally unable to do so any longer, and then she continued walking aimlessly until she found herself here. Still out of breath, she realized she was still achy. Running maybe hadn’t been the best idea, she mused. It just felt so _good_. 

Looking into the window of the little pub, she thought about turning around and heading home. She was exhausted, though. Maybe one pint. Catch her breath and just sit for a bit and try to make some sense out of the craziness she’d just experienced.

Opening the door, a little bell above it rang as she entered. It was Friday night and the pub was still busy with patrons taking up most of the tables around the room. A couple of spots were open at the bar, so Rose slid herself onto one of the high seats and ordered herself a pint. While she waited, she rested her aching head on her arm as she leaned on the counter in front of her. 

“Hard night?” a male tenor voice said in a not unpleasant American accent.

Lifting her head, she found herself looking at a ghost. Her jaw dropped and her eyes opened wide. “Jack?”

It was the man’s turn to look shocked then. He didn’t know her. Oh god… of course he didn’t know her. This was parallel Jack, obviously. 

“Have we met?” the Captain asked, his surprise expertly replaced with a flirty smile.

“Oh.. er, sort of. It’s a long story,” Rose smiled. 

Jack’s smiled brightened further and a clear twinkle found his eyes. “Hmmm… sound like something we should talk about,” he grinned. “It seems you have me at a disadvantage. You obviously know my name, but I’m afraid my memory is either failing me or I’m going insane, because I’d be crazy to forget the name of anyone as attractive as you are,” he grinned sexily. 

Rose blushed. It was a very cheesey line, but it seemed Jack had the ability to make her squirm in any universe no matter how corny the pick-up line. “My name’s Rose,” she shared. “Rose Tyler.”

“Rose. Lovely name,” he said, staring purposefully into her eyes, hanging there for a moment. Then, catching the bartender’s eye he said, “Excuse me… can I get whatever she’s having?” The bartender nodded his assent and they sat in silence for a moment.

Studying him, Rose would never have guessed this was anyone other than the Captain she knew and loved from her universe. His eyes shined a clear, striking blue and his build was exactly the same. Jack had always been an attractive man… _very_ attractive, if she was honest. If she hadn’t met the Doctor before meeting him, she was pretty sure she’d have fancied him. And he had quite a way with women… and men, apparently, if what her Doctor had told her once was true. 

“So,” he said, now holding a pint up to clink glasses with her, “here’s to meeting you… again,” he smiled. Rose giggled a bit as she lifted her glass to his. Smiling, they both took a pull of their beers. “So am I going to get to hear this story? How exactly do we ‘sort of’ know each other,” he smiled. 

Looking down at his wrist, she saw the technology that gave her permission to discuss much more than merely the weather. His vortex manipulator was a herald to his affiliation with the Time Agency. “I’ve met you before,” she said knowingly, looking down at the gadget on his wrist.

His eyes widening a bit, he seemed to tense up. “Oh yeah? When was this, then?” he asked, clearly now on his guard. 

Rose smiled a bit. He didn’t understand. Why would he. Looking around, she realized that others would be likely able to overhear their conversation if they stayed where they were. “I think we should talk,” she said, eying a now vacant booth in the corner. “Let’s find somewhere a bit quieter so I can explain.”

Moving to the booth, they both settled in. Rose couldn’t help but notice that Jack had conveniently left his jacket open and his hand was nestled in his pocket, probably wrapped around a weapon of some kind. She sighed. “Jack… I know you’ve got a weapon in there. I’m not going to hurt you. I promise,” she smiled softly.

Jack seemed a bit put off by her forthrightness, but didn’t move his hand. “Let me be the judge of that,” he smiled a bit tightly back.

Sighing again, Rose shook her head. Men. “Alright, suit yourself,” she said. “So I met you… well, not _this_ you… on earth during the blitz. World war two. In London. I was hanging from a barrage balloon and you rescued me.”

Jack stared back at her looking confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Jack… I’m not from this universe. I’m from a parallel universe. I was brought here by someone very close to me and…” she swallowed, working to reign in the newly rekindled emotion about the topic, “... and he left me here. At least… I _thought_ he left me here.”

There was silence for a moment, and then Jack said, “This… someone… was it maybe a Time Lord? Was it the Doctor?” he asked, his voice now a bit less intimidating.

Rose nodded, dropping her eyes. Tears threatened to fall again. Then she realized something. The Doctor. How did _this_ Jack know the Doctor? 

The pain in her head chose that moment to elevate to a nine out of ten on the charts. Crying out despite herself, tears now splashed unabated in response to the agony in her mind. Visions of the Doctor floated before her eyes. They were in the TARDIS… no… not the TARDIS… _a_ TARDIS… it wasn’t the same… but she knew somehow it was _his_.

“What is it?!” she heard Jack say alarmed beside her. 

Unable to answer, she merely continued clutching her head between her hands. Her eyes had squeezed shut on instinct and she had to work to focus on continuing to breathe through the sharp pain. A strong arm wrapped around her and she felt him work to edge her out of her seat. He said something, but she couldn’t make it out, before he helped her hobble from the pub onto the street, his strength alone allowing her to remain standing. 

As the pain began to abate a bit, she realized she was being lifted into his arms. She didn’t know where they were going, but she trusted Jack in her universe, and so far she had no reason not to trust him here. And she really had no choice right now, anyhow. It’s not like she could argue with him even if she wanted to at the moment. Allowing herself to lean into the man holding her, she felt her body giving into the pain and exhaustion. Just then, a sharp zap lit her vision and she felt herself being pulled in every direction at once as the world around her disappeared.


	21. Odd Job

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is on the longer end in terms of length, but there a lot that needed to happen. Enjoy!

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 21: Odd Job

The TARDIS landed with a soft thud on the surface of Cray after the equivalent of an intergalactic high speed chase. He’d been careening through the universe in an effort to lose the Time Lord who’d been on his tail since he high tailed off of earth.

The fob watch sat on the console, safe and sound after being used to entice his pursuer to follow as the Doctor lead him further and further away from earth and the person he was desperately trying to protect.

Opening the doors of the ship, he looked about. The grass under his feet looked golden in the moonlight as it had a reflective quality he’d always admired. This was hardly the time for appreciating the flora, however, he chastised himself. He needed to keep his eyes peeled. The other Time Lord would be appearing any moment if he hadn’t shaken him. 

He remained vigilant for another twenty minutes, but nothing appeared. Had he actually shaken him? He might have. He’d passed through the Nra nebula on the way here and it was notorious for mixing up time signatures. Gods. He’d done it! He’d lost him! He allowed himself a congratulatory pat on the back. It had been a grueling almost eight hour chase by earth time. His pursuer was obviously determined, which had him all the more worried. Rose was in very clear danger. There was no question. 

Moving back into his TARDIS, he moved up to the console and picked up the fob. Essence of Rose emanated from it… her soft voice echoing somewhere in the back of his mind, calling him to listen. God. He was besotted. No question. He was a goner when it came to this particular life form. She was more than merely one of a kind. She was… worth everything. 

Gently turning the watch over in his hand, he plotted a course back to earth. He’d managed to shake the other Time Lord, who clearly believed he had Rose with him in the TARDIS. He’d hoped travelling through the Nra nebula would help his cause, and it appeared it had… thank Gods. Now it was time to concentrate on sorting the cure for the woman who’d somehow managed to worm her way into his hearts.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

Rose woke with a start, sucking in a deep breath as she did so. The dream she’d had… it had seemed so _real_. She was on the TARDIS… the ‘different’ TARDIS she’d imagined before… and she was sick. So sick. The Doctor was beside himself with worry for her, she knew. She could see it in his eyes when she talked to him. She couldn’t really make out the words they were saying in her dream, but the meaning behind them was clear. She was preparing him for her death. 

And that’s when she woke up here. Looking around, she wondered where ‘here’ was, exactly. It looked familiar. Oh my god! She was at the Traders! 

Her memories of the night before came flooding back with the realization she wasn’t in her own bed. She’d found the jacket. The Doctor’s jacket. The memory stung. A zing of anxiety and grief passed through her as she recalled her need to run. She remembered moving through the streets, her lungs burning as her feet pounded on the pavement in a release of overwhelming emotion. She recalled finding herself in front of the Black Horse… stopping for a pint...  
Just then the room lock clicked and the door creaked open revealing a very handsome six foot something tall Captain. Jack! The rest of the evening’s memories found her all at once. The joy at seeing Jack, even if it wasn’t _her_ Jack. The intense pain that enveloped her during their conversation. Then… nothing. 

“Morning, beautiful!” Jack bellowed from the doorway. He held a tray of coffee cups and a bag from the cafe. “Thought you might be hungry when you woke up. You were out for a long time, though. After what happened last night, I was really starting to worry,” he admitted, sitting beside her on the bed. “What happened last night, anyway?” he asked, putting the tray down and opening the bag.

Sitting up slowly, Rose rubbed the sleep from her eyes. What _had_ happened last night? She’d been chatting with Jack one minute, and the next… she was experiencing pain like she’d never felt before. “I honestly… I don’t know. We were talkin’, and then… it was like my brain was on fire,” she said, trying to recall anything other than that.

Jack studied her carefully. “How do you feel now?” he asked, sounding truly concerned as he sat on the edge of the bed, handing her a danish.

She thought about that. She felt achy. All over. Her head hurt, but it was a dull throb. Nothing serious. “I’m okay. Not a hundred percent, but not terrible,” she shared honestly before taking a bite of the danish.

Jack sighed. “Good. Listen… I think you should just rest for today. I have some work to do, but you can stay here and rest up while I do it. I want to keep an eye on you. Make sure you don’t… relapse, or something.”

Rose smiled. Jack. This him was just as protective as her other Jack. “Thanks, Jack. I mean it. But I have to go. There’s… something I have to do. Maybe we can meet up later, though, yeah? I’d like to see you again, if that’s alright,” she shared. 

Jack’s expression morphed into one of true worry. “I really think you should be taking it easy, Rose. You should’ve seen yourself last night. You were… well, let’s just say, you didn’t look like you were going to be doing _anything_ today,” Jack entreated.

Rose’s heart filled then. Jack was apparently ‘Jack’ in this universe, too. “I really appreciate your concern, Jack… I do. It’s just… well, if I’m honest…” she paused. How could she even explain her situation. Finally she settled on the truth. This Jack seemed every bit like ‘her’ Jack. And she could use the help of someone who would understand her situation. “My friend saw the Doctor on the street last night and I have to track him down. I can’t explain it all right now, but it’s important. Some things… we… it’s been really complicated between us, and I need to see him… to find out why… Oh, God. I’m not explaining this well at all,” Rose said, letting her hand run down her face. Sighing, she finally said, "I think… he… he could be in trouble. I’m worried he’s not completely himself right now, and I need to be there for him, you know?” she said, hoping he might understand. 

Jack’s face betrayed his interest then, and it became clear she’d peaked his curiosity. “The Doctor’s here? On earth?” he asked, sounding surprised.

“Yes. At least… he was. I just… I need to make sure he’s alright,” she shared. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Jack asked, full of concern.

“I’m not even sure, Jack. It’s such a long story. The easiest way I can explain it is by saying that… he’s sick. I’m not sure with _what_ exactly. I just know that it has something to do with his hearts. Only one of them is actually working,” she said reliving the fear for him she’d found last night. “He nearly died. Well… I suppose I should say… he nearly regenerated, I guess. If he can even _do_ that anymore,” she said, feeling a lump forming in her throat. God. He might have _died_. Properly _died_. 

“That’s incredible,” Jack said after a moment. “But… what about the TARDIS? Where is it?” he asked.

“I don’t know. He… Alec… oh, God,” Rose said, once again feeling embarrassment and shame mount inside her. "The Doctor’s been pretending to be my boyfriend… ‘Alec’. It’s been going on for a while now. I… I didn’t realize he was the Doctor. I thought… God… it sounds ridiculous to say it now that I know the truth,” she said, once again mentally chastising herself. “You see… the Doctor’s been here on earth for a while… I’m not sure _why_ exactly, but I imagine he’s solving some problem or other… and he’s had to pretend he’s a Detective Inspector. I thought he was just some sort of freaky look-a-like of the Doctor I knew in _my_ universe. Now it turns out he really _is_ the Doctor.”

Jack’s brow furrowed. “But… this ‘Alec’ guy… is it the Doctor that _I_ know or is it the Doctor from your universe?” he asked.

For a moment, Rose was speechless. She’s just assumed it was Her Doctor. But now… what if it was _this_ universe’s Doctor? What if this man Ellie had seen… the one who she’d known as Alec… what if she didn’t really know him at all? 

With the thought, pain bloomed in hot red pokers behind her eyes. Immediately squeezing them shut she clutched at the sides of her head in an effort to contain the brains that must surely be spilling out of it.

“Rose!” she heard Jack say in alarm.

A loud moan was all she was able to give in response as agony played through her skull and began to pulse through the rest of her body. The world was existing beyond her awareness now as she worked to maintain consciousness. Curling into herself, she did her best to breathe as the pain very slowly began to recede. As she came back to herself, she realized there was a warm hand on her back and Jack was cooing soft reassurances in her ear.

“Rose… breathe,” he instructed, rubbing her back in small circles. She did as instructed, willing the pain to melt away. As it receded further, she chanced opening her eyes again. Jack was sitting beside her, his body tense and oozing worry. 

“Oh my God,” she said, pulling her hands down her face to wipe away the tears that had fallen in response the the intense pain. “What’s wrong with me?” she asked, knowing the question was both practical and rhetorical. It was a rhetorical question in that she knew damn well what was wrong with her. She was ashamed and not half angry. At Alec… at the Doctor… at the universe. It was also a very practical question in that she would actually really appreciate an answer for why she was suddenly and mercilessly being wracked by pain at seemingly random times. 

Jack’s expression as he gazed down at her was more pitying than worried, Rose thought. She supposed it must be very odd for him, all this. Here she was…a stranger, as far as he was concerned, introducing herself as a parallel friend and then immediately collapsing on him. Not just once, but repeatedly. On top of that, she was a rather pathetic mess pining over some bloke who’d abandoned her. Twice. Possibly as two wholly separate (but same) men. No wonder he was looking at her that way. 

Well, she wasn’t about to sit here being pathetic. She had to find the Doctor and right this entire mess. Then it occurred to her. Her phone! She could just _call him_. Well… call ‘Alec’, anyway. If he _was_ Alec… that is, if he still thought the _she_ believed he was Alec… he’d answer his phone. Sitting up slowly, she looked over at the bedside table. It wasn’t there.

“My phone,” Rose said, suddenly desperate. “I need my phone,” she confirmed, looking around the room from where she sat. 

“Oh…” Jack said, looking a bit sheepish.

“What?” she said, not liking the look on his face at _all_.

“I, uh…when I used the vortex manipulator, it sort of got, uh…fried,” he said, biting his lip, possibly readying himself for her wrath. “It was half hanging out of your back pocket and the exposed bits…well… direct contact with the vortex is sort of bad news for phone batteries. Sorry,” he said, once again looking a bit like he was expecting a slap.

Rose’s heart sank. She had his number programmed into her cell and hadn’t bothered memorizing it. Damn technology. Well…that left finding him the old fashioned way. Determined, she started to swing her legs over the side of the bed to get up, but Jack’s hand stopped their movement.

“Uh…where do you think you’re going?” he asked, his voice sounding somewhere between amused and flabbergasted.

“Jack, I told you. I have to find the Doctor. Now shift,” she ordered, gently pushing him to encourage him to move.

“Ohhhh no. Nuh-uh. Guess what, Ms. Tyler…you’re not going anywhere. You’re resting right here. What if this happens again while you’re out there walking around? What if you’re crossing the street somewhere and you have to curl up into a ball? No…you’re stuck here with me for a bit,” he said decisively. “And trust me…that’s not something many women would turn down,” he said, smiling his best flirty smile.

Rose couldn’t help but grin at that. It was so _Jack_. A wave of nausea chose that moment to pulse through her though, turning her smile into an instant grimace. Jack seemed to sense the change in her and allowed himself to be pushed out of the way as Rose clambered off the bed and into the loo where she barely reached the toilet in time to release the contents of her stomach. From the doorway behind her Jack said, “Oh yeah…you’re ready to take on the world. Let me get your coat,” he said gently but with definite sarcasm. 

“Shut it,” Rose replied, finally done heaving. Leave it to Jack to tell her ‘I told you so.’

“Come on,” he said, helping her up and to the sink. Looking into the vanity mirror, she took in her decidedly sickly pallor. She looked terrible. Her eyes were dark rimmed and her skin pasty. She honestly looked wretched. It was no wonder Jack doubted she could cope with merely walking let alone taking on a full out search for the Doctor. 

Leaning over the sink, she turned on the cool water and swished some in her mouth to get rid of the sick taste. Then, taking a handful, she splashed her face and patted it dry with a towel Jack handed her. Leaning forward over the basin again, she took a deep breath. She had no choice. If she didn’t find him soon, she might never find him. Whether she truly felt up to it or not, she had to try.

Working to stand to her full height, she turned around and found Jack standing behind her. She shook her head. This Jack hardly knew her, and yet he was so concerned. Feeling an overwhelming feeling of affection, she reached out and hugged him. She felt him tense up a bit with the forward show of affection. She knew it was probably a bit presumptuous, but she didn’t care. “Jack… I just want to say… thank-you. For helping me,” she said, pulling back to look up at him. “I know you don’t know me…that you’ve never met me before yesterday, but I’ve known you…another you…for a long time. And in that universe you were a very important person in my life. You were kind and considerate… and you always looked out for me. And it seems you’re just meant to be that way no matter what universe you’re born in,” she said, her eyes shining. She couldn’t help it. Like the Doctor, who had never lived an incarnation she hadn’t liked, Jack seemed to be a man she could rely on in any universe. Standing on her toes, she leaned up and brushed a soft kiss on his cheek. 

Jack seemed quite startled at her confession and actually blushed with her kiss. He fumbled for a moment, obviously not sure what to say. Rose found it endearing. It wasn’t often she’d seen Jack at a loss for words. He honestly looked completely flummoxed. 

Finally finding some words, he said, “It’s okay, Rose. I, uh… I’m glad I could help,” he said, seemingly confused about something.

Chalking it up to his reticence to let her go search for the Doctor, she said, “I know you’re worried about me, but I’ll be fine. Now, I need to find him… so I have to go,” she said, watching his face as a number of emotions passed over it. What was he thinking?

Finally, Jack’s expression morphed from conflicted to something… unreadable. “I’m afraid you’ll have to stay here, Rose,” he said, his voice becoming more detached, but betraying… was it regret?

Sighing, Rose rolled her eyes. “Look, Jack… I don’t have a choice. I’m going,” Rose said, attempting to step past him through the bathroom door. Jack’s body, however, remained completely immobile as he stood stone still in her way. The hairs on the back of Rose’s neck began to prickle uncomfortably. Something wasn’t right here. “Jack, _move_ ,” she demanded, now actively working to push him out of the way.

“I’m sorry Rose… I can’t let you leave,” Jack said, still blocking her way very purposely.

Rose backed away from him and planted her hands on her hips in her best Jackie Tyler fashion and pushed her face into a glare that would rival her mother’s any day. “And why’s that?” she challenged. 

Now it was Jack’s turn to sigh. “It’s a long story,” Jack said in a delayed echo of Rose’s own words. “Suffice to say, you’re staying here.”

Continuing her stare ‘down’ of the six foot tall man she was currently glaring up at, she replied, “Jack, I have to go. This isn’t your choice. Now… excuse me,” she said, striding purposefully and confidently to the side of him for the door. In her attempt to make her way past him, though, she was yanked against Jack’s chest, with him grabbing her arm roughly, making her yelp involuntarily.

“I said… I can’t let you leave,” he reiterated emotionlessly, grabbing her then by both arms and effortlessly hauling her out of the loo to deposit her a bit too forcefully on the bed. Adrenaline and fear shot through Rose’s veins. What the hell was happening?! 

“JACK!” she shouted, “What the fuck are you doing?!” she demanded, doing her best to sound angry rather than terrified. He didn’t answer though. Instead, his hand shot out to grab her even as she tried to scramble away from him. Gripping her arms again, he expertly turned her over on the mattress so she was face down with her hands held behind her back. The cool of some sort of handcuff slid around her wrists and tightened without any audible evidence that they’d done so.

“Jack!” Rose hollered angrily as he flipped her over again onto her back. 

Sighing, Jack stood back a bit, surveying Rose’s now bound form on the bed. “I’m just earning a living, beautiful. Look… I know you say you know me from some other universe, but apparently you don’t know me _well_. I was hired to find whatever was housing some sort of … time mutation particles… and I found you. Now… I realize you probably don’t know about it, or you’d have been more careful not to talk to strangers,” he said, shaking his head.

Rose’s jaw dropped. Mutant time particles? “Jack… what the hell are you on about? I’m not… mutant! I’m human! Just like you!”

“HA!” Jack barked loudly, startling Rose. “You think I’m human?! Well… it seems that your universe is different from this one in more ways than one. I’m _not_ human. Oh, I may have been at one time, but I’m not anymore. 

“What? What does _that_ mean?” Rose bit back.

“It means… I’m not just some run of the mill breakable human anymore. I’m so much more than that now,” he said rather grandly.

“My Jack had superpowers too,” Rose quipped, “though it seems he didn’t have the bloated ego to go along with it,” she spat.

“Oh _really_?” Jack merely smiled. “Did he also hold the power of the vortex in his mind? Did he turn Daleks into dust with a mere thought? Because I _did_.”

Rose couldn’t believe her ears. The Game Station. He’d been on the Game Station. In this universe! But then… did that mean…

Pain bloomed in her head making her squeeze her eyes tightly shut. She needed to know, though. She had to find out. Forcing words out, she croaked, “The Doctor…”

A throaty chuckle issued from the man standing beside the bed. “Oh yes. The Doctor was there. All high and mighty. I was ready to do it. I was ready to use the Delta Wave. It would’ve destroyed all life on the station and every sentient being within thousands of kilometres… human and Dalek alike. But that didn’t matter. What mattered was that the Daleks would be gone. The Doctor knew it and I knew it. But the Doctor… he was a coward in the end. I was just about to activate it when he pushed me back and into the TARDIS, sending it back to earth in the 20th century.”

Somewhere beyond the pain, Rose’s mind whirled. Jack had been the one in this universe. He’d been the one to open the TARDIS up and look into the vortex. 

“So I did the only thing I could think of. I opened her up. I opened the heart of the TARDIS and managed to fly her back to the Doctor. Even after what he’d done, I _still_ tried to save his sorry ass. And I managed to do it. I saved him. I got rid of all the Daleks too… without killing anyone else. I was a fucking God! And I could’ve stayed like that too if the Doctor hadn’t taken it upon himself to pull the power from me. The things I could’ve done, Rose! But nooooo. The Doctor couldn’t imagine letting me exist as something more powerful than him. He had _no idea_ what good could’ve come from it. No idea. No… he didn’t _dare_ think that someone else might be able to do _good_ with power like that. He projected his own weaknesses on me… he decided I wasn’t good enough. So he took the vortex from me before I even realized what he was doing. But I fought it once I figured it out. I didn’t let him take it all. The vortex, I mean. I used everything I could to hold on to a good dollop of vortex energy. Enough to change my cells.

“You see… it’s not just that I can’t die, Rose. I’m mutating. I’m becoming a Time Lord. Oh… it may take hundreds of years, but it will happen. I’ve already grown a respiratory bypass and the beginnings of a second heart,” he crowed.

“Oh, Jack…” Rose breathed through the pain.

“So now, all I have to do it wait. And in the meantime, I make a living doing odd jobs and working for the Time Agency. And you, I’m actually sorry to say, are just an odd job.” 

Rose heard Jack walk away and a moment later she heard him sigh, “I found her.”

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

The Doctor landed the TARDIS not too far from Rose’s place. He needed to see her again… to make sure she was alright. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he dialed Rose’s number and waited. “P’tarr’s Pizza!” a chipper American male’s voice chimed in his ear. 

“What?” he said, his voice sounded decidedly astounded despite himself. 

“Doctor! So nice to hear from you!”

The Doctor’s blood ran cold. Jack. “Where’s Rose,” he said ominously, reigning in his fear. If Jack had her phone, then…

“Rosie? Oh, you mean, your latest conquest? She’s here. She’s fine,” he assured him. 

The Doctor felt his hearts nearly stop beating. He had Rose and he obviously knew what she was to the Time Lords. “What do you want, Jack,” the Doctor said, his voice dark.

Jack laughed. “From you? Nothing. You have _nothing_ I want. Your council, however… _they_ have credits. A lot of them.”

“Is _that_ all you want?! I’ve got credits… you can have ALL of them!” the Doctor offered, flabbergasted that this was merely about money. “Let Rose go and I swear… every credit I have is yours,” the Doctor vowed.

Jack laughed again… this time it was knowing. “Well… I guess it’s not really _all_ about credits,” he shared. “It’s also about power. And my contact in the council has assured me of it if I help him out. Besides… what makes you think she actually wants to spend time with you anyway? She doesn’t seem your type. You know… interesting, sexy…” 

The Doctor felt a growl begin to build in his throat but swallowed it back. “I’m going to say this only one more time. Let. Her. Go.”

“Ooooo… all puffy sounding. Well, since you put it _that_ way, how about… No. Now I’ve got to run, Doctor. Got another Time Lord to meet. Sorry ‘bout your little friend here. I’m sure you’ll find someone else to lord yourself over soon enough, though. Ta for now!” Jack’s voice taunted before the line disconnected. 

“JACK!” the Doctor shouted into the phone. “FUCK!” he cursed, banging his fist on the console. He had to find her. Where would he take her? The Doctor’s paced the floor wildly as his mind flew in every direction, searching for an answer but coming up empty. But wait… how had Jack found her in the first place? She was just another human. Even the other Time Lord hadn’t been able to locate her. 

That’s when it hit him. He _wouldn’t_ have been able to find her. Not if she was merely human. But that meant… Rassilon. She’d begun to change back. Something had caused the arch’s work to reverse and now she was beginning to exude the particles again. Fear bit into him. She was in very very grave danger now. Not that she wasn’t before… but now it was a race against the clock as well. True, the reversal would be slow, so she wouldn’t get sick again all at once, but the process would continue now and she’d fall more and more ill as it did. So when he rescued her from Jack… she’d be needing the cure for the virus tout suite, and he didn’t even have it yet!

Pulling his hands through his hair, he heard a growled yell rip through him. Gods! How was he going to do this?! The woman he… he _loved_ was in the hands of a maniac and was perilously close to being handed over to a species that often operated without a conscience… his own people. On top of that, she was going to get more and more ill and he had no way to stop it! Dread filled him, almost paralysing him. 

As he stood motionless, powerless to move, he felt a reassuring pulse through his mind. The TARDIS. She believed in him. Another wave of warm calm filled his mind, helping release him from his self imposed paralysis. He couldn’t let himself become useless to her. The TARDIS was right. He needed to stay calm and work this through as it happened. Complete one task at a time. And his first job was to find and save one Rose Marion Tyler.

Racing around the console, the Doctor set up the chronon particle detector and calibrated it to find Rose’s unique signature. If she was within a one hundred kilometre radius it would be able to pick her up. If she wasn’t… Gods. He wasn’t even going to think about that right now. He had to find her. And when he did, he would take no responsibility for what would happen to Jack if he’d so much as laid a finger on his precious girl.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some fantastic theories floating about out there about where this is all going... I'm so honoured you're enjoying the journey with me enough to posit them! All will become clear soon. Until then... enjoy!

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 22: The Contact 

Fear laced through her heart as she listened with growing alarm to Jack’s ranting. In her misplaced trust of this man who looked so like her friend, she’d managed to get herself into what appeared to be a very dangerous situation. 

Still lying on her back on the bed, the pain in her head having abated a small bit, she tried to move her fingers along the smooth metal of the cuffs feel for any sort of release mechanism on them. It was a ridiculous idea, really, but she had no other options at the moment, so she worked at the bindings to try to open them as Jack continued his tirade. She had to try to get out of here somehow. She wasn’t completely sure what was going on… why Jack wanted her… but he’d called someone to tell them he had her. That alone was enough information for her to know her future didn’t hold a whole lot of good if she stuck around here for much longer. 

As she fiddled with the cuffs, Jack rambled on about his previous relationship with the Doctor here. He clearly felt abandoned and crossed by the Doctor in this universe and in all honesty, Rose didn’t truly know if he did or didn’t have a right to feel that way. From what he’d said so far, though, it sounded like the Doctor here was much like the one in her universe. As much as his companions… or ex-companions… seemed to parrallel-universally hate it, he was overprotective and did what he thought was best for them despite their protestations. Jack had made this Doctor sound cowardly and almost vindictive, but Rose doubted he was seeing things as they really were. He seemed to be seeing things through decidedly dark lenses and it saddened Rose that this man’s potential for honesty and kindness hadn’t been nurtured here as it had in her universe. While she saw glimmers of ‘her’ Jack in this man, this version of him had clearly been lured by power and had become obsessed in its pursuit. 

She only wished ‘her’ Jack was here right now with her. He’d set this version of him bloody straight. She was about to say as much when she heard the pounding whirr and echo of the TARDIS materializing. Her heart jumped in her chest at the sound. Thank God! Relief pulsed through her with each familiar grind and thump of the time machine as it landed and she eagerly turned in order to see her favourite time ship appear across the room. 

That’s when her heart froze. A TARDIS had landed alright, but not the Doctor’s TARDIS. What had appeared in the corner of the room was a large wardrobe, not a tattered blue police box. Rose felt her anxiety kick up a notch when Jack took a few steps toward it.

“Finally,” he said, sounding a bit exasperated. 

This definitely wasn’t the Doctor, then. She’d hoped maybe it was _this_ universe’s Doctor’s TARDIS… one that maybe had a working chameleon machine, or circuit, or whatever. It clearly wasn’t, though, if Jack’s reaction to it’s appearance was anything to go by. This was another Time Lord. 

As the echoes of the TARDIS’s landing died away, the doors of the wardrobe flew open, making Rose jump. From inside the TARDIS before her emerged a blonde man who, despite his almost disarming appearance, exuded such a callous hardness that it made her insides go cold. 

Looking around the room, his eyes landed on her, making her wish desperately once again that she’d been less trusting of people. It was her trust of Jack, Alec and ultimately the Doctor that had gotten her into this mess. “Well, well. What do we have here?” the truly creepy Time Lord cooed, ignoring Jack altogether as he moved to stand at the foot of the bed. “Look at you. Hardly seems worth all the bother. A 20th century female human. A rather scrawny one at that,” he said as an aside to Jack who only gazed back emotionlessly in response. Then turning back to address her, he said, “I do believe you’ve managed to cause quite a stir among my people. But how did you manage to become a mutant chronon container, then?” he asked, his eyes narrowing, regarding her like some interesting bug specimen. 

Rose merely stared back at him, unable to even understand his question let alone form an answer. Obviously these two… and apparently the entire society of Time Lords… believed she was holding something worth acquiring. From the sounds of it, it was housed within her somehow. Her mind raced to try to figure out what it could possibly be. The only thing she could think of was her trip across the void. Was it that void stuff? The Doctor had shown her what it looked like with his 3D glasses… is that what they were on about? Well… whatever it was, they were clearly eager to acquire it. And that clearly didn’t bode well for her. 

When she didn’t answer, the man continued, “It’s not like there’s anything outwardly _special_ about you. But somehow, you’ve managed to swallow some very alluring particles. Quite a feat for a simple ape, I must say,” he sneered. 

Despite this Time Lord’s successful attempt to intimidate her, Rose put on as brave a face as she could muster and said with much more confidence than she felt, “That’s right. I’m just an ‘ape’, as you say, but I’ve got other ‘apes’ who are looking out for me, yeah? I’m an agent for a top secret organization that knows about you. And if you think for one minute that they won’t use all their power to stop you, you’re sadly mistaken,” she said, jutting out her chin defiantly. 

The Time Lord stared at her for a moment in what seemed like stunned surprise before his expression morphed into a face splitting smile and a loud peal of laughter issued from him. He laughed so hard tears began to form in his eyes and he even turned to Jack to share his mirth at Rose’s expense. Jack chuckled as well, though his enjoyment of the situation was clearly not as apparent as the other man’s. 

Finally, his laughter died off as he wiped tears from his cheeks. “Oooooh, Rassilon!” he sang as his laughter died down. "I haven’t heard such confident tripe in a long long time,” he grinned. Rose hadn’t dropped her fearless demeanor and merely glared at him from her bound place on the bed. 

“You won’t be laughing so hard when Torchwood finds you,” Rose said calmly.

The man’s demeanor changed instantly and his face responded by hardening with lightening speed. “Torchwood! You threaten me with TORCHWOOD?!” he barked angrily, making her push back a bit into the bed in a futile effort to pull back from him. This man was a lunatic! “You think those amatuer star gazers are any threat to me?!” he practically yelled, his eyes wide with crazed anger. Then, as quickly as he’d escalated, he pulled himself together and contained the wild energy he had just spouted. This man oozed madness. Ominously, he moved with measured steps to stand directly beside the bed to tower over her and nearly whispered, “NO mere human is a threat to me, dear girl. Even you,” he said, reaching out to stroke her hair. His touch felt like defilement and she tried to turn her head away only to have him grasp her face tightly and turn her forcibly back to look at him. “And you will LOOK at me when I talk to you, because I’m not only your new master. I’m THE Master.”

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

It didn’t take long for the TARDIS to pick up on Rose’s altered chronon particles and the Doctor was desperately thankful he hadn’t had to figure out another way to track her down. He was a bit surprised Jack hadn’t whisked her off to some other time or planet, but he wasn’t about to complain. He was just desperately relieved he wasn’t far from finding her. The thought of Rose being held by Jack was plenty bad enough, but the reason he was holding her was truly terrifying. While he knew Jack was a sordid, unscrupulous man, he was nothing compared to some of the characters with power on Gallifrey. 

Setting the coordinates, the Doctor parked the TARDIS and peeked out, surprised to find himself just outside the Traders Inn. At least the place was familiar… that much easier to make his way around. On the downside, his face was well known here and there was no question he would be recognized if he was seen. 

Easing his way around the outside the building, he snuck in, careful to avoid being seen by the staff of the hotel. The TARDIS had pinpointed Rose’s signature to somewhere near the centre of the building. If Jack was holding her, she’d be in one of the guest rooms with him. Gods… the thought of Jack holding Rose against her will made every cell inside him tense. 

Having made his way up the stairs without being seen, the Doctor headed down the hall of the hotel, listening intently at each door, working to hear either Rose’s or Jack’s voices through each barrier. The third door in, he paused. Concentrating, he could make out a male talking. 

“… won’t care. Why would he? I’m sure you’re just a distraction for him, after all,” the man said.

The Doctor’s ears perked up. It was an odd comment.

“I’ve told you! I don’t _know_ the Doctor in this universe!”

Rose. 

Part of him screamed at him to wait. Not to just storm through the door and face Rose’s captor. This was very likely a set up… one that would involve him becoming a captive as well, and if he had any use of his three frontal lobes right now, he’d heed the warning in his gut. 

“Get her up, Jack,” the man demanded. “It’s time to go.”

Apparently, however, at least two of his frontal lobes were out of commision. Rose needed him _right now_. 

Throwing open the door, the Doctor stood firmly in the entrance of the room and found himself facing Jack and the one person he’d truly not expected to see. Possibly ever again. 

“Doctor!” the Master’s voice sang in happy surprise. “Look who’s here, Rose! It’s the Doctor!” he said, addressing Rose’s bound form pulled flush against Jack. “We were just talking about you,” the Master said pleasantly. 

“Master,” the Doctor said as disarmingly as he could manage. “Look at you! Alive and everything! Brilliant. And here I’d thought you’d managed to end yourself last time we ran into each other. Hmmm. We’ll have to chat about that sometime over Benilian daiquiris. Don’t have time right now, though. You know… places to go, people to rescue.” Looking over at Rose, then he said lightheartedly, “I see you’ve met Rose. Hi, Rose,” he sang, wiggling his fingers at her in greeting from the door.

Rose, for her part, looked completely stunned but managed a small “Hi.”

“Your hosts have been treating you well, I’m hoping?” the Doctor said, an unmistakable edge to his voice.

“Uh… sort of,” Rose answered. “Would kinda like to get these cuffs off, though,” she confirmed.

“Right. Jack… get on that, will you?” he directed the Time Agent. Not surprisingly, Jack didn’t move to comply.

“Awww… you’re not planning to make this easy, are you?” the Doctor said, addressing both Jack and the Master. “Right. Well, don’t say I didn’t ask nicely,” he said resignedly.

The Master stared back at the Doctor with a dull gaze. “Hmmm. I’m not sure you’re completely appreciating the situation you’re in right now, Doctor,” the Master intoned. “Let’s see…” he said, meandering over to Jack and Rose, as if considering a number of factors. “I have… _this_ ,” he said, reaching out quickly to slap Rose’s face as she stood helpless in Jack’s firm grip. Rose shouted in pain in response, making the Doctor move in closer out of sheer instinct. 

“Oh no!” the Master said, grasping Rose’s face harshly enough to make her gasp. The Doctor stopped dead. “That’s right… I’d be careful if I were you. I’d rather not have to damage her. The issue for her capture definitely specified they wanted her alive. They didn’t, however specify exactly _how_ alive they wanted her. I suspect they’d prefer her to be more or less in one piece, but I’m not married to that rule, myself. Remember that,” he added threateningly. 

The Doctor paused. The Master really was a lunatic. This man who’d been his friend so long long ago. It was hard to believe what had become of him. “Alright. What do you want then,” the Doctor said, measuring the Master as carefully as he could for signs of acting on his insane threat.

“Want? My dear Doctor… I _want_ this lovely receptacle! Not for my own entertainment, though that would very possibly be worth my while. No… I’m trading her for power. You see… she’s my ticket to bigger things. I have quite a considerable standing with the council, but imagine if I _was_ the council. And that dream is practically a reality now with _this_ ,” he said, shaking Rose’s head with the hand still gripping her face. Rose let out a small pained cry as he did so and it tore at the Doctor though he did his best not to show it. The Master didn’t need more ammunition to hurt her. 

“Power. I should’ve guessed. If you’re involved this certainly has nothing to do with the betterment of the Time Lords. You’d be in this for your own gain and only that, wouldn’t you?” he said, letting his mouth speak the thoughts he knew the Master would know he was thinking anyhow. 

The Master, in response, merely rolled his eyes. “I honestly don’t feel that comment really justifies a response,” he drawled. “Mostly because in the end, it really doesn’t matter _why_ I’m doing this. All you need to know is that I _am_. And what I’m happy to leave you with, is the knowledge that this… girl… you are apparently fond of, if your actions speak to your feelings at all, is heading to what is certain to be her death. We both know that Time Lords will keep her alive for a short while to study the living organism housing the chronon particles she’s sporting, but it won’t be long before they tire of that and just dissect her,” he said casually, obviously wanting his words to sink in. Oh… and they were sinking in. Because he was right. That is exactly what was going to happen to Rose if he let the Master leave here with her.

“The funny part, Doctor,” the Master prattled on, “is that you apparently think you’re somehow going to alter her destiny. “But I can assure you… the only one who will be altering her destiny,” he said with a knowing smile as he slid his free hand up and cupped one of her breasts, giving it a sharp squeeze, “... is _me_.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m SO tickled with this chapter I could just SQUEE. Not necessarily because it’s so incredibly fantastic or anything, but because it just came FLOWING out of my brain and had me almost in tears as I wrote it. Whether that actually translates into something _other_ people want to read is a whole other deal, but I’m quite please with how it turned out! WHEW! Bring on the beer and wings to celebrate!
> 
> Now… on a STORY based note… our heroes are at a turning point here. Some definite plot movement overall is about to unfold, so hold on!

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 23: Turning Point

The moment the Master began manhandling Rose, Jack began feeling disturbingly… what _was_ that feeling? It wasn’t really _guilt_... guilt felt… well, if he was honest, it’d been so long since he’d tried that particular feeling on for size that he was sort of at a loss to recall it’s exact signature. This wasn’t guilt, though. It was… concern. 

He wasn’t sure when it started to happen, exactly, but he suspected it began not long after he’d met her in the bar. She’d been so disarming and… damn it… so _trusting_. Even suspecting he was armed hadn’t phased her in the slightest… as if she fully expected him to leave his weapon holstered. 

She said she’d known him in an alternative universe. He wasn’t sure he actually believed that bit at first, but the more she talked, the more he realized she actually believed it herself. And hey… it wasn’t like he’d seen everything the universe had to offer. Maybe it was actually possible… travelling across dimensions. It didn’t matter though. Not really. She was the ‘target’... the source of the signal he’d been hired to trace… and he had a job to do. 

So he’d done it. He’d kept her in the hotel room and waited for his contact to turn up. What he _hadn’t_ expected, however, was for this tiny blonde firecracker to actually make him feel… well, _anything_. Granted, he’d never been assigned anything quite like this before. Not that he hadn’t had to either seduce or capture a female to get a job done before, but this time it was different. Rose was… innocent. She wasn’t some covert agent hiding secrets. She wasn’t a terrorist attempting to infiltrate the offices of the government. She was just… a girl. A girl who had no idea what this was all about. Hence this new emotion. Concern.   
She was clearly not well. On top of that, it sounded like she’d been used and discarded by the Doctor as well. She was a victim in this… not simply a ‘target’. 

Damn it! When did he grow a conscience? 

“The funny part, Doctor,” he heard the Master taunt the Doctor, bringing him out of his sudden self-discovery, “is that you apparently think you’re somehow going to alter her destiny. But I can assure you… the only one who will be altering her destiny,” the Master said, grinning disturbingly as he slid his free hand up and wrapped his palm around one of Rose’s breasts, squeezing cruelly, “... is _me_.”

Rose’s gasp of pain was what did it. The Master not only had it in his mind he was going to turn Rose over for ‘dissection’... he was actually _enjoying_ this. The sick bastard was getting off on it.

That’s when his next move was decided. He couldn’t go through with this, even if it meant having to hide from the Time Lords for a while. Rose didn’t deserve what the Master had described as her fate. 

“Put her in the TARDIS,” the Master directed him before turning his full attention back to the Doctor. “I have some unfinished business to settle with the Doctor and then we’ll be on our way,” the Master intoned, not taking his eyes from the Doctor who was exuding tension as his eyes darted between Jack and the Master. The message in the depth of those too familiar brown eyes was unmistakable. It was a plea. Not to help him… but to help Rose. 

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

The Master’s merciless grip on her breast made Rose’s knees weak and the air leave her lungs. Her body seemed to be a conduit for pain already, and the Master’s cruel torture seemed to amplify the pain already coursing through her. 

She forced herself to keep her eyes open, though. She couldn’t lose sight of him. The Doctor. From the second she’d first laid eyes on him, she was struck by the fact that if he _wasn’t_ her Doctor, he might as well have been by the look of him. He was the same Doctor by every physical count. His demeanor… the way he handled himself under pressure… that could also have easily been the man she’d known in her universe. But somehow… somehow she knew this was not the same man. This man was the one she’d fallen in love with as Alec. The man who’d nearly died in hospital barely a week ago. 

And now… here he was. He was the Doctor in all his oncoming glory. Here to save her. God… she had some choice words for him when they got out of this, but all she could think of right now was that she’d never been so thankful to see anyone in her life.

Now though… right this moment… it was taking all her energy to just remain upright. The pain in her head was pulsing in time with the aching of her muscles and joints and with the added abuse she’d suffered from the Master… 

Suddenly, the world flew past her as she was hurdled forward. Unable to maintain her tenuous grasp on remaining vertical, she found herself careening to the ground, only to be cushioned from collision by the Doctor’s strong arms. 

Mayhem surrounded her as the men in the room shouted in alarm and aggression. The Doctor pulled her to her feet with surprising speed and in seconds they were headed for the door. The sound of a weapon discharging behind them as the door swung closed, blocking her view, made her dig her heels in. “Stop!” she shouted at the Doctor, “Jack! Jack’s in there!” she shouted at him. Despite what her good friend’s parrallel counterpart had done, it seems in the end he’d found a conscience. She couldn’t leave him to the Master.

The Doctor didn’t slow down though, despite her protests, and in her current physical state she wasn’t in much of a position to insist. “Doctor, please! We can’t leave him!” she pleaded, still attempting to pull him to a stop. Instead of stopping, though, the Doctor pulled her up effortlessly into his arms with a distinct frustrated growl and continued hauling her down the hallway toward the stairs. 

If the staff at the Traders saw them, they didn’t seem to react, because within seconds they were flying out the door of the hotel and a few moments later they were at the door of the TARDIS. Despite her clear disadvantage, she’d continued to beg the Doctor to stop… to help Jack. He’d helped them, after all in the end.

Her words continued to fall on deaf ears, however, and it wasn’t long before the TARDIS doors closed behind them as the Doctor strode up the stairs to the console. 

Wait. Stairs?

Then the reality of her situation once again hit her. This wasn’t _her_ Doctor. Once again, her head exploded in pain. So much so that she actually cried out. 

The Doctor responded immediately by breaking into a run and seemingly seconds later they were in the infirmary and he was carefully laying her on the examination bed. Her eyes were squeezed shut again now, with the jolt of pain making them slam closed in response, but she could hear the Doctor pacing and cursing in both English and what she assumed was Gallifreyan. 

“I KNOW!” he shouted into the air, even as a wash of relief flooded her mind. The TARDIS. _Ohhhhh… god… thank-you, thank-you…_ , Rose thought as a soothing balm slid over her pain, cooling the fire playing at her synapses. 

Finally able to open her eyes, she found the Doctor looking for all the universe like he’d been stranded on a deserted island with no hope for rescue. The TARDIS lights dimmed for a moment and the Doctor pressed his palms over his eyes. “I _can’t_! We don’t have the cure yet! If we change her back now she’ll be gone in _hours_!” he half yelled and half pleaded. 

The TARDIS responded by dimming the lights again. This time the normal luminescence didn’t return for a long time. When it did, however, the Doctor looked up and their eyes met. 

“Gods,” he whispered. “Of course!” Looking at her in awe as if she was some sort of brand new species, the Doctor shook his head, a smile spreading over his incredibly attractive features. “I’ve been so THICK!” he said, his excitement now palpable. “I’ve been… Gods, Rose! Do you know what this _means?!_ ” he said, exuding enthusiasm.

Despite the lingering ache, she felt her lips slide up into the ghost of a smile. Whatever it was he’d figured out… it must be good. And whether he was _her_ Doctor or no, it hurt to see him so distressed.

Before she was even able to form words to respond, the Doctor was racing around the infirmary grabbing what seemed like random instruments and tubes and such. “Doctor… what…” she managed to get out before he bounded to her side.

“It’s so _simple_ , Rose! And it’s been dangling in front of me this whole time!” he said with equal parts frustration and excitement. The TARDIS chose that moment to dim her lights once again. 

“I know, I know,” the Doctor said, looking up at nowhere in particular before looking back at her with a sheepish grin. “It was actually my thickity-thickness that’s been the problem this whole time. The TARDIS… my brilliant incredible girl… she knew this whole time,” he shared, still smiling. 

She was about to ask him what it was exactly that the TARDIS knew, when he launched into movement once again, hooking up an IV bag and readying a needle to insert in her arm. Just as he was about to insert the sharp tip, she stopped him. “Doctor… what is going on? Just tell me. In English,” she cautioned before giving him a chance to launch into some complicated explanation. 

The Doctor’s expression changed from determined to something softer, though he was obviously still on a mission. “Oh. I’m sorry, Rose… I know this must be… well, I’m _sure_ this is disconcerting. It certainly was when I went through it. Not that I went through it quite like _this_ ,” he said. “Actually… come to think of it, changing back was pretty much _nothing_ like this for me, so I’m afraid I don’t really have a very accurate frame of reference,” he continued before Rose cut him off.

“Doctor!” she nearly shouted in an attempt to get him focused.

“Oh! Right. Well, it’s remarkably simple, really. Of course… apparently I was so worried about you I needed my brilliant ship to help me see the simple solution. May I?” he said, pausing his ramble to look at her entreatingly with the needle poised to enter her arm.

Sighing, Rose merely nodded. He was apparently going to get around to explaining this in his own time. It seems _this_ Doctor was very like her own in that respect as well.

Sliding the IV needle in place and hooking her up, he continued, “You see… you’re quite ill, Rose. Though you’ve probably surmised that by now seeing as how you’re not nearly as thick as I am sometimes,” he said, obviously chastising himself for overlooking something incredibly simple… at least to _him_. “I’ve been watching over you for a while, making sure you’re safe while I’ve been working on a cure,” he explained. “But for some reason you started to remember and that set off a reversal of the cell manipulation and now here we are,” he said, as if that should clear everything up for her.

“A… _what_?” she heard herself saying in response. 

“A reversal of the…” he started before the lights in the room dimmed once again. 

The Doctor’s eyebrows furrowed and a dark shadow crossed his features. Looking back down at Rose again, he said, “I’ve got to do something. Just… don’t move, alright?” he said, moving to the door.

“Doctor! Please… I don’t understand…” she entreated.

Both pity and guilt seemed to play over his face then, even as he edged out the door. “I’m sorry Rose… I promise I’ll do a better job of explaining… but this is urgent. I’ll be back in a tic, I promise,” he vowed.

Sighing, she nodded, taking in the Doctor’s relieved expression as he took off down the corridor. 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

It was a good while later when the Doctor rushed back into the infirmary, practically running to a large storage cupboard in the corner and dragging out a wheelchair. 

“Doctor, what happened?” Rose asked, watching him rush about before moving to her bedside to check her IV.

“Oh… the TARDIS was warning me that we’d better get moving. The Master wasn’t the only one looking for us, so I had to get us hidden again somewhere the Time Lords would be less likely to look,” he shared. 

Knowing the question she was asking was hardly the most pertinent or the most important at the moment, she asked it anyway. “So where are we?”

“We’re floating around in the Nra nebula. Erases time signatures. It’s all wibbley-wobbley… but basically…”

Rose held up her hand to stop the oncoming babble. “Never mind. I’m good. We’re safe though right now, yeah?” she asked.

The Doctor’s expression softened. “Yeah.”

“Good,” Rose confirmed, bringing her hands up to rub her aching temples. The TARDIS’s soothing presence made the pain quite tolerable, but it was still there. “Now _please_ tell me what’s going on?” she felt herself nearly begging as the Doctor reached to remove the IV needle. She needed some answers. 

“I’m sorry, Rose. You deserve some answers. And I promise it will all become very clear in a few minutes. In the meantime…” he said, helping her sit up and slide off the bed and into the wheelchair, “... we need to get you to the control room.”

Finding herself growing more frustrated now, she allowed herself to be carted down the hallway. Why couldn’t he just _tell_ her? She was about to ask as much when they arrived in the console room to find a large metal contraption hanging from the cieling ending in a helmet. What the hell…

Helping her out of the wheelchair he worked to ease her over into a chair placed directly under the torturous looking device, but that’s when she dug her heels in hard. She was _not_ sitting under that thing. And if he thought she was just going to let him scramble her brains with no explanation he had another thing coming. “Ohhhhh no. I don’t think so,” she stated. 

With her obvious refusal to comply with his wishes, the Doctor sighed, “Rose…”

“Oh no. Don’t ‘Rose’ me. I’m not moving until you tell me what the hell is going on,” she said, pushing herself away from him to get a bit of distance. “First of all… who _are_ you? I thought… why did you pretend to be Alec?” she asked, trying to hide the hurt that was clearly very close to the surface. She’d said she _loved_ him, for God’s sake!

“Rose… it’s… it’s complicated. Look,” the Doctor said, moving to the console to pick up something. Dangling in front of her, as if it answered all her questions, was a… a fob watch. Seriously?! She was at her wits end here and he wants to show her his _time piece?!_ “This is _you_ ,” he said nonsensically. “Your memories. Everything you’ve become since we met. You see… we’ve actually travelled together. You and I have been together for a while. But you were so sick and the only way I could save you was to revert you to your pre-ill state. We did that using this watch and that machine,” he said, pointing to the frightening looking device hanging before them. “Since we used it, I’ve been looking for a cure for your illness and you’ve been living as if we never met. As _me_ , anyway. We’d met before when I was Alec, of course, but that’s all you remember now. You don’t remember having travelled with me as the Doctor,” he said, obviously feeling that this explanation will have covered all the important information.

She, however, didn’t feel quite the same way. What the hell did he mean, ‘when I was Alec’? Was he saying that she _knew_ he was the Doctor before this? But why would she ever have agreed to allow him to make her forget him? She wouldn’t. Instinctively she knew she’d never let him take her memories of him away.

Then it occurred to her. She didn’t really know this man. Sure… he’d saved her, but to what end? What if he was planning to turn her over to the Time Lords once he’d sat her under that thing? He _looked_ like her Doctor and he _acted_ like her Doctor... but then, Jack had looked like her Jack… and look how well _that_ turned out! No. She needed more proof before she was gonna let basically some _stranger_ deep fry her brains.

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” Rose asked. “What if you’re just some power hungry prat who wants to turn me in to the Time Lords? For all I know you’ve been keeping an eye on me as Alec so you can let them know you have me in your own time for your own political reasons?” 

If the situation were different and this _had_ been her Doctor, she probably would’ve smiled at his reaction. He looked completely gobsmacked. His jaw hung open for a moment before he somehow found his voice. “Why would I do that?” he said finally, his voice high in amazement and wonder.

Ridiculously, his reaction actually made her feel guilty. Then she remembered her situation. This man was a stranger to her. He could be lying as to what happened to her. Her memories were possibly never altered and he was just telling her that to get her to sit under that contraption so he could… well… do whatever nasty things the Time Lords had planned on doing to her.

“Maybe you need to get in good with them again or something. Or maybe you think I’m a threat to the universe. I don’t know. But I _do_ know that I don’t know you. Not _this_ you. I would never have agreed to forget you. Not after all I did to try to find you. The _other_ you, I mean,” she said, just as a fresh swell of pain pushed through her entire body making her crumple to the ground. 

“Rose!” the Doctor shouted before flying to her side. “Rose… Gods,” he said, his voice filled with emotion. Worry, concern, frustration and fear were all wrapped up in those two words. What she didn’t hear in them was menace. Or hardness. Or disdain. What she didn’t sense from him as he wrapped his arms around her was manipulation. Or cruelty. Or malice. What she didn’t feel as he leaned his forehead against hers was   
distance. Or pretense. Or deceit. What she _did_ feel… was love.

The realization made her breath catch. Did he _love_ her? This stranger with the so familiar face? 

“I know… I understand I haven’t explained this well at all. And I don’t know what I was thinking just assuming you’d be okay with all this,” he said softly, his forehead still pressed against hers. “But I swear to you on everything I hold dear… my friends… my TARDIS… my _life_. I would _never_ do anything to knowingly hurt you. You have to believe me,” he begged.

And ridiculously… she did. This man… the Doctor… he cared for her. Even if she didn’t understand it and had no memory of it, they obviously had more of a relationship than she knew. He was clearly worried for her and all this wasn’t for his own benefit. He really was trying to save her. 

“If… if I sit in that thing…” she said, pulling back to look at him. “What will happen?” she asked.

Relief and warmth shone in his deep brown eyes and in that moment she knew she’d do this for him if only just to be able to see that look in his eyes again. “It called a chameleon arch. It will change your cells back to how they were before we changed you the first time,” he explained.

She thought about that for a moment. “And you say I was even more sick before I was changed… but you have a cure now?” she asked, now aware of just what the stakes were.

“I do. Weeelll… we can thank the TARDIS for coming up with the final ingredient,” he said, acknowledging his oversight. “When we change you back, the medicine I gave you in the infirmary… the IV… it will neutralize the virus you have and you’ll be good as new!” he smiled.

“Are you sure it will work?” she asked, a sliver of fear forming in her belly. “I mean… what if I just stay like this? What if I just don’t change back?” she asked, already pretty sure of his answer.

The Doctor’s face morphed into something more serious. “I’m afraid you can’t. Well… you _can_ stay as you are now, but something triggered your memories and you’ve started to change back on your own. It will just take longer and the virus… well, the virus will just continue to work away at you until…” he trailed off.

So that was it, then. There really was no choice. It was either she subject herself to that evil looking contraption or she suffer and die sooner than she’d cared to. 

“Alright. I guess I have no choice, really. But… will I remember this?” she asked. “Will I remember what’s happened since I was changed?”

The Doctor smiled then. “Yup. You’ll remember it all, Rose Tyler. I almost wish you didn’t have to, though,” he said, his eyes growing dark in clear memory of her experience with the Master.

Reaching up, she pressed her hand to the side of his face and stroked his cheek. “I’d rather remember even the terrible things if it means I’ll remember how I felt when I first saw you again,” she shared, once again taking in his handsome features. God. She loved this man in every form she’d ever known him in. And even if, once she regained her memories, she _didn’t_ actually love this particular version of him yet, she suspected it wouldn’t be long before she did.

“Rose,” he breathed, his eyes now shining. That did it. How could she ignore the impulse that was already making her lean forward. The one making her focus on his lips as they parted slightly as he also leaned in toward her. She couldn’t. 

Their lips met in a warm embrace and she slid her hand around to pull through his hair. His own hands rose to cup her face gently as their lips stroked and their breath mingled. 

And all too soon, it was over.

“Let’s do this,” she said, her own brown eyes now brimming. “I want to remember you.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy carp, I’m on a roll! Two chapters in one day… I’m friggin’ exhausted, but deeply satisfied! But man… this chapter. I’m sweatin’! 
> 
> We’re getting close to the end of the saga now, people. Only a couple of chapters left, I believe. On that note, there will be a sequel, so stay tuned!
> 
> Back to _this_ story, though… I’m hoping this chapter gives you all a bit of closure and hopefully some feels.

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 24: Arch

Looking into her whiskey coloured, shining eyes, the Doctor felt his admiration for this woman swell beyond what he thought he was even capable of feeling. She trusted him. Somehow, she found it in herself to trust that he would keep her safe and do the best for her. He shook his head with disbelief. “You’re incredible, Rose Tyler,” he said, hearing the sincerity in his own voice. 

Her smile in response lit him brightly from the inside out. “So are you, Doctor,” she said, stroking his cheek with her thumb.

Giving her a watery smile back, he basked in her gaze for a moment longer before gathering himself together. “Alright then, Ms. Tyler. Let’s get you sorted, then,” he said decidedly, helping her stand.

She was already quite weak, but nothing like she’d been before the chameleon arch, so he supposed he should just be thankful it hadn’t progressed further already. Finally on her feet, he led her to the chair under the arch and helped her get comfortable. Then, kneeling in front of her, he took her hands in his and looked up at her. He hated more than anything that he needed to say this, but he didn’t feel right letting her find out on her own how this was going to work. 

“What is it?” Rose asked, obviously sensing his inner distress.

“It’s just… I have to explain a bit before we do this,” he started. Then, realizing he’d forgotten a key ingredient in this whole recipe, he pulled the fob watch out of his pocket where he’d stowed it. “I have to tell you how this is going to work,” he said seriously. “Remember how I told you that the watch held your memories? Well… I’m going to need you to open it,” he said, cringing a bit. Memories of the last time he’d had to tell her about how the arch worked wafted through his mind for a moment before he pushed them away. Seeing her in such incredible pain last time nearly did him in, but, like now, he knew he had no choice.

Looking thoroughly confused, Rose nodded. “I sort of figured I might have to,” she agreed. “Why… is it going to hurt?” she asked a bit timidly, likely realizing why he looked so concerned about her doing so. 

“Weellll… maybe. Probably,” he lied. Doctors lied all the time to their patients, right? What good would the full truth do anyhow? 

Then, taking in her questioning gaze and skeptically raised eyebrows he caved. “Okay… yes. It’s going to hurt,” he admitted, the words almost hurting _him_ as they left his mouth. “But not because you’re changing back. It’s going to hurt because of the virus. _Everything_ you were before you changed… everything that your body was… is in the watch, including the virus itself. I know you’re feeling pain now, Rose, but…” he trailed off. How could he possibly explain what she was going to feel?

“Doctor,” she said, interrupting his tortured thoughts, “I understand. It’s going to hurt a lot more before it gets better, yeah? I get it. There’s nothing you can do about it though, or you would be doing it, right?” she asked pointedly. The Doctor nodded reluctantly. “I know if there was anyway you could make it better you would. But you can’t, and I have to do this to get better, so…” she paused taking a deep breath in and letting it out slowly, “let’s just get this overwith,” she said resolutely.

His pride in this brilliant woman rose yet again. Gods, she was strong. He only prayed the TARDIS wasn’t wrong in her assessment. The medicine now floating around freely in Rose’s blood stream was only doing just that at the moment. Once the watch opened, the cure he’d poured into her through the IV wouldn’t actually bond with the virus until the chameleon arch’s energy acted as a catalyst to fuse them together. Only then would the precious medicine be able to do its job and decimate the virus that was overcoming Rose’s own cells. If the TARDIS was wrong, however… if the arch’s energy didn’t do what they hoped it would…

No. He couldn’t think about that. It _had_ to work. Stealing himself, he looked Rose very purposefully in the eyes.

“Here’s what has to happen, Rose. You need to open the watch yourself and then, as soon as the change is complete, I’ll activate the arch. I promise… you have my word that I won’t let you suffer any longer than is absolutely necessary,” he said. It was more than just a promise. It was a vow. He couldn’t bear to see her in pain and he was going to do everything in his power to make sure she didn’t have to go through for very long.

Her eyes seemed to study his for a moment before she answered, “I know. I trust you,” she said. He wasn’t sure if she was saying it for his benefit or her own… to remind herself why she was putting her life in his hands. 

“I won’t let you down, Rose,” he said, wholeheartedly giving her his word. Then, taking her hand, he gently laid the watch in her palm. The seemingly harmless time piece that had the power to change her was now in her possession. It was up to her now.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

Looking at the watch for a moment, Rose turned it over in her hand. It felt warm to the touch and she was alarmed to realize it was actually physically _calling to her_. Mesmerized, she lifted it up to examine it more closely. It was beautiful. The top was adorned with an intricate pattern of swirls, lines and circles… Gallifreyan writing. “It’s beautiful,” she breathed before even noticing she was saying anything.

“It’s _you_ ,” the Doctor confirmed. “Of course it’s beautiful,” he added.

The overt declaration of his affection grabbed her and shook her. Meeting his eyes, she found them smiling and filled with genuine affection. While the kiss they’d shared only moments ago had declared her trust and her affection for him, she honestly hadn’t been completely sure of his intentions. It seemed, though, that he indeed felt more for her than simply sorry for her situation. 

Suddenly, she wanted nothing more in the universe than to remember him. Everything about him. _Them_. She had to. Because she was pretty sure there were some fantastic memories she was missing and she was more than anxious now to retrieve them, even if it meant more pain.

Looking back down at the watch she held, she readied herself to open it and took another cleansing breath before letting her fingers undo the clasp. 

With a soft click, the casing of the watch opened to reveal a golden dusty light which immediately began to surround her. And with it came awareness. Memory after memory streamed painlessly into her mind and doors that had seemingly been closed flew open to reveal the truth of her past. Images of her and the Doctor… this Doctor… in his TARDIS floated through her mind. Memories of the two of them sitting on the floor of their shared room while he assembled the contraption he’d used to find other stranded time travellers surfaced as they found their rightful place in her brain. One after another, image upon image piled into her mind until they found their place among her existing history. And then she knew. She remembered.

But before she could even begin to celebrate the victory that was her regained awareness, blinding pain seared through her and found every corner of her body. White hot agony such as she’d never known made its way around and through her, consuming her in every possible way. There was nothing else in the world. In the universe. Only burning misery existed for her now.

Then, from somewhere in the world she no longer had a mental connection with, a loud crack issued and her body jolted. She’d have thought it would be impossible to feel even _more_ pain than she was experiencing, but she’d thought wrong. Along with the sound and the jolt of energy came an electric spasm that sent her mind fleeing from her body. There was no question of staying. Even if she’d wanted to remain in her body, she’d have been completely unable. She was now merely a disembodied consciousness, completely disconnected from the physical and even that was fading. 

She was going, and as her awareness faded, all she hoped was that if her life energy ever tried to bring her back to consciousness again, that her body was still there to be joined with. 

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

The Doctor paced back and forth in the infirmary waiting for Rose to wake up. Hours had passed since the arch had done its job and he’d carried Rose’s unconscious form to the medbay.

He’d run all the tests he could think of and all had come out as he’d hoped. The virus was gone. Completely gone. She was cured. Better than cured.

All of that was completely brilliant. Fantastic. But her body had been accosted by untellable pain and the force of it may well have overcome her mind in a way that he worried she might never find her way back. That kind of trauma… the effect couldn’t be underestimated, especially given the fragility of her physical being at the time. Not only had she likely suffered pain beyond all reasonable understanding, but she was being physically changed while it was happening. His biggest concern was… what if she’d been lost in all of this. What if her very essence had given up and abandoned her to life as _this_. What if this was all that was left of his precious girl?

That thought had him reeling. But there was nothing he could do now but wait and be patient. And that was a skill he didn’t have in abundance. It didn’t seem to matter what his skills were, though. It didn’t change the reality of Rose’s situation. 

So he waited. Two entire earth days went by with him waiting and watching, hoping and praying to every bloody deity he could think of. Still there was no change. She was breathing, her body was healthy, her brain was functioning… but she still wasn’t conscious.

The thought had crossed his mind more than once that he should perhaps take a peek into her mind… just to be sure she was even still there… but the invasion of another mind without that person's express consent was so beyond a mere infringement of said person's privacy that he immediately dismissed the idea. The implications of such a joining were so large, he honestly wasn’t sure he could even go through with it if she was awake to actually tell him he should. So he waited some more.

Finally, on the third day… a full fifty-seven hours into this ordeal… Rose showed some outward signs of awareness. Having been unwilling to leave her for even an hour during her vacation from consciousness, he’d set up vigil at Rose’s bedside. Adrenaline had so far kept him going, but he was quickly fizzling out. He hadn’t slept since he’d ‘been’ Alec, and despite his usual assertion that sleep was overrated, he finally succumbed to it, pillowing his head in his arms while leaning on the arm of Rose’s gurney. 

It was the chime of the TARDIS that alerted him and sent him jumping up in alarm. Something had happened. What? Studying Rose, he looked her up and down for any change. That’s when he noticed her eyelids. Her eyes were moving beneath them… she was dreaming! So far, the only indication he’d had that she wasn’t actually completely gone, was that the physical examinations had come back normal. Other than that, she’d shown no outward observable sign of having any brain activity at all except for simple life maintaining functions. Now, though… this meant she was still there. There was life in there.

Pulling down the bed rail, he gripped her hand and leaned in closer. “Rose…” he said softly, hoping…

“Rose… wake up. It’s me. It’s the Doctor,” he said, smoothing back her hair from her forehead as she tried to wake her.

His hearts jumped in excitement as she turned her head slightly in his direction. 

“Rose! Oh, Gods, Rose… I know you can hear me. Please wake up. It’s alright now. You’re alive and you’re in the TARDIS,” he assured her, kissing her forehead. 

The gesture of affection seemed to increase her awareness further and her hand gripped his. He just about sobbed in relief. Thanking every single omnipotent being for hearing his pleas, he kissed her forehead again. “Rose…” he breathed, leaning his head against hers as an unbidden tear snaked from his eye to fall on her cheek. 

“Doctor?” he heard her whisper underneath him. 

Flying back in surprise, he found her eyes half opened, looking at him through thick lashes. “Rose!” he exclaimed, pulling her weak body up to wrap her in a tight hug. “You’re awake! Rassilon… you have no idea how happy I am to see you,” he said, genuinely overwhelmed with joy. Aware that he was possibly crushing her in his enthusiasm, he settled her down again carefully and brushed her cheek with his hand. He was pretty sure it wasn’t possible to regenerate from relief, but if it was, he’d was sure he’d be spewing lindos energy by now.

“How long was I out?” she croaked, her voice raspy with disuse.

“Too bloody long, Rose Tyler,” he said with relieved frustration, giving her hell even as he welcomed her back. “And I’ve never been so happy to see anyone awake in my lives,” he added.

Giving him a tired smile, Rose closed her eyes for a moment. “What happened?” she asked, obviously trying to piece together the events that lead up to finding herself here.

“It worked, Rose. Romana and I discovered a cure, but we had no way to make it bond with the virus to kill it. Then I finally realized what needed to happen,” he said before being interrupted by the TARDIS’s flash of ambient red lights, “Sorry… the TARDIS helped me figure out what needed to be done…” The lights flashed red once again. “Oh for… alright! The TARDIS told me what needed to be done and it worked! We needed to use the arch as the catalyst to bind the cure with the virus. You’re cured!” he crowed. 

“I’m cured,” she said, as if trying it on for size. Her exhausted eyes looked up at him again, searching his own. “But what about my, erm… chromoron particles? Do I still have them?” she asked, still confused.

“Yeah, you do,” he smiled, his relieved heart soaring in silly glee at hearing her mispronounce his technical babble. “Your _chronon_ particles survived the transformation,” he confirmed, a giddy grin plastered on his face.

“But.. won’t I get sick again?” she said, obviously still concerned.

“No! No no nonono,” he reassured her quickly. “The arch converted them! The particles you had before… they were specific to your universe. But the arch took them and basically… translated them for you. Now you properly fit in this universe in every sense,” he assured her.

She thought about that for a moment before asking, “Does that mean… am I still… am I human? If I still have… 'chronon particles'...” she pronounced purposefully, her brows furrowed. 

The look on her face sent worry skittering down his spine. “Um… you’re not altogether human anymore, really. Not strictly speaking,” he answered, knowing full well he wasn’t really completely answering her question. 

Rose’s eyes widened with his answer but her expression wasn’t easily interpreted. Was she… angry? Worried? Upset? Just needing a more thorough explanation?

“Care to elaborate?” she said, continuing to be unreadable.

“Er… would you be upset if I clarified my answer by saying that, uh… you’re _definitely_ not human anymore?” he posited, trying his best to look disarming and not nearly as sheepish as he felt.

Rose looked away and her face remained stoic for a moment as the information sank in and as the moments dragged on, the Doctor’s hearts sunk lower. She was upset. She didn’t want this. 

Then, on a seemingly random note, she asked, “Doctor… did you mean it? When you said you think I’m beautiful?”

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

The Doctor’s cheeks pinked adorably at the very open question. “Rose, I don’t see what this has to do…”

“No, Doctor. This is important to me. Do you… do you think…” she trailed off, not sure how exactly to continue. Before, when she’d been sure she was dying, she hadn’t really considered what it might be like to actually continue life as a Time Lord. But now… it seems she was actually not only expected to live, but there was a very good chance she might live for at least another thousand years. The idea of living a life for so long… she had never been able to imagine seeing a lifespan from the Doctor’s point of view. Now she was actively facing it. And the idea of facing it alone seemed more than slightly overwhelming. “Doctor…” she said, her round eyes surely showing her fear, “... I’m scared,” she admitted. 

Her confession seemed to leave him speechless and for a moment he merely stood before her, blinking like a deer in headlights. Just as she was about to look away in embarrassment, his hand reached out to clasp hers. 

Drawing courage from his show of support, she continued, “I mean… what if I’m rubbish at this? Being a Time Lord? What if… what if…” she trailed off again.

“What if, what, Rose?” he encouraged.

“What if you get tired of having me hanging around? You’ve been on your own for so long…” she said, leaving her thought hanging.

“Rose,” he said, his look of concern melting into one of honest affection. “This… I think this is… brilliant,” he admitted, smiling. “And you could never be rubbish at anything even if you tried,” he added. “You’re right about one thing, though. I’ve been travelling alone for a long time. But it’s not what I’ve wanted. It’s just been how it was. There was never anyone who I could really share my life… lives with. But then…” he swallowed, “then I met you,” he said, his eyes boring into hers. “And I felt… whole again. It was like my life was a child’s puzzle that was missing the last piece. I’d simply resigned myself to knowing I could never be completely whole. It wasn’t in the cards for me.”

“And… now?” Rose asked significantly, tentatively filling the pause he’d left behind with the expectant words.

“Now, Rose Tyler, I’m going to press my luck and take a very big risk.”

“Oh yeah?” she said nervously, her stomach beginning to squirm with unbidden hope. 

“Oh, yes,” he confirmed. “I’m going to ask you if you’d consider staying with me. Properly, I mean.”

“Properly?” she smiled, the butterflies in her stomach full out taking flight now.

“Yup. Properly,” he agreed. “Rose… I’m frankly… well, I’m a completely insane old man in a box. But if you’ll deign to share some of your lives with me, I’d be honoured to share the few I have left with you,” he said, emotion catching in his throat.

For a moment it felt like the universe had stopped existing and there was only the two of them left in the entire galaxy.

“I’ve never met anyone as remarkable in my life as you,” he continued before she had a chance to formulate a proper response. “You’re… incredible. And I know you’ve had… well, you’ve suffered a lot in your very short time in the universe… mostly because of _me_ ,” he said.

She was about to argue when he clarified, “Weellll… not _me_ , me. But… you know. The other ‘me’s’. But I think, Rose Tyler, that maybe… possibly… this was meant to be. I think perhaps that in every universe the Doctor and Rose Tyler are meant to be together.”

Rose grinned lopsidedly. “Like Mutt and Jeff?”

“Like Shiver and Shake,” he amended.

“Which one’s Shiver?” Rose said, now smiling brightly.

“Oh, I’m Shake,” he said in a cheeky echo of himself as Alec. 

“Oh, Doctor,” Rose said, reaching out for him to bend over for her to hug. He did, and she wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders as his cheek pressed against hers. “I… I love you,” she said softly, her own emotion getting the better of her now.

“Quite right too,” he said softly back, as she felt his cheeks tighten against hers in a smile. Then he pulled back and studied her for a moment before adding, “And I suppose, even though we have years ahead of us to say this over and over… it can only be said first once. So I need to get this right,” he said before getting down on one knee. 

For a moment Rose thought she might pass out again, but somehow she managed to sit up instead. Looking down into the Doctor’s endless eyes, she found herself getting lost in them. They were ancient, but so very young at the same time. This man before her had lived a long, long life. He’d lived a journey she was only about to embark on. Of course, ‘her' Doctor had as well. Her half-human Doctor who’d unknowningly sacrificed everything by staying in this universe with her. He’d wanted her to be happy. She knew that with every beat of her heart. And now, here she was. Looking into the eyes of the very man who could help her live her husband’s dying wish. That she go on and have a fantastic life. 

And with that thought, he finished his. “Rose Tyler, I love you.”


	25. Vow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mind the ‘M’ rating for this chapter...

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 25: Vow

_“Rose Tyler, I love you.”_

The words she honestly thought she’d never ever hear again from the Doctor’s lips rang in her ears like the echo of some heavenly song. It was… surreal, to say the very least. 

Looking down into this oh so familiar face, she knew she was seeing much more than merely two ancient eyes looking back at her. She was looking into _him_. Because in any universe, she knew that sentence was harder for him to say than any other. He didn’t give himself over to vulnerability. It wasn’t something he did. On the very rare occasions that the curtains to his soul blew open by mistake, he had always been so quick to draw them closed that she counted herself blessed to ever have seen anything beyond them at all. 

Now, though, she was seeing past his armour and looking at him. Open, raw, and vulnerable. Her Doctor had looked at her this way, but the vulnerability had always been couched in distinct loss. On a very profound level it was the loss of his people, but closer to the surface it was the loss of his ship and then it became the loss of his health. He’d never complained, though. He’d loved her and she knew he had cherished the time he’d spent with her. 

This, though… this was a new man, even if it was still her Doctor. This man had a future. The open vulnerability he dared show her was seated firmly in hope. She could see it in his eyes. There was no aching loss lurking somewhere in the back of his mind, telling him he didn’t deserve to be happy. This man didn’t doubt his worth nearly as much as her Doctor had. This man still saw potential in the future. And he was telling her he wanted her to be a part of it. And there was no question in her mind. She wanted to have a future with him. _This_ him.

Leaning down, she cupped his face with her hands and pressed her lips to his. There was no hesitation in his reaction, and he eagerly accepted her offering. Moving closer to her, he stood, his lips never leaving hers as he slid up to wrap his arms around her tightly even as he drew her up onto her feet. 

Despite continuing to feel weak, she wasn’t worried about falling. The Doctor had her pressed so tightly against himself that her feet were barely touching the ground as it was. She’d never felt so encased by anyone in her life and she was almost desperate to absorb the feeling so she could relive it over and over again. They seemed to both be feeding off of each other’s pent up desire and it wasn’t long before their hands were roaming. Hers up and down his narrow but toned back through his jacket and up to run through his thick, chestnut hair. The Doctor’s movements seemed to echo her own, however his started to drift further down to finally cup her bottom, making her squirm against him. The movement further pressed her against his front and his lips released hers as he moaned deeply. “Gods, Rose… we… we should…”

 

“What, Doctor?” she said breathily, rolling her hips against him purposefully with a tongue touched smile. 

His eyes slammed shut with her taunting movement and he once again moaned. “Rose…” he said, his voice half pleading and half warning.

Rose ceased her playful movement against him. “Doctor, if this is because you’re not sure about us…” she said before he cut her off, shaking his head emphatically.

“No, Rose, that’s not it. Not at all. This is… I… we Time Lords… at least in _this_ universe… we, er… we’re not… Rassilon. How can I say this?” 

Fear and grief began to trickle through her heart. She was hoping this wouldn’t be a barrier, but it seemed maybe that her hopes had been misplaced. Stepping back from him a bit, she swallowed. “I… I think I know what’s wrong.”

A surprised expression filled the Doctor’s face. “You do?”

“Yeah. This is about me not being… well, _completely_ Time Lord, isn’t it?” 

“What?” he answered, looking quite astonished.

“It’s because I wasn’t born a Time Lord, isn’t it? The Doctor… my husband told me once that your… his people didn’t believe in cross species, uh… togetherness,” she said. “That’s what this is about, isn’t it?” she asked, her chest tightening. She knew this might be a barrier between her and this Doctor. Her Doctor hadn’t felt bound by the rules imposed by the Time Lords, for a good many reasons. _This_ Doctor, though…

“What?!” he reiterated, clearly amazed that she’d even thought it a possibility. “NO! No… that’s not it at all,” he assured her, stepping forward and taking her hands in his. A bit of relief found its way into her heart. 

“Well… what then?” she asked, now really having no idea what the problem could be. She knew they were, er… compatible. Even though her husband had been half human, he’d assured her that even his Time Lord counterpart was outwardly identical to him in _every_ way, so she knew _that_ wasn’t the problem.

“It’s just… oh, Gods. Come sit down Rose,” he said, leading her to the side of the bed and pulling her to sit with him. Taking a deep breath, he said, “My people… we take physical relationships very seriously,” he started, studying her for a reaction. She nodded in response, wanting him to continue. “Anyway… we, uh… we don’t take intimacy lightly.”

Aware her brow was furrowing, she said, “Doctor, what are you trying to say?”

Running a hand through his hair, looking up at the ceiling with his tongue tip plastered to his top teeth, he seemed to be carefully formulating his words before he finally said, “It’s not that I don’t want… _this_ with you, Rose. It’s just… if we do this, there’s no going back for me. I don’t know what our species was like in your universe, but here… if a Time Lord mates, it’s for lifetimes. Meaning… more than one. We’d be bonded. And that’s much more than merely a promise. It’s a physical fact. You wouldn’t be _able_ to leave me, even if you wanted to,” he finished, once again studying her for a reaction.

Rose let that sink in for a moment. For lifetime _s_. But her Doctor had never mentioned it. Then again, he probably had no reason to. The fact he was half-human likely made the point moot. 

Finally, with the concept actually making sense, she said, “And… you aren’t ready for that?”

The Doctor looked at her, his mouth agape. It seemed to take him a moment to shake himself into understanding before he spoke, “No, Rose… it’s… I mean, _I’m_ ready, but… you… this is all so _new_ for you. I mean… you have over a thousand years ahead of you. How can you be sure you want to spend a few _hundred_ of them with just one person?” he entreated, clearly wanting her to understand the full depth of what he was saying.

Rose’s heart soared. He was worried for _her_. “Doctor… I _love_ you. In my mind… that’s forever. Your forever or my forever… it doesn’t matter. I wanna be with you until we can’t be. Until our hearts stop beating and the universe separates us. Because that’s the only way I’m ever gonna leave you.”

Her words seemed to hit home. Glistening tears filled the Doctor’s eyes then as he watched her for any sign that she might just being saying any of this to placate him. Finally, apparently satisfied that she wasn’t hiding anything, a full smile found his lips and he surged forward, capturing her again in a strong embrace. Rose nestled against him, wrapping her arms tightly around him in response. God. She could stay like this forever. 

He held her that way for a long time before finally pulling back to look straight into her eyes once again. Then, a light of mischief sparked in his brown orbs and he stood quickly and scooped her up into his arms. Letting out a loud ‘whoop’, she laughed heartily as he swept her out of the infirmary. “Where are we going?” she giggled as they continued down the corridor.

“Weeelll… we can’t very well consummate our relationship in the medbay. How romantic would _that_ be?” he said still taking large strides down the hall with Rose’s arms thrown around his neck.

“No, I suppose it wouldn’t be,” Rose agreed happily as they neared his room. 

“Our room,” he introduced as the door opened for him. 

“ _Our_ room?” she echoed as a question. 

The Doctor didn’t answer, but instead placed her gently on the floor before pulling her against him. “OUR room,” he confirmed, before claiming her lips.

Rose eagerly responded to his overture by running both her hands through his hair, pulling his lips even more tightly to hers. The ardor she exuded must’ve energized him even further, as he quickly reached down again to run his hands over her bottom, giving each cheek a firm squeeze as he did. 

Rose’s hips collided with his and his quite firm grasp on her behind sent a jolt of longing straight through her. He was already hard for her and the feel of his rather significant interest in her made her begin to actually ache in the best way possible. Throwing her head back, the Doctor began trailing almost punishing kisses down her neck, making her moan in response. 

Then, before she was even aware what was happening, she felt herself being lifted off the ground and deposited onto the bed. A feral growl issued from the man now climbing overtop of her. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this?” he said lowly, dipping his head down to nibble her neck. She was unable find words, what with his hands roaming and his teeth nipping. “I’ve wanted you since the day I turned back. I loved you as Alec… and those memories… God, Rose. Those memories have taunted me. Do you know how hard it’s been? Seeing you everyday, knowing what those lips can do? Knowing that it wasn’t long ago that your gorgeous body was lying beneath mine? It’s been killing me, Rose,” he said between hot nips and gentle kisses. 

“Ohhhhhhh,” was all Rose could say as he then rolled his hips against her. Reaching around him, she planted her hands firmly on his arse and pulled him down more forcefully so his firm length was pushing against her hip. It was the Doctor’s turn to lose his words as Rose pushed up against him, moving her hips in such a way as to create a pulsing pressure that seemed to send him nearly over the edge. His eyes slammed shut above her and his mouth dropped open even as a deep groan issued from him. 

“Take off your clothes,” she whispered in his ear before gently sucking the pulsepoint just beneath it.

The Doctor drew in a hissed breath with the action, making Rose smile. Her husband had once confided that that specific spot was particularly erogenous for Time Lords. It seemed that the universes were actually not that different after all.

Helping him out of his jacket, shirt and trousers, he went on to remove his socks, leaving him in only his pants. Moving to climb on top of her again, she tsked, “I don’t think so. It seems you’ve forgotten to remove something,” she said playfully. 

“Oh, I’ll remove something, alright,” he answered, stopping his climb up her body to hover over her middle. Taking the hem of her cotton pajama top in his hands, he slowly pulled it up as he leaned in to lave kisses over every inch of newly exposed skin. Rose’s breath hitched with the contact and tingles of desire spread both up and down from where his lips met her skin. Her shirt rose higher and higher until the underside of her breast was exposed. The Doctor drew his tongue along the skin there making her skin tighten and her body further moisten in anticipation. Pulling her top up to reveal both breasts fully to him, he kneeled back and stared for a moment, making her almost blush under his scrutiny. “Gods, Rose. You’re so beautiful,” he said, his eyes not leaving her chest. 

Smiling, Rose reached down and pulled her top fully over her head. Her nipples, already erect with arousal, pebbled further with the cool air of the room now playing on her bare skin. 

The Doctor’s eyes seemed to darken and he seemingly subconsciously licked his lips before sweeping down to capture one of her breasts in his mouth. Arching into him, Rose pressed herself against him further, which seemed to spur him on. Actively sucking, the Doctor wrapped his arms around her to pull her up into his mouth even more. The almost punishing forceful pull on her breast sent tingles straight to her core as the Doctor continued suckling. He moved his attentions to her other breast, seemingly in the interest of fairness, and he seemed to redouble his efforts making her pull in a hissed breath. 

Finally pulling off with a ‘pop’, he growled as he quickly moved to tug her pajama pants and knickers over her hips. His eyes seemed glazed with want and she knew she must look much the same. 

“Gods… I’ve been tortured by the memory of you. Of having you on my tongue. I need to taste you again, Rose” he said. It wasn’t a request. It was a statement of fact. 

His admission sent a bolt of desire through her that was so strong, she was sure he could see it, because he responded to it by pulling himself down to nestle himself between her legs so that she could feel his breath puffing against her wet curls. 

Already so aroused that her body was aching, the feather light touch of his fingers teasing her apart and his tongue tentatively dipping into her made her hips shoot up off the bed. The Doctor responded by gently pushing her back down and more insistently pressing his tongue against her centre. Moving in slow thick strokes from the bottom of her sex to the concentrated bundle of nerves that were currently fully erect and waiting for more stimulation, he elicited moan after moan from her until she couldn’t stand it any longer. He was beginning to pick up the pace of his movement, which was drawing her closer and closer to a spectacular finish. “Ohhh, Doctor,” she moaned, half wanting him to stop so they could finish together the first time, but half wanting to just let him keep going. And keep going he did. His talented tongue began actively circling around her apex even as he dipped two fingers inside her to stroke her sensitive front wall. She was so close… so close… and the he moaned into her as his tongue continued it’s gloriously punishing movements. The added vibration of his voice along with the knowledge that he was deeply enjoying this sent her flying over the edge. Shouting a string of curses, her body convulsed, pulsing waves of release around his fingers and making her see stars. 

Finally, as she slumped back down on the bed, the Doctor crawled up alongside her and drew a finger up her stomach and around her breasts. “Oh my GOD,” she breathed, still coming down off her elicited high. 

“Really, Rose… we don’t have to be so formal. You can just call me ‘Doctor’,” he grinned. 

“Cheeky,” she said, smiling, finding energy to turn onto her side and then crawl over top of him. As boneless as she felt after that incredible orgasm, she was still wanting. They were _far_ from done. 

Leaning in, she went straight for his neck and that particular spot that she knew would drive him mad. Sounds of pleasure flew unbidden from his throat as she licked and sucked his pulsepoint softly. As he keened under her, she traced her hand downward and tucked her fingers into the band of his pants to find him very ready for more. 

“I want you,” she said, whispering in his ear. Flipping his pants over his erection to reveal him fully to her, she wrapped her hand firmly around him making his head fall back and his mouth open. “I want you inside me,” she reiterated, beginning to stroke him slowly but firmly. 

A throaty moan escaped him as she continued her ministrations, which encouraged her further. “Rose… gods…” he moaned as she continued her rhythmic assault. “Stop… stop…” he pleaded finally, putting his hand over hers to halt her movement. “Together,” he said, turning her over so he could climb on top of her. Spreading her legs to welcome him, she waited impatiently as he positioned himself at her entrance. 

The intensity of this moment was met with unequalled anticipation for both and them and for a second they both paused. “Are you… are you sure, Rose?” he asked, once again giving her an opportunity to change her mind. 

A sly smile found her lips as she stared up at his open, honest visage. She’d never been so sure of anything, and to prove it, she raised her legs and wrapped them around him. Using her heels to dig into his arse, She pushed him forward and partially into her. His head flew back as he entered her and he let out a cry so feral she almost came again right there. He made no attempt to offer her another chance to change her mind. With her insistent nudge she’d started something she knew he’d have to finish. 

With a deep groan, he surged forward completely until he was fully sheathed inside her making her stretch in glorious ways. He stilled for a moment, letting her adjust, even as he took steadying breaths, but she didn’t want to wait. She’d had enough of waiting. And something told her he felt the same way. Rocking up into him, he moaned again loudly as she moved around him, stroking him with her own body. What could only have been a curse in Gallifreyan escaped him as he involuntarily responded by pulling in and out of her with increased speed. 

Still very sensitive from her climax, Rose felt herself building again and it wasn’t going to be long before she crested. “Rose… please…” he said, entreatingly from above her, his thumbs stroking her temples. Knowing instinctively what he wanted, she suddenly found herself yearning for the same thing. It was… God. The pull was almost overwhelming. “Yes… please, Doctor,” she heard herself almost cry out. 

With that, his fingers latched on to the side of her head and her own reached up to do the same to him. She didn’t know what she was doing or how to go about doing it, but to have her fingers on his temples felt so natural… so _primal_. Her touch seemed to close some kind of biological ‘circuit’ and in her mind she felt something shift. In moments she was everywhere. Her body was around his, in his, surrounding his and surreally, his was doing the same to her. They were one being as no human could ever have imagined. In mind, in body, and somehow… somehow she just _knew_ … in soul. Something had irrevocably changed. Something ancient and sacred had been invoked and she knew in her heart there was no going back. And she never felt so complete in her life. 

The intimacy of the moment was so far beyond physical that Rose almost forgot their bodies were still moving and joined. She was very quickly brought back to reality, however, as her body neared climax and as it did, so did their mental connection. Sparks of mental and physical ecstasy flew through and around her as she felt both his pleasure and her own combined. It seemed as their minds were shared, so were their experiences of their physical bond. The result was almost painful in its bliss. Each thrust carried a wave of pleasure so that each built on the last until both of them reached a precipice so high she truly wondered if she’d survive the fall. But fall they did. Tumbling over and over into pure ecstasy so that she realized she was no longer even breathing. It didn’t matter though. Nothing mattered but _them_. She was completely lost. Her mind in his and his in hers. Forever joined.  
The tumultuous bliss began to subside finally after what seemed like an impossible amount of time and both she and the Doctor seemed to slowly come back to themselves.

Something was different though. He was there. In the back of her mind. She could feel him like she’d felt the TARDIS before, but this was different. He was filling a space in her mind that seemed to be created just for him and while it was slightly disconcerting to be able to feel someone in this way, it was also so _right_ that she wondered how humans had managed to think they really knew what intimacy meant. _This_ was love in it’s most honest form. 

Still inside her and a bit breathless from exertion, the Doctor lifted his head to look at her, his eyes filled with adoration. Then he did something she didn’t expect. He kissed her face… her cheeks, the corners of her lips, her eyelids… he reigned devoted kisses over her as if worshipping a newfound God. “I love you, Rose Tyler. Bondmate. Wife,” he smiled.

Her stomach did a giddy flip with his words. Wife. She was his wife. But it really was so much more than that, and she suddenly knew why the term ‘bondmate’ was so much more appropriate for Time Lords. For a fleeting moment, an image of her husband… her _first_ husband… entered her mind and she felt a renewed sorrow for him. He’d been cheated out of this… having been made half-human and having married a full human. She wondered for a moment if he ever regretted it. 

“What is it?” the Doctor’s voice interrupted her disturbing thought. 

Oh. He could feel her now. This would take some getting used to. “I, uh… it’s nothing. Really. I’m sorry,” she said, suddenly ashamed that her mind had betrayed her by thinking of another man when the love of her life was still lying on top of her.

A concerned look passed over the Doctor’s face. “Don’t be. You’re thinking about him, aren’t you. Your husband?” he said, smoothing her hair back.

Unbidden tears began to swim in her eyes. This was _not_ what she wanted their first conversation to be as a bonded couple. It seemed, however, that whether she liked it or not, the conversation was going in that very direction. “Yeah. I’m so sorry, Doctor,” she said, a tear falling from the corner of her eye to drip into her hair.

Pulling out and rolling to lie beside her, the Doctor studied her face. “Rose… it’s alright, you know. To still mourn him. You had a life with him that I wasn’t part of. I’m not going to pretend that I don’t wonder how I measure up...” Rose was about to object when he stopped her, “... but I know you love me. And in this situation, with him basically being _me_ , I’d imagine it’d be difficult _not_ to think of him almost all the time,” he added.

No… no no no… “No, Doctor… that’s not it. You need to know that. I’ve had a lot of practice learning to see people for who they really are despite what they look like. Let’s face it… I’ve had four of you to sort out, with the Doctor from my universe, his meta-crisis, Alec, and now you. But you are all unique and I’ve loved each of you in different ways. And _you_ , Doctor, are like no other man I’ve known. I won’t lie and tell you there are no similarities, though. I’d be daft to think you’d believe it. But you have an openness I’ve never experienced before. You… you _love_ life and you have an enthusiasm for it that makes me want to be more. Better. And now… I can’t believe I can experience this with you,” she smiled softly, reaching to stroke his temple. 

“I still mourn my husband,” she continued, now unable to stop. “He was… well, he was like you in so many ways, but he suffered so much. Sometimes that makes it hard for me to accept that I have you. That I can live on and feel such joy when I know that’s something he never got a chance to experience,” she admitted, tears once again building.

“Oh, Rose,” the Doctor said, before gathering her in his arms. Tears came freely now and even though this was definitely not what she’d intended to do, she cried for a long while with him just holding her. She could feel him in her mind, honestly trying to soothe her despite the fact that she hardly felt worthy of that right now. They were lying in their marriage bed and she was crying about her first husband, for God’s sake! 

That thought brought a fresh round of tears and more calming waves from the man she’d now committed herself to. Gods. Would he be sorry for this now? He must be wondering what he’d gotten himself into.

“Oi,” he said, his voice carrying a decidedly commanding tone. Looking up into his face, she found the expression she’d been terrified she’d find. Frustration. But it was apparently not for the reasons she’d assumed it would be. “None of that,” he directed. “You’re the woman I’m going to spend my lives with, and I knew what I was getting into.” His voice softened then. “We all have baggage, Rose. I still think of Liz and wonder what might’ve happened if she’d lived. If we’d had more time. I can’t help it. I loved her just like you loved your Doctors. That doesn’t mean I love you any less. In fact… if I hadn’t loved her, I know I wouldn’t be able to fully appreciate what I have with you. And I suspect it’s the same for you with them,” he said wisely.

A wave of renewed appreciation for this man came over her. God, she was lucky. “When did you get so insightful?” she asked, giving him a watery smile. 

A smile found his lips as well before he answered. “I’m brilliant. I thought I’d explained that to you already,” he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Yeah. I guess you are a _bit_ brilliant,” she allowed, pulling herself up to kiss him properly. 

Finally pulling back, she said, “Wow. I’m married,” she said grinning inanely. 

The Doctor grinned back, obviously quite pleased with himself. “Yup!” he said, popping his ‘p’ proudly.

“You know what this means, right?” she said, seriously.

His brows furrowed slightly. “What?”

“We have to tell my Mum. You haven’t met her yet, but… well, let’s just say you’ll want to stand behind me when we tell her,” she advised.

The Doctor blew a puff of air through his lips. “Nonsense. Mothers love me. I’m a catch for a son-in-law,” he boasted.

Rose chuckled. “Have it your way,” she warned. “Just don’t come crying to me when she slaps you into a parrallel universe.”

“Slaps?” he said, a sliver of worry colouring his voice.

“Oh, yeah. Slaps.”

“Right. Maybe I’ll let you handle it, then,” he conceded.

“Yeah, that would probably be best,” she smiled before capturing his lips again.


	26. Jack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go, folks. I think I've wrapped up a number of the loose ends, but there are some still hanging, waiting for the sequel! I've been overwhelmed by your brilliant comments and support, and after (just a little) encouragement from you all, I've come up with a (hopefully) cunning plan for part trois of this series. 
> 
> I mustn't get ahead of myself, though. Still have this chapter and one more to go in this story! So without further ado…

### 

Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 26: Jack

As much as Rose wished they could just float among the stars for centuries unbothered, she knew they wouldn’t have much time just for themselves in the next while, despite living in a time ship. They’d already probably spent a bit more time than they should’ve staying in one place, though she honestly didn’t feel too badly about it. They’d bonded. She still could barely wrap her head around it. They were _married_. 

The Doctor, for his part, had obviously not slept last night. Even though she’d been sleeping, she was also very aware that he wasn’t. All night she felt him in the back of her mind practically bubbling with excited exuberance. He was clearly happy with their new arrangement as well, Rose smiled.

Memories of last night wafted through her mind making her body begin to rouse again. The truly fantastic expenditure of energy had been a bit much for Rose after having been comatose for days, so despite having the mental interest in an immediate repeat performance, her body defied her wishes and she nodded off not long after they bonded. The Doctor had held her as she fell asleep, but when she woke his side of the bed was empty. A soft longing for him washed over her as she ran her hand along the cool silken sheets. 

But then she felt him again, his manic and lighthearted energy nudging the back of her mind. A warm wave of affection flowed through her and she knew instantly he’d sent it on purpose. Hmmm. Trying her best to concentrate, she worked to try to send him a message back by focusing on the the warm place in her mind where he lived now and pushing ‘love’ through it. An giddy wave of happiness brushed her mind in response. 

Seconds later, the Doctor appeared in the doorway of _their_ room with a large tray of food. “Rose Tyler! You brilliant girl!” he declared, setting the tray down on the table beside the bed. Scooping her into his arms, he hugged her tight. “I felt that, you know. Honestly Rose! I knew you were brilliant, but… did you know that most Time Lords don’t achieve distance empathic ability in their first body? Even if they’re bonded. But you… you _would_ be able to, wouldn’t you? Of course you would. You’re… _you_!” he smiled brightly, holding her at arms length as if to examine her magnificence. 

Rose blushed a bit with all the enthusiastic praise, though she couldn’t help but feel a bit proud of herself. Who knew she’d be any good at this ‘Time Lord’ thing. “I just… I felt you in my head… all… mushy and affectionate… I thought I’d give it a go,” she smiled.

“Mushy and affectionate?!” he said, sounding affronted. “I’ll have you know that Time Lords aren’t _mushy_. Affectionate, maybe. But mushy?” he said, working at sounding put out.

“Awww. Okay, how aboooout… _romantic_ and affectionate?” she suggested in her most sultry voice, leaning into him to sweep a kiss just under his ear.

The Doctor’s eyes closed and his head lolled back. “Rooooose…” he moaned.

“Yeeeeees?” she whispered, still paying attention to the soft skin of his neck.

“We… ooooohhhh… we can’t…”

“We can’t _what_?” she asked innocently, now adding quick painless nips between soft kisses.

“We… we… oooooohhhhh... sod it,” he announced, launching himself at her to pay her similar attention. Grabbing, undressing, carressing and kneading quickly followed and within minutes they were once again lost in each other as they had been the night before. It wasn’t long before both careened into bliss both mentally and physically, both becoming completely enwrapped in their shared experience. 

It took a while before either of them found the energy to speak. It was the Doctor who finally filled the air with words instead of sated panting. “What I was _trying_ to say before I was so fantastically interrupted, is that we’ll have to move the TARDIS soon. I wanted you to have breakfast first, though,” he announced, sitting up and gathering the tray to place it on her lap as she sat up as well. “Made it myself,” he said proudly.

The tray weighing her down held more food than she’d eaten in a month. If she was honest… the last thing she felt like doing at the moment was eating. What she _did_ feel like doing was jumping a Time Lord and shagging him rotten again. But he’d obviously proudly spent time preparing the meal he’d brought and she had to admit that it smelled delicious. 

She normally didn’t have much of an appetite and had been about to suggest she couldn’t possibly eat as much as he had piled on her plate, but she quickly found she could. In fact, she honestly couldn’t recall ever being able to eat so much in one sitting. The Doctor’s expression had was one of clear amusement as she ‘Mmmmm-ed’ and ‘Oh… this is SO good-ed’ over his offerings. It seemed Time Lords had stomachs twice the size of humans. Good to know. What worried her a bit was if her hips could get to be twice the size as well.

It occurred to her then that she really knew very little about what she had become. She assumed she had two hearts now, but then, she hadn’t really checked. She definitely felt different. For starters, she was exhausted. She assumed that must be a side effect of the arch though, otherwise the Doctor wouldn’t always have boasted about the rubbish amount of sleep humans needed. She also noticed she looked in a bit better shape overall. Her skin was more radiant and looking down at herself, she seemed less gaunt than she used to. The biggest change though, seemed to be in her awareness of what was around her. Smells seemed… smellier. Lights seemed to hold more than mere luminescence. Tastes seemed to both mix in the most exquisite of ways and yet separate into their chemical elements at the same time. 

There was obviously still a lot to learn about herself… she hadn’t even had a look in the mirror for heaven’s sa… Wait. Her hands flew to feel the outline of her face. Had she changed? When the arch did… whatever it did… did she change like the Doctor had?

The Doctor must’ve sensed her sudden alarm… probably both in his mind and in her expression… because he suddenly looked up from his breakfast and locked eyes with her. “What?” he asked, obviously concerned about her sudden anxiety.

“I… Doctor… I never even asked… have I changed? Do I look different now?” she said, worriedly.

The Doctor’s face relaxed and a soft smile found his lips. “You don’t look any different, Rose. Other than looking a sight healthier than you did before you changed, you’re still the same Rose Tyler I fell in love with,” he smiled.

The words sparked through her, making her stomach flip with surprised joy. She didn’t think she’d ever get used to hearing him say those words so casually. Certainly she’d never, ever take him saying it for granted. Leaning in, she kissed him thoroughly. 

“Would it be so bad if you had, though?” he asked lightly after they pulled apart. “Changed, I mean? After all… you have at least twelve more bodies ahead of you. And it doesn’t matter what casing your brilliance comes in, my precious girl. You’ll always be you,” he reasoned. 

The idea that she would eventually change appearance suddenly hit her. She wasn’t going to look like this forever. That was just a given now. She wasn’t always going to look in the mirror and see a blonde five foot six brown eyed girl staring back at her. The idea was… overwhelming.

“Rose?” the Doctor’s concerned voice floated through her distracted thoughts.

“I… I guess I didn’t… I hadn’t really thought about that part of it. I’m not always going to be me,” she said, her brow furrowing.

“Hey… hey,” he said soothingly, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear and stroking the side of her face. “I’m sure the idea of regenerating seems pretty frightening right now, but if you think about it… a Time Lord’s life it just a longer version of a human one,” he stated. Rose’s eyebrow raised with that. “I mean it, Rose. I mean, even a human changes appearance during their short lifespans. They start out tiny and round, they turn into skinny, zitty refrigerator eating monsters, then they morph into full sized adults, only to get wrinkly, shorter and less taut. Are you the same person you were as a baby? Not really. You look different, you like different things, you communicate differently. With each phase in your life you learn something new that brings you into the next phase. As a human you grow older, wiser, your preferences change, you acquire new interests… but you’re still you.” 

He looked at her intently then, cupping her cheek. “You’ll always be you, Rose. In every way that matters. Your soul travels with you from body to body. Your essence… what you believe in… it doesn’t change. Your interests might change, your preferences might change, your looks might change, but in the end, you’ll still be you.”

Raising her hand to cover his, she turned her face into his palm and kissed it. “Thank-you. I… I guess I just still can’t believe it all. I’m not human anymore,” she shook her head. “When you changed… I mean, when the _other_ Doctor changed… it was just so unreal. I mean, at first I couldn’t believe it was still him, you know? it’s just that humans… we have a hard time seeing past the outside, you know? I guess that’s something I’ll get better at, yeah?”

 

The Doctor smiled. “You’re already pretty brilliant at seeing the good in people, Rose,” he said fondly. “No matter what they pretend to be on the outside,” he affirmed.

That’s when realization hit her. Jack. She’d been so caught up in the arch and her illness… she’d actually forgotten about him! “Oh my God!” she nearly shouted, making the Doctor jump back in surprise. “Jack! We just… we _left him_! We have to go back!” It had only been a day for them, but Jack was, for all intents and purposes, going through hell right now with the Master. Jack had done the right thing in the end. He’d saved them. And how had they repaid him? They’d left him to fend for himself!

“Rose! Calm down!” the Doctor nearly shouted, grabbing her by the shoulders. 

“Calm down!” she expounded. “He could be hurt! He could be _dead_!” 

“He’s neither of those things, Rose. He’ll be fine,” he reassured her.

“What?!” Rose railed, not believing her ears. How could he be so callous? He and Jack had obviously had their differences in the past, but… she didn’t imagine the Doctor… any Doctor… could ever be so nonchalant about the fate of another sentient being. “I… I can’t believe what I’m hearing,” she said, anger and disappointment filling her.

Obviously sensing it, he quickly said, “No! You’re not understanding me,” he said, running his hand through his hair. “Jack… he’s… I’m not sure what he’s like in your universe, but here… he… Gods. How do I explain this?” he said. “You see… in this universe Jack and I…” then looking up at her he said, “Rose, do you remember what you told me about how you looked into the heart of the TARDIS?” he said.

Of course. The Game Station. Realization suddenly filled her. “Jack’s immortal, isn’t he?” Rose breathed, her voice softening.

The anxious tension the Doctor had been holding seeped out of him with her understanding. “Yes. He can’t die. Weeellll… I say he can’t die, but what I mean is, it’s going to take him a very very very long time before he dies. Properly. You see…”

“No, I get it now,” Rose interrupted. “He looked into the heart of the TARDIS in this universe. He told me. He got rid of the Daleks like I did. But… he gave himself immortality as well,” she said, letting her own words sink in. 

“Yes. He did. He’s extended his life. By… oh, I’d say… millenia. I actually saw him get shot dead in the chest once. Long after the our run in with the Daleks. He looked every bit as dead as dead could be. Then he just… gulped a huge breath in and went on like nothing had happened. Not natural, that,” he said, shivering. “He also managed to hold on to enough vortex energy to change himself into a Time Lord. Don’t know if he told you that. Another thousand years or so and he’ll be fully Time Lord. Rassilon. You’d think the council would seek _him_ out if they’re looking for oddities. He’s managed to squeak by under their radar so far though. As far as I know, I’m the only one who knows what he really is,” the Doctor said, obviously recalling some image or situation.

All that didn’t change the fact that they still needed to check on him, though, Rose knew. “We still have to go back,” she informed him, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. “We have to make sure,” she said decidedly.

A lopsided smile formed on the Doctor’s lips. “I figured you’d say as much,” he said, resigned. “Alright. Let’s go see. I’m sure he’s long gone by now, though. Even if we get there just after we left, he’s probably already popped off to wherever he pops off to when he’s trolling around the universe,” the Doctor half complained.

OoOoOoOoOoO

 

Leaving her to go set the coordinates, Rose showered and dressed, finally getting a look at herself in the mirror. She looked pretty much the same, except she had a nice pink glow now and her face had filled out a tiny bit, giving her a softer, less angular appearance. She wasn’t unhappy about the slight change, in fact she rather welcomed it. 

Lightly applying some make-up, she finished up and made her way to the control room to find the Doctor dancing around the console pushing buttons and manipulating various odd levers. “Almost there,” he announced. “Hang on,” he warned. “We’re landing a bit close to when we left, so the landing might be a bit bumpy.”

With that, the TARDIS shuddered violently and landed with a significant thud, sending them both careening to the floor. The ship groaned a bit in the back of Rose’s mind, making her feel for her. She wondered how many times she’d emitted these slightly pained messages to the Doctor during their travels. Probably too many. 

Getting up, the Doctor helped her to her feet and they made their way to the door. The Doctor gently urged her behind him before he opened the door and peeked out cautiously. Tension left his body then and he stood straight, inviting her to follow him out. 

They were in the hotel room, which was completely empty. The remnants of the breakfast Jack had brought her were still on the bedside table and the bed covers were rumpled from her movement on them earlier, but there was no one there. Jack was gone. 

“Rose… look at this,” the Doctor said, calling her attention to a note left at the end of the bed. “It’s for you,” the Doctor said picking it up warily, obviously not sure he was happy someone had singled her out to be the recipient of a message forged after such a confrontation. 

Gently taking it from him, Rose opened it and read it aloud.

_Rosie,_

_I’m not sure if you’ll ever see this. I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t, because I certainly don’t deserve your worry. If you did come back, though, I just wanted to say that I’m fine and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve what happened to you. Maybe we’ll meet again sometime under better circumstances and I can try to make it up to you ;)_

_Yours, Jack_

_P.S. - Oh and Doc… You’re welcome._


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, people! The last chapter. Thanks so everyone who has been following and commenting... I'm honestly forever grateful. I never expected such enthusiasm over what started out as a little baby furry plot bunny but has blossomed into an Oryctolagus Cuniculus or 'Flemish giant rabbit' for those of you who aren't biologists (hey... no one can say this story hasn't been educational now...). 
> 
> The next instalment in the series is already completed. You can look for it under the title 'Identity Theft' and I will probably be posting it this weekend. As for the rest of this story, the following is the chapter I've had a few requests for. Hope you enjoy!

****

### Identity Crisis - CHAPTER 27: Epilogue

Rose bit her thumbnail as the Doctor landed the TARDIS around the corner from the front door. They’d been scooting around the universe for the last couple of days just enjoying each other’s company and indulging in… well, just _indulging_. On and off the Doctor had been gently trying to prepare her for the unpreparable… their inevitable confrontation with the Time Lords. She’d known they were going to have to face that particular demon soon, and to what exact end, she wasn’t sure. Perhaps that’s why she’d been avoiding even talking about it.

It was in the interest of continued denial that she’d suggested they had other more pressing obligations to attend to before they could even consider other issues. Hence, their current time and location.

“Really Rose… I think you’re exaggerating a wee bit,” the Doctor said, a bit of Alec seemingly adorably slipping into his speech. “I mean… was I _that bad_ in the other universe? I thought he was basically a good bloke. If he was anything like me, I’d imagine he was brilliant as well, yeah?”

Rose sighed. How could she explain this. “Look, Doctor… it’s not that he wasn’t a decent bloke, it’s just that… you gotta remember… I’m her only daughter. _Any bloke_ wouldn’t be good enough. Even my first husband… it took her a long time to get used to him. I just think you should let me go in first, yeah? Maybe just hang about in the TARDIS for, oh, fifteen minutes or so?”

The Doctor shrugged his agreement. “Fine. But I promise, Rose. Your Mum is gonna love me. All Mums love me. I’m adorable!” he grinned widely. 

“You plum,” she laughed, giving him a peck on the lips before exiting the TARDIS to make her way around the house and up the front steps to the front door of the house. It was only two days ago they’d bonded, but Rose knew she couldn’t keep this from her mother any longer. She was going to find out and the longer it took for her to come clean, the worse her Mum would feel about not having been told right away. No… she had to face the music. And God… there was going to be a lot of music. Probably hard rock. On her head.

Taking a deep breath, she rang the bell and stood waiting. She could’ve gone straight in, but given the news she was about to impart, she wasn’t particularly eager to begin this conversation any sooner than absolutely necessary.

It wasn’t long before Rose heard, “I’ll get it, Mummy!” Tony. A huge smile sprouted on her face in response to hearing his high pitched voice. God, she’d missed him. 

The door swung open to reveal a blonde headed little tank of a boy with what looked like blueberry jam smeared on his cheeks. On seeing her his mouth popped open wide. “ROSIE!” he screamed. “MUMMY! IT’S ROSIE!!!” he yelled back to his Mum. “ROSIE!” he repeated, jumping full force into her arms. 

Grunting with the force of impact, Rose caught him and squeezed him tight, laughing. “Hey, you little nipper! I’ve missed you!”

From inside the house she heard her mother call, “Rose? Is that you?!”

“Yeah, Mum! Hi!” she shouted back. Seconds later, Jackie appeared at the door, toweling off her hands. 

“Rose! What are you doing here? Are you alright?” she worried, looking her daughter over up and down.

“I’m fine, Mum,” she said, letting Tony go and ruffling his hair as he clung to her leg. “I just…” her voice trailed off.

“There’s something wrong, isn’t there. I _knew_ it. I told your Dad… she shouldn’t be moving so far from us this soon, I said. My poor sweetheart,” she lamented, pulling Rose in for a tight hug.

“No, Mum… I’m fine, really,” Rose reiterated. Pulling back, Jackie eyed her suspiciously. “I mean it, Mum. I just… I have some news, is all. Good news,” she said, pasting a smile on her face. It _was_ good news. The _best_ news, really. She just doubted her mother would see it that way straight off.

“Oh,” Jackie replied, her brow furrowing. “Alright, then. Well… come in,” she said as Tony let go of her leg and scooted off around the corner. “Tony’s eating and I want to make sure he keeps his grubby fingers out of the jam,” she said, leading Rose back to the kitchen. “A lot like his brother-in-law, that one,” she said off-handedly. Stopping dead stride, Jackie quickly turned slowly, her expression one of deep regret. “Oh, Rose… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” she started.

“It’s okay, Mum,” Rose said with a soft smile. “He was his brother-in-law. And Tony _is_ a lot like him,” she agreed a bit sadly. She sighed inwardly. This was going to be a lot harder than she’d thought. She’d been through so much since she’d moved to Broadchurch… meeting Alec, and now the Doctor… in some ways it seemed like she’d moved there years ago to start her new life. In reality, it had been less than two months since she’d left London. Of course her mother assumed things were essentially the same for as when she’d left. Why would she think otherwise? It wasn’t like she’d given her mother any indication that she’d moved on at all. God. And now here she was… _married_ again. A pang of guilt rang through her. Her Mum and Pete had been so supportive… through the Doctor’s illness and well beyond his passing. They’d encouraged her, supported her and were incredibly patient with her during that horrid time in her life… and this is how she repays them?

“Rose… what is it?” her Mom said, concern written all over her face. 

“Oh, Mum,” she said, throwing herself in her mother’s arms. Jackie wrapped her arms around her immediately, cooing soft words of encouragement as she smoothed her hair. God. How could she tell her? She just had to come clean and tell her straight out. Pulling back, Rose looked her mother square in the eye and gave herself a little mental kick in the pants. Tell her. A supportive hug engulfed the corner of her mind where the Doctor lived, and she closed her eyes, letting it wash over her. 

Taking a deep breath, she said, “Mum… I’ve… I’ve met someone.”

Jackie stood back a bit, and her mouth dropped open in surprise. This was clearly not what she’d expected to hear. A smile found her lips then and quickly spread to encompass her whole face. “Rose… really? But… but that’s wonderful, darling! I’m so happy for you!” she crowed, pulling her back into a hug. “Who’s the lucky bloke, then?” she said excitedly, now holding Rose out at arms length. “Someone in Broadchurch, I expect? Hopefully he’s got a job. Oh God… it’s not some hippie artist you met there, is it?” she started, already worried.

“Mum… hold up, already!” Rose said, trying to put the brakes on. “Let’s just… back up a bit, yeah?” she advised, moving ahead of her mother to enter the kitchen. 

Tony was sitting back down at the kitchen table, his little pudgy hand firmly embedded in the jam jar in front of him. Looking up guiltily, he said, “I’m not eating it. I’m just _feeling_ it,” he said, his little face the very picture of innocence. 

“Anthony Peter Tyler… you get your hand out of that jar this instant,” her Mum commanded, making Tony jump. Extricating his sticky blue hand from the jar, he held it up to show his Mom. “See, Mummy. Just feelin’ it. I didn’t eat _any_!” he vowed. 

“Oh, for the love of… Tony, jam is not for playing with. Keep your hands out of the jar, you hear?” she emphasized. 

“Okay,” he agreed, looking properly sheepish. 

“Right. Now go wash up, yeah? Wash those hands really well!” she shouted at his retreating head as he disappeared around the corner. 

Sighing, Jackie moved to the stove and took the kettle to the sink to fill it. “You’d think I never fed ‘im. Always eating, that one,” she said, shaking her head. “Not like you. Had to convince you to eat when you were little. Always too busy, you were,” she said, remembering. Then looking at her, Jackie said, “At least you’ve put on a bit now. You were lookin’ right ill before you moved. We were worried about ya,” she shared. 

Another wave of guilt rolled over her. Yet another thing she had to share with her mother. _‘Yeah… I’m healthy now, but you should’ve seen me a couple of weeks ago…’_. Nothing like telling your mother you nearly died to make her feel safe to let you lead your own life…

“Anyway,” Jackie said significantly, “...tell me about this bloke! Who is he?” she said, taking out a couple of mugs from the cupboard.

“Well… there’s a funny story about that,” Rose started.

Just then, the doorbell rang. “Oh gosh… sorry, love. Your Dad promised he’d have one his assistants drop off a filing cabinet for the office downstairs. I’ll just be a tic,” she said, exiting the room.

Rose sank into a chair at the table. God. How was she going to tell her about the Doctor. _This_ Doctor? 

Just then she heard a scream. Oh my God! Running out of the room, Rose rounded the corner to just in time to see the Doctor framed in the doorway. A resounding _’SLAP’_ bounced off her eardrums even as she yelled, “Mum! NO!”

“OOOWWWW!” the Doctor yelped.

“How DARE you! How DARE you show up here now!” Jackie was yelling. 

“Mum! NO! STOP!” Rose shouted, bounding place herself between the Doctor and her mother’s lethal palm.

“No, Rose! He needs to know! He needs to know what he did to you. To… himself!” she emphasized. Staring daggers at him, she blared, “He _died_ , you know. You left him here with Rose… just left them! Not so much as a ‘Sorry but..’. And he _died_ ,” Jackie said, her eyes brimming. “He died,” she reiterated, now somewhat deflated. 

The Doctor’s face held… Rose wasn’t sure exactly what. Grief? Remorse? But… why?

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“Well you _should be_ ,” Jackie agreed, her anger still colouring her voice. 

“Doctor,” Rose started.

“No, Rose. It might not have been me. _This_ me. But somewhere there’s a me who did this to you. And it was... unforgivable,” he said, his eyes landing to stare into hers. 

Looking up into those brilliant brown eyes, she couldn’t find words. This _wasn’t_ his doing. He wouldn’t have done that to her. Not _this_ him. 

“What does he mean?” Jackie’s voice interrupted their moment. “ _This me?_ ” Jackie asked, sounding somewhere between angry and confused.

“Mum… this is what I’ve been trying to tell you,” Rose said, turning resignedly to look at her. “This is the bloke I met. This is the Doctor, Mum, but not _The_ Doctor. Not the Doctor from our universe. It’s… this is the Doctor from _this_ universe,” she finished. Then turning to the Doctor, she said, “Doctor… this is my mother. Mum… this is the Doctor.”

“Er… nice to meet you. I think,” the Doctor said, cradling his jaw with his palm. 

“Oh my God,” Jackie said, clearly stunned. “You’re… you’re not him. You’re not the same alien who left my daughter abandoned on the beach with himself,” she said, seemingly trying to understand. Then turning to Rose, she said, “Are you telling me you just accidently met _another_ one of him?” she squalked. 

“Yes, Mum. That’s what I’m trying to say. I met him in Broadchurch. We… uh… found each other, really,” Rose said, deciding not to get into the details. “And now, well… we’re, uh… together,” she summarized. 

“ _Together?_ ” Jackie said, clearly demanding further elaboration. 

“Yeah. You know. _Together_ ,” Rose said, trying to shrug it off.

Jackie turned to the Doctor then, aiming her best intimidating glare his way. Rose inwardly sighed when she sensed him shrink back mentally as well as physically. “Together?” she said in question, clearly thinking she’d get more from him than her.

“Uhhh… yeah?” the Doctor said, his voice a bit too high.

“Mmmm. I see,” Jackie said, staring him down.

“Alright, Mum. We’re… together, together, alright? We’ve made a commitment to stay together,” she said, purposefully evading the true immensity of their pairing.

“Actually,” the Doctor started before being subtly elbowed in the ribs. A little pained ‘ooofff’ exhaled beside her before he said, “Actually… I, uh… I’d like her to travel with me,” he quickly amended, clearly revising his intended statement.

“Riiiiight,” Jackie said, her eyes and voice full of suspicion. Standing back, then, gestured for him to enter. “Why don’t you come on in, then. It looks like we’ve got a lot to talk about,” she said, her tone now softer and resigned. 

“Uh… thanks, Jackie,” he said, accepting her offer. 

Leading the way, Jackie said, “I expect you’re a bit like the last one, then? Like your tea with five sugars?”

The Doctor looked at Rose, a bit surprised. “Uh.. yeah, actually,” he agreed. 

“I thought so,” she sighed. “You probably stick your fingers in the jam jar as well, then?”

“Pardon?” the Doctor said, confused.

“Sorry,” Rose apologized for her mother. “She just has _no manners_ ,” she said pointedly, aiming the comment at her mother’s back.

“What?” Jackie protested. “I just figured, since the last one did it, this one would too,” she explained. “You do, don’t you?” she asked, aiming the question at the Doctor. 

“Er… I do, actually,” he said, as if actually caught with his hand in the jar. 

“Told you,” Jackie said pointedly to Rose.

Rose sighed. Apparently this was the start of a new chapter in her life, but some things never changed. She’d yet to tell her mother about her, uh… biological changes, but one life changing topic at a time, she figured. No sense accosting her with everything at once. It was enough that she was now officially ‘together’ with ‘a’ Doctor again. That was plenty for her mother to wrap her head around for now. The last thing she needed was to have to worry about her daughter being dissected by her ‘new people’. 

Rose shivered. She wasn’t looking forward to what they were about to face, but then, she knew the Doctor wasn’t either. At least, though, her mother knew about them and she could go to her fate with a clean conscience. She’d wanted her Mum to know she was happy again. That she’d moved on. And she had. She really, really had. She’d found the only man in the multiverse who she could ever be with. Her Doctor. And no matter what happened next, she knew she could face it, because she now had everything she could possibly have wanted out of life. She’d experienced the meaning of true and total intimacy. She was bonded. And now she was complete.


End file.
